Ten Thousand Days
by MrsStuffNThangs
Summary: Years after the fall, Carl Grimes emerges as the resilient but troubled leader to his family and others who seek sanctuary in a world ruled by wicked men and the walking dead. Sequel to "Flesh and Bone". Please read that first. I do not own The Walking Dead or its characters...darn. *DON'T READ REVIEWS UNLESS YOU WANT SPOILERS*
1. Chapter 1

**January 14, 2041: The Headstone**

Carl was always the first one awake in his family. Most days, he was one of the first ones awake on the entire island. He took a hot shower, threw on a pair of well-worn jeans, a gray flannel shirt and his boots. He grabbed his coffee, his coat, closed the front door quietly and walked briskly the mile down the dirt roads to the cemetery.

The sharp, morning wind felt like needles on Carl's grizzled face. Winter was in full force and the dark, billowy clouds covered the rising sun. He blew warm air into his free hand then slipped it into the pocket of his wool coat. He walked through the cemetery on the well-kept paths that separated the five rows of graves. He stopped at the last grave at the end of the fifth row and stared down at the headstone. He studied the marker carefully, mentally tracing each letter and number engraved into the stone.

Once a week, whether the chaos in his life allowed it or not, Carl went to his grave and talked to him. It had become his routine to visit every Saturday morning. It felt good to be near him. To tell him the events of the last week. Talking to him grounded Carl and cleared his head. Hearing his own thoughts spoken out loud, allowed him to better understand what he was going through. Afterwards, after his head was clear, he could focus on the upcoming week and all the responsibilities it held. And when he spoke here, there was no need for a filter. He said what he wanted and held nothing back. Of course there were others to talk to but this was different.

And today was different too. Today marked exactly six months since his death.

Six months ago, the day after they buried his father in the cold, dark earth, Carl was still in a dazed shock, grieving hard, like he never had before. He hadn't meant to walk to the cemetery but his legs had a mind of their own and before he even noticed where he was walking, he found himself back there, standing in front of the grave as tears covered his face.

Richard Thomas Grimes

Devoted Father

Beloved Husband

Born September 22, 1972

Departed July 14, 2040

On that first day, the day after his burial, Carl read and reread the epitaph on the gravestone at least twenty times etching it into his mind. It seemed so arbitrary, as if this particular combination of words and dates could fairly sum up, to whoever might read it, who his father was. That was the nature of a grave marker though. A block of stone that tried, and sorely failed to tell the story of a life. Could a stone ever tell someone exactly how devoted and beloved a father and husband was? Could it speak to a person's bravery, wisdom, humor? Could it convey the integrity of the person who's body rested underneath it?

Everyone on Penland Island, and the surrounding islands also, knew who Carl Grimes was. He was their steadfast leader. The one who had brought them here when they needed a home. He made a life for those who sought refuge there. He sustained the nearly 1,700 people with what he established on the small North Carolina islands. He was recognized by most everyone and esteemed by those in his inner circle as well as those who knew him just by name or reputation.

But Rick Grimes wasn't known like his son. Most people were unaware that if it were not for Rick, none of them would be there. They were oblivious to Carl's origins as a leader which had everything to do with his father. His father made him who he was.

In the beginning, when Carl first began to lead, he was just the figurehead. Very few people knew that almost every decision he made was painstakingly discussed at length and in great detail with his father. They didn't know that what was in place and the life they lived was not because of who he was but because of who is father was. That was a long time ago.

Carl took a generous gulp of his black coffee. "Hey Dad. How are you?" Carl asked, his voice already cracking. "I'm okay. I'd like to say I'm great but I won't lie to you. I'm not great today but I'm okay. And like you used to say, 'okay is pretty good these days.'

"I've been trying to look out for Judith and Eva but they don't need me like they used to. Not anymore. Judy's good though. I think she's dealing with the loss better than I am. I haven't seen her all week but last time I saw her, she seemed happy. You know how busy she is with her family and all the projects she juggles. She's a good mama to those kids. Can you believe how many grand kids you have. It always blows my mind to think of how many people are here because of you. I'm proud of that.

"Eva's good too...at least I _think_ she is. She's harder to read than Judy. She's still out on the road. Been gone for almost three weeks now. Nothing holds her back. I should know better than to try and manage her. She has a mind of her own and drives me crazy. What else could I expect from her knowing she's part of this family. Apple didn't fall far from the tree with her. She's so much like Mom, it's crazy. You already know that though. But she's doing her thing...working on another trade route and helping me make this place better and better.

"Mom she...she misses you so much," Carl said choking back tears again. "I think she likes living with us. I know I like it. We talk a lot. Even more now than before since we live together again. She's taking it easy – I mean she's taking it as easy as she knows how," Carl chuckled. "But she misses you. She mostly does okay during the day but at night...at night she still cries a lot. She's having bad dreams again. I know she wishes you were next to her to comfort her the way you used to when she would have them. I ask her if she's okay in the morning and she says she just misses you. She'll be okay though. I know she will. I'm taking good care of her and believe it or not, she let's me. She tells me at least once a week how much I remind her of you. It makes her happy and sad at the same time. I guess it makes _me_ happy and sad too.

From the corner of his eye, something caught Carl's attention. He looked away from his father's grave at a squirrel running up a tree. He watched it as it ran across a limb, then jumped to a branch on the next tree over. "Remember how many squirrels we ate when we were on the road?" Carl smiled. "We always made it through whatever came our way. We always figured it out. You...you always made the best of every situation. I'm trying to do that now but I miss you Dad. I really miss you. I can't stop thinking about you. I know you wouldn't want me to do that but I can't help it." Carl dug the toe of his boot into the ground, a nervous tick he'd had since he was a kid. "Lately I can't sleep. Can't think straight. I don't even want to. This winter feels colder than any winter I remember...probably because you're gone. I'm not sure why this is so hard. We've lost so many but this...losing you...for some reason, it's hurt me more than all the others have. I don't think it's normal for a 44 year old man to carry on like this. But I guess I saw you cry and feel this way a time or two when you were my age. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.

"I keep thinking about something that happened one day a long time ago. Something I never told you about. After the Governor nearly killed you and we thought Judy was dead. After Hershel died and we barely made it out of the prison. We made it to a house. Do you remember that house? You were unconscious. You were pretty beat up and just lying there on the floor and I remember thinking you were going to die." Carl looked down shamefully. "I was an idiot and I was angry. I thought I was angry at you but really I was just angry at life...life the way it was. And I was horrible to you, Dad. I went off on you...screaming and yelling and telling you that everything was your fault. Hershel, Judy, Mom...the others, I blamed all of them being dead on you. I told you I hated you. I told you I wanted you to die. In that moment, I _thought_ I hated you. But I didn't. Of course I didn't. I was just telling you all that because I thought you _might_ die. And I thought that if you did, it might be easier on me if I tried to hate you first. But I couldn't. As much as I wanted to hate you, it was impossible. I knew it wasn't really your fault. None of it. I knew you loved me and Judy and Mom and everyone else. I knew you'd trade your life in a heartbeat for any one of ours. And now - now that I'm where you used to be, leading others and feeling the weight and responsibility of that, and seeing the repercussions of _my_ mistakes, I know how strong you were then. I've been where you were more times than I can count. I'm sorry for trying to hate you that day. I'm sorry that I wished you were dead that day, even it was just for a few minutes...even for just a few seconds," Carl cried. "I'm so sorry, Dad because if I could...if I could have you back now, I'd do anything. If I could hear your voice talk back to me even one more time, I'd trade anything for that," he said weeping. "I miss you Dad. I miss you so much."

Standing at his father's grave, Carl felt broken. The same way he felt when his father had just been taken from them, six months ago. Death played tricks on you. Sometimes the loss would feel like a memory from long ago, while just a moment later it's sting could feel as recent as that morning. Some days you thought you were fine, moving forward, maybe even feeling happy again. Then suddenly, the rug was pulled out from underneath your feet and the fall made you realize you were just as broken today as you were when it first happened. Whatever the cruel tricks were that death played on Carl, they hurt. Today felt like one of those days where it got the best of him and the pain he felt in his heart made his body, mind and soul ache.

Carl took his hand out of his pocket and placed it on the headstone. That was part of the routine too. The cold, hard, lifeless piece of granite was no substitute for his father but touching it made him feel just a little closer, like he was reaching out to him. His hand lingered a little longer today. Six months. Six months since his mentor, his hero, his friend, his father had been cruelly taken from him. It wasn't fair but Carl was wise enough now to know that most things weren't.

Carl finally wiped the tears that had freely fallen, off of his face. He sighed and looked up into the sky. The sun was trying to peek out from behind the clouds. "Bye, Dad," he said lifting his hand off of the gravestone. "I'll see you next week."

Carl wasted no time walking back home. As usual there was work to be done. And as usual, Carl was ready and willing to do it, just like his dad always was.

…..

"Hey Mom," Carl said as he closed the back door and walked into the kitchen. Michonne was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea. There was a sliced apple on a plate, untouched and already turning brown. He walked up to her and kissed her on top of her forehead.

"Hey," Michonne replied as she mindlessly ran her finger over the rim of her teacup, staring at her tea.

"You alright?" Carl asked.

"No, not at the moment."

Carl pulled a chair out and sat down at the table next to her. He read the heartbreak all over her face. "Thinking about Dad," he stated more than asked.

Michonne nodded, still staring into her teacup. "You were just at the cemetery?"

"Yeah."

"How are _you_ feeling?" she said finally looking up at him.

"Kind of like you'd expect. Kind of like how I've been feeling all week." Michonne could hear the pain in his tone. "But I had a good talk with him. It's stupid, I know...still going to the cemetery and talking to Dad after he's been gone so long. You probably think I'm losing my mind." Carl looked down, embarrassed.

"I still talk to him too...it's not stupid. You have to do what helps and if that helps, you should keep doing it."

"It does help. It helps because in almost every situation, I know what he _would_ say." Carl grabbed an apple slice off of her plate and stuffed the whole piece into his mouth. "Today was different though. Usually when I go to see him, it's a lot of business. You know, what should I do about this problem or that situation. But today I just talked about us. No business, just family stuff. I told him how the girls were doing. How you and I are doing. I told him how much we miss him. I got things off my chest that I've been holding onto for too long. It was good." Carl placed his hand on hers. "Would you want to try and go with me sometime – you know, to see him?"

Michonne adamantly shook her head, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

She inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Over the last few months, I've been holding it together, but just barely. You know that...you've _seen_ me. I've been treading water but I still feel like I'm drowning...every day I feel like I'm drowning." Michonne looked away from Carl and back down at her teacup. "If I go see him, if I lay eyes on that headstone, I'll lose it. I'll break. And I don't want to break. I'm hurting too much right now to make myself hurt more. It helps you go there and I think that's really good. But it's won't help me. I know that part of this grief is going to mean moving forward and I will. I _will_ move forward and maybe even be happy again, but today is not that day. I just don't have it in me."

"You _do_ have it in you. I don't want to push you – I won't push you, but you do have it in you. You're the strongest person I know."

"Your dad would always tell me that too," she said looking out the kitchen window dreamily. "I wasn't the strongest but I was pretty good at faking it when I needed to."

"Nice try, but I know better," Carl said smiling at her admiringly. "Dad didn't say it because you had him fooled. He said it because it was true."

A modest smile appeared on Michonne's face. Carl always had the ability to make her feel better in a way no one else could.

Michonne had very close relationships with all three of her children. She did everything so effortlessly well, and motherhood was certainly no exception. She was very close with Judith and Eva. The girls readily confided in their mother and always listened to her and valued her wisdom. The love, faith, passion and strength Michonne had always possessed, was passed down to her daughters and they readily grabbed onto it and worked it into the fabric of their own lives. Her daughters loved her and their esteem for her had no limits.

All that was true of Carl too but it went even further than that. Though not her blood, she felt an inseparable kinship to him that couldn't be explained. Maybe it was because of the trials they traversed together throughout the years, especially in the beginning. Maybe it was because she appeared in his life right when his mother was taken from him – right when he needed her most. Maybe because when she looked at Carl, she imagined him to be every bit the man she would have raised her precious Andre to be. Maybe it was because he reminded her so much of Rick. For whatever reason, they were kindred spirits who cherished the beautiful mother and son relationship they had built over the years. Other than Rick, the love of her life, she was closer to Carl than she was to anyone else. Now that her husband and best friend was gone, Carl was who she was closest to.

Michonne stood from the table and took her dishes to the counter. "I know you have things to do today and I'm not going to keep you from them by crying on your shoulder all morning."

"Are you still going to take the kids to Wyatt's birthday party later?"

"Of course," Michonne said. "Mrs. Lewis is the best baker here and I'm sure there will be birthday cake there. And on a day like today, I need cake."

"Well I do actually have to get to work but...are you gonna be okay?" Carl asked with concern as he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Come here kid." Carl moved closer and they put their arms around each other in a warm embrace. Michonne leaned her head on his shoulder as tears came from her eyes. "I'll be okay...and like your dad used to say, 'Okay is pretty good these days.'" She released him and wiped her tears away with a dish towel. "Now go. Get your work done and get home early. I'm making roast beef for dinner and I want you home by six," she said shaking her finger a him.

"I'll be home by six. Promise," he said walking away. "Love you Mom."

…..

 **A/N:** Thank you so much for reading this first chapter of my sequel! Yes, I know we're starting off in a bit of a dark place but trust me with where I'm going with this, and you won't be disappointed...I hope. As always, kind and constructive feedback is welcomed and appreciated. God bless y'all!


	2. Chapter 2

**April 8, 2015: For Better or For Worse**

"Mom, Dad, can I talk to you?" Carl asked as he walked into the attic. It was early in the morning, before 7:30, and Carl wanted to catch them before they started their busy days.

Rick had just buckled his belt and gave Carl a hurried look, "It's not really a good time right now. Glenn and Abraham are waiting for me."

"It's important, Dad," Carl replied.

"So is water. You know that these water runs have to be done a certain way and at a certain time," Rick said impatiently.

"You don't have to tell me how important water is. I know."

"Well then you know I have to go."

"Can't you just give me ten minutes?"

"There's a break in the herd right now and I'm not going to take a chance waiting so we can talk right now," Rick said grabbing his jacket and heading for the staircase. He quickly kissed Michonne, "Talk to your mom." Carl listened to his father's boots hit each step as he descended down the stairs. He listened to the bang of the door as it slammed shut at the bottom.

"He's such an asshole sometimes," Carl said venomously.

"Don't you talk about your dad that way...especially around your sisters," Michonne said scolding him.

"Sorry. It's just that I hardly ever ask him for anything. I never even talk to him anymore. I stay out of his way and let him get his work done," Carl angrily replied. "I know how busy he is, that's why I came up here early so I could grab a few minutes of his _precious_ time."

Judith walked excitedly up to Carl with a deck of cards. "Carl will you play 'Uno' with me? Mama just taught me how to play."

"I don't really have time right now Judy," Carl quickly realized the irony of his present situation. Not wanting to brush off his little sister, the way he had just been brushed off by his dad, he sat down at the small, round table in the corner. "Alright, just one quick game and then I have to talk to Mom by myself. Okay?"

"Okay. One game. And I'm going to win," Judith said in a cheeky tone.

"You think so, huh?" Carl shuffled the deck and dealt out the cards. They played "Uno" while Michonne sat in the rocking chair breastfeeding Eva as she squirmed in her arms.

"When is she going to quit nursing?" Carl asked, giving Michonne an uncomfortable smile.

"Did you know that most children around the world used to nurse until the age of three?"

"No, I didn't know that," Carl said as he took turns laying down cards with Judy. "So are you going to seriously nurse her til she's three?"

"Probably. Eva's not even two and breast milk is still really good for her. Besides, there's no other milk to give her. If you come across a cow, I'll consider weaning her," Michonne smiled.

"I'll be on the lookout," Carl chuckled. "It's just weird hearing her talk and seeing her run around then nursing like a baby. Same thing with Maggie and Hershel. It's just weird to..."

Michonne tilted her head and gave Carl a look that suggested that he should drop it.

"Okay. Okay. I'll shut up," Carl said in surrender. "Sorry."

"You're forgiven," Michonne said looking back down at Eva and rubbing her feet.

"Uno!" Judith shouted with excitement. Carl placed another card down and Judith put her last card down. "I win! I beat you really fast, Carl," Judith said proudly.

"Oh no!" Carl said feigning disappointment. "I can't believe you beat me. Darn!"

"Mama, I beat Carl!"

"Good job Pumpkin. Why don't you go downstairs and ask Carol if she'll get you some breakfast. After that, maybe Clem or someone else will play with you."

"Okay," Judy said as she pranced down the stairs, with her hands carefully folded around the cards.

Michonne finished nursing Eva and set her in her crib with a few toys. She turned back around and looked at Carl. "So what did you need to talk about?"

"I wanted to talk to both of you, but I guess _that's_ not going to happen."

"Do you want to wait til he gets back? We can all talk later."

"It doesn't even matter. He doesn't care."

"Carl, why would you say that about your dad?" Michonne questioned. "Don't you dare say he doesn't care about you."

"My dad thinks that the only things he has to give me is protection, food and shelter. He doesn't ask me how I'm doing. He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't even know what's going on in my life anymore," Carl argued back. "It's always been like this. Even before, when I had a problem, he always told me to go talk to my mom, just like he did today with you. It worse now. He thinks as long as I'm not sick, dead or shot, he doesn't have to concern himself with me. It pisses me off!"

Michonne compassionately looked Carl in the eyes and sighed. She would have liked to defend Rick to him but she couldn't. "Your dad is complicated. He's not perfect. He makes mistakes. I think he's so passionate about protecting everyone, that maybe he thinks all they _need_ from himis protection."

"He's not that way with you. He talks to you."

"We have our days where he doesn't want to let me in as much. And a relationship between a husband and wife is different."

"Well even if it's not all the time, I'm happy he lets you into his life at all. It's better than nothing" Carl said painfully.

Michonne quickly pulled him into a boisterous hug, "Forget about your dad for now. I'm here. Whatever you need to talk about, I'll listen." She pulled away from him and held onto his arms. "Now tell me what's going on."

Carl walked away from her with his head hanging down and sat back at the table. "Now don't freak out but Holly..."

"What about Holly? Is she okay?"

Carl stalled and fidgeted before finally blurting it out, "She's pregnant."

Michonne said nothing. She usually took things in stride and responded with a level head. She looked at Carl but remained silent, thinking the situation through.

"Well aren't you going to say something? Ask me how I could let this happen? Lecture me? Tell me I'm too young?"

"Now does that really sound like me?" Michonne sat down opposite him at the table. "Carl, you're a man. You're 18. I'm not going to treat you like a kid because you're not a kid anymore. You haven't been in a long time."

"Is that all you're going to say? That I'm not a kid anymore?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me what to do."

"What do _you_ think you should do?"

"Why do you think I came up here? If I knew what to do, I wouldn't be asking you."

"This is what I mean. You're not a kid and I'm not just going to tell you what to do. You're a better man than that. Tell me what _you_ think you should do and then I'll give you my opinion."

Carl sighed, "Well we have to keep it. That's my first thought. It seems so wrong to get rid of a baby, especially when theirs so much death around us. Even if that's what Holly wants, I don't think I can help her do that. I mean, it's not just _her_ baby. It's my baby too."

"Is that what Holly wants?"

"She doesn't know what she wants. She's upset though. And she's really scared...big surprise. She was even too scared to come up here with me and talk to you guys."

"Go easy on her. She's 16 and it's hard being pregnant. It was scary being pregnant, even for me. It was scary before and it's scarier now."

"Yeah, I get it. Everything is scary. But I'm so sick of always having to deal with all the things that scare her. I'm tired of living my life through _her_ fears. It's not fair."

"Welcome to marriage. This is what you signed up for when you committed yourself to Holly. Whoever wrote 'For better or for worse,' knew what they were talking about because you see the worst of another person in marriage and you decide to love them anyway, whether you want to or not."

"You know, when she first told me last night, I was so happy. I was on cloud nine at the thought of having a baby and being a father. I kissed her and told her how excited I was," Carl said smiling. His smile faded, "Then, I looked at her face and I could see how miserable she was. I couldn't believe it. We're bringing something beautiful into this shitty world and she's crying about it."

"People aren't made the same. When I told your dad that we were going to have Eva, he wasn't happy at all. He was scared too. Having a baby is a big deal. You know that. But your dad came around and maybe Holly will come around too. She's in shock because her world's been turned upside down but give her some time."

"What if I give her time and then she decides she doesn't want to go through with it? I don't know if I can handle that."

"You can handle it. You don't have a choice other than to handle whatever comes your way." Michonne saw the desperation and anguish on Carl's face. He needed more than the vague answer she had just given him. "Alright, I want you to tell me what you think you should do if that happens."

Carl looked out of one of the windows thoughtfully, "I'll tell her that I want this baby...even if she doesn't. I want this baby more than anything I've ever wanted before. I'll tell her that we can get through this and that I'll be by her side through all of it. I'll tell her she's strong. I'll tell her I love her and that she doesn't have to be scared. I'll tell her that even if she _is_ scared, it's still going to be okay."

"That's really good Carl. Any girl in her situation would want to hear all those things you just said. You tell her what you just told me and then no matter what happens, you'll know you were there for her. And you know that we're here for you. Me _and_ your dad," Michonne put her hand over Carl's hand. "No matter what, I'm proud of you."

"Thanks Mom. Not just for being proud of me, but for listening to me."

"I'll always listen and I'll always be proud."

…..

Rick breathlessly rolled his body off of Michonne's. He closed his eyes with exhaustion as he threw his head onto his pillow. "You are something else baby!" he said as he rested his hand on her toned abs, still panting. He finally looked over at her and stared deeply into her luminous eyes. "And I swear, sometimes...sometimes I look at you, and you're even more beautiful than you were the last time I saw you."

Michonne leaned over him and parted his lips with hers, kissing him lovingly. "You say the sweetest things."

"It's not flattery you know. Every good thing I say about you, it's the truth." Rick brushed her hair behind her ear. "I love you, Michonne."

"Love you too, baby," she said resting her head on his bare chest and draping her arm and leg over his body. "I'm glad we got to spend some time together tonight. I've missed you."

"It's been crazy out there. We're going out further every time. We've cleaned out almost every house in the neighborhood and our supplies are diminishing each day."

"We'll figure something out. It's been a while since we've seen deer and we're bound to spot some soon."

"Actually water's the biggest obstacle right now. We went back to the farm today and that last herd that passed is still wandering around there, right where the well is. We thought they'd eventually move on, but they're stuck behind a fence. We had to drive four miles to another farm and we're already running low on gas."

"Are you serious? What are we planning on..."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore tonight. I'm sorry I even brought it up. I just want to turn my brain off and lay here naked with you," he chuckled.

"Well that would be nice but I need to talk to you."

"Does this have to do with Carl?"

"Yeah."

"Can it wait til tomorrow? I need to get some sleep."

"Sure, I guess," Michonne said before Rick kissed her goodnight.

Michonne only closed her eyes for a few seconds before she rubbed her hand on his chest and spoke again, "You know what Rick, it can't wait til tomorrow. We should talk now."

"Okay, what?" Rick replied, trying to hide his irritation, "What's going on with Carl?"

"Holly's pregnant," Michonne said not wasting any time. "That's what Carl wanted to tell you this morning. Holly's pregnant and they don't know what to do."

Rick put his hand over his eyes and sighed in frustration. "What did you tell him to do?"

"I told him that he's a man and that he's old enough to figure this out. I asked him how he feels and then told him to talk to Holly about those feelings. I told him we'd be here for him."

"Well that all sounds like good advice."

Michonne didn't respond. She considered just bringing up the pregnancy and leaving it at that. But it wasn't in her to hold things back that were eating at her. "Rick, Carl needs you. It's not just this particular situation with Holly either. Carl needs _you_ in his life."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that weren't there for him. Not today. You let him down."

"Did he say that to you?" Rick asked sitting up.

Michonne nodded.

"You think I should have put off a water run so I could _talk_ with him."

"No I'm not saying that. But he said he feels like you're never there for him."

"You've got to be kidding right now!" Rick shouted. "I'm there for him every day! I'm there for _everyone_ , every damn day. How could he say that?"

"Keep your voice down and don't wake up the girls," Michonne said sternly.

"I go out there every day so he can have a life. So we all can!"

Michonne shook her head in exasperation. "Rick, it's not just about _out there_. There's things going on in here too. Things you can't ignore anymore."

"So now I'm ignoring things?" Rick was growing angrier by the second. "There's food in our cupboards because of _me_! We have water today because I put _my_ life on the line to bring it back! How dare you and Carl criticize me for not being here!"

Michonne looked at him calmly, "Does it really make you this upset that your son wants to spend more time with you? Because he says he needs you? Look Rick, every single person under this roof knows what you do. Everyone appreciates it. But I know you and I see what's going on with you...even if you don't see it yourself."

"Oh yeah, I forgot, you know everything. Please enlighten me on what's going on with _me_."

"You do what needs to be done out there. You work hard at it. You do it without complaining and you do a damn good job. You provide for us and we wouldn't be here without you," Michonne said as she reached for his hand. "The truth is, and I don't think I even realized it until Carl said something today, but the truth is...I think it's in your head that if you take care of all the kids' physical needs, that's all you have to do for them. You use it as an excuse to keep your distance from them."

Rick pulled his hand out of Michonne's and threw the blankets off. He got out of their bed and walked away, keeping his back to her. "You think I want to distance myself from the kids?"

"I don't think you _want_ to, but you do." Michonne said. "Rick, do you remember reading to Judith every morning before you'd leave for work? Do you remember kissing me and the girls every time you'd go out those doors. You're different now. You haven't held Eva in a few days. Carl says you don't even talk to him. If that's not distance, what is it?"

"Why would I want to distance myself from the kids?"

"I don't know. Maybe because you're afraid that they don't actually want you in their lives so you push them away. Maybe to make it easier for you to go out there and risk your life."

"So you've been visiting the psychology section of the library and you got me all figured out now."

"Look, I'm not going to play this game with you. I'm telling you the truth right now and you don't want to hear it. Bottom line is, you're pushing the kids away and they deserve better from you."

"I don't think you've ever said anything more hurtful than what you've just said."

Michonne could hear the pain in his voice and it devastated her to know the words she had spoken were the ones that caused that pain. The love and devotion she felt towards Rick couldn't compare to anyone she loved from her past. But the love she felt for Carl and her daughters was no less substantial. She would always defend Rick to their children but in turn, she would always defend her children to Rick. She was in a position where she was being forced to take sides and she hated it. She hated it because she was on both of their sides, trying to view each side with wisdom and impartiality.

"Rick, you know me. I'm not the woman that's going to sugar-coats things and stroke your ego. I call it like I see it and I would think a man of your integrity wouldn't have it any other way. I'd want the same from you."

Rick stooped over, grabbed a pair of sweatpants off the rocking chair and pulled them on."Problem with that is that you're perfect, aren't you?" He said coldly.

"Stop."

"Stop what? I thought you want me to be honest with you. Not sugar-coat things, right?"

"You're gonna say something you're gonna regret. Just stop before you go too far."

"But you just said you'd want the same from me. You wanna call me out on all my short-comings? It's only fair for me to call you on yours." Rick paced back and forth with his icy, blue eyes glued to Michonne.

Michonne propped herself up in the bed and looked up at Rick. "Okay. Go ahead. Lay it on me. Tell me what's wrong with me," she said egging him on.

"You. You think you've got it all together. You think you're infallible. You've got an answer for everything, don't you? You have to put me in my place and make sure I know everything I'm doing wrong. Forget that I'm risking my life for you every day I step out those doors! I'm a bad father so leave it to Michonne to swoop in and save the day and fix me. Fix the whole family. And you're just the perfect mother, aren't you? You have the perfect solution for every problem...the perfect quip to everything I say. I don't even know why I'm bothering to say all this. I'm obviously the one with the problem here because you can't make mistakes."

"You think that I'm under the delusion that I'm perfect? Really?" Michonne said becoming indignant. "Okay. Well please tell me what my apparent self-righteousness, has to do with the kids."

"It doesn't have to do with the kids! It has to do with us!" he shouted at her. "It has to do with the way you're looking at me right now...like I'm not doing enough when I feel like I'm doing _everything_ I can. You look down on me and you're the only person I can't take that from."

Michonne crossed her arms and looked him squarely in the eyes. "That's the biggest load of crap I've heard outta your mouth since I've met you. Are you done?"

"Yeah I am." Rick grabbed a blanket hanging on the footboard and stomped down the stairs. He was madder than he'd been in a very long time. He would be sleeping on the couch tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

**April 9, 2015: It's Time To Get the House In Order**

Rick sullenly shuffled through the kitchen getting Judy her breakfast. He handed her a plate of toast and sliced peaches as she looked up into his blank face. "Thank you Daddy," she said politely as she took her first bite of toast and walked to the table.

"You're welcome," Rick answered her with a vacant tone. Rick looked at Judith's dark hair and round face. He saw Lori and Shane. His precious little girl, would always be a reminder of the ghosts from his past. Even now, Shane was still with him. Rick always wondered how that man went from being his best friend for most of his life to the man that wanted to murder him in cold blood and steal his family away from him. How did that happen? How badly had he failed as a husband and father to provoke this action from someone he considered a brother?

"I don't think you can do it, Rick. I don't think you can keep them safe. Even right here, right now, you ain't gonna fight for them?" his long-dead friend's voice echoed in his head. "I'm a better father than you, Rick. I'm better for Lori than you, man. It's 'cause I'm a better man than you, Rick. Cause I can be here and I'll fight for it. You come back here and you just destroy everything!" Rick rubbed his temple and tried to shake the voice, but he couldn't today. "You got a broken woman. You got a weak boy. You ain't got the first clue on how to fix it!"

Then he heard her voice too. He couldn't help that the sound of her voice in his head was one that always brought him anguish. Whenever he thought of Lori, he didn't think about his first kiss with her or about how happy they were in the beginning. He didn't think about the road trips they had taken or how excited they were to be having a baby. No, whenever Rick remembered Lori, he only remembered his failures. He failed as a husband and worse than that, he failed to keep her alive. Carl and Judith would never have her in their lives and he blamed only himself for that. Forget that the world died and they were running for their lives...forget that someone else was trying to sabotage their safety that day and that she went into labor in the wrong place and at the wrong time. None of that mattered. Rick took all the blame upon himself. "We need to talk about things. Things we've been avoiding," the voice of her ghost said to him. "I appreciate everything you're doing, we all do...but it's time to get the house in order."

Michonne had never once reminded him of Lori. How could she? It was laughable how little his first wife and second wife had in common. But last night, as Michonne told him where he was falling short, he was right where he was with Lori and the feelings of failure and distance came brimming right back up in him.

Part of Rick thought he was just being dramatic about the whole thing. Michonne loved him and was just trying to point something out that he needed to hear. Did Rick think _he_ was perfect? Was he being so arrogant that he thought he was above criticism from his own wife? Did he really think Michonne hadn't earned that place in his life?

Rick's head hung low on his chest. He had to talk to her. It had been less than eight hours since he stormed out on her but it felt like much longer. Life now was too short to let things like this cause you to withhold love from those who you wanted to give it to most.

"Judy I need to go talk to Mama. After you finish your breakfast, I want you to go see Eugene for school, okay?"

"Okay," she said wiping jelly off of her chin with the back of her sleeve. "Eugene said I need to learn to count higher than ten but I don't even know what comes after ten."

"Eleven comes after ten."

"Is eleven the last number?"

"No, there's lots and lots more numbers after eleven. That's why you have to go to school so you can learn them."

"Do you know all the numbers, Daddy?"

"I know a lot of them but even Daddy is still learning."

"Well maybe you could come to school with me."

"You think so, huh? Do you think I would fit into one of those little desks that you sit at?"

"No, you can't fit in those!" she giggled as she stuffed more toast in her mouth.

Rick stood above her. He licked his thumb and wiped more jelly off her round little chin. The same chin he looked at every time he saw his partner next to him in their squad car. He gently pushed her hair out of her face, staring into her eyes. The same eyes her mother had.

The reality was, Rick was raising an orphaned child. He had always suspected Judy was Shane's blood. As the years passed by, when he would look into Judy's face, he had all the confirmation he needed of that painful truth. Despite the facts, Lori told Rick what he needed to hear long ago, "Shane thinks the baby's his...but no matter what Rick, it's yours."

Rick leaned over and kissed Judith on the top of her head, "I love you Pumpkin."

Judy looked back up at him and without hesitation, told Rick the only thing that mattered when it came to his little girl,"I love you too, Daddy. "

…..

Michonne was pacing back and forth on the roof, on duty. Keeping watch with all the dead outside was relatively easy. As dangerous as the walkers were, they offered protection from other intruders. No one in their right mind would cross through the herds to get into the library. Besides that, it had been nearly a year since they had even laid eyes on another living human that wasn't part of their group. Still, 24 hours a day, someone was always awake and vigilantly guarding the others with watchful eyes.

She felt his presence before she could see him. With Rick and Michonne there was always a discernible sixth sense that was present between them. The idea of being soul mates seemed like such a silly cliché to the both of them, but that was before they fell in love. Now, the term had a meaning that was anything but silly. It was concrete. They needed each other. They understood each other. They ached for each other. They felt each other, in the deepest parts of their souls. Perhaps it's why the fight they had the night before felt uglier than any fight that either of them could remember.

Rick and Michonne didn't fight. They'd had their share of disagreements in the past. There were many times they didn't see eye to eye on a situation. But last night was different. Rick had always been honest with her and she was sure he'd never held anything back that needed to be said. Did he really think that she thought she was perfect this whole time? Had she allowed herself to be put on a pedestal by him, or worse, had she put herself there? Was any of this her fault?

She had always looked at him with admiration. He was her capable comrade in battle but also her husband, confidant and beloved best friend. But at some point in their relationship he had began to think that instead of looking up to him as her champion, she was looking down on him like he had failed her.

As she heard his footsteps approaching, she prepared herself for round two of the brawl. She strapped on her emotional armor, pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes. She knew she was right about what she had said about Carl and the girls. As much as she didn't want to, she was ready to go head to head with him to defend them. But as soon as Michonne felt the warmth of his hand on her bare shoulder, all the built-up anger and resentment she was feeling, dissipated. Her face softened and she turned around.

"Can I talk to you?" Rick said gently.

"Yeah."

He scratched above his eyebrow, not knowing exactly where to start. When Rick addressed the group, the words flowed out of his mouth effortlessly and even eloquently. His charisma drew everyone in and he felt at ease speaking to them. But more often than not, these intimate conversations were never one of Rick's strengths, even with her.

"I'm sorry," he began. "I'm sorry for what I said to you last night. I didn't say those things to you out of honesty; I said them out of anger."

"Are you sure about that? You said those things for a reason. You said them because somewhere along the way, I started making you feel inadequate, and that could not be further from the truth."

"I know why I said them," he stepped back from her. "I was out of line. I was angry and defensive because I knew what you were telling me about the kids was true. And it was easier to get angry and lash out at you than to face the truth. No matter what the reason, I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did and I'm sorry."

"No you shouldn't have but I'm glad you see the truth. The kids, they want you in their lives. The girls look at you like you're their hero. They light up every time you walk into the room. And Carl, Carl _needs_ you. I know he has me, and we have this incredible relationship but just because he has that with me doesn't mean he still doesn't need it from you. And more than the fact that he needs you in his life...he wants you there. That's a good place for you to be, Rick."

"I know that, I just didn't like hearing it."

"There's something else," Michonne said avoiding his eyes, something she rarely did. "You said that I think I know everything and that I think I'm perfect. You said I think I have all the answers and that I want to put you in your place. Is that really what you think about me? Is that how you've always felt? You think I act like I'm better than you?"

Michonne looked back over at him just in time to see Rick chuckle.

"What's so funny?" she asked irritated by his laughter.

Rick smiled at her, but in all seriousness spoke. "I didn't say that because you act like your better than me, Michonne. I said it because you really _are_ better than me." 

"Rick that's not true. How could you say..."

"Let me finish," he said talking quietly and slowly. "I know you're not perfect. I know that you don't _think_ you're perfect. But you have qualities I'm not sure I'll ever possess. You always know the right thing to do. I don't know how you know, but you do. Not only that, you _do_ the right thing, no matter the cost. You have this unshakable faith that is nothing compared to what I have. And the way you love me and the kids, it really _is_ perfect. You're an overachiever, Michonne. You're the MVP on this team, the Valedictorian in the class."

"If you think that I'm one step ahead of you all the time, than that's putting us in a competition and we're not competing, Rick. We're doing this together, each with our own strengths."

"It's just so different than it was before."

"What do you mean?"

"With Lori, I was just...I was always just was getting by. Just doing enough to keep her from walking out the door. I thought the status quo was good enough in my marriage and family. I was a good provider and protector and I thought that was all they really needed. She was a good woman and deserved more than I gave her. I guess nothing has really changed in a way. But I never...I never wanted more than to just get by with her. Then when she started making me feel like I wasn't enough, I started caring even less. The last half of our marriage, I was just punching the clock and doing my job."

"And now?"

"With you, it's different. It's always been different. You've always made me feel like I'm enough."

"Well then what happened last night? What was that?"

"For way too long, I listened to others tell me how inadequate I was. I let them make me doubt whether or not I was doing my best. I've always done my best. I don't know if my best was always what was right but I tried. I tried so hard and still failed. Last night, I felt like I failed again. Like I was letting things fall apart. I think it scared me more than what's happening outside these walls. And the fact that it was _you_ telling me all this, that scared me even more. It's not that I don't want to let you down, Michonne. It's that I _can't_ let you down. I love you too much to let that happen."

Michonne reached down and held his hand.

"Something I realized since you've been in my life is that..." Rick said looking up at her face, mesmerized by the tenderness in her eyes, "...that you make me want to be a better man. And I guess when I miss the mark, I beat myself up, or pretend that you're beating me up."

Michonne wrapped her arms around him and pulled him as close to her body as she could, resting her head on his chest."You already _are_ a better man, Rick. I've never _once_ questioned your goodness...as a father, as a husband. You think I'm setting these perfect expectations for you but I'm not. You're everything I want."

"But I'm not everything Carl wants in a father. I'm not the father I'm supposed to be to Judy and Eva. You said that."

"So _fix_ it with them. You're saying that as if it's too late and it's not."

Rick closed his eyes and clung to her tightly. He could almost feel her heartbeat on his chest as he held her. He could almost breath in a part of her soul. Many times Rick had thanked God for bringing her into his life...into the lives of their children. As they lingered there in the inseparable embrace, Rick thanked Him again.

"Okay," he said resolutely. "I'll fix it. I'll do whatever it takes to make this right with you and the kids."

…..

Carl alternated back and forth between folding clothes and playing fetch with Winnie. 

"Thanks for helping me with this," Maggie said. "It was a good idea hangin' the dirty clothes on the clothesline lettin' the rain wash 'em."

"Well it's better than nothing. I had to think of something. Michonne was going on and on about how bad everyone's clothes smelled," Carl laughed. "With the water shortage, we have to be innovative."

"Well none of us thought of it, so good job," she said bending down to put a made-from-scratch Cheerio, Carol had made, into Hershel's mouth. "You know what Carl?"

"What?'

"I think someday you're going to be a real leader. I mean you already are a leader in a sense but I think there's more in store in the future. I can see big things ahead for you."

"I don't know about that. I'm not really sure I could lead anyone anywhere. I barely have things figured out in my own life."

"I'm not saying tomorrow. I'm saying one day. Glenn used to deliver pizza and now look at him. He's an important part of this group. He gets things done. He's strong and smart. He's leading our family. I bet he didn't think he would be in the position he's in now when he was bringing people their bread sticks and pizza."

"I guess maybe someday but I don't know. When I look at my future, I don't really see a clear direction. I can't picture any one thing happening. I guess maybe being a father one day. I could see that."

"Well being a parent _is_ being a leader, maybe in the most important way."

"That's true," Carl threw the ball for Winnie again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Maggie said looking up from her folding.

"Why would you say the word pizza to me when I'm already hungry? That's just mean."

"You brat! I thought you were going to ask me something serious," Maggie laughed and threw a pair of socks at him."Sorry, I really should have known better than to bring up food to you of all people."

"Hey Carl," Rick called out as he approached him. "I could use your help with something."

"Sure," Carl sighed and rolled his eyes, "Seeya later, Maggie."

"Seeya."

Carl followed his dad into the basement of the library. A small amount of light came through the windows near the ceiling but it was still too dark and musty for any comfortable length of time to be spent down there. It had been almost three years since they had made the Waycross Public Library their home and Carl could count on one hand how many times he'd been down in that basement. "What are we doing down here?" Carl asked.

"I just wanted to get an idea of what our food situation looks like. Carol keeps good track and tells me but I wanted to see for myself."

"Okay," Carl said suspiciously. "And you need my help _how_ exactly?"

Rick shifted uncomfortably. "I don't actually need your help with this. I wanted to talk with you and I wanted to do this too. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone."

"I see."

"You wanted to talk with me yesterday and I couldn't. Why don't we talk about what's on your mind now."

"You _couldn't_ talk with me yesterday, or you wouldn't?"

Rick felt the antagonism in Carl's tone. He wanted to reciprocate angrily but decided that would be counteractive to what he was trying to do with his son.

"I'm sorry," Rick answered calmly. "Whether I couldn't listen to you or wouldn't listen is beside the point. The fact is, I didn't listen to you."

"Is it really beside the point?"

Rick said nothing, recognizing the validity of Carl's question.

"You told me to talk to Mom so I did. I don't need to talk to you anymore."

"She told me what you said. She told me that I haven't been there for you."

"It doesn't even matter, Dad," he said coldly. "I'm used to you not being there."

Carl's words stabbed into Rick like a knife. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to recover from the blow his son just threw at him. Rick let out a deep breath. "I know you're used to it. I know I've put you on the back burner. I feel bad about that but what can I do other than apologize and try to make it right?"

Rick watched Carl stand stubbornly in front of him, not giving him an answer to his question. Michonne said it wasn't too late to fix things with Carl but what if it was? Maybe yesterday was the final straw.

"Can you answer me, please? Tell me what you want from me."

"So now when it works for you, we can talk? I see," he said callously. "Look, I said it doesn't matter. I've figured things out without your help."

"And what did you figure out?" Rick asked, trying his best to keep the conversation going.

"Holly's pregnant. She doesn't want to be pregnant but I talked to her. I convinced her that we can have this baby and that she'll be okay. So I'm going to be a father, okay? I'm going to be a father and you're going to be a grandfather. That's what I wanted to tell you yesterday but I guess that wasn't important enough for you to give me a few minutes of your time," Carl said angrily. "Like I said, I figured it out without you and I'll just plan on doing that from now on." Carl turned away from his dad and began to walk away.

"Carl, get back here," Rick said calmly. Carl ignored him and started up the stairs.

"I said, get back here!" Rick yelled desperately. It was no use. He watched his son turn the corner and heard his footsteps go up the stairs. For once, Michonne was wrong. It was too late.

…..

 **A/N** Shane and Lori's quotes were taken directly out of the Triggerfinger, 18 Miles Out, Better Angels and Seed episodes, of The Walking Dead. They were written by:

Scott Gimple, Glenn Mazzara, Evan T. Reilly and David Leslie Johnson

Wow **,** I was surprised by how many people were upset by Rick and Michonne's fight. Very interesting. I've been married for 20 years and a good fight is no picnic but part of the deal. If you thought that was bad, I'm interested to hear what you think of this interaction between Rick and Carl.

I had every intention of publishing this chapter yesterday but when I was falling asleep at my computer at the ridiculous hour of 4 AM and I was only 75% done, I realized that was not going to happen. But here it is now! 

Thanks again for reading and giving me all this feedback. Love to you all and God bless!


	4. Chapter 4

**June 6, 2015: Moving On**

The breakfast dishes were cleared and the group sat back down around the table. Clem and Holly took the youngest three children upstairs to the loft to read them stories and play. The rest of the group stayed for their weekly meeting. The meeting proceeded routinely.

"Is there any _new_ business?" Carol asked.

Glenn apprehensively raised his hand. "Yeah, I have something I want to discuss that's been on mine and Maggie's minds for a while." He looked around the table before speaking up. "I think it's time we left Waycross," Glenn announced.

No one said anything. Glances were exchanged but no one spoke up.

"Well," Glenn asked, trying to gauge where everyone's heads were at,"what do you all think about that?"

"Go where exactly?" Michonne asked.

"Yeah, we haven't been more than 10 miles from this library in almost three years...not since we lost Daryl," Lee said, not meaning to turn his glance towards Carol. She looked at him before he promptly turned his attention back to the others. "We don't know what the rest of the world looks like. I'm not sure I'm ready to take Clementine out of the safety of this building."

"Well," Maggie started, "Glenn and I have been looking at maps and we have some thoughts about some promising locations we should talk about."

"Maybe moving on is a good idea," Morgan spoke up. "The water runs are getting more dangerous every time we go out. Glenn almost died last time we went out. On top of that, were getting less water each time."

"The farm we used to go to for water has been completely overrun. We can't even go there anymore." Abraham said.

"And the herds that have come through aren't just passing by the way they used to," Sasha added. "They move in one direction and then just seem to circle back here. There's thousands of them out there, all through town."

"What about getting water from the creek?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah, the creek," Liv said optimistically. "Why haven't we been getting our water from the creek. With the solar panels we can boil it a lot more easily."

"The creek water's no good," Glenn replied. "A month ago when I went out with Lee and Abraham we were about a mile upstream from where we are now. At the damn up there, dozens of the dead got stuck in the creek. I mean I know we'd boil it but no amount of boiling is going to make anyone want to drink water that walkers have been swimming in for a months. And even though the creek's a lot closer, we'd still have to go outside and deal with walkers."

"And it's been a dry spring. We've hardly collected any rain in the cisterns," Carol said.

"There's nowhere else to look for food either. There's a few blocks of houses we haven't hit on the east side of town but that's about it," Abraham added.

"Well maybe we should try and figure out a way to round up the herds. You know, lead them out of town. Then at least we could walk around more freely to get water and start hunting again," Morgan stated.

"And how exactly do we do that?" Michonne asked. "And where do we lead them? It's not like they're in one area and we can just get ahead of them and lead them in one direction. They've spread out everywhere, all throughout the town."

"This town has become stagnant at best. There's nothing here for us anymore," Glenn stated.

"Well not nothing. This _building_ is here. This building has been a fortress from the outside. We're safe in here," Carol replied adamantly.

"Yeah but for how long?" Glenn asked, asserting himself, "Look, I've thought about this from lots of different angles and in every scenario, we're in danger staying here. That's why I think our best bet is to just cut our losses, pull up stakes and move on. Waycross has been good to us. The library has been good to us. But it's time we moved on."

Rick had silently listened to the back and forth between everyone before finally speaking up. "I appreciate that you've looked at this from lots of vantages, Glenn, but we all need to take some time before we decide on anything. We'll table this discussion for now. I want everyone to keep talking to each other about this – keep brainstorming. Over the next few days, I'd like to talk to you all individually too. I want every single idea on the table for thorough discussion before we make any kind of final decision. Our safety and our lives are worth us giving this all the proper attention it needs. Let's all meet back in three days to talk about this together again. Sound good?"

Everyone agreed to this course of action before they began to walk away.

Maggie pulled Glenn behind a bookshelf and spoke to him in an unassuming voice, "I understand what Rick is saying and he's right, we should give this more thought. But I still think it's the right move for us to leave and I'm not going to change my mind about that. I've felt safe here for a long time but I don't feel safe anymore."

"I know. Things have changed. We just have to convince the others that it's the right time."

"Until we get this figured out, I don't want you going out anymore. There's too many of them out there. You're completely outnumbered. Every time you leave, I'm terrified. We have a child to think of now and it's different. The stakes are higher. I'm so scared every time I say goodbye that it's going to be the last time we see you."

"I'll be okay, Maggie. I can't just stop going on runs because it's dangerous."

Maggie was visibly upset as she looked into Glenn's face. "Morgan said you almost got yourself killed last time you went out there. Is that true?"

"Morgan was exaggerating. It was nothing."

"Don't you lie to me," Maggie snapped. "Morgan wouldn't have said that if it wasn't true."

Glenn said nothing, knowing he'd been found out. He met Maggie's eyes with concern but remained silent.

"What happened? And why the hell didn't you tell me?" she said her voice quivering.

"Why do you think I didn't tell you? I didn't tell you because I knew it would upset you and I was fine. I came back to you safe and sound."

"Tell me what happened!"

"The truck was surrounded. I was sitting on the wheel well in the bed of the truck and a couple walkers pulled me over the side. I got bit on my arm but its teeth didn't go through my jacket. Morgan jumped down and we fought them off."

Maggie stared at Glenn, stunned by what he had just divulged. Tears fell from her eyes."I could have lost you. Me and Hershel could have lost you and then what would we have done?"

"You didn't lose me. It was a close call but I'm fine." Glenn reached his hand around her neck and brought her face towards his. He kissed her on the lips then rested his forehead on hers. "I'll be okay. I can't stop doing what I'm supposed to do just because it's dangerous. That's not in me anymore."

"I know," Maggie nodded. "You're brave and it's not in you to run away from danger, but it's not safe out there anymore."

"It never was."

Glenn wrapped his arms around her. "I'll do everything I can to keep you and Hershel safe, and I'll do everything to keep myself safe too. But I can't have you being terrified every time I walk out those doors."

"We have to leave, Glenn. It doesn't feel right here anymore. If we stay, it won't end well – I know it."

"We'll leave. We'll convince the others that it's the right thing to do and we'll all leave."

"What if we're the only ones that think we should go? What if we're ready to move on but no one else is?"

"I don't know. We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

"Even if we're on our own, we have to go. I feel it in my gut."

"This is our family. We have to stay with them - stay together."

"Well," Maggie stared at her husband with conviction, "then we'll just have to convince them."

…..

Rick finished his rooftop watch and walked downstairs to Carl and Holly's bedroom. Rick stood outside the door, quietly observing his son and youngest daughter together. Carl's back was to his father as he sat on the floor stacking blocks and talking to Eva.

Rick stared at his youngest child affectionately. Eva Josephine Grimes had just turned two years old a month ago. She was a spirited girl, vocal, energetic and anxious to explore her world. She loved everyone around her, both her immediate and extended family. Although everyone doted on her, she still had her favorites. Other than her parents and siblings, she was especially partial to Carol, Morgan and Clementine. Carol and Morgan had somehow become the unofficial grandparents to Eva, Judith and Hershel and all parties involved were thrilled with the arrangement. Carol joked that all the babies were spoiled but Morgan thought that was nonsense and spoiled them even more.

Eva's lively and boisterous personality was matched only by her striking beauty. Her bright, blue eyes set against her creamy, brown skin was stunning. And even at her young age she had a full head of bouncing curls.

"How high can you stack them, Eva?" Carl asked as he handed her a red block. She placed it on top of the others before they all fell down. "Uh-oh! They fell down!" Carl said.

"Uh-oh," Eva said mimicking him.

"Do you want to stack them up again?" Carl asked. But Eva finally noticed Rick, stood up from her spot on the floor and ran towards him.

"Daddy!" she squealed as she grabbed onto his legs.

"Hey Cupcake!" Rick smiled as he scooped her up into his arms and kissed her loudly on the neck. "You playing with Carl?"

"Blocks!" she said pointing to the area of where her brother and her were playing. "Blocks wif Carl!"

Carl stood up and started to leave the room.

"You know, you've always been so good with your little sisters. You're going to be a great dad, Carl," Rick said, looking at him. "Thanks for watching her."

"Sure," he replied. "Mom asked me to since Liv wasn't feeling well."

"Yeah, she told me Eva was with you. I just checked on Liv - brought her some peppermint oil and aspirin for her migraine. She's feeling better but I told her to get some more rest til dinner."

"Okay," Carl said, trying to leave again.

"Carl wait," Rick called out.

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to ask you what you think about Glenn's proposition."

"I'll just go along with whatever everyone else decides."

"That's not really what I asked you. I asked what do _you_ think about it."

"I don't know. Ask Michonne or Morgan and Carol or Abraham what they think about it. I know that's who you talk to about these things."

"I've already talked to almost everyone over the last few days. You didn't say anything at the meeting. I want to know what you think."

"You don't really care what I think," Carl said nonchalantly. "I'm sure you want me to think you do, but really you're just trying to talk to me so we can 'fix' things between us. Well I'm good."

"First of all, I _do_ want to know what you think. You're just as much a part of this group as everyone else and your opinion matters just as much. And second, what would be so bad about me trying to talk to you so we can fix things?"

"Because it's not really going to change anything, Dad. I've moved on from this. You have people you talk to that you're close with. Well so do I."

"You're still my son. Unless you plan on moving out on your own, we have to make this work."

"I'm fine with the way things are between us."

"Well I'm not fine with it," Rick said in exasperation. "You haven't said more than ten words to me in the last two months. You're an adult now Carl, and this is not how an adult deals with their problems. They move on and compromise...they figure things out."

"What's to figure out, Dad? I told you I would work things out on my own. I've done that. It doesn't need to involve you."

Rick sighed in frustration, "Carl, I've given you time. I've tried to give you some space too but I'm _not_ going to put up with you treating me like shit for even one more day."

"I'm not treating you like shit. I just don't want to work on a relationship with you anymore."

"What's going on with you? Why are you acting like this?"

Carl stood with his arms crossed and glaring at his father, "Fine, let's talk. You want to know why I'm acting like this? Maybe it's because I'm tired of being someone you just need to take care of...someone you need to fix. I'm not a car, Dad. I don't need to be fixed. You've treated me like I'm a nuisance. Like me and my problems are interrupting your job of being the perfect leader. I told you that day that I needed you and you left. I told you a long time ago at the prison that you should stop being the one to lead everyone. I knew it was going to cost you things you wouldn't want to give up."

Rick shuffled Eva from one arm to his other."You know what, Carl? Being the ones who get to live in this world, the way it is now, it costs _everyone_ something. And let me tell you, I haven't been leading by choice. It's been by default. I mean do you think I'm doing it for all the prestige and glory? Or for the hefty paycheck?" Rick laughed ironically. "Do you think I didn't know it was going to cost me something? It's cost me more than I ever thought it would. Your mother...it cost me my sanity...my hand! And now...now it's costing me you." Rick looked down at the floor with defeat. "Do you think I wanted any of that? I lead this group because it's what's required of me. I've lead because I wasn't going to put anyone else in the position of leading _my_ family."

Carl finally looked at his dad with a hint of sympathy. "Why haven't you told me any of this before? If you would have just talked to me, let me see things from your perspective, then maybe I would have understood where you're coming from a little better. But you haven't. You've pushed me away."

"I don't think it's any secret that these deep heart to heart conversations aren't really my strength. To be honest, I never even knew it was something you needed from me. I thought Mom had that department covered. It was stupid of me to assume that."

"That day I came to talk to you about Holly, I needed your help. I needed _you,_ Dad. When you walked away, I decided to give it up."

"Give what up?"

"Give up this idea that you cared about me. I'm not talking about protection and provision – you've always done anything to make sure that happened. I'm talking about just listening to me," Carl looked down, grinding the toe of his boot into the floor, "I'm talking about just telling me that you love me."

Rick was stunned by his son's vulnerable confession. How could a father have neglected such an important element of parenting? Carl was making it very clear that he needed more from his father and Carl _deserved_ more. "I know I've made mistakes with you. I know I haven't been a great father to you in a lot of ways. But I'm trying to make things right now and I'm prepared to do whatever work it'll take to fix things between us," Rick said compassionately.

"What does that even mean? You want to fix things with me? How?"

"Give me another chance. Let's keep talking. Let me spend some time with you," Rick said. He glanced around Carl's room when his eyes settled on his son's chess board on a small table in the corner. "Remember you taught Noah how to play chess a few years ago?"

"Yeah," Carl smiled at the memory of his friend. "I taught him how to play and then he got way better than me."

"Well," Rick paused, swallowing his pride once again, "maybe you can teach me."

"You don't know how to play chess?"

Rick shook his head. "Nope. There's a lot of things I'm still learning." Rick pushed Eva's curls out of her face and looked back at Carl thoughtfully. "I remember when I was about 13, I was visiting my grandpa and grandma. I saw a chess board in my grandpa's study and I asked him if he'd teach me to play. He promised he would teach me on my next visit but he...he had a massive heart attack a few weeks later. He died." Rick's eyes wandered around the room before fixing on his son again. "He was a good man, my grandpa, and without fail, every time I see a chess board I can't help but think of him."

Carl remained thoughtful and silent but Rick spoke once again, desperately attempting to repair the crack in their relationship. "Anyhow, I've always wanted to learn to play and now, now we're trapped in this building by hordes of walkers. We can't go on any runs so all I have is time."

Carl looked at Rick. He didn't want to be angry with him anymore. It was too big a burden to carry and Carl already had a heavy enough load. He did a fine job of pretending he didn't care about his father but in reality, pushing him away had been emotionally exhausting. Despite the flaws his dad possessed, Carl still had a great deal of love and admiration for him. He missed him.

Carl thought of how he would be a dad himself, and sooner than later. He didn't truly think he would perfect fatherhood right away. He would make his share of mistakes also. What would he want from his own son or daughter? He would want a second chance. He would want forgiveness for mistakes and an opportunity to set things right if he fell off course.

Carl looked his dad in the eye and nodded slowly, "Chess...okay. I'll teach you how to play chess. Then maybe, we can figure out how we're going to leave Waycross."


	5. Chapter 5

**Happy Endings**

 **June 10, 2015**

Morgan sat on the plush sofa with his legs on the coffee table in front of him reading his book. He was on the last page of _Crime and Punishment_ and was still completely engrossed. Carol dozed next to him with her book across her lap. Her head rested comfortably against his shoulder. Morgan finished reading and closed his book with a sense of satisfaction.

A few years back, they were looking at a poster hanging on a wall in the library: The 100 Most Important Pieces of Literature. "Do you want to try and read them all?" Carol asked.

"I will if you will," Morgan replied.

They started off with two copies of _The Great Gatsby_. They both finished within a week. Then they were onto _Anna Karenina_. Morgan finished first as Carol straggled behind. After that was _The Color Purple._ When Carol finished that book 10 days after Morgan, she told him she was done.

"I can't read these anymore. All the books on that ridiculous list are depressing."

Morgan laughed, "Yeah. Yeah they are."

"I think I'd rather read books that take me somewhere else. Somewhere else good, that is. Somewhere bright and hopeful."

"Read whatever makes you happy Darlin'. I just like being together. I'll tell you how my depressing books end and you can tell me about all the happy endings."

And so that's how it came to be that Carol was reading _Sense and Sensibility_ a second time as Morgan read _Crime and Punishment_

Morgan tossed the finished book onto the coffee table in front of him and gently rubbed Carol's arm.

"Hey, it's time for bed," he said nudging her again. Carol flinched and awoke quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Morgan said.

"It's okay," she said trying to establish her bearings. She sat straight up, anxiously staring ahead .

Morgan, now very familiar with her quirks and habits, rested one hand on her leg and put the other one around her shoulder. "Hey, were you havin' a bad dream or somethin'? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, pretending to smile.

"Nice try but that's not gonna work with me. Tell me."

"It's nothing you need to worry yourself about. How's that?"

"How about you tell me what's on your mind and I'll decide if I should worry about it or not."

"I could tell you, Morgan, but it's probably not going to change anything."

"Just spit it out and tell me what's goin' on in that pretty little head of yours," Morgan said. "You know I'm gonna get it out of you sooner or later."

Carol sighed and finally spoke,"I have a bad feeling about leaving. Ever since Glenn brought it up I haven't been able to think of anything else. The thought of leaving this place and going out into the unknown has consumed me."

"So what, you think we should figure out a way to stay in Waycross?"

"No."

Carol's answer surprised Morgan. "You have a bad feeling about leaving but you don't think we should stay?"

"No, I don't think we should stay. I have a bad feeling whether we stay _or_ go." She looked at Morgan ominously. "The other shoe is going to drop. It's been hanging by a thread above us for years. I'm not being pessimistic, I just know that if we leave or if we stay, something will happen. People will die."

"What's got you thinking like this?"

"The last time we had it this good...the last time we had a stretch of good fortune, Daryl died. Things can only be good for so long. We've been as secure in this building as in the prison, and you know how that ended. It's safe in here for now but we're also trapped in here. For once, what we really need is on the outside of these walls. We're between a rock and a hard place," she said pragmatically. "What are you thinking about all this?"

"I'm thinking that I love you. I love you and I'll do anything to protect you." 

"I love you too," Carol sighed with a calm smile and rested the palm of her hand on Morgan's face. "I knew if I told you what I was thinking, you'd worry."

"I know you're scared. I'd be lyin' if I said I wasn't a little scared myself."

"It's not that I'm scared, Morgan," she said. "I'm just not ready for what's to come...for the next chapter. I know...I _know_ that as soon as we leave, it's the beginning of the end for one of us. Who knows, maybe it's the beginning of the end for _all_ of us. There's no way we are going to come out on the other end of this move unscathed," she said stressfully burying her face in her hands. "I'm not good with change. I've changed a lot since the world fell apart and none of it has been easy."

Morgan pulled her into his arms."Maybe the changes haven't been easy but _most_ of them have been good to you in some ways. You're stronger now than before. I know they haven't been easy but those changes have kept you alive. They brought you to me and it's where we are now."

"It kills me that we had to lose what we had before to have what we have now. In a perfect world you'd still have Jenny and Duane."

"It's not a perfect world. There's not always a happy ending. I wouldn't have traded Jenny and Duane for anything but life didn't give me that choice, did it?"

"No it didn't," Carol said without emotion. Morgan studied her eyes and could see her mind wandering somewhere else. "What do I know about a perfect world anyway? I would be with Ed if he were still alive. It took the world falling apart for me to be rid of that tumor. I would have never mustered up the courage to just leave him. And because of that, he was what I deserved. That day he was killed, the world was doing me a favor. But the same world that took Ed, took Sophia too. It probably should have taken me." Carol spoke with an empty, almost robotic tone. "Do you know how many times I should have died? How many times my life was spared by God or by chance? You saved my life at the last second. If you hadn't woken up that morning and pulled me off that ledge, I'd be long dead."

"Don't you do this," Morgan said shaking her free of her thoughts. "I see where you're going. You're over-thinking everything and it's making your mind go to a dark place. Some place it shouldn't go."

Carol stared ahead, her mind still adrift.

"Look at me," Morgan said, fervently grabbing her shoulders.

Carol finally looked at him. As fast as her mind deviated into darkness, it came back. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm thinking," she said shaking her head. "Sometimes I forget...forget who I am. Something triggers my brain and I go right back to a place where I'm still that little girl being beat up by my mother or Ed. Where I see Sophia running for her life and I'm just standing there, helplessly watching it happen. That place where I don't want to just die, but where I wish I never existed. I know it's not who I am anymore. But I fall into some rabbit hole and I forget."

"I'm here to remind you," he said pulling her close and enveloping her in his arms.

"I know you are, Morgan. I know," she said feeling the warmth of his body against hers. "I'm a big girl though. I can't let myself think that I need you to rescue me. You're more to me than just a knight in shining armor. I need to remind myself."

"Sometimes even big girls need to be reminded – need to be rescued."

"Yeah...maybe." Carol stood up tall and reached her hand out to Morgan. "C'mon, let's go to bed."

…..

 **July 7, 2015**

"It looks like you're about 15 weeks along and your first trimester is officially behind you. Hopefully your morning sickness should diminish and your appetite will start coming back. If you take care of yourself, the baby will start growing bigger and stronger each day," Bob told Holly as he helped her sit up.

"That's all good news then, right?" Holly asked.

"Yep. It's all good news," Bob said reassuring her again. "I want you to take it easy though. Get plenty of rest and try to avoid any stress. One thing that has me just a little concerned is your weight."

"My weight?"

"Yeah. You only weigh 102 pounds. The morning sickness made you lose some weight and I want you to start trying your best to increase your calorie intake. Lots of carbs and protein, fruits and veggies. As much as we have anyway. And don't forget, keep taking your prenatal vitamins and folic acid, every day."

"Okay," Holly replied with concern. Carl could feel her grip tighten on his hand a bit. "Should I be worried?"

"Do I look worried?" Bob smiled. "Worry is exactly what I want you to avoid. It's never good for your body and it's definitely not going to do that baby any good. Just eat and you'll be okay." Bob turned his attention to Carl. "You too, Carl. You're too thin. You need to eat a little more and put some meat on those bones."

"You sound like Michonne," Carl scoffed.

"Do I now?" Bob laughed. "Well listen to her too, then. She's a good mama and I need all the help I can get."

"Is there anything else we need to know?" Carl inquired.

"No, I think that's it for now. In the old world, you'd be coming in once a month. But seein' as you live with your doctor and I don't have too many patients, I want to check in with you once a week. You can get dressed now and go get some lunch – a _big_ lunch. Okay?"

"Okay," Holly said quietly as she slowly swung her legs over the side of her bed. Bob walked out of their bedroom and closed the door behind him.

"That's all good news, Holly. Bob said you and the baby are doing great." Carl sat on the bed next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. He pulled her head gently to his chest and kissed the tip of her nose.

"He said I'm too thin and I need to gain weight. What if we run out of food?"

"We have enough for right now. If we need more, I'll figure it out. Just don't worry."

"I'm trying not to."

"I know you are."

"You know what else?" Holly asked, a meager smile growing on her face.

"What?" Carl asked inquisitively.

"I'm getting really excited. I know I didn't want this at first but I changed my mind."

"Really? What's changed?"

"I don't know exactly. Maybe just thinking about having a little baby in my arms and being a mommy to someone. I've never taken care of anyone – I mean _really_ taken care of someone. It makes me feel like there's a reason for being here and moving forward."

"I know what you mean. We're not kids anymore but I can't believe we're actually going to be parents. I'm excited too."

"I'm still scared though."

"Well don't be," Carl said impatiently, as he took his arm away from her shoulder. "You heard what Bob said. That's not good for you or for the baby."

"I know but I can't help it."

"You _can_ help it."

Holly hesitated but finally looked at Carl and spoke. "What if the baby dies inside of me?"

Carl stood up from her side. "Then we won't be parents - that's all."

"Well do you think if it died, I would even know?"

"Yes. I'm sure your body would know what to do if the baby died inside of you?"

"What if having the baby kills me. I'm small. How am I supposed to give birth to a whole other person? Even if it doesn't kill me, it's going to hurt."

"Yeah, it's going to hurt. Just like it hurt all the billions of other people who have had babies and survived." Carl turned back towards her and tightened his fists at his side, trying to remain calm."Why are you doing this to yourself? And why didn't you ask Bob all of these questions?"

"I don't know. I don't want him to think I'm being stupid."

"Hmm, what does that tell you? Please, let's not do this again," he begged.

"I 'm sorry, Carl. Please don't be mad at me. I just don't know how _not_ to be scared," she said as she pulled at her shirt with her tensed-up hands.

"I'm not mad at you. I just can hear you go on and on for the next six months about this. I've already listened to you for the last three months and it's driving me crazy."

"I know. I'm sorry," Holly apologized submissively.

"Don't apologize!"

"I'm sorr...I mean, okay," she said correcting herself. "I'll try. I promise." Holly looked at Carl despondently, her eyes pleading with him to alleviate some or all of her anxiety.

Carl told her they weren't kids anymore but that wasn't true. Holly was only sixteen and he wasn't that much older. They were two kids playing house and haphazardly figuring it out as they went along. For the nearly three years he knew Holly, he was well aware of her abilities or lack there of. Many times Carl had tried to help her develop her strength, buoy her confidence and push her to fight. It just wasn't in her. It wasn't how she was made. In the same way Carl _had_ to fight, Holly had to retreat. She would never be the woman who would charge to the front lines of battle. She would never be brave and fearless. She would never be like Michonne or any of the other women in his life. She was fragile and fearful. It was why he hadn't even mentioned to his young bride that nearly everyone thought leaving Waycross should be their next move. Holly would panic if she knew and he couldn't do it that to her when she already felt so anxious and overwhelmed just carrying their child.

Carl had learned to accept Holly the way she was – to love her despite her weakness and to fight her battles for her. He did a good job of it. There was a learning curve though.

The day he practically forced her to leave the library and help the group fight the dead was a mistake. He didn't realize that until it was almost too late. It nearly pushed her over the edge and could have gotten her, Michonne, Eva and himself killed. And if anything had happened that day, he wouldn't have blamed Holly, he would have blamed himself. Carl walked a fine line with her, encouraging her to be confident but still generously giving her the love she needed when her confidence waned.

This pregnancy was different though. It was a battle Carl couldn't fight for her and something Holly had to take on herself. It had to be on her – all of it. He couldn't protect her from whatever might happen in this situation. He certainly couldn't be a surrogate for her. This was her lone burden and it frustrated them both. Carl could support her and be there for her to the best of his abilities, but ultimately, she would have to do this on her own.

Carl pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose. He affectionately brushed her blonde hair out of her sweet face then leaned over, kissing her gently on the lips. His mouth lingered on hers and the tension fell from her shoulders. Carl knelt down on the floor in front of her and held her hands in his.

"Whenever you feel yourself getting worried, just stop. Change your thoughts. Tell yourself that you can do this! Tell yourself how strong you are and that you're going to do this no matter how hard it is. Tell yourself what a bad ass you are!"

"We both know none of that's true though," she said spiritlessly.

"Well then just lie. Lie to yourself and keep saying it until you believe it. Okay?" Carl exclaimed, smiling at her.

"Okay," she said smiling back at him timidly. "I'm a bad ass. I'm strong and I can do this."

"Well you already have me convinced," Carl said kissing her again. "Get dressed and let's go eat lunch."

"A big lunch!"


	6. Chapter 6

**June 12, 2015: Letting Go**

 _Should I stay or should I go now? **  
**If I go there will be trouble **  
**And if I stay it will be double **  
**So ya gotta let me know **  
**Should I stay or should I go?_

 _The Clash_

The decision was eventually unanimous. Once everyone decided leaving Waycross was the best move, it became questions of where, when and how.

Glenn laid a map on the table and they all gathered around.

"This is Lake Chatuge. It's just on the other side of Georgia on the northern border...on the very south side of North Carolina. This area is extremely unpopulated."

"Lake Chatuge, and the islands in the lake, are between two very small towns," Maggie chimed in. "The biggest town in that area is Hiawassee, Georgia. Now the 2000 census said Hiawassee had a population of just around 900 people. Hayesville, North Carolina is the next biggest town with a population of roughly 300 people. There's a couple other surrounding towns but they're even smaller than Hayesville."

"So hopefully not too many people, dead or alive, to have to deal with," Rick said.

"Exactly. That's not even the best part though," Glenn continued. "The great thing about this area is that these small towns and Lake Chatuge are surrounded on every side by hundreds of square miles of protected National Forest. It's just southwest of the Smoky Mountains...miles and miles of desolate hills and mountains."

"There's creeks running through the area that empty into the lake. Plenty of fresh water, fish and deer and other animals to hunt. On the lake's shoreline across from the island, there's some flat land that we could farm," Maggie explained.

"But our homes, we'll build them on Penland Island, right in the middle of the lake. We'll be totally surrounded by water. The average depth of the lake is thirty feet. We can get to the mainland with boats, to farm and to get supplies. But Penland Island itself, it'll be safe and that's where we'll build our homes – that's where we'll live," Glenn finished speaking. He looked around the table at everyone, waiting for their reaction. "So, what do you guys think?"

"Sounds perfect," Abraham finally exclaimed, "almost too good to be true. There's gotta be another side to this shiny-ass coin."

"Yeah, what's the bad news?" Sasha asked.

"Well," Glenn sighed and frowned, "under normal circumstances, it would be about a six hour drive from Waycross to the lake. That's with clear roads, no walkers and nothing else to contend with. It's 320 miles."

"Six hours?" Rosita practically shouted. "We don't have enough gas to make it half that distance. Besides that, we don't know what kind of roadblocks we're going to face in those 320 miles!"

"I know, I know. It's a long drive," Glenn replied, "but if we can make it there, it'll be worth it."

"And how exactly do we do that?" Carol asked. "We need a minimum of two vehicles, plus the RV to fit all of us. Where are we going to get gas for this 320 mile trip for three vehicles?"

"We thought about that," Maggie said. "There's lots of small towns between here and there. We siphon gas from other cars along the road, like we did before we made it to the prison. We stop where it's safe and when we need to. We pick up supplies where we find them. We've done it before – we can do it again."

"What do we do if this island's already occupied?" Abraham asked. "I mean I gotta think a lot of people might have had the same idea goin' to an island for refuge."

Glenn looked at Rick, half expecting him to have an answer.

Rick eyed Glenn then the others. "If there's people on the island, then we deal with it. Same as we always have. If they're friendly, great, we coexist."

"And if they're not?" Morgan questioned their leader.

Rick stared Morgan back down. "If they're hostile," he paused, "then we take it from them."

"That's it? We take it from them?" Morgan stated more than asked. "What you're really saying is we kill them. Right Rick?"

"We've had to kill before," Rick replied casually. "If we have to do it again to stay alive, to protect our family, we'll do it."

"We don't even have ammo," Abraham said.

"We don't need it," Rick replied confidently. "We've made it for more than two years without bullets. We have ourselves. We've become weapons and we can fight if we need to."

"Knives, bats and axes against guns?" Rosita asked. "We're strong but not that strong."

"We're getting way ahead of ourselves. We're already gearing up for war and we haven't even left Waycross," Michonne said in exasperation.

"All we're saying, Michonne, is that there's a lot of 'ifs' in this plan," Sasha said.

"If we leave..." Eugene began.

" _When_ we leave..." Glenn corrected him.

"Alright, when we leave, we would be wise to have contingency plans for all possible obstacles on this perilous pilgrimage."

"Eugene's right," Abraham nodded. "We need to prepare for every eventuality. You know, hope for the best but prepare for the worst."

Carol shook her head and peered at Glenn. "Now that you're actually showing us your plan, I'm not even sure it's still a good idea to leave right now."

Liv spoke out too."We have absolutely no idea what's out there...what we're going to run in to. I'm starting to think we should stay here too - keep waiting it out."

"Look," Glenn said impatiently. "This library was never meant to be permanent. It _can't_ be permanent. We've drained our resources. There's no more for us here." Glenn pointed at Penland Island on the map. "Look at this! This island and the surrounding area is a new life. A new life for all of us. It has everything we need and it's sustainable. It's where we can rebuild. _Really_ rebuild this time. It's where we can make real lives for ourselves – for our kids. And I'd rather die trying to do this than to stay here barely getting by and waiting it out til we've run completely out of water and we just shrivel up and die. I'd rather take the gamble. It's time to turn over a new leaf and let go of this place."

Maggie walked up to Glenn's side and put her arm around his waist. "We can't let our fears rule every decision we make. I know it's dangerous and a big gamble but we can't just think about this trip. We have to decide what's going to be the best way for us to live. Not just for today and tomorrow but in the long-run too."

Glenn looked at his family. He saw the faces of his beloved friends. Many of the faces he had seen every day for the last five years. His gaze finally landed on the faces of his wife and son. "Maggie, Hershel and I are leaving Waycross. It's what we have to do and you won't convince us otherwise. It's the right decision for the three of us. I believe with all my heart it's the right decision for all of us but you all will have to make your own choices. We're going though and there isn't a thing anyone can say to change our minds on this."

A thoughtful silence fell over the group. The reality that the Rhee family was moving on, with or without them, was a tough pill to swallow. Michonne looked at Rick. Morgan looked at Carol. The others exchanged glances trying their best to mentally negotiate this dilemma.

Carl, who had remained silent through the meeting, looked up at Glenn resolutely. "I'm going with you, Glenn. Holly and me, we're going with you. Just say when."

…..

"Mama!" Judith shouted, followed by a blood-curdling scream. "Mama help me!"

Michonne jumped from under the covers and ran to Judith's twin bed in the corner of the attic. "I'm here baby. I'm here," she said as she caressed Judy's face, wiping the tears from her eyes. "What's wrong Pumpkin? Did you have a bad dream?"

Judith nodded her head as she continued to sob.

Rick was startled awake too. He had pulled his revolver from under the mattress and was surveying the room. He slept with it there but had never had to draw his weapon in the middle of the night, not since they had been at the library.

As soon as Rick realized what the cause of the screams were, he lowered his gun. He lit the oil lamp on the nightstand then walked over to Eva's crib to check on her. He found the toddler still sleeping peacefully, despite the raucous. He placed his gun back under the mattress and joined Michonne at his daughter's bedside.

"You had a bad dream," he stated, "but you're okay. Mama and Daddy are right here and everything's okay."

Judith was settling down but she crawled onto Rick's lap. She wrapped her small hands around his neck and buried her head into his chest.

"Do you want to tell us what your dream was about?" Michonne asked.

Judith nodded and pulled her thumb out of her mouth. "I had a dream about the monsters outside. I had a dream that they were eating you, Daddy. They we're eating Daddy and then they were eating Grandpa." Grandpa was how she affectionately referred to Morgan.

Rick looked at Michonne, unsure of how to respond.

Michonne combed her fingers through Judith's hair and spoke to her softly. "It was just a bad dream, Pumpkin. Look at Daddy. He's right here and he's fine," she said rubbing Rick's arm. "Sometimes I have bad dreams too but then I wake up and I'm fine."

"It scared me, Mama," she said beginning to cry again.

"Shh, shh," Rick said rocking her in his arms.

"I know there's monsters outside. I've seen them before. They have faces that are dead and ugly and they have blood all over them. I asked Clem and she told me to stay away from them because they eat people. "

"When did you see the monsters?" Michonne asked.

"I saw them when I was on the roof one time...when I was playing on the slide."

There was a playset, just two swings and a small slide, that they had brought up to the roof a few years ago. It was the only sunshine and outdoor time the children had. But months ago, when the herds started flooding into Waycross, they disassembled it and moved it inside for this very reason. They didn't want Judith, Eva or Hershel to see the walkers. Apparently it was too late.

It had never seemed strange to Judith that she had never once walked out the doors of the library. How could it? The miniscule world she lived in was completely within the walls of the Waycross Public Library and it was all she knew. She was well-adjusted to her circumstances and didn't question much. Rick and Michonne had painstakingly tried to shelter Judith from the horrors on the other side of their walls but they knew it was only a matter of time before they would have to explain the dangers of this world to their babies. But Judith was only four and that time wouldn't be tonight.

"What if they get inside our house? Will they eat us?"

"Judy, of course not! They won't get in here," Michonne said.

Rick pulled Judy from his chest, held her face and looked her in the eyes. "All you need to know right now is that Daddy and Mama will always be right here to keep you safe. I promise. Okay?"

"Okay Daddy," she said yawning.

"Let's get you under the covers so you can go back to sleep," Michonne said pulling the blanket down.

"Will you lay with me, Mama, please? Just til I fall asleep again?"

"Of course I will, Pumpkin," Michonne said lovingly. "Go back to bed, Rick. I got this."

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yep. I needed a good reason to snuggle with my baby girl," she said as she lied down next to Judith. Judy smiled up at her.

Rick leaned over and kissed his wife and daughter. "I sure do love my pretty girls."

"Love you too," they both said in unison.

Michonne rubbed Judith's back and within ten minutes, she was fast asleep again. Michonne quietly slipped out of her bed, careful not to wake her again. She checked on Eva then turned off the lamp. She crawled back into bed with Rick and moved her body close to his.

Rick slid his arm around Michonne's waist and under her shirt, caressing her stomach.

"You're still awake?"

"It's 5 AM. I can't go back to sleep this late," he said moving his hand up to her breasts. "Want to fool around?"

Michonne turned in his arms and faced him. She kissed him and looked him in the eyes. "We need to tell Judith about the walkers."

Rick moved his hand away and rolled onto his back. "Wow, you sure know how to ruin a romantic mood" he joked.

"I know you Rick. You'll get back in the mood again as soon as I take my clothes off."

Rick chuckled at how right she was about that. "You know me all too well, Baby."

"And you know me. I can't make love to you when there's something on my mind like this," she said propping her head up with her hand and resting her other hand on his bare chest.

"So why do we need to tell our four-year-old about the walkers?" he asked.

"You know why."

Rick sighed uneasily and rubbed his eyes. "I know, because we're leaving. We're leaving and she has to know what it's like out there before we go."

"I know she's little but we can't hide this from her anymore. She doesn't need to know all of it, but we at least need to prepare her for what she's gonna see," Michonne said. "Have you talked to Carl anymore about this...about leaving?"

"Yeah, I talked to him. He's dead set on it. He's just as determined to leave as Glenn is."

"Maybe I can talk to him."

"And tell him what?"

"Tell him that he should think this through more. Tell him that maybe _staying_ is the right move. After looking at Glenn and Maggie's plan, I'm on the fence again."

"I'm not," Rick replied. "And I'm not going to try to convince Carl to stay. First of all, it won't work. He's made up his mind and he's stubborn."

"Hmm, I wonder where he get's that from," Michonne replied and Rick ignored.

"And second, he and Glenn are right. It's time to go. The only thing we have here is a building. It's served us well but without a safe way to get water, what can be left for us here?" Rick looked over at Michonne. "Carl is leaving. There's nothing either of us can say to change his mind. And because _he's_ leaving, we have to go with him."

"We can't let Carl decide this for us. We have two little girls we need to be thinking about."

"Well we can't let him go 300 miles away without us. Are you saying we should?"

"No, of course not" Michonne said with finality. "You're right, we have to stay together."

"You know this isn't just about Carl. It's about all of us," Rick said. "This is life telling us to let go of this place. Maybe it's even _God_ telling us to let go...that it's the right time. It's the way the tides are turning and I don't want to try and fight it, Michonne. Not this time."

Michonne put her head on Rick's chest. It was usually Rick that was the one on the fence about these agonizing decisions and questioning himself, as well as her. It was usually Michonne that cheered him on and gave him the reassurance that he needed. She always felt honored the way he looked to her for her wisdom and fortitude in the toughest of situations.

This time it was Rick. Rick was the one challenging her and reassuring her of what the right decision was. It was a foreign feeling to her but refreshing to let the man she loved lead with such faith and certainty.

"I trust you, Rick. If you say this is the right thing to do," she paused, "especially if you feel like God is leading us to go, then I trust you completely."

"Do you remember when we first came here to look for my brother Jeff and his family?"

"Right after the prison. After staying in the cottage, when I got shot. When we fell in love with each other," she said looking at him with a reminiscent smile. "Those were some crazy days I'll never forget. Why are you asking about that?"

"I knew when we were coming to Waycross...I knew my brother wouldn't be here. I knew I wouldn't find him here alive and have some happy reunion. But something was leading me here anyway. I would've probably called it my instincts but I know you would call it something else."

"You're right. I would've called it God."

"I'm sure you'd be right. He lead us here and even though it didn't work out the way I had hoped...even though Jeff wasn't here, we wound up where we were supposed to be," he said with a peaceful confidence. "And we found Liv. Liv _and_ Holly. I would've never seen Liv again if we hadn't come here. And maybe Judith and the others would've never found us."

Rick remained silent and thoughtful for a moment before speaking again. "I can't possibly began to understand everything that's happened over the last few years and I probably never will. I'll never understand the reasons you lost Andre and why we lost Lori and our families...why we lost Hershel and Daryl and so many others but I know that _we_ arestill here. God has a plan for us and we're still here. He's looked out for us and taken care of us. He's given us strength and courage to stand up to whatever we've needed to stand up to. I don't know how or why, but He has. I can't think that He won't do that as we go on to this next season of life. And maybe it's not gonna be pretty. Maybe we'll lose people. But life is loss and gain and we aren't always gonna have control over that. I'm just gonna have to trust God...the way I've been trying to do...the way you always told me I should."

Michonne wrapped her hand around his bare chest and held on to him as tightly as she could. She closed her eyes with a steady feeling of serenity washed over her. "Hearing you say that...knowing that you really believe that," Michonne said, "it's everything to me. It makes my soul feel good. Makes me my heart do a backflip in my chest," she said as she ran her fingers through his curls. "You've come a long ways, Rick Grimes. You're a good man and I'm glad we found each other. There's no other person in this world I trust the way I trust you. No one I love more."

Rick put his hand around Michonne's neck and pulled her over to him, fixing his eyes on her face. He moved his mouth towards hers, parting her lips with his lips and tongue. He gently moved his lips across her cheek, leaving a trail of soft kisses on her face until his mouth found her ear. "Make love to me, Michonne," he whispered.

Michonne sat up and lifted her tank-top over her head. She laid her bare chest on his and straddled his body with her slender legs. They made love until the sun came up.


	7. Chapter 7

**February 4, 2041: Then and Now**

Michonne sat in the third pew from the back at the Lake Chatuge New Hope Church. She liked to be there early to help Pastor Gabriel Stokes with anything he might need before the Sunday morning service started. This morning, Pastor Gabriel had things running smoothly and there wasn't much for her to do.

Michonne looked out the window to watch for the ferry that brought the others to the main island from the surrounding areas. As it docked, she rose from her seat and walked closer to the window, surveying the ferry and its passengers. She was hoping to see a particular passenger depart from the large vessel and anxiously watched as the dozens of people walked onto the dock towards the church.

When the last person exited, Michonne hung her head in disappointment. Carl walked up behind her and placed his arm around her shoulder.

"Eva will be home soon, Mom. Eva, Clem, Liv, Ben and Bob...they'll all be home soon. Don't worry."

"I'm sure you're right." Michonne put her hand on Carl's back and gave him a squeeze. "Do you wanna know when a mother stops worrying about her children?"

"When?" Carl asked.

"When she's pushing up daisies, that's when."

Carl smiled and drew his mother into a warm hug with both arms. "Well you must have worried about us a lot then."

"I didn't used to as much but now that your dad is gone, my mind does things to me it didn't used to do before. You three kids and my grand-babies are the most important thing I have on the face of this earth. If I wasn't a mess of tears every day, I'd say I need to get a hobby."

Carl looked into Michonne's dark brown eyes. Over the last seven months her eyes seemed to grow heavier with each passing day. She had her good days, usually when she was surrounded by family and friends. But often times she retreated to be alone with her tears and mournfulness. As soon as her family was off to work and school every morning, she was painfully alone with no one to keep her company but her grief. Carl tried his best to encourage her to get out of the house and spend time with people or get involved in something but she would just smile and say, "I'm not ready for that yet." Family and church were the only social activities she participated in.

It broke Carl's heart to see her this way and he wished he could do anything to speed up the grieving process she was going through. If he was being honest though, emotionally, he wasn't in much better of a place. The difference was Carl was too busy to mourn properly. Most days he pushed his despair aside and moved on with his busy day.

Carl recalled the days of his youth when time was a paradox. In one way, there was no time to mourn. Each day was merely a fight for survival. All too often, their dangerous circumstances forced them to leave loved ones who had passed away behind as opposed to giving them a fitting goodbye. He remembered the day Eva was born. Noah had died that day – torn apart and eaten alive by the dead. The walkers didn't allow them to retrieve what was left of his body and give him the respectful burial he should have received.

Carl remembered seeing Hershel's decapitated head and lifeless body lying on the ground as they ran for their lives from the fiery prison. His father ordered him to not look back but Carl couldn't help turning his head one last time to see what, or more importantly who, they were leaving behind. He saw the respected patriarch sprawled out on the ground in such an undignified manner, never to be laid to rest by his family the way deserved.

Other times, there was nothing _but_ time to mourn. No distractions and nothing to fill your mind when you lost someone dear to you. All you had was your misery and grief to haunt you day after day as the death of a loved one agonizingly replayed in your head.

Yes, time and grief were a paradox with few rules you could count on.

Unlike times before, Michonne, Carl, Judith, Eva and the others were in many ways, able to grieve the loss of Rick Grimes with some sense of normalcy. There was a wake, a service, a gravestone and flowers. There were even the obligatory casseroles and muffins that well-meaning people felt would somehow help ease the burden of the loss. Carl was grateful that he and his family could at least mourn his father in the diverse and distinct ways they all needed to mourn. Time and circumstances had at least afforded them that small boon.

Life before was one tragedy followed by another. Now, deaths and catastrophes, were few and far between. For the most part, everyone could live and breathe in peace. Everyone except for the Grimes family, that is. There few and far between moment was right now.

"They should have been back more than a week ago. What do you think happened?" Michonne asked Carl.

"Probably nothing. You know how things go. You know that there's still lots of roadblocks out there and unexpected things come up."

"Unexpected roadblocks. You're saying that as if those are good things," Michonne scoffed. "In the last 30 years I've never missed too many of the creature comforts from before. But when you or your dad were out there...and now Eva being out there, I would do anything to be able to pick up a phone to call her and make sure she's okay."

"Maybe your new hobby could be to raise homing pigeons for communication," Carl replied.

"That's not funny," Michonne said, trying her best not to smile.

"I'm sorry. That was a bad joke," Carl said chuckling quietly. "All I'm saying is that you should do something besides worry. Eva, Clem and the others are probably fine and on their way home right now."

"I know. I know. I was just hoping to see her walk off that boat today. I haven't seen her since the day after Christmas and I miss her."

"I miss her too," Carl said hugging her again. "Church is going to start soon. Let's sit down."

Michonne walked with Carl and sat back in her seat. Just as they sat down, Judith and her brood walked in.

"Hey Mom," Judith said hugging her mother with her four children: Charlie, 7, Jack, 6, Sam, 4 and Rachel, 2, close behind.

"Nana!" they shouted, wrapping their arms around her.

"Hey cuties!" Michonne said, smiling widely at her four grandchildren.

Judith Grimes, now Judith Mason, had dark angelic eyes, fair skin and long raven hair. She was every bit as beautiful as her mother but really, her round face and square chin made her resemble her father.

Judith married a well-built, handsome, blonde and blue-eyed man that everyone adored, Caleb Mason. Rick and Morgan found the eleven-year-old boy and his father on a hunting trip three years after they had made it to Penland Island. Caleb and his ailing father were living in a small cabin in the Smoky Mountains. Once it was obvious that the two were no threat, Rick and Morgan made the call to bring them home with them. Caleb's father died two months after their arrival and once again, Rick, Michonne and the others took the young orphan under their wing as one of their own.

When Judith was 19 and Caleb was 23, he asked Rick and Michonne for their daughter's hand in marriage. Judith's parents were touched and a bit surprised by the young man's old-fashioned gesture. Caleb, who by then was like a son to them, was overjoyed when Rick shook his hand and said they'd be honored to have Judy marry him. They married a month later but didn't start a family for another four years, enjoying the freedom of being young, carefree and in love.

When Judith finally did become a mother, she went all in. The term "soccer mom" was coined for women like Judith Grimes Mason. She doted on her children and filled her time teaching and nurturing them in every facet of their young lives. Her children were her world and she was theirs. It was a pleasant surprise to Michonne that in this dark world, there could still be mothers that baked muffins and taught their children things like soccer and art. Rick credited his eldest daughter's motherly capacities to Michonne. When Michonne looked at Judith, she saw a mother from days long ago – how good mothers were before and still could be now.

"Where's Caleb?" Michonne asked.

"He's not coming. He said he needed to help Glenn with something," Judith said as she sat little Rachel on her lap and fixed her hair.

Seconds later, Hershel Rhee, his wife Stella and their five-year-old twin daughters, Lily and Sarah walked into the church. The girls ran up and down the aisle of the chapel before stopping and standing next to Michonne, Judith and the Mason children.

"Hey pretty girls! Those are beautiful dresses you have on," Michonne said grinning at the twins.

"Our grandma made them for us," Sarah said proudly. "Mine has a pink bow and Lily's has a purple bow."

"Very nice. And where are your grandma and grandpa?" Michonne asked looking around the sanctuary for Maggie and Glenn.

"They're late. Grandpa said one of their goats is missing," Lily said matter of factly.

"They lost a goat? Well that's an excuse for being late to church that I haven't heard before."

Both girls giggled as Hershel walked to Michonne. "Hey Michonne." he said giving her a distracted hug. Hershel Rhee, Glenn and Maggie's eldest child and now 28 years old, looked every bit like his father and even sounded like him. Michonne had mistaken him for Glenn on more than one occasion.

Years ago, there had always been a running joke between the Grimes and the Rhees that one day, Eva and Hershel would grow up and marry each other, but that day never came. Once Eva reached an age where she understood the joke, she made it very clear to Hershel and everyone else that she planned on remaining single and child-free until the day she died. She was the polar opposite of her big sister, Judith. She was an intense and independent woman bent on conquering the world in front of her. She had wanderlust and a soul that thirsted for adventure. As soon as she reached adulthood, Michonne and Rick had a hard time keeping her close to home. She was anxious to leave the island for any run or mission that she was allowed to go on. But even though Eva was strong, spirited and even a little reckless, she was also highly intelligent and resourceful.

Hershel, on the other hand, started a family at the young age of 22. When the newcomers made it to The Islands, he found and fell in love with Stella Woodrow. Within a year, they were married and within another year, Stella gave birth to their twin girls.

"Hey you," she replied to Hershel. "I heard your mom and dad are wrangling goats."

Hershel looked at Michonne, then Carl with confusion. "That's _not_ what they're doing. Who told you that?" he asked.

"The girls did," Michonne said, her smile fading to concern.

"What's going on?" Carl asked straight out.

Hershel's eyes traveled between the two of them again. "That must have been what my dad told them so they wouldn't worry," he said. Hershel motioned for Carl and Michonne to take a few steps away from the children.

"What happened, Hershel?" Michonne said.

"My mom is missing," he said in a quiet but distressed tone. "Well not missing exactly...I mean I'm sure she's probably fine. She takes the dog for a walk in the morning but my dad says she's _always_ back by eight. It's ten now. He went out half an hour ago to look for her."

"Is anyone helping your dad look?" Carl asked.

"Caleb is. I told my dad I was going to walk the girls to church and then come and help him look. I got a little paranoid and didn't want them walking around town alone," Hershel said growing more tense. "Michonne, can you and Judith stay with Stella and the twins until we get this sorted out?"

"Of course," Michonne replied.

Carl looked at his mom, "I'm going to go too and help look for Maggie. After church, go straight home with the kids. You can tell Judith and Gabriel what's going on but don't tell anyone else. I don't want anyone to panic."

"Yeah, yeah," Michonne nodded. "As soon as you find anything, let me know. Okay?"

"I will," he said as he quickly walked away. As soon as Carl and Hershel walked out of the church building, Carl pulled his father's Colt Python out of his holster and checked to make sure it was locked and loaded. It was.

...

Carl and Hershel found Glenn and Caleb walking on the North side of the island. They ran to catch up with them.

"Did you find Mom?" Hershel called out, knowing the answer as soon as he saw his father's face.

"No," Glenn said anyway. "This is where she takes Sugar for her morning walk. Once in a while they go on the rocks on the west side of the island but they always come here."

"We'll find her," Carl said. "Don't worry Glenn."

"I just don't understand," Glenn began, "like clockwork, everyday for the last four years, she get's up at 6:30. She showers, gets dressed and then takes the dog out at seven. She walks back through the door at eight o'clock, on the nose and we have our morning coffee together. Every day she does the same exact thing."

"Do you think she would have stopped over at anyone's house?" Carl asked.

"No. Not without telling me. She'd know if she did that without telling me, I'd worry," Glenn replied.

Despite his calm and cool demeanor, an uneasiness was rising up in Carl's gut. Maggie was 57. She was strong and well-equipped to take care of herself. But the fact that she was so outside of her normal routine had Carl all but sure something had happened. After all these years, Maggie would never be careless or thoughtless enough to come home two hours late. Carl suspected that maybe she'd had some kind of accident. If she climbed the rocks on the west side of the island, something could have happened there. It had rained the night before and the rocks were likely to still be wet and slick. She could have slipped on them and hit her head, knocking herself unconscious or worse. Maybe she had a medical emergency...something like a heart attack or a stroke. Maggie was healthy but it wasn't unheard of for even a healthy woman of age 57 to have a heart attack or stroke.

They had searched the small area of the island thoroughly and found nothing. "We should look somewhere else," Carl suggested. "She may have been here earlier but she's not here anymore. Hershel, Caleb, you stay with Glenn – keep looking. I'm going back home. I'm going to let a few more people in on what's going on and get another search party together."

"Sounds like a plan," Caleb replied. "We can..."

"Did you hear that?" Glenn exclaimed quietly.

"What do you got Glenn?" Carl asked.

"I hear whimpering, it sounds like Sugar" Glenn said looking in the direction of the noise.

"Yeah, I hear it too," Hershel said moving closer to his father. The four men moved slowly with their weapons drawn. They quickly and cautiously walked towards the water, near an area they had searched just 15 minutes earlier.

Glenn looked down at his feet. Blood. Blood in the grass and dirt below him. "God no please," Glenn cried. He began to run ahead of the others towards the sound of his and Maggie's dog.

As they approached the shoreline, they spotted Sugar, the yellow Pit Bull/Labrador mix, lying with her bloody body half in and half out of the water. Glenn knelt down beside his dog.

"Who did this to you?" he shouted as he pulled Sugar's head off the ground and put it in his lap. She panted heavily and cried as Glenn held her close. She had several lacerations all over her chest and stomach. A deep puncture wound in her chest poured out dark blood that ran into the water. One of her ears had been sliced clean off. "Whoever did this to Sugar has Maggie! We have to find her! Now!"

"We will," Carl said, still remaining calm. "Someone's on the island and we need to let the others know what's going on. Let's go."

Sugar's breaths were getting slower and deeper. She had stopped whimpering and her eyes rolled back in her head. "She's dying," Glenn said as he gripped onto her and cried. Glenn looked at Hershel, Carl and Caleb, searching their faces for what he should do. Glenn scratched Sugar's back lovingly and kissed her on the bridge of her nose. He gently pulled her head off his lap and laid it on the sandy shore. Glenn stood up and grabbed his rifle off the ground. He stoically aimed the gun at Sugar's bloodied head and pulled the trigger. Glenn didn't move but just stood watching the water advance and retreat towards her body, drawing more blood out to the lake as it moved.

Hershel put his hand on his father's shoulder, "C'mon Dad, we have to go."

Glenn nodded and finally turned his head from his beloved pet of ten years. "Yeah. Yeah," he said in a hopeless daze. "We have to find Mom."

…..

Hope this chapter finds all of you well! Sorry I'm a week behind on this. Out-of-town family, sickness, church, a blizzard, work, more family, allergies and finals have been filling up my days. Oh to be a full-time writer would be so much fun!

Anyhow...hope you enjoyed this second flash forward. Please don't hesitate to drop a review and tell me what you think of the new story so far. I'd love to hear all your feedback. God bless, y'all!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 June 20, 2015: Kids These Days**

Michonne stacked three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on a plate. She grabbed a handful of sliced carrots and put them on another plate. She walked over to where Judith was playing with her Barbie dolls on the floor with Eva.

"Eva, don't chew on them!" she yelled at her little sister. "You're going to get your spit in their hair. Mama, make Eva stop putting my dolls in her mouth."

Michonne set the plates on a table and stooped over to pick Eva up from the floor. She took the wet Barbie out of Eva's mouth and tickled her ribs. "That's yucky, Eva. Do you want some real food?"

"Yucky," Eva mimicked.

Michonne walked Eva over to Liv and Holly, "Hey girls, there are carrots and sandwiches in the kitchen for you. Do you think you could watch Eva for about 45 minutes and get her some lunch too?"

"Sure, no problem," Liv said reaching out to the smiling toddler.

"Thanks," Michonne replied as she kissed Eva and handed her to Liv.

"Hey Pumpkin, you ready for your lunch?" Michonne said turning towards Judith.

Judith stood up and walked towards her mother. "Yep!"

"Are you forgetting something?" Michonne asked nodding her head towards Judith's mess of dolls, clothes and accessories.

"Oh." Judith quickly gathered her toys up, placed them in an adjacent bin and walked them over to where they belonged.

"Good girl," Michonne said picking up the plates again. "Now follow me. We're going up to the roof and we're going to have lunch up there with Daddy."

Judith stopped in her tracks. "On the roof? I thought I couldn't go up there anymore."

"Well today is a special school day," Michonne said as she read the fear in Judith's eyes. She stacked the plates on top of each other and held out her free hand to Judy. "It's okay Pumpkin. Daddy and me are going to have a roof picnic with you and then we're going to teach you some things that all big girls need to know. How old are you now?" Michonne asked.

"I'm five, Mama. You know that."

Michonne walked up the stairs with Judy in tow. "But you're going to be six before you know it and then seven and eight. Then before you know it you'll be a _really_ big girl like Mama."

"You're not big, Mama. You have a small tummy and you're not as tall as Daddy."

"Well there's more than one kind of big. There's the kind of big in size, like Abraham, and then there's a kind of big that's even more important."

"Like how?" Judith asked inquisitively.

"Big like very smart and brave and knowing what to do if something happens that scares you."

"Mama, am I going to see the monsters up on the roof?"

Michonne opened the maintenance closet door and propped it in place with her foot. "Well there are no monsters _on_ the roof but when we get up there, you'll be able to see them from up there."

"I don't want to go up there!" she cried. "I don't want to see them...they scare me!"

"Nothing's gonna hurt you. Mama and Daddy won't let anything hurt you. I promise."

"Please Mama! Don't take me up there!" she said as she pulled her hand out of Michonne's and backed away from the closet.

"Judy, listen. Do you remember when we saw that mouse in our bedroom a few months ago?"

"Yeah."

"Do you remember at first I screamed because it scared me?" Judy nodded. "But then I stopped screaming. I was just scared for a second. Then I got a box and I captured the mouse and I took him outside. And everything was fine."

"But the monsters are scarier then mice."

"Yeah," Michonne said casually, "they are a little scarier than mice. But you don't have to be scared of them. They don't scare Mama or Daddy or Carl or anyone else in the family. It's just like the mouse: we know how to take care of them."

"But everyone whose name you just said, they're all bigger than me."

"But you're big too. That's why you have to learn too. Eva and Hershel, they're too little. But you...you are big! You know your alphabet and know how to go on the potty and pick up your toys. You're a big girl, Judith Grimes."

Michonne held out her hand again. "C'mon Pumpkin. Daddy and me are just going to teach you some stuff just like Eugene and Lee do. We get to be your teachers today."

Tears still ran down Judith's chubby cheeks as she reached out to take Michonne's hand again. They made their way to the roof where Rick was waiting.

"Hey pretty girl!" Rick said as he picked her up in his strong and steady arms. "I put out a blanket for us to sit on while we have our lunch! We're going to have a picnic!" he said enthusiastically.

Judith's fear dissipated as she felt the warmth and security of her daddy's arms around her. "What's a picnic?" she asked.

"It's when you eat outside."

"Like in 'Teddy Bear's Picnic'?"

"Is that a book?" Rick asked. Judy nodded with a smile. "Well then yep...just like in 'Teddy Bear's Picnic'."

The three of them sat down on the blanket and ate their sandwiches and carrots. Rick told her about the different kinds of trees growing near the library and Michonne told a story about going on a picnic and camping with her family in Colorado when she was Judy's age.

"Where's Colorado?" Judy asked.

"It's pretty far from here," Michonne said. "It would take us driving in a car for days and days to get there, but it's very pretty."

"Does it look like here?"

"Some parts look like here," Rick explained, "but other parts have big, giant mountains with rocks and cliffs. There are rivers and bears and even mountain lions there. I took a ski trip there with my friends in high school."

"What's a ski trip?" Judy asked, one question just leading to another.

"You strap these boards to your feet and then you slide down a mountain of snow," Rick explained.

"Well that sounds weird and kind of dangerous." Judith suddenly looked at her parents with excitement and pride. "I know what snow is. It's white and cold and fluffy!"

"Yep," Rick agreed. "You must have read about that in one of our books because we don't get very much snow in Georgia. Definitely not enough to ski on."

When they finished eating, Rick sat Judith on his lap. "Now listen to Daddy carefully, Judy. In three days, all of us are going to leave the library. You haven't been outside of the library since you were a baby...even littler than Eva. When we go out there, you're probably going to see things you've never seen before. Some of the things you see might scare you. But you don't have to be scared, okay? Because Daddy and Mama and everyone else is going to be right there with you. We'll make sure nothing hurts you. That's our job. But you have a job too."

"I do?"

"Yep," Michonne spoke next. "Your job when we go outside is to do exactly what Mama and Daddy tell you to do. You can't ask why. You can't cry. You just have to listen and be very quiet. You have to be brave. You think you can do that?"

Judith nodded her head slowly. "You can do better than that," Rick said. "Say: I'll listen to you and do whatever Mommy and Daddy say."

"I'll listen to you and do whatever you and Mama say," she echoed.

"Say: I'm going to be brave and quiet, even if I get scared," Rick instructed her.

"I'm going to be brave and quiet even if I get scared."

"Good job Pumpkin," Michonne said kissing Judith on the top of her head.

"Now Judith," Rick said lifting Judy off his lap as he began to stand up, "you're going to come and look over the wall."

"No Daddy, I don't want to."

"It's okay sweetie. They can't hurt you from down there. I want you to see them. Do you know why?"

"So I can know what they look like? So that I won't be scared when we leave?"

"That's right! You're so smart. If you see them now, it won't be as scary later. I've seen them so many times that they don't even scare me at all anymore."

"Yep, me too," Michonne concurred.

"Okay, I'll look. But not for too long, okay?"

"You got it!" Rick said.

Judith held onto both of her parent's hand as she slowly moved to the side of the roof. She tried to peer over the ledge but was too short. Rick lifted her up slightly. Judith's eyes widened as she looked down on hundreds and hundreds of walkers shuffling up and down the street. Their grotesque appearance, constant moaning and the sheer number overwhelmed the poor girl.

"Okay Daddy! Put me down. I saw them. I looked at them! I was brave and I looked at them!" she said as tears weld up in her eyes.

"And what about when you see them next time?" Rick asked.

"I'll listen to you and Mama! I'll be brave and quiet and I'll do everything you say."

"Perfect!" Rick said as he scooped her up in his arms again. "You are a brave little girl and I'm so proud of you!" He kissed her and Michonne goodbye before they left the roof. The necessary evil of showing his daughter what was outside the walls was over. That was the easy part though. In two days, she would see it up close.

…..

Michonne held Eva in her arms as she spoke to Carl, Holly, Liv and Clem. "Pack only the very basics in your backpacks: a knife, an extra set of clothes, two or three pairs of socks and anything small that you absolutely don't want to lose. Leave as much room for water and food," she carefully instructed them. "These are your emergency packs...the only thing you'll be able to grab if we get into a tight spot on the road."

"What about everything else?" thirteen-year-old Clementine asked.

"Everyone can pack another small bag or box with your secondary items: another set of clothes, another pair of shoes and anything else that's special. Not too much though. There's a good chance these secondary bags may not even make the cut," Michonne instructed. "Be prepared to leave a lot of things behind here in Waycross."

Liv walked back into the room she shared with Clementine. She looked at her favorite books sprawled out on her bed. Michonne could read the 20 year-old girl's mind. "Don't take any books Liv. They'll weigh us down and there will be other libraries in North Carolina."

Liv looked up from the books at Michonne. Tears were welling up in her eyes. "What's wrong sweetie?" Michonne asked.

Liv shook her head as more tears came. "It's stupid."

Michonne set Eva down on the floor and walked over to Liv, placing her hand on her niece's shoulder. "Tell me. I can all but promise you I won't think whatever is on your mind is stupid."

Liv looked into Michonne's face then looked down at her books again. "I know were leaving. I know it's the right thing to do. Everyone hates Waycross now and we have to go," Liv cried, "but I just want to stay."

"Why do you want to stay?"

"I was born here. I was born at Waycross Memorial Hospital and my parents brought me home to our house just a few blocks from here," she said. "Every day, I went to school here. I played soccer at the park near my house, second through sixth grade. I ran track at Waycross High and went to Bucky's for pizza and ice cream with my friends after the meets. I had my first kiss when I was fourteen, outside this very library."

"Oh yeah? Who was the lucky boy?" Michonne asked smiling and pushing Liv's hair behind her shoulder.

"Daniel Burke," Liv giggled shyly. "He begged me for a straight week for just one kiss...would not leave me alone. I finally caved just because he was annoying me so badly. But then when it happened, it was perfect...almost magical. I was mad at myself for not giving in to him the first time he asked." Liv's face returned to it's somber shade. "My parents and Mikey are buried in the backyard of my house. Everything I've ever known has happened in this town. It's home. Probably only to me but it's still home."

"I don't want to go either," Michonne confessed. "It's been home to me too. Not for as long as you but it's still my home."

"I know. And I know everyone doesn't hate it here. I get it - it's just not safe anymore."

"Now, now our home is with each other. That's it. That's all we really have that matters. Before we came here, we were at a prison. It was cold and dark and ugly. But my friends were there. It was safe and that's why we made it our home. Now all these people who were once just friends and acquaintances, now they're family. We've made amazing memories here at this library. Eva was born here. Rick and I got married in front of that fireplace with all of you around us. We're taking those memories with us. You're taking the memories you made with your friends and family with you. It's just about all we can take."

Liv nodded slowly. "You're right. It's stupid to think that a town or a building is important. They're not."

Michonne pulled Liv into a hug. "It's not stupid to think that way. It's just not useful." Tears welled up in Michonne's eyes as she thought of her baby that she had to leave behind almost six years ago. She pulled away from Liv and reached down to her neck. "You see this?" she said pulling the small gold pendant away from her chest. "My sweet Andre gave this to me on Mother's Day when he was two. It's the only thing I have left from him besides my memories." Michonne studied the tiny, gold 'M' then tucked it back into her shirt. "When he died, I had to bury him in a hurry. I ran away from the refugee camp with nothing but my sword on my back and his little body in my arms. I dug a shallow grave under a tree with my bare hands and I had to leave him there. I'll never go back there. I'll never put flowers on his grave...I don't actually even remember where he's buried. But it doesn't matter. He's not really there."

Michonne felt Eva reaching up and tugging at her shirt. "Mama. Want food," Eva said bouncing beneath her. Michonne pulled Eva onto her lap and sat on Liv's bed. She pulled her breast out and Eva eagerly began to nurse.

"I know I'll see my Andre again someday. I know it. And if I wasn't so sure, maybe I would have had a harder time leaving him behind. I know he's with my Daddy on the other side. Far away from here and so happy." Michonne wiped a tear from her eye and smiled down at Eva. "Now this little girl, on the other hand...she's here. She's now. Her and Judy and Carl and you and everyone else, we're here. We are what's now. _We're_ our home. That's all we have on this side of life. And we have to do whatever it takes to preserve that."

Liv sat down on her bed next to Michonne and Eva and put her arm around the woman she had grown to cherish so eminently. "You're one of the best things on this side. I can say goodbye to this place if I'm going with you and Uncle Rick and everyone else. I can let it go...I have to. And we'll make new memories as we go along." Liv leaned her head onto Michonne's shoulder. "I love you Michonne."

"Love you too, Girl. You got this."

Liv stood up and gathered the books from her bed. She placed them back on her small bookshelf, knowing it would be the last time she would touch them." _We_ got this."

…..

Everyone was gathered around the table in the main room of the library for their final meeting before leaving the next day. Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Abraham and Sasha had gone over the plan thoroughly but it was now time to share it with the others and tell them what their responsibilities would be.

The five in charge even wanted the younger members, Judy, Clem and Holly, to be present in the meeting. It was just as important that those who were inexperienced at survival be fully aware of the part that they played in the move. A mistake by one of the children could easily have a chain reaction that could but everyone in jeopardy.

The argument could be made that Clementine was more than able to take care of herself. For the first two years of the end, she navigated the new and ugly world with bravery, skill and maturity. She was well accustomed to the dangers outside their safe haven. However, since Lee and the others had brought her to their most recent home in Waycross, she seldom left the library. Lee was faced with the decision to either bring her outside so she would stay sharp in battle, or keep her inside, sheltered from the danger and atrocities on the other side of the walls. Safety won out and for the last two years, survival and weapons training was done on the inside.

Abraham stood tall at the head of the table and spoke to the group in his booming voice. "Rosita, Sasha and I are going to light the fire three blocks from here at the elementary school. All the paper and books in the library will be good fuel. We're lighten' it up at 3 AM so it'll still be dark – easier for them to be drawn to, but still early enough that we'll have plenty of daylight ahead of us. The three of us are gonna have to go the long way around to the south side of the school because there's a build up of the walkers on the north entrance. We get to the roof and climb down inside from there."

"Do you think it's still clear inside?" Morgan asked.

"Hopefully," Glenn replied. "We cleared out that elementary school more than a year and a half ago. There's no telling what could have gotten in between now and then. But the last time we drove by, we didn't notice any breaches...not on the south and west sides, anyway."

Abraham continued. "When the fire gets going, it should draw the dead ones away from here. As soon as enough of them are away, Rick, Michonne, Glenn and Morgan, are security. You're gonna make sure any stragglers get taken down right quick and protect the others while they pack up the trailer and other vehicles with our packs and provisions."

Rick stood next to Abraham and spoke. "Carol, Carl, Liv, Maggie, Lee, Eugene, Clem, Bob, you're going to pack up the vehicles quickly. Water and food first, then if things are running smooth, secondary packs next. Everyone should have their personal packs on their backs and a weapon in their hand. Holly, you're gonna stay inside and watch the little ones. As soon as the cars are packed up, we'll bring you out with Judy, Eva, Hershel and Winnie. We all get in the cars quickly, then we take off."

"Abraham, Rosita and I will meet you at mile marker 40 on Highway 23," Sasha said. "It should hopefully be far away enough from the mess of walkers here. If we aren't there by 6 AM or it's not safe to wait for us, you keep heading towards the Promised Land. We'll see you when we get there. If for any reason it's not clear on Highway 23, all the drivers have their alternate routes.

"So is everyone clear on what they're doing?" Rick asked, scanning everyone's face. "If there are any questions or concerns, now is the time to bring them up."

Holly raised her hand with trepidation.

"What is it Holly?" Michonne asked.

"What do we do if the fire doesn't get started...I mean if for some reason or another, Rosita, Sasha and Abraham don't make it or they can't get it started?"

All eyes were on Holly. She thought she was bringing up a valid point but everyone looking in her direction made her regret expressing any kind of doubt in the group's abilities. "I'm sorry," she said with embarrassment, holding back tears and wanting to crawl inside her hoodie.

"Don't you dare say sorry, Holly," Rosita said to the 16 year old. "That's a damn good question and you're right, we need to plan for every eventuality."

"We actually do have a plan for that scenario," Rick answered. "If the fire doesn't get started or for whatever reason, the immediate area outside the library doesn't clear out, we don't leave."

"We go back to square one, and figure out another way," Carl said giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. "We're not going to leave the library if we can't get most of the walkers away from it."

"Rest your mind, Little Lady. If the fire don't light, everyone stays put," Abraham spoke up. "But listen y'all: these two valiant women and this foolhardy Sargent _are_ going to make it to the school and we _are_ going to set that place ablaze. We'll keep you posted on our status with the walkies so just watch and be ready."

"Okay," Holly replied meekly as she gripped her belly.

"Alright, any other questions?" Rick said waiting for anyone else to speak up. "So everyone knows what to do?" Rick observed nods from all those around him. "Then everyone be ready to go and on high alert by 3 AM tomorrow morning. Get a good night's sleep...we're doing this!"

…..

It was 7 PM as Rick, Abraham and Eugene stacked the last of the water bottles near the library's main doors. Michonne carried 2 duffle bags up from the basement. They were packed full of deer and hog jerky and an assortment of dried fruits and vegetables. "This is the last of the light-weight stuff," she said as she set the bags down next to the two bags of Ready-To-Eat meals.. "We have some canned meat, fruits and veggies, packed and ready to go too but we're going to have to leave those sacks of grain and some of the other cans behind."

"The dry stuff alone is rations enough for everybody for nine days," Carol said as she organized the food. "From the food and water side of things, we're ready to go."

"Sounds good," Rick replied. "You and Morgan get as much rest as you can," he said giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"Yeah, right," Carol chuckled walking away. "Goodnight all!"

Eugene handed Rick the walkies. "The walkies have fresh batteries and are in good working condition. If there is nothing else for me to do, I think I'd like to retire as well."

"Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Thanks Eugene," Rick said.

Michonne sidled up to Rick and put her arms around his waist, "We're ready."

"As ready as we'll ever be," Rick said with a sigh.

"You feel good about all this?"

"Good would be a stretch. But I do think we've taken things slow and thought things through."

"Well then what else is there to do?"

"I honestly can't think of anything else to do," Rick said shaking his head.

"Well I know what _I_ think we should do," Michonne said smiling.

"Do you now?" Rick said moving his hands below her back.

"We're going to be on the road for a good long while and alone time is going to be hard to come by," she said running her fingers behind his ear and through his curls.

"Go on..." Rick said, completely taken in by her seduction.

"I think we should go get the girls to bed and then have a night cap and then I should let you have your way with me."

"You make several valid points. We don't know when we'll have this opportunity again and we can't take all the liquor with us. A couple of night caps will help me go right to sleep too. I think it would probably be the best way to give this old library a proper send-off."

Michonne grabbed Rick's hand and lead him to the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of Knob Creek single barrel bourbon and two glasses. As she pulled him up the stairs to the attic, Rick could barely keep his hands off her. He pushed her body against the wall at the bottom of the attic staircase and pressed his lips firmly against hers. His tongue eagerly explored her mouth before Michonne pushed him away. "Slow down there cowboy! Carl and Holly are in our room with the girls."

"Right," Rick said backing away and taking a few deep breaths.

"You put Judith to sleep and I'll take care of Eva. Got it?" she said as she thrust her hips closer to him and kissed him again.

"Got it," he said, breathing heavily into her ear. "Let's make our last night here in Waycross, one to remember."

 **A/N:** Please keep dropping those comments! I love hearing what you all think! God bless!


	9. Chapter 9

**June 23, 2015: See You When You Get There**

 _I'd be a fool to surrender when I know I can be a contender  
If everybody's a sinner then everybody can be a winner  
No matter your rag color, deep down, we all brothers  
And regardless of the time, somebody up there still love us_

 _I'ma scuffle and struggle until I'm breathless and weak  
I done strived my whole life to make it to the mountain peak  
Always keep reaching sure to grab on to something  
I'll be there when you get there with muted sounds bumping  
_

_I'll see you when you get there  
If you ever get there  
See you when you get there  
I'll see you when you get there_ _  
_ _If you ever get there  
See you when you get there_

 _Coolio_

Carl laid awake in bed, unable to sleep anymore. It was easy enough to fall asleep at 8:30 the previous night after the arduous day of preparing for the move. He grabbed his watch from the night stand and read the face. It was 1:30 AM. Five hours of sleep was generous enough especially since he wasn't sure he'd be able to sleep at all, with the anxious feelings he had.

Carl rolled on his side and slid his arm around Holly's waist. He caressed her belly and thought of the baby inside. His baby. A rush of excitement shot through his mind and body as he thought about being a father. Yes this baby was unplanned. Yes the world was a dangerous place. Yes his young wife was terrified. But none of that shook Carl. All he saw was a new life. A life that was created by him. A life that he would protect and do anything for.

Fear and worry wasn't really an issue for Carl. He saw what needed to be done and did it. Most things were black and white for him and the gray areas just needed to be pushed to one side or the other. Pragmatism was second nature to him. If things make sense, you go with them. If they don't, _you_ don't. It was an uncomplicated code for complicated times. He had no patience for drama or excuses.

That's where Holly came in. In the beginning, their budding romance was simple enough. They looked at each other with stars in their eyes the way many did in a fledgling relationship. They fell hard and things were easy. But as they grew up, Carl realized more and more that Holly was anything but simple. She was anything but black and white. The nuances of her personality baffled the teenage boy to no end and Carl's code didn't work with her. Carl thought Holly needed to just put her fears aside, tow the line and get her shit together. He still thought that. But Holly couldn't. She just couldn't.

As Carl matured he began to realize that perhaps he couldn't over-simplify everything. Definitely not Holly. Her agoraphobia, self-doubt, paranoia and overall anxiety about everything, was real. They weren't just mental issues either. They _were_ in her head but her body reacted too. He'd seen it many times. He'd watched her hyperventilate to the point where her lips started to turn blue. He'd seen her shaking to the point where it brought on nausea and near fainting. Michonne tried to explain to Carl that when he implied it was just in her head, it was as bad as telling his dad that his hand hadn't really been amputated and that was all in his _dad's_ head.

Carl went back and forth with her. Most days, he was patient and gentle with her. He was empathetic, tolerant and handled her delicately. He prided himself on being the one to take care of her and love her despite her weakness. He hated to admit it, but often times her weakness made him feel capable and needed, even powerful.

Other days, his patience with his young bride ran thin and his frustration with her and her constant fear and anxiety drove him mad. On those days, he hated her. He felt like a bully but figured she needed it. Her mental instabilities brought out the very worst in him.

Carl never once saw his dad lay a hand on his mother but more than once, when Carl lost his cool with her, he felt like hitting her. He rationalized that it would just be knocking some sense into her. He had never done it, of course, but the fact that it had crossed his mind, disturbed him.

As Carl laid in bed with his arms around her, he hoped that today would be a good day. They had an enormous challenge in front of them and Carl prayed Holly could keep it together through it all. It wasn't just about her anymore. She was carrying what Carl valued most: his child.

"Holly," he whispered in her ear, "you need to wake up soon, babe." Holly woke slowly, stirring slightly. Suddenly, she tensed up. Carl could read her mind by how her tiny frame felt in his arms. She wasn't ready for what was ahead. She was scared. She turned her body towards him and buried herself in his arms. The tears came soon after.

"I don't think I can do this Carl. I don't think I can leave."

"Yes, you can. You have to... _we_ have to," Carl said comforting her. "You can do it. I believe in you. Just get up and get dressed. One foot in front of the other."

"What if we just stayed? Why are we doing this? Why can't we just stay?"

Carl let out a loud sigh as he got out of bed. "You _know_ why, Holly. We've been talking about this and planning for weeks now. The decision's been made and we don't have time to talk about it anymore. Now c'mon."

"But maybe we could just stay here...just the two of us. We don't _have_ to go. Let's just stay! Please!"

Carl threw the blankets off of her. "I'm not doing this with you today. You can cry and be scared if you want but you're going."

"I can't!" she said adamantly, wiping her tears away. "I can't do it. I'm not going out there. I'll starve to death here in this building. Even if all of you leave and I'm here by myself, I'm staying!"

"Look, you are carrying my baby. That's my son or daughter inside you and I won't leave my child here."

Holly turned her pained eyes towards him. She pulled her legs to her chest and rocked back and forth on the bed. "That's all you care about, isn't it? You couldn't care less what happens to me. You don't want me...you just want the baby."

Each of her words hung heavily on Carl. He tried to mentally reject her accusation but he couldn't altogether. Part of what she was saying was the truth. The realization that he cared more about his child than her brought him raw feelings of guilt. The thought that the baby was the only reason for protecting her and that maybe he was just using her as some human portal for his offspring, made him feel sick. Still, he couldn't completely deny what she was saying.

 _No_ Carl thought shaking his head. He loved Holly. He would lay down his life for her in a second. He would do that even if there wasn't a baby in the picture. If his love for his unborn child was greater, it still didn't diminish the deep love he felt for _her_.

"How could you say that? That's not true," he finally said walking towards her. "You know that I love you. You know that I care about the baby _and_ you. Don't you dare say that I don't"

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going," she said again, terrified but resolved to her position.

" _Yes_ , you are!" Carl stated with equal resolve.

"No!" she yelled, burying her head into her legs and rocking herself back and forth more vigorously.

"Yes you are!" Carl shouted back in a rage with his fists balled up at his sides. "I'll drag you out there if I need to! I'll knock you unconscious and throw you over my shoulder, but you _are_ going with us. Now stop wasting time!"

Holly reached to the nightstand and grabbed the cup of water she kept there. She wretched once then vomited into the cup. She tried to set the cup back on the nightstand but it dropped out of her shaking hands and crashed to the floor. Holly rolled off the side of the bed then collapsed to the floor. She pulled herself up, leaned against the bed and began hyperventilating. Carl ran to her side and crouched down on the floor next to her. She was having a panic attack – a bad one.

"Holly are you okay?" he shouted. "Holly, breathe! Just breathe! Take deep breaths in through your nose and blow out through your mouth. C'mon babe!"

Holly continued to gasp and heave. Carl watched her chest rise and fall violently. Carl ran to his night table and grabbed his glass of water. "Here, drink this!" Holly made no attempt to take the glass. She just breathed heavily, staring ahead, her eyes drooping and glazed over.

Carl ran out of their room and down the hall to Bob and Sasha's room. "Bob!" he yelled as he banged on the door. "Bob I need you!"

Bob quickly swung the door open and rubbed his eyes as he spoke. "What is it? What's going on?"

"It's Holly...she's having a panic attack and it's bad."

Bob went back into his room and flipped on the light switch. He rummaged through a closet and pulled out an oxygen tank and mask. He pushed himself in front of Carl. "Is she in your room?"

"Yeah!"

Bob ran into their room and knelt down at Holly's side. He could see that that she was on the verge of passing out. He turned the oxygen tank on and fastened the line to the tank. He placed the mask around Holly's face.

"You're okay Holly," Bob said said in a soothing and steadfast tone. "Just relax and let the oxygen do its job." After a couple of minutes, Holly was breathing much steadier. The color was returning to her flesh and her chest rose and fell with ease. "Carl, stay with her and make sure the mask stays on. I'm going to go get my blood pressure cuff and stethoscope."

Bob left the room and Carl sat on the floor holding Holly in his arms. "Are you better?" She said nothing but nodded her head slightly. Carl kissed her forehead and stroked her arm. His pride was stopping him from apologizing but he gazed into her eyes and saw her anguish. He felt such empathy for her. Once again she had brought out the worst in Carl and once again he succumbed to his anger, with his threat to knock her unconscious. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said what I said."

Holly turned her head away from Carl. She stared blankly at the wall, remaining mute. Unlike Carl, her silence wasn't from anger, pride or willfulness. She had nothing left to say. Whatever fight she had rallied up in herself over the last few days and weeks, was gone. She sat there paralyzed and practically catatonic, realizing she would have to leave her sanctuary and there was nothing she could do about it.

This wasn't how this day was supposed to start.

...

Everyone was in position when Sasha, Abraham and Rosita put their packs over their shoulders. "Rick, we're ready," Abraham announced.

"Okay then. I won't give you any pep talk – you all know what you're doing." Rick extended his hand to Abraham. "Godspeed, brother and we'll see you on mile marker 40."

Sasha was about to open the front door when she was stopped. "Wait," Michonne said. "Before you go...I want us to do something."

All eyes were on Michonne.

"What's the hold-up?" Sasha asked pulling her hands away from the door latch.

Michonne shifted and pulled her hands out of her pockets. "I want us to pray before you go – before we _all_ go."

"Are you serious?" Rosita asked impatiently as she rolled her eyes. "We don't have time for this."

"Sure we do," Abraham retorted as he turned to look at his girlfriend. "As far as I know, we need all the help we can get. And if the Big Guy is taking requests, far be it from me to not bother to even ask."

"Yeah," Carol spoke up, "praying is a great idea." Morgan looked at her incredulously. He had thought that was a part of herself that she had put behind her. He took her hand in his and she returned a meager smile.

"Fine," Rosita conceded. "Let's do this then."

Everyone gathered in the center of the room. They all guardedly extended their hands to each other, making an unbroken circle. Once again, everyone looked towards Michonne waiting for her to speak. She was just about to open her mouth when she heard Rick's voice. Her eyes shot up to him with a look of surprise.

"Lord, we're coming before you now and asking humbly for your hand of protection over us today. We've all come so far. We've made it to this day. You have kept each one of us in this circle safe more times than we can count. We're grateful. Now we ask that you would extend that mercy to us once again. Guide our steps today. Protect us, Lord, and bless us on this journey. We pray this in the name of Jesus, Amen."

"Amen!" everyone in the group echoed.

"Alright, now we really are going," Abraham said. "See you when you get there...mile marker 40!"

They all watched as the door closed quietly behind Abraham, Sasha and Rosita.

Rick was still holding onto Michonne's hand. He looked over at her and studied her returning gaze. "I'm sorry. I know you were about to pray with everybody but something nudged me and my mouth just opened. Sorry."

"Are you seriously apologizing to me for praying?"

"Yeah," Rick chuckled, "I guess I am. Did I do okay? I've never prayed like that in front of a big group."

"If it was from your heart, then you did it right," she smiled back at him, still surprised.

"I've heard you do it enough times with Carl and the girls."

"And you were listening."

"No not listening. I was praying with you. You just didn't know."

"You're full of surprises, aren't you Grimes?"

"I hope so."

Michonne released his hand and rested her head on his chest. On this most perilous of days, warmth and peace filled her soul."You're the best leader we could have ever hoped for."

"I'm not sure about that."

"No, you are. You're here. You're leading but still being lead. Lead by God."

"Well I think maybe you're the real leader then."

"How do you mean that?" Michonne asked.

"Well who do you think lead me to God?"

"I love you, Rick Grimes," she said placing her hand on his cheek and looking into his calm, blue eyes. "I'm going to feed the girls while we wait. We have a long day ahead of us."

...

The three comrades drove to the back of the elementary school a few blocks away from the library. They carefully studied the south entrance of the one-story school building.

"I only spot three walkers on this side," Sasha reported to the others.

"That's how many I see too," Rosita echoed.

"Alright. That's one for each of us," Abraham said. "Let's do this right quick before we draw more."

They exited from the truck and Abraham lifted the ladder from the bed. They ran swiftly and quietly towards the the three corpses. Before the walkers saw, heard or smelled them, Abraham, Sasha and Rosita had driven knives into their skulls.

"There are more coming from the west side," Rosita whispered. "We need to hurry and get up to the roof."

Abraham returned his knife to his belt and picked the ladder up from the ground. He opened it and placed it by the side of the building. About a dozen walkers came within 15 feet of them.

"Ladies first," Abraham said as he gestured with his hand to the ladder. Sasha climbed up first followed by Rosita. Abraham held the ladder in place as the dead neared. Sasha was on the roof and Rosita near the top of the ladder when Abraham began to climb up.

"Sorry Ms. Espinoza, but I can't wait anymore...move fast because I'm right behind you!"

Rosita made it to the top then turned around to steady the ladder from above. "Abraham! Hurry!" she yelled down.

Abraham was half-way up when he felt more than one hand clawing at his leg and boot. He used his other leg to kick at the walkers below while still trying to pull himself up. The ladder shook than tilted. The walkers were tipping the ladder over before he could make it to the top. He finally broke free and threw his arms over the side of the roof just as the small horde brought the ladder down. He barely held onto the ledge with his hands when Rosita and Sasha grabbed onto his arms with all the strength they could muster. Abraham through his leg over the ledge as the two women manged to pull him up and over. The three collapsed onto their backs on the rooftop.

They laid there momentarily as they tried to catch their breath and recover from the close-call.

"Thank you," Abraham finally said. "I used to drink a cup of strong, black coffee when I needed an early morning pick-me-up but a brush with death has the same jolting effect."

"Our ladder is gone," Sasha said.

"That's my fault. I made the call to pull your ass up instead of the ladder," Rosita said, smiling at Abraham.

"I appreciate that Darlin'. I hope it wasn't too tough of a choice," he grinned back at her.

Sasha stood up and brushed the dirt from her clothes."We'll just have to find a different way out now."

"We should be able to just leave through the doors on the south entrance where the truck is parked. Hopefully there won't be too many more walkers on that side," Abraham said as he stood then helped Rosita to her feet.

They ran across the roof and found the hatch that lead inside the building. Rosita pulled the crowbar out of Abraham's pack and handed it to him. With a few forceful pries, he busted the hatch door open. They climbed down into a large maintenance room.

Sasha reached into her pocket and unfolded a piece of paper. Glenn had drawn a crude map of the school from memory with Liv's help. "The library is in the center of the building. We go out through these doors, turn right and then take another right down this hall," Sasha instructed as she traced their route on the map with her finger.

"Which way do we go after we set the fire?" Rosita asked.

"Back the way we came but we turn right down this hallway," she pointed.

Abraham clapped his hands and rubbed them together. "Alright then! Let's get this party started!"

They exited the maintenance room and quickly made their way down the hall. They pulled opened the library doors and ran inside.

"We should try and knock these bookshelves over," Rosita suggested. "The books will light up better if they're loose."

"Well if we knock one over, it'll probably have a domino effect," Sasha said.

"We'll get to see if it works just like it does in the movies!" Abraham grinned. "Who says the end of the world doesn't have a few perks?"

The three leaned heavily into the large oak bookshelf. Abraham growled as it finally fell over. Sure enough, as it tipped it took down the shelf next to it. That fell into the next shelf and before long, eight bookshelves had crashed to the ground.

"Woo hoo!" Abraham yelled. "Just like in the movies!"

Sasha smiled over at him. "Alright, back to the real world. We have to be strategic about where we use the gasoline. We need the maximum effect from it."

"We need for this entire building to go up in flames or all of this was for nothing," Rosita said.

They removed several small bottles of gasoline from their packs and poured it onto the carpet, desks and tables. They threw more gas onto the curtains and walls. A small amount was poured onto the heap of books to start the fire. When they were finished distributing the gasoline, they lit match after match and threw them onto the gas-soaked areas.

They watched as the flames consumed the books. More books caught on fire nearby. Then the curtains. After a few more minutes, the bookshelves and desks started to catch on fire.

Sasha looked over at her friends. "We aren't being very kind to libraries today: setting one on fire and abandoning another."

"Let's just hope all of this works and we make it out of this town safely," Abraham said.

"We need to go," Rosita yelled adamantly.

"Just give it another minute, Darlin'. We need to make sure this thing stays hot." Abraham ran to another shelf nearby and took more books off, throwing them into the heap and feeding the growing flames. Sasha and Rosita followed suit and grabbed more papers and books to throw onto the blaze.

"Alright Abraham, that's enough! It's getting too hot for us to be in here. Let's go!"

The three ran out of the library and back down the hall.

"Wait!" Sasha called out as she propped the library door open. "We should open as many of these classroom doors too...it'll help the fire spread. As they ran down the hall, they opened the other doors.

They finally made their way down the hall that lead to the south exit. As they sprinted down the corridor, they looked ahead in horror. Through the window they watched as a mob of walkers crowded themselves against the door.

"C U When U Get There"

Performed by Coolio

Written by

Johann Pachelbel

Artis Ivey Jr.

Dominic Aldridge

Henry Straughter

Malieek Straughter

This song really inspired me this chapter. It's from my childhood and I love it. It might be before your time but give it a listen.


	10. Chapter 10

**June 23, 2015: Exodous**

Rick stood watch on the roof. He looked intently towards the elementary school, waiting to see the flames that were supposed to have erupted from the fire started by Sasha, Rosita and Abraham. Rick was disappointed that there was nothing to be seen yet. He looked at his watch. It was 3:49 AM. They had left exactly 43 minutes ago. Rick timed everything out in his mind. How long it would take for them to drive there and get inside. How long it would take for them to start the fire and for the flames to be visible. By his calculations, he assumed the fire would be going strong and the herd would be on there way to their distraction.

Of course he knew anything along the way of this mission could have tripped them up. He knew any unforeseen events could have set them back – even small ones.

Still he looked forward with cautious confidence. The team that went to start the fire was strong and capable. He pulled the walkie from his belt. "Abraham do you copy?" There was no response. "Abraham, it's Rick. Do you copy?" Still no answer. He continued to study the scene a few blocks away. He could barely see walkers gathered on the north side of the building. The threesome definitely wouldn't be coming out of the building on that side.

"Is there a fire yet?" Rick heard Lee's voice coming through the walkie.

"Not yet," Rick answered. "Is everyone in place down there?"

"Affirmative," Lee responded. "Still no contact with the Abraham, Sasha and Rosita, though?"

Rick hesitated, "No but that doesn't mean anything. Just stay ready at the doors and they'll get it started."

"Copy that."

Rick spoke into the walkie again. "Abraham, Sasha, Rosita. Do you copy?" Static was the only sound coming from the walkie. Rick returned it to his belt and stared ahead towards the school again. An uneasy feeling was tying his stomach up in knots. Why weren't they responding? Why wasn't he seeing a fire? Of course those questions lead to other more disturbing questions. What if they didn't make it? What if they couldn't leave today...or ever? What if they completely ran out of water and were trapped inside by the herd?

"Stop it Rick," he said out loud to himself. "They made it and you and your family are leaving today. Just keep your eyes ahead and watch for those flames."

Rick looked in the direction opposite of the school. A continuous stream of walkers was coming from the east. Compounded by the ones already spread out around the nearby vicinity, there were thousands out there. What were the odds that even if the fire got started, they would all move towards it? There were only a few more hours of darkness. There were too many walkers on the other side of their walls. Rick shook his head as he second-guessed himself and the entire plan. This was a bad idea. They had worked for weeks to come up with this plan but in light of the current situation, he was quickly coming to the conclusion that they should go back to the drawing board.

As Rick looked at the steady herd walking by, the thought of taking Judith and Eva outside the library doors petrified him. They were obviously unable to defend themselves and therefore completely vulnerable. From the beginning, Carl had been tough. He had adapted well to life among the dead and even people who were worse than the dead. Carl had become a competent wing-man to his father and had Rick's back every bit as much as Rick had his. Like Rick, Carl could and would do anything to survive and protect his family. But Judith, she blissfully danced around the library, playing dress up and singing her ABCs. She was delicate and sensitive. And Eva was even more vulnerable. As much as it pained Rick to even think it, he couldn't deny what a liability young children were.

Rick thought about Holly. Poor, weak Holly. Her unpredictability and mental instability were dangerous not only to her, but to the group as a whole. The phrase "You're only as strong as your weakest link" came to mind. He could see how much his son loved the girl. He would do anything for her. She had become _Carl's_ weakness and Rick hoped that Holly, and now the baby, wouldn't cloud things that had always been so clear in his son's mind and put him in danger.

If Rick was being honest with himself, _all_ loved ones were a liability.

Rick pulled the walkie back out of his belt. He pressed on the button on the side. He was about to tell everyone that they should abort the mission. The fire hadn't been started and the herd was way too big. As he opened his mouth, he saw them. Flames. Just a few flickers but they stood out brightly in the darkness of the night. He saw the dancing orange glow through a window.

They made it. They made it and they got the fire started. Rick let out a sigh of relief. All the doubts muddling up his mind were immediately cast aside. He pressed the button again and spoke into the walkie. "I see a fire. It's not big enough yet but it's growing. As soon as I see the herd being drawn to it, I'll come down and we'll go." Rick's heart raced in his chest as his confidence returned. "Today's the day we leave for our new home."

…..

Everyone was gathered in the main room of the library. They were all ready with their packs on their backs and weapons in their hands.

Holly sat on the sofa in the fetal position, petrified and shaking. Carl walked up behind her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt his touch. He moved around to the front of the sofa and knelt in front of her. Carl held both her hands in his hand and brushed her hair behind her ear with the other.

"You don't have to do anything, Holly," Carl said in a soothing tone. "I didn't tell anyone what happened this morning except for Michonne and Liv. Liv is going to watch the babies so you don't have to worry about them. The only thing you have to do today is walk from the building thirty feet to the car. Everyone will protect you. I'll protect you." Carl lifted her chin up and looked deeply into her still blue eyes. "I love you Holly. I love you and I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Do you believe that?"

Holly stared back at him. She knew what he wanted to hear. "Yes," she said without emotion. She didn't believe it though. She knew Carl _wanted_ to protect her. She thought of how her parents wanted to protect her, but they were dead and had left her behind. Wanting to do something, even thinking you could, didn't always amount to what harsh realities allowed.

Holly was tired of being afraid but didn't know how to be anything else. She was sure if she walked out into that herd of walkers, she would die. She would be torn apart and be eaten alive. As she sat there, she visualized the dead coming at her and could almost feel their teeth sinking into her flesh. And even if they killed her, the nightmare wouldn't be over. She would become one of them.

But she was tired of putting Carl through this. It was agonizing being so weak and having to depend on him and everyone else. She was tired of constantly being his burden to bear. But what could she do? It was as if her hands and feet were bound together with invisible rope but everyone still told her to run and fight. She felt sick to her stomach as she thought about how weak she was and worse, what she'd soon face on the other side of those doors.

Holly looked up at Carl and smiled meagerly. She wasn't going to put Carl through anymore of her emotional bullshit. Not today at least. He had enough on his shoulders without having to coddle her for the thousandth time. "I'll be fine," she said. "I'm better now. I feel strong and I know can do this."

Carl was surprised by the slightest bit of confidence she had just displayed but decided to just go with it. He certainly wasn't going to rock the boat with her right now. "That's my girl," Carl said smiling back at her. He put his hand around her neck and kissed her on the lips before walking away.

As soon as Carl was out of sight and earshot, Holly buried her face in her hands. She sobbed as silently as she could and rocked back and forth. She didn't have it in her to debate Carl right now. She wasn't fine. She was going to die.

…..

Michonne heard the door to the maintenance closet shut and Rick charging down the stairs. She handed Eva over to Liv and slung her sword over her back.

"It's time!" she yelled out to everyone. She looked at Carol,"We're going to do this. Everything is going to work out and we're going to make it out."

Carol smiled reservedly at her always optimistic friend, "Of course we are. Getting out of this place is going to be uneventful, maybe even boring."

"Alright," Rick said in a commanding tone, "the fire's going strong and most of the walkers have made their way towards it. There are still quite a few out there but we shouldn't wait any longer." Rick fastened a blade to the prosthetic on his left hand and picked up his machete with his right hand. He walked towards the front doors with urgency. "Michonne, Glenn, Morgan, keep the walkers as far away from the cars as possible. Lee, I'm pulling you off your job of loading up the cars. I want you to help with the walkers. There's more of them out there than I had hoped. Carl, Carol, Maggie, Eugene, Clem, Bob, start loading as soon as you see that the cars are clear. Is everyone ready?" They all spoke or nodded in affirmation. "Good, let's go!"

Rick swung the door open quietly and walked out the doors. He carefully ran down the steps followed by Michonne, Glenn, Morgan and Lee. The walkers that hadn't made it to the fire, approached them hungrily. Rick charged forward unafraid, taking down two walkers at a time - one with his machete and one with the blade. Michonne moved her katana effortlessly exterminating three of the undead at once. Glenn, Morgan and Lee followed suit and quickly put down one corpse after another. The five of them had cleared the area immediately near the cars. They were in control and staying ahead of the stragglers in the herd.

"Lee," Rick called out, "tell the others to start loading the cars up!"

Lee walked back up the steps to the library and Carol opened the door. "Everybody move! Start loading up the cars...water first, food next."

Carl, Carol, Maggie, Bob, Eugene, and Clem immediately started carrying their supplies down the steps. They quickly and efficiently packed them into the RV, the Suburban and Carl's Plymouth GTX. Rick and Lee flanked each side of the staircase while Michonne, Glenn and Morgan surrounded the cars, keeping the walkers at a distance. After 4 or 5 trips back and forth between the library and the vehicles the cars were packed up with all their belongings.

It was dark but Rick caught something out of the corner of his eye. An unexpected and rather large number of the undead were heading towards them from Dublin Street. They were being drawn by the fire and would be coming right in front of the library to get there. "Shit," Rick said under his breath. "There's more headed our way!" he called out to everyone.

"Dad, everything's packed into the cars," Carl said to his father.

"Bring the kids out!" Rick shouted back as he stabbed another walker in the skull. "Hurry up...there's lots more walkers coming down Dublin!"

Carl ran back into the library. "It's time to go! Liv, bring Eva out and get her in the car. Maggie, get Hershel and Eugene, you get Judith. Holly, let's go! Hurry!" Everyone but Holly, did as they were instructed.

Judith ran hand and hand with Eugene from the doors of the library to the RV. Her eyes grew wide with terror as she saw the mob surrounding them. Silent tears fell from her eyes. She watched her mother and father as they slaughtered the monsters just mere feet in front of her. She'd never seen them kill. She'd only ever seen them feed her, read to her, cuddle with her and a number of other things she had always associated with their gentleness. Seeing her parents in this new light shook the poor girl's senses and the surreal feelings both captivated and frightened her. She froze as one of the dead bodies fell right at her feet. "Well that's one reanimated corpse that ain't gonna hurt you. You're doing perfect Little Miss Grimes. Be quiet and don't let go of my hand."

"I want my mommy," she cried in a whisper.

"I know you do but Uncle Eugene will have to do for the next few minutes," he reassured the young girl. "Your mom and dad will be right behind us, promise." Eugene lifted Judy into the RV and stepped inside right behind her. Eugene turned around and lifted Eva from Liv's arms. Liv climbed in next.

Maggie held Hershel securely in her arms as she sat in the back seat of the Suburban. Carol entered the driver's seat of the Suburban next. Bob climbed behind the wheel of the GTX after making sure Clementine was safely in the back seat.

As the others were filing into the cars, Carl ran to Holly, still crouched on the sofa.

"Holly, c'mon! We have to go!" Holly said nothing and didn't budge.

"Holly, get up!" Carl shouted pulling on her arm. "It's clear outside and everyone's waiting for us...we're the last ones!"

Holly finally allowed herself to be pulled up by Carl. They walked to the doors and onto the steps. As soon as Holly looked at the herd in front of her, she froze. Her feet planted themselves on the ground and she couldn't move.

"Holly, walk! We're almost there! C'mon babe just a few more steps!"

Holly's hand was trembling violently in Carl's hand and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Carl felt her pulling him to the ground as she collapsed. He looked down and saw that she had fainted. He immediately bent down to pick her limp body off the ground. He pulled her body into his arms and threw her over his shoulder. _This is better_ , he thought. _I knew she'd be easier to handle unconscious._ Carl ran down the steps of the library, holding her tightly around her legs as she was slumped over his back. When he had almost reached the bottom of the steps, a walker lunged at him. Carl spun around and kicked the walker in the kneecap. The walker collapsed in front of him but Carl had lost his balance. He took a step backwards and fell down the last few steps and crashed to the ground. Holly and Carl both hit their heads on the cement.

More of the dead were coming towards them. Winnie growled and snapped at them, trying her best to keep them away form Carl and Holly. Michonne looked over her shoulder and saw the two teens lying on the ground. Rick was much closer to them than she was.

"Rick!" Michonne yelled. "Help Carl and Holly...hurry!"

In an instant, Rick fought off and put down the two walkers in front of him before he spun on his heel and ran to Carl and Holly. He plunged his knife into the head of a walker that had just fallen on top of them but more were coming. Rick savagely swung his machete into one corpse after the other, not stopping to take a breath. When he dispatched all of the undead around them, he stooped over and picked Holly up in his arms. Eugene exited the RV and ran to Rick's side. "Give her to me and get Carl," Eugene said calmly. He took Holly from Rick's arms and carried her inside the RV.

"Carl!" Rick shouted at his son as he shook him. Carl's eyes opened slowly but he was still to dazed to get up and walk. Rick lifted his son into his arms and climbed inside the RV with a concerned Winnie at his heels. He laid Carl on the RV's sofa then promptly ran back outside. He quickly scanned the inside of each of the three vehicles to do a headcount. Rick let out a sigh of relief after he verified that everyone had made it out. "Get in the cars!" he ordered Michonne, Morgan, Glenn and Lee. "Everyone's in and we gotta get out of here!"

Michonne continued to furiously swing her sword through the corpses coming towards her until Rick ran to her and pulled her away. They both climbed inside the RV, slamming the door behind them. Eugene put the RV in gear and hit the gas. Glenn and Morgan climbed into the Suburban and Lee jumped into the passenger's side of the GTX. The tires screeched as the three vehicles simultaneously sped away from the Waycross Public Library. They drove away in the direction of the highway. As they sped away, not one of them looked back towards their home of the last three years.

…..

 **A/N** So a lot of you don't like Holly. I get it. It would be better for Carl and everyone else if she could pull it together. Someone stronger _would_ be better for Carl. She's weak and takes while everyone else gives. But here's the thing. Sometimes there's people in our real lives that are like that. There are people who have nothing to offer or even worse, they drain you, but you love them anyway. Not everyone, even in this Walking Dead world is going to be a bad-ass. I think it's more interesting to see how someone weak and ill-equipped would navigate this nightmare and how that would effect the others.

Not only have I liked exploring her psyche, but I've also liked to see the effect she has on Carl. Her mental illness and weakness has brought out both the very best and very worst in our young hero and I've liked exploring that. I was saying before that even though her weakness frustrates Carl, it also makes him feel powerful and needed.

Courtgirl mentioned how in the season 4 finale, Carl confessed to Michonne that he felt like he was a monster. I hadn't thought of that and thought that was a great pick-up. Nobody is perfect. And yes can08, Michonne would knock that boy out if he laid a hand on Holly.

On a personal note, I know what it's like to deal with mental issues. I've suffered from anxiety, OCD and occasional panic attacks too for the last 17 years. I struggled for a long time and because of that, my family struggled through it too. They've been patient and loving for the most part but other days, I've driven them mad. I've been getting a lot better over the last few years though.

18 months ago, I had a very traumatic experience. Both my dogs were killed by mountain lions. I found their bodies and it was absolutely horrible. The experience traumatized my daughter and me so badly that we couldn't go outside for a few months. We would hurry from our front door to the car and be praying on that short little journey. Mental illness, even less serious cases, can be paralyzing.

Anyhow, I just wanted to give you some of my perspective outside of the story. One of the great perks of Fan Fiction is that writers and readers are able to communicate like this. I love that and I honestly LOVE the feedback from everyone...PLEASE keep it coming. Love and God bless y'all!


	11. Chapter 11

**June 23, 2015: In This World**

In this world you will have suffering. But take heart!

I have overcome the world. ~ Jesus

The mob of hungry walkers pressed their monstrous faces and hands against the glass on the doors.

"These are the only doors we can go through," Sasha stated. "All the other exits are blocked by the fire."

"Between a raging fire and a mob of the undead – shit just got real," Abraham shouted. He reached for the walkie in his belt before he remembered. "I forgot to mention, the walkie fell from my belt when the walkers tipped the ladder over. We're on our own ladies"

"We could bust through one of windows in the classrooms!" Rosita exclaimed.

"Well it's going to have to be one of the ones on the east side of this hallway because the flames are blocking the other side."

Without further discussion, the three ran back up the hall and took a right turn down the corridor. Sasha turned the knob of a classroom door.

"It's locked!" she yelled in exasperation.

"Outta the way," Abraham said as he kicked the door several times. After the third kick, the door busted open. Abe, Sasha and Rosita quickly entered the dark classroom when they heard groans.

"There's walkers in here!" Rosita screamed. They ran back out as fast as they had run in with the crowd of corpses following at their heels. Rosita looked back to see the fire chasing down the walkers nearly as fast as the walkers were chasing them.

"One more classroom," Sasha said bolting through the door at the end of the hall. The door swung open and they ran inside, closing and locking it behind them. They heard the walkers growling and clawing at the door from the hallway.

"Well this is it," Abraham said looking out the window. "We have to leave through these windows or were going to be barbecued."

"It looks clear," Sasha said joining Abraham near the window.

"Think again," Rosita said, "the fire's drawing another group from near our truck."

Abraham pressed his face against the glass,"It's hard to say how many are out there. Looks like at least fifty though."

"It doesn't matter how many are out there. We have to go and soon," Rosita said.

"Give it a minute, Darlin. The fire is going stronger on the west side of the school. If we wait just a bit, that's the side they'll go to."

"Or more could come," Rosita argued.

"Well what's out there right now is too many. On top of that, they're too close to the truck," Sasha said looking at a very nervous Rosita. "We're dead if we try to make it through that herd right now. May as well wait to see if it gets better."

The three continued to look out the window to wait for the break in the herd they were hoping for. Sasha covered her face with her shirt as small puffs of smoke began to filter in through the bottom of the door. The banging, moaning and clawing from the walkers in the hall continued. The situation was as bad as they come but the valiant threesome stood tall.

Abe began to whistle a vaguely familiar song. Sasha and Rosita looked at him with bewilderment.

"Are you whistling the SpongeBob theme song?" Sasha finally asked incredulously.

Abraham nodded and continued to whistle."Y'all ever watch SpongeBob Squarepants?" Abraham bellowed cheerfully.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Rosita asked shaking her head and narrowing her eyes.

"I'm asking if you ever watched the show Sponge..." 

"No, no I heard what you said, Big Guy," she interrupted. "I'm wondering why you're whistling and talking about cartoons when the three of us are about to die."

"Because it's a damn funny show!" Abraham chuckled as he continued to study the scene on the other side of the window.

"Yeah, I watched it a few times when I babysat my friend's little boy," Sasha said with her lips turned up in a smile. "It is pretty funny. I'll admit it."

"Becca and A.J. watched that show every single day after school like clockwork. I thought it looked pretty dumb myself until they forced me to watch it with them one day," he said with a reminiscent grin. "You know what? I laughed my ass off. That dopey starfish was my favorite. I said to them that this was a dang funny show and that I liked it and you wanna know what they told me?" Abraham stared at his companions with a sober look. "They told me that their friend's moms wouldn't let them watch SpongeBob because it was too inappropriate. Can you believe that shit? Telling kids they can't watch a funny show like SpongeBob Squarepants because they act stupid and talk about butts? That's just bad parenting, in this man's opinion," Abraham argued in all seriousness. "Too many people had sticks up their asses about the stupidest shit and now look at them. They worried about too many trans-fats and germs and SAT scores and look where it got 'em. Those helicopter moms are walking around rotting with their guts spilled out looking for their next human Happy Meal. It just don't make sense. You should let your kids watch stupid cartoons and eat cheeseburgers and let em' run outside barefoot 'cause life...life is just too damn short. My kids didn't have the fanciest clothes or go to the best schools but they knew I'd move mountains to make them laugh. They knew their daddy loved them."

Rosita watched Abraham intently as he wiped a never-before-seen tear from his eye. She wrapped her hand around his. "What's got you thinkin' about your kids?"

Abraham let out a husky sigh. "Last few years, whenever I'm up to my neck in shit, I always think 'Is this the day I'll see 'em again?' Every time I would make it out of one of these tight spots I'd be happy as a clam to fight another day but...but another part of me - just a small part, mind you - wishes it was the day it would all be over. The day I get to go to the _real_ Promised Land and meet my maker...the day I can see my kids again and bounce 'em on my knee."

"It's not the day," Rosita said stoically. "We're going to get out of here and we're going to haul ass to the truck. We're going to that island Glenn and Maggie are always going on and on about and it's going to be paradise and you... _we,_ are gong to live to see another day. Got it?"

"Got it," Abraham said smiling down at Rosita. "I know better than to argue with you, Ms. Espinoza."

"Smart guy!" Rosita reached her hands up to the man towering in front of her. She put her hands on either side of his face and pulled his lips towards hers.

More and more smoke filled the room. "It's time," Sasha said coughing. "The smoke's getting thick and we can't wait any longer."

"We run and don't stop for nothin'. We're not takin' any walkers down, we're just runnin'. Don't look back and don't stop til we're in the truck," Abraham stated as he quietly slid the window up.

The three of them swiftly climbed out of the window and lowered themselves to the ground. With weapons drawn, they began to run as fast as they could. They sprinted right by the herd pushing through several of them. Before the walkers could even notice them, they had already passed by. By the time the zombies reached out their rotting hands to grab them, the trio was ten feet in front of them.

Abraham, Sasha and Rosita were just a few feet from their vehicle. Sasha ran around the truck, opened the driver's side and hopped in, slamming the door as she entered. She turned the key in the ignition and put it into gear. Abraham swung the passenger door open.

"Get in!" Abraham shouted to Rosita as she trailed behind him. "Hurry up...they're coming!"

Rosita ran as fast as she could to the pick-up. She didn't even see the cement parking curb in front of her. She tripped, falling hard and badly scraping up her face and arms on the asphalt. She could hear the walkers coming at her. She got up to her knees but one grabbed her leg. She rolled onto her back kicking them away. She frantically swung her machete at them, trying her best to defend herself.

Abraham ran from the truck back to her side and stabbed his knife into the dead flesh of the walkers around her. Rosita continued to swing her machete when she felt a hand grab her arm. Without hesitation, she swung the machete blindly behind her, cleanly slicing through the arm. She continued to fight off more walkers when she heard him roar out in pain. She looked back over to see her gruesome and ghastly mistake.

As the seconds passed by, everything around her moved slower. She looked at Abraham as he held onto his amputated arm. Blood gushed out of his wound as he cried out, drawing the walkers towards him. The dead around Rosita swarmed towards Abraham. He let go of what was left of his arm and resumed his task of fighting off the walkers with his other arm.

"Go!" Abraham growled. "Get out of here now!"

Sasha yelled from the truck, "Rosita get in! We have to go!"

"We can't leave him!" she screamed back.

"There's nothing we can do...now get in!"

The commotion continued to draw walkers towards the truck. Rosita and Sasha watched as Abraham collapsed to the ground, buried by the mob of hungry, ferocious corpses.

Rosita finally pulled herself up from the ground and made her way to the truck. She climbed inside and pulled her door shut as even more walkers approached. Sasha slammed her foot on the gas pedal and the two women sped away.

Rosita turned around in her seat and looked through the window behind her. The sun was rising in the sky as she stared back in disbelief. She could no longer see Abraham. All she cold see was the horde piling on top of each other, clawing for what was beneath. She turned back around, lowered her face and sobbed into her hands.

"We...we should go back!" Rosita cried.

"Are you crazy?" Sasha retorted. "There's no way we're going back...he's gone!"

"Because we left him!"

"He told us to go. He knew what he was doing and if we had tried to help him, we'd be dead too."

"Is that what you would say if it were Bob?"

"Rosita, you're not thinking straight. You're letting your heart make decisions your head should be making."

Rosita continued to weep as she looked out the window of the truck. "Did you see what happened?"

"I saw him go back to help you and I saw the walkers swarm him – that's it."

"I cut his arm off! He grabbed me from behind to help me up and I thought...I thought he was a walker and I cut his arm off!" Rosita shrieked. "It's my fault! He tried to help me and I cut his arm off! He's dead and it's my fault! And then, we just left him! Oh God..."

"Hey, listen to me. You gotta stop this. We had to leave him. Abraham knew exactly what he was doing. He knew what could happen if we went on this mission – we all knew. He knew what could happen when he tried to help you. Abraham's always been the hero...he lives to be the hero and there's no other way he would have rather gone out than to help you. If we had gone back to help _him_ , we'd be dead too and then his death would mean nothing! He gave his life up to save you – to save the group. He loved you."

Sasha looked away from the road towards Rosita. Her friend was unmoved by her consolation. "Were you listening to what he was saying right before we left?" Rosita remained silent. "He said he wanted to see his kids again. He said sometimes he wished it was over."

"Just shut up," Rosita said, finally looking to her left. "We've _all_ wished that it would be over. I don't need any of your feel-good bullshit about his kids or for you to tell me he's in a better place. I don't need you to make me feel okay about this. I'm not going to be okay with this. I got him killed. I told him we'd make it out of there and we'd be fine! But he's not fine! He's dead...because I..." Rosita began to weep again. "Just shut up and get us the hell out of here."

…..

The RV, Suburban and GTX sat parked at mile marker 40 on highway 23. Most of the passengers had exited the vehicles and sat or stood nearby. Morgan and Carol kept watch from the top of the RV. Morgan looked through the binoculars back towards Waycross. He stared through the rims hoping to see the blue pick up truck emerge over the horizon.

Most of the group had made it to their first planned stop after leaving the library. Most meaning everyone but Abraham, Sasha and Rosita. It was 6:40 AM. The plan was to wait for the trio until six and then keep going towards Penland Island without them. Abe, Sasha and Rosita knew where to go. But they couldn't leave. Even though that was the plan, it didn't feel right to continue the journey without them. Besides, the group was safe and out of harms way for the time being. They were at the rendezvous point 10 miles north of Waycross and it was clear. They would wait for their friends.

Bob sat inside the RV at Holly's bedside. Carl had a throbbing headache from the fall but Holly was still unconscious.

"Are you sure she's not just asleep?" Carl asked Bob.

"If she were asleep, she would wake up if we shook her or yelled," Bob replied. "You said she fainted and then hit her head?"

"Yeah. She fainted when she saw the herd. I threw her over my shoulder and carried her down the steps. A walker grabbed me and I fell," Carl stated with a guilty tone. "We both hit our heads."

"Hey," Bob looked the young man in the eyes, "you did your best. And your best was getting her out of their alive. Anyone could have fallen trying to carry someone down stairs with walkers around."

"Do you think she'll be alright?" Carl inquired.

"Probably. Her breathing and pulse are good. She hasn't vomited and her eyes are equal and reactive so those are good signs that she doesn't have a concussion. I think it's just a combination of fainting, exhaustion, the pregnancy and then hitting her head that has her off in dreamland. The baby's heartbeat is strong too. Just stay with her and keep her legs elevated and the windows open. Keep trying to wake her up every five or ten minutes and I think she'll be okay."

Carl raised his eyes to Bob. The gratitude in his eyes was unmistakable."Thanks Bob...for everything."

"You bet kid," he said grinning back modestly. "You be sure and tell me if your headache gets any worse too. Or if you throw up or get tired or dizzy real sudden. You could still have a concussion."

"I will," Carl replied.

As soon as Bob left, Carl pulled his legs up to the mattress and nestled his body up to Holly. The camper was hot and stuffy and beads of sweat dripped from her hairline. He looked over to the small nightstand next to him and found a copy of _Lady's Home Journal_ from 2008 sitting there. On the cover, a smiling Dr. Phil and his toothy, brown-haired wife were staring back at him from their large Texas ranch. Carl recalled afternoons when his mom would watch Dr. Phil while folding laundry or doing the dishes years ago.

Carl wondered if Dr. Phil was still alive in this unforgiving apocalypse. Had he and his dainty, Southern belle of a wife managed to survive, or were they just two more of the walking dead they were running from. Living in Texas and that good-ole-boy Southern drawl would indicate that Dr. Phil probably had a large arsenal of guns and would be well prepared for times such as these. What would the noted psychiatrist have to say about the state of Holly's mental stability? Would Dr. Phil tell her to pull it together like Carl had been telling her? The absurd notions made Carl smile ironically. He shook the frivolous thoughts from his mind and swung the magazine back and forth above Holly's face attempting to cool her off. He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and laid his head on the pillow next to hers.

…..

Michonne held Eva on her hip as she leaned against the RV. Judith hadn't left her mother's side since they left the library. She held onto Michonne's shirt as she nervously sucked her thumb, something Michonne hadn't seen her do in over a year.

"What do you think about all this?" Michonne asked Judy.

"About what?" Judith asked in confusion as she removed her thumb from her mouth.

"What do you think about being outside, Pumpkin? This is the first time since you were one that you've been away from the library."

"I don't like it. It's scary."

"Why is it scary?"

"It's not like home. It's different and I've never seen all the stuff around here. Are there monsters here too," she asked, stuffing her thumb back in her mouth as she waited for Michonne to answer.

"There's no monsters right here. But even if there were, they can't get you. Know why?" Judith shook her head. "Because Mama and Daddy won't _let_ them get you. Never ever."

"I saw you and Daddy killing the monsters at home."

"What were you thinking when you saw that?"

"I was scared. I was thinking I didn't want them to you and Daddy. I didn't want them to get me or Eva or anyone. I was so scared but I was quiet. Eugene said I did a good job."

"He was right. You did do a good job. We told you to listen and be brave and quiet and you did your job. And Mama and Daddy did their job too: we kept you safe and that's what we'll always do. You just stay close to us, and you'll be fine. You don't have to be scared. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Now get that thumb outta your mouth and give me a smooch."

Judy stretched her body out to give her a mother a kiss. Michonne bent down to meet her half way.

"Hey, I want one of those too!" Rick said as he swooped her up into his arms. Judith planted a kiss on his cheek, then leaned her head onto his shoulder.

With Judith in his arms, Rick leaned against the RV next to his wife. He turned his head and kissed her on the lips. It was the first chance they had today to breathe and talk for a moment.

"How you doin'?" she asked.

"I'm okay," he said nodding. "And you know what? Okay is pretty good these days."

"How are Holly and Carl?"

"Carl's fine – just a headache. Holly's still out cold but Bob thinks she'll be fine too." Rick sighed. "We made it out. The kids are okay. Just waiting for Sasha, Abe and Rosita to show and then we can keep moving."

"They'll be here. We made the right call to wait for them and I'm sure it won't be long," Michonne said as she moved Eva from one hip to the other.

Another fifteen minutes went by before Morgan called down to the others from the roof of the RV. "I see them! The truck is just a half a mile out from here."

The group let out a collective sigh of relief upon hearing Morgan's good news. Carl came out of the RV and everyone gathered together to welcome their friends back.

The relief and rejoicing were short lived as the truck came to a stop in front of the group. All eyes were on the cab as only two of their comrades exited the vehicle. Bob ran to Sasha's side wrapping his arms around her and lifting her from the ground. She leaned her head into his chest as she held on to him tightly.

"Where's Abraham?" Glenn asked desperately.

"Where do you think?" Rosita snapped.

"Is...is he dead?" Glenn asked, feeling they all needed the confirmation.

Sasha released her hold on Bob and went back to Rosita's side. She nodded her head with tars in her eyes."Yeah. He's dead."

Eugene also approached Rosita and put his arm around her as he cried earnestly.

Rosita pulled away from Eugene and walked directly up to Michonne staring at her venomously.

Michonne looked back at her friend with gentle compassion but also with confusion. Why was Rosita directing her attention towards her? "Rosita, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine..."

"You!" Rosita spewed out.

"What?" Michonne replied, growing even more perplexed. Before she could ask again what was going on, Rosita raised her hand and squarely met Michonne's cheek with a powerful slap. Michonne held her stinging face as Eva began to cry in her arms.

The loud slap drew everyone's eyes to the two women as they stared each other down.

"What the hell is your problem?" Carl shouted as he put himself between Michonne and Rosita. "Don't you ever lay a hand on my mother or anyone else in my family! Understand?"

Michonne gently nudged her hot-headed son away. "Carl, it's okay. Please take Eva and Judy inside and get them some water."

"I don't know what this is about," Carl replied, "but it's _not_ okay!" He took Eva from Michonne's arms and opened his hand to Judith and went inside the RV.

Michonne turned her attention back to Rosita. "Do you want to tell me what that was for?"

Rosita shot daggers at Michonne's eyes, "You! You acted like saying a prayer was going to make everything okay! We all gather 'round and hold hands and beg your God to wave His magic wand and everything will turn out just perfect, right? Well tell me what happened then!"

Michonne held Rosita's stare with her own but remained silent.

"Don't you have anything to say?" Rosita chided. "Tell me, where was your God when Abraham was being torn apart? Where was He when it happened to Noah and Daryl? Where has He been for the last six years, Michonne? On vacation? Busy with an apocalypse on some other planet? _Where_?" Rosita yelled inches from her face. "What, you don't have an answer? Where was He when _your_ little boy was killed?"

"Alright that's enough," Rick said looking in Rosita's direction. "I'm not going to have you talkin' to her like this. I know you're upset but..."

"You don't know shit," Rosita said coldly to Rick. She finally backed away from Michonne as she adjusted her hat on her head. "Anyhow, all of us are here - I mean all of us except for Abraham, of course - so let's get in the cars and drive to our perfect little island retreat."

Everyone's focus was on Rosita and not a move was made.

"What?" Rosita said, casting an icy glare at the group. "Did you all want to have another prayer circle before we left?" She walked back towards the pick-up truck, got inside and slammed the door behind her.

Rick looked at Michonne trying to gauge where her head was. He laced his fingers through hers as she stood there motionless. He raised his voice to the group. "Let's get out of here. We still have a long day ahead of us."

…..

 **A/N:** The scripture was John 16:33 and is from the NIV.

Can you tell by the SpongeBob and Dr. Phil references that I'm home with my kids a lot? BTW, SpongeBob Squarepants _is_ a dang funny show...at least the first 3 seasons or so. LOL

This chapter felt like a bit of a departure from me. Reading it back seemed strange but in a good way. I think it felt so different because were outside of those library walls. Of course it broke my heart to say goodbye to Abraham too. What a guy! I miss him on the show and I'll miss him here. Please leave me a comment and let me know what you're thinking about all this. And thanks for all your feedback so far! Love and peace y'all!


	12. Chapter 12

**June 23, 2015: Whatever Makes You Feel Better**

Carl sat at the table in the RV playing Uno with Judith as Rick continued driving north on Highway 23. Michonne, Liv, Holly and Eva were in the RV as well.

"Carl, it's your turn again!" Judith said impatiently.

Carl looked at his cards then laid them flat on the table. "Judy, I don't want to play anymore right now. Go read a book or color or something."

"But Carl, we didn't even finish the game," she moaned.

"Judy, I'm not in the mood for a game right now. Okay."

"Mama, tell Carl to finish the game!"

Michonne didn't answer or even turn to look back at her little girl. Rick turned his neck from the driver's seat and eyed Judith sternly. "Judith Grimes, you better listen to your brother young lady. If he doesn't want to play, you go and play by yourself. And don't whine."

"Fine," Judith replied pouting as she slammed her cards on the table too, "I would have beat you anyway."

Carl walked to the front of the RV and sat behind Michonne and Rick.

"Why didn't you say anything to Rosita?" Carl blurted out.

Michonne finally turned her head and studied Carl's questioning face. She looked away and sighed, taking her time to give him an answer.

"There's not one thing I could have said that would have made her feel better about what happened."

"It wasn't about making her feel better. It was about defending yourself." Carl asked thrown off by her response. "She hit you and then she insulted you – insulted your beliefs! And then...then she had the nerve to bring Andre into it. She crossed the line doing that!" Carl directed his attention towards his father next. "And you! You didn't really do anything either!"

"Your mom can hold her own against Rosita. She didn't need help from me. If I thought she couldn't handle herself, I would have been first in line to come to her defense." Michonne looked at Rick giving him a tenuous smile. While many women would have wanted, or even expected their mates to rush over and referee or defend them, she appreciated that Rick knew she wasn't one of them. He knew her capabilities and let her fight her own battles.

"How did you know she was talking about Andre? I thought you took the girls inside," Michonne asked.

"I did. But then I listened from the window." Michonne rolled her eyes and shook her head. "She shouldn't have talked to you that way and I'm pissed that she did."

"No, she shouldn't have talked to me that way. But you know what? I'm a big girl and I have big shoulders. I can take it," Michonne replied. "She just lost Abraham. She was angry and heartbroken and confused and she took it out on me. She used my faith as an excuse to take her anger out on someone. It's not the first time I've been yelled at or been treated unfairly and I'm sure it won't be the last time." Michonne turned around in her seat, completely facing Carl. "Tell me something. If I had gotten angry and defensive with her or hit her back, how would that have made anything better?"

"It would have let her know that you're not going to be treated that way! She would have known that she can't act that way and she definitely can't _hit_ you!"

"It wasn't the time or place for me to make that stand, Carl. It wasn't the time for me to preach her a sermon. Rosita knows me. She knows I'm strong and nobody's punching bag. I didn't need to prove that to her or anyone else. And I'm not going to defend my faith to anyone who's in attack mode. They won't hear it. She's family. I'm okay to forgive her and just show her a little mercy. She was hurting badly and I wasn't going to be the one to inflict more pain on her. Sometimes it takes more strength to stay silent and to be peaceful than to fight back and yell. Rosita's no threat to me. She just made a mistake and it's easier on me to just forgive the mistake. Life is too short and too hard for me to be holding a grudge. And I'm a grown-ass woman that doesn't get into cat-fights."

"I understand everything you're saying but I just can't have anyone treating my family like that."

Michonne placed her hand on Carl's cheek and gave him a tender look. "I know. And you have no idea what it means to have your love and loyalty the way I do. It goes both ways and I'd be as mad as you are if she had done that to you. You haven't seen me as the mother bear before. But you don't have to worry about me, Carl. It's like your dad said, I can handle myself. And you know what? Only that first one was free. I guarantee you that Rosita knows better than to ever try something like that again. She's probably already beating herself up about it." Michonne turned her attention ahead once again, focusing her eyes on the double yellow lines in front of them. "Besides, I'm a lot more upset about Abraham than Rosita."

Carl's head dropped at the sound of Abraham's name. He was gone and all Carl could focus on was Rosita's bad behavior. Perhaps Carl's attention drifted towards problems that he felt he had some control over rather than the death of a beloved member of their group. Abraham was gone and he couldn't do anything about that.

"It was stupid of us to think we were going to get through this move without losing someone."

"It wasn't stupid," Rick stated. "We've gotten through a lot over the last few years."

"And we've lost a lot too," Carl argued.

"Life is loss. It always has been. It's a bit more in our faces now but nothin's changed," Rick said poignantly. "Loss always hurts but it builds something in you too. Loss isn't even about what or who your losing – it's about where the loss leaves us...how we deal with it. We can choose to let it make us better, or choose to let it stop us in our tracks, maybe even go backwards. Having hope and making the best of a situation, those are good things. Don't ever forget that."

"It's a little soon for the feel-good speeches, Dad," Carl replied. "We sent Abraham out and he's dead because of it."

Liv carried Eva up to the front of the RV. "I think she's hungry." She handed Eva to her mother and Michonne reached out to the fidgeting toddler.

"You hungry, Cupcake?" Michonne asked in a sweet tone as she cradled Eva in her arms and began to nurse. Rick looked over at his wife and baby and memories of Daryl Dixon drifted to the forefront of his thoughts.

"You know your mom and Eva wouldn't be here if Daryl hadn't sacrificed himself for them a few years back. They would have been two more people we would have mourned over losing. He gave himself up and that's why they're here. That's what Abraham did today. He gave his life for ours. It's what's required of men of integrity now. My grandpa told me about his time in Italy during World War Two. He was a young man, afraid to be away from home and family but he had to go. He didn't have a choice so he went. He told me about the friends he made in his unit. They were young and away from family too. They were scared like my grandpa. He became close to these men in his unit – like brothers. They were together 24 hours a day. Ate together, slept in the same trenches, talked, laughed, cried together. Anyhow, their unit was in the front lines of battle with my grandpa. They knew the odds of them getting back home to their families were slim. They knew the danger and just didn't have a choice but to go at it, head first. They were scared but wouldn't let that stop them from going to battle against the Nazi soldiers. They marched forward because it was what was required of them. My grandpa got shot at the very beginning of the Battle of Monte Cassino. He took a bullet in the chest. He would have died if his men hadn't gotten him off the battlefield. Three of his friends from his unit carried my grandpa to safety. They risked their lives for him. Those three men who carried him to safety, they all died that day protecting him. All of them gave their lives for his. If they hadn't saved him, his life would have ended on that battlefield in Italy and life would have been very different. If they hadn't saved him, you, me, Judy, Liv, Eva, none of us would be here right now. What those friends did for your great-grandfather is no different than what Abraham did for us today. It's what Daryl did for Michonne, Carol and Morgan. It's what your mom did for Judith." Rick turned back to look at his son. "It's what I would do for you, Carl, or anyone else in this group. It's what's required of men of integrity."

Michonne placed her hand on Carl's shoulder and looked at him deliberately, "There's no doubt in my mind, that you're the kind of man your dad is talking about. You have been for a long time now. You would do exactly what Abraham did for us today."

"I'm not sure that's who I am," Carl said bluntly.

Michonne tilted her head and squinted her eyes."Really? What makes you unsure?" Michonne questioned the teenager.

Carl sat there quietly, unanxious to answer.

Michonne eyed him curiously, studying his silence. She tried to read him but it was never as easy as reading Rick. Carl had the ability to surprise her in the most remarkable ways. The manner in which the gears in his head turned and the unconventionality in his perspective always fascinated her. In many ways he was similar to his father but in other ways, he was a stark contrast. The father and son she had forged these deep relationships with had paths and ideas that often diverged.

"Well are you going to answer?" Michonne prodded.

Carl looked up at his mother and spoke intentionally. "I'm not scared of dying. I'm not a coward and I'd be on the front line of any battle."

"Well than what is it?" Michonne asked again.

"I think I'm just...," Carl paused reluctantly, "I'm just too selfish."

"Too selfish!" Michonne repeated back to him with surprise. "Would you care to explain?"

"Don't get me wrong. I would do anything for Judy and Eva and everyone else in this RV at the moment, but...I want to be here. I need to be here. I need to survive this world. If I sacrificed my life, then who would take care of _my_ baby. Who would take care of _my_ family. I have to be here for them and I wouldn't go on some suicide mission for the group and risk leaving them behind. All these decisions we make, have to be calculated and I'm not sure I would risk my life for anyone outside of this family."

Rick glanced over at Michonne knitting his brow. Carl's answer was upsetting and unexpected. His answer reminded Rick of a demon from his past. It was something Shane would have said. Shane's unyielding and obsessive loyalty to a few chosen members of the group sabotaged his loyalty to the rest of the group, even his best friend. Shane's self-serving and egomaniacal thought process drove him to murder, then lead to his own disgraceful demise.

"I still don't think that's who you are," Rick said, though he wasn't sure he believed it.

"Well think whatever makes you feel better," Carl answered coldly.

"You're still young Carl. You may think one way, one day and then...then you change. Your outlook on life grows and evolves."

"Do you think my outlook on life is going to get _softer_? You think I'm going to have _less_ loyalty towards my family as I get older and things get uglier and harsher? Is that what's happened with you, Dad?"

Rick didn't answer and Carl continued. "I remember where you started out. You bent over backwards for everyone, trying to make them happy. When we were at Hershel's farm you were helping him lead walkers to the barn because _he_ thought they could be saved. And then at the prison you let that guy go and Mom died because of it. You wouldn't have done either one of those things now. You haven't gotten softer, Dad, and I don't plan on getting soft either. If you get to keep living in this shitty world, then it _only_ makes you harder." Carl stood up and looked at his parents. "I'm sorry if saying all this disappoints you. I'm sorry if I'm not who you thought I was or if what I'm saying makes me sound like some kind of monster. But I'm not going to pretend. Don't ever wonder where my loyalties lie. I'm going to check on Holly."

…..

The caravan had traveled all day and into the evening hours. They had almost made it to Lake Chatuge and the North Carolina border but had fallen short by about 20 miles when Rick decided to call it a day. They had been on the road for nearly 12 hours. The bulk of the 320 mile journey had been relatively smooth and they hadn't come across anything that they hadn't already planned for.

They ran into a traffic jam half way through the trip. It took several hours to clear the road but in the process of clearing it, they found plenty of gasoline from nearby vehicles. While half the group moved the broken down cars, the other half siphoned enough gas to sustain them for the second half of the trip.

As they neared the outskirts of Atlanta, several unsettling and massive herds appeared in the expanse ahead of them. They took a detour to avoid them which set them back another few hours. It was worth it to keep a safe distance between them and the enormous mobs of walkers.

It was 7 PM and the sunlight was growing dimmer. The summer solstice was two days ago and the days were long and hot. Rick pulled the RV into a parking lot adjacent to a small public park. The other three vehicles pulled in behind him. The weary travelers exited the vehicles and huddled together. Liv and Clem stayed with Holly, Judith and Eva inside the RV.

"What are we doing here?" Glenn asked their leader.

"We're gonna camp here for the night."

"Here at the park?" Sasha asked with concern.

"We're vulnerable here," Carol said. "We don't have good sight lines with all these trees."

"I know," Rick answered calmly, "but I want to stay hidden for now. We don't know this area. We don't know who or what's nearby. It's too late to try to and make it all the way to the island."

"Well then why don't we try and find a house or a building?" Glenn asked.

Michonne walked to Rick's side, "Rick and I talked about it. We should stay with the vehicles in case we need to get out of here quickly for any reason."

"It'll be dark soon and I think we should just lay low tonight." Rick added. "Does anyone have a problem with that plan?"

"I don't," Morgan said. "What you're saying makes good sense. Carol and I will take the first watch right now while you all get settled in and make camp."

"I appreciate that," Rick patted Morgan on the shoulder before he addressed the others. "We have to keep lights and noise to the bare minimum tonight. We have no idea what's around us and we don't want to draw any attention. We'll sleep in the cars and RV. I want each car to have someone behind the wheel – keys in the ignition and at the ready. If there's trouble, tap your horn twice.

"I know we've all had a long day. I know getting here hasn't been easy and I wouldn't expect tomorrow or the next few days to be much easier either. We're almost there though. We can see the finish line from where we're standing. I'm proud of this group. I'm proud of what we've done and I'm confident we have it in us to push through these next few days and weeks. If finding our new home and making this new life for ourselves is as good as we've been hoping it would be, then whatever we've gone through and whatever's ahead will be worth it."

…..

It was 10:30 as Carol and Morgan stood side by side on top of the RV looking into the night sky. As they finished out the last half hour of their watch Carol yawned and leaned her head on Morgan's shoulder.

"Almost done with our watch, then I can put you to bed," Morgan said as he slid his hand around her waist and pulled her into his side.

"That's probably the best part of my day," Carol replied.

"How's that?"

"Going to bed means I made it through another day. I get to lie down next to you and have uninterrupted rest. No worries just peace."

"You think you'll sleep peacefully tonight? Our first night outside the shelter of our old home?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'm just saying whatever makes me feel better." Carol looked out into the distance silently. Morgan could sense her sadness as he held her close to his side. She felt different in his arms.

"Carol? What's wrong?"

Carol sighed. "Sometimes it's annoying how well you've gotten at reading me. I can't be upset or sad without you knowing about it."

Morgan chuckled. "Sorry. It's part of the package when you grow close to another person. When you're down, I feel it right away. Now tell me, what's on your mind?"

"Did you know that Abraham, without fail, was the only one out of everybody in our entire group that never forgot to thank me for a meal? I mean, everyone else would say thank you when they remembered or thought of it. But Abraham, he always remembered. He would say, 'Thank you kindly ma'am,' or 'I sure do appreciate this fine meal you prepared, Ms. Carol.' Every time. They say people aren't remembered for how they act or what they do. They're remembered for how they make you feel. Abraham made me feel appreciated. Like I was doing something for him that made every one of his days a little better. He had a big personality and he's gong to leave a big void in this group. I miss him already." Morgan took his eyes off of his the primeter for a moment to see the tears falling down Carol's cheeks. He moved his staff from his right hand to his left and pulled a bandanna out of his back pocket. He gently blotted the tears from her face.

Carol leaned her head on his chest as more tears fell. "What would I do if it was you that hadn't made it back? Who would I have? Rosita has all of us but really, she's alone for the first time in all this. My heart is breaking for her because I know how I would be doing if I lost you."

"You'd be okay," Morgan said trying to console her. "Rosita will be okay. You're strong and if something happened to me, you would keep going. You know that's what I'd want. You'd be okay, Darlin."

"No Morgan. If I lost you, I _wouldn't_ be okay. I'd be right back up on that ledge. If you leave me, I don't want to stay here. I don't want to live another day of my life without you. I don't think I even could."

"You're stronger than what you're makin' yourself out to be, Carol."

"I am strong when I have to be. And who the hell says I have to be. If knowing the truth about myself makes me weak, than I can make peace with that. What I can't make peace with is the thought of forcing myself to go on living without one more person I love. I won't do it. I'm sorry if saying that is letting you down. I'm sorry if I'm not as strong as you think I am. I told you when this relationship started, that I was a mess and you said you'd love me anyway. Well here I am. The ugly truth and the mess in plain view."

Morgan wrapped his arms around her, soothing her with his embrace. Carol's confession, the weaknesses she was admitting to, couldn't diminish his love for her. How could it? Her authenticity, vulnerability and desperate need for him in her life, only made him cherish her more.

"There's nothing you could tell me that could make me love you less. I know you worry about losing me. I know you think it would break you. Maybe it would and and maybe it wouldn't. I'm here though, Carol. Right now, I'm here. And I'm planning on being here with you for a long, long time."

Morgan was in no hurry to release Carol from his grasp and neither was Carol. For the next few minutes, they stood quietly together keeping watch over each other's shoulders. Carol finally broke the silence. "Our watch is almost over."

"Sasha and Glenn should be coming to relieve us soon. We can get some sleep."

Suddenly Carol pulled away. "Morgan, I just saw something?"

"Where?"

Carol pointed her finger in the direction of what caught her eye. "Lights. I saw lights flashing on the other side of those houses."

After a moment, Morgan saw the lights too.

Just then, Glenn and Sasha climbed quietly to the top of the RV.

Morgan walked up to the two friends, there to relieve them from their duties. "I know it's been a long day," Morgan said putting his hand on Glenn's shoulder, "but it's gonna be a long night too."


	13. Chapter 13

**February 5, 2041: The Search**

Maggie opened her eyes but it was still dark. She could see nothing, not even her hand in front of her face. She had a terrible headache from a wound at the base of her skull but knew right away that was the least of her problems. She moved her hand to the back of her head where most of the pain was coming from. Her hair was matted and sticky with blood.

The concrete she was lying on was cold, damp and hard. She pushed herself up with her arms then stood up slowly. Placing her hands out in front of her, she felt her way through her surroundings. She dragged her feet, afraid of tripping, and walked the perimeter of whatever room she was in. The walls were plywood. She surmised that she was in a storage shed on a concrete slab. It couldn't be more than 8 foot squared. She found the doorknob. Of course it was locked.

Maggie's eyes finally began to adjust to the darkness and she could see a small sliver of light coming from underneath the door.

She wondered how long she had been here. Had she been here for a few hours or a few days? Where was she? She knew for a fact that she wasn't on Penland Island. She had lived on the small island for 25 years and knew every inch of it's terrain. There were no sheds like this one anywhere. She had been taken off the island on a boat but she had no idea where.

Maggie was going for her morning walk with Sugar. She was on the northern-most side of the island and heading back home when she saw him. It was Peter.

Peter was a newcomer to Penland Island. He had been there less than three weeks. A party of six men and women had gone to Jackrabbit Mountain, an area near Penland but still on the lake. There they would spend the day hunting and foraging. They found Peter by himself at one of the campgrounds there. Peter told them that he thought he was 19 but didn't know for sure. It was obvious the young man had some sort of learning disability, perhaps even a mental disability. He said that he got separated from his family and had been on his own for a few days. Cassidy, one of the mothers in that group, insisted that they bring him back to the island and that he stay with her and her teenage son.

"Peter, what are you doing out here by yourself?" Maggie called out to him while she tugged on Sugar's leash. "Cassie said she doesn't like you to wander around the island all alone."

"She's not my boss!" Peter yelled back adamantly. "I can go wherever I want."

"Alright. Well why don't you walk me back home. I'll let you hold Sugar's leash," Maggie said trying to redirect him.

"Okay," Peter said walking slowly towards Maggie. "Maggie, you're so nice. I like you so much. Can you be my mom and let me live with you?"

Maggie chuckled at the request, "Why Peter? Cassie is taking good care of you."

"She's not nice. She makes me eat vegetables and doesn't have a TV at her house like you."

"Well you can visit me at my house and I'll let you watch videos but I think you should stay with Cassie. Besides, I would make you eat vegetables too."

"Can I show you something before we go back?"

"What do you want to show me?"

"I can't tell you. It's a surprise."

"Well I'm getting to be an old lady, Peter. I don't really like surprises. Besides, I'll be late for church if I don't hurry and get back. Let's go back to my house and I'll make you some breakfast. You can go to church with me and Glenn and then later you can show both of us the surprise."

"No."

"Peter, you know that if you stay with us on the island you have to listen to all the grown-ups and do what we say."

"Fine!" he yelled back, now stomping towards her. "It was a big surprise but now you'll never know it!"

"Are you sure you don't want to just tell me?"

"Since you won't come and look, I guess I'll tell you. But it won't be as good." Peter leaned in closer to Maggie and cupped her ear with his hands. "Remember I said my family was gone and that I couldn't find them?"

Maggie took a few steps backwards and eyed the young man suspiciously. "Yeah, I remember."

"Well that was just a game. They were tricking me. They _are_ here. They came back for me and they are hiding. They're going to stay here too. Do you want to meet them?"

"I have to go, Peter," Maggie said as casually as possible, trying to conceal her uneasiness. "I'm going to be late for church and Glenn will worry about me."

"No Maggie. You should meet them! They will like you!"

"I'll see you later," Maggie said turning away and beginning to run. Before she made it more than 10 feet, two men ran out in front of her. Sugar barked emphatically at the strangers in front of her. As they moved closer, she began to growl.

"Pull that dog back," a man who looked to be in his late thirties commanded Maggie.

"I don't know who you are but it would be in your best interest to let me pass and go on my way," Maggie said calmly.

"You know who we are. Peter just told ya who we are. We're his family. We been lookin' for him for weeks and we're mighty pleased with the home he's found."

"Well you should know that we've been taking care of Peter...been feeding him, protecting him."

"Thanks for doin' that. Really appreciate it," the man said as he held Maggie in his menacing stare.

"Well I really do need to be goin'" Maggie said as she started walking away quickly and nervously.

"Why? So you can tell all your friends that there's strangers on the island? Then what? They come and hunt us down and kill us? Kill my boys?"

"Kill you? Why would we do that?"

"I know what kind of people you are. I know what you did to take this island. You probably don't remember me but I sure's hell remember you. Your pretty little face is as clear to me as when I saw it some 25 years ago. You still with that Chink, or is he dead?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Maggie said as she continued to try to walk away.

"Don't bother tryin' to feed me no bullshit. You _do_ know what I'm talkin' about."

"I'm telling you right now, let me go! My friends _will_ kill you if you do anything besides that. Unless you leave this island right now, you're dead already. Now just go."

"I think we'll take our chances," the man said as he moved in closer to Maggie.

Sugar continued to growl as the man approached. The man pulled out his knife and swung it out in front of himself wildly.

"I said for you to pull that dog back!" Maggie made no effort to keep Sugar from the stranger.

"Fine, then come over here, ya little bitch!" he said as the knife slashed across Sugar's chest. The dog yelped in pain then sunk her teeth into the man's thigh. He screamed out in pain, then raised his knife again plunging down into the pit bull/lab's body.

"Stop!" Maggie shouted as loudly as she could. "Please don't hurt her!" As Maggie watched the man fight off her beloved pet, she pulled her pocket-knife out of her belt. She couldn't remember the last time she had needed a weapon to defend herself. She unfolded the knife as she tried to run away. The other man, who looked to be in his early twenties, ran in front of her. He blocked her way then pushed her back. Maggie charged him, aiming her knife at his chest. He turned his body and she drove it into his arm instead. She pulled the knife out and raised it above the young man to bring it down again. Before the knife could make contact. She felt the blow to her head. She collapsed onto the ground and rolled onto her back. She looked up to see Peter standing above her, a large rock in his hand.

"Peter..." she gasped, fighting the urge to black out completely.

"You shouldn't hurt my brother," Peter replied in a sad and confused tone. "That was mean."

As Maggie laid on her back, she could hear Sugar whimpering and crying. She turned her head and watched as the older man slowly sliced through Sugar's flesh, cutting off her ear. "Please stop..." she gasped, but her pleas were ignored.

Maggie's eyes opened and closed as she felt the two men dragging her to the water, pulling on each leg. She tried to struggle free but she was no match for them.

 _They're going to drown me,_ she thought to herself. _They're going to put me in the water and Glenn and Hershel and my grand babies will never know what happened. They'll never see me again. God please...please don't let them kill me,_ she pleaded silently.

"Peter, please help me," she said to the boy as he walked alongside them.

"I can't or my papa will get mad," Peter said back. "Now just shush."

Maggie felt her body being lifted up and carried into the water. Just as she was preparing herself to hold her breath, she felt her body being laid into a small boat. They weren't putting her into a watery grave. They weren't going to drown her. _Thank you Lord. Thank you,_ she said to herself as she looked up into the blue sky. She saw the three men climbing into the boat next to her and felt them rowing the boat away. She closed her eyes and slipped into unconsciousness.

She didn't know how long she had been unconscious. Was it the same day or the next day. She balled up her fists and banged on the door as hard as she could.

"Let me outta here!" she shouted. She waited but heard nothing on the other side of the shed. She reached to her belt to see if by some oversight on their part, she still had her knife. She didn't. They had also removed her socks and shoes.

She banged on the door again but still, there was nothing from the other side. She walked over to where she thought the corner was. She forgot to drag her feet as she walked and tripped over a bucket and blanket piled in the middle of the shed. She fell to her hands and knees. She felt a crack in her wrist as soon as she landed. Pain shot through her entire hand and arm as she howled out in agony. She crawled over to the corner and leaned into it.

Maggie slowly pulled her undershirt off. She wrapped it tightly around her mangled and broken wrist. She slumped back onto the concrete slab and finally allowed herself to break down as her tears flowed down her face.

Sugar's cries as she was being tortured, echoed in her head. She had her precious dog for seven years, since she was a puppy. And now those animals had killed her. Maggie wasn't sure if she would make it out alive either. She was dizzy with pain, thirsty and shivering from the February cold. She didn't see a way out of here. She knew was stuck in this shed and there was nothing she could do about it. Something else she knew though, was that her family was looking for her.

…..

By 11 A.M. Carl had gathered 6 search parties together. They had gone over every inch of the island over the last few hours and now he had them all at attention on the North side of the island.

"I think it's safe to say that Maggie's not here. Glenn and Maggie's dog was killed on this side of the island so that would indicate that Maggie was probably abducted here too. It also stands to reason that they took her by boat across the lake. I already have another few search parties out in Hayesville and I'd like the rest of you to go to the surrounding area and islands. We don't have enough guns for everyone but I want at least one member from each party to be carrying. I want everyone else to be armed as well so carry whatever you're most comfortable with. Each party should also have a walkie."

Glenn spoke up next. "I know everyone here probably doesn't know what Maggie looks like so look at the picture before you go. She's 5'7" and about 135 pounds. She wears a red, checkered, flannel coat." Glenn's voice began to crack. "Please...please keep looking for her for as long as it takes."

"Hershel has a map and he's keeping track of where everyone is going out to look," Carl continued. "Be careful out there. Stay together and be aware of your surroundings." Carl looked over at Glenn and Hershel, then back at everyone else. "This could be a long day so be prepared for that. We're not going to stop looking until Maggie's found."

…..

Carl, Caleb and four others had been on the lake for an hour when they steered the small motorboat into Pitts Cove. There were several inlets in the small cove for someone to pull into and make their camp. They looked at each of the inlets for anything out of the ordinary.

"Right there!I see smoke!" Marshall called out enthusiastically.

Caleb motioned to Marshall,"Keep your voice down. Whoever these people are, they're not too smart. If they're trying to hide from us, having a fire in the middle of the day is a bad way to do it."

"Maybe they're not trying to hide," Carl said staring ahead. "Maybe they're trying to bate us with Maggie so we'll leave the island to look for her. Maybe they're just waiting so they can ambush us."

"There would have to be a lot of them to pull something like that off," Marshall replied.

Carl looked over at him, tilted his head and cracked the smallest of grins. "Well then let's just hope they're stupid."

They docked the boat in one of the small inlets and climbed out.

Caleb pointed to the ground and whispered to his brother-in-law, "Carl, fresh blood on the dirt over here."

"Good pick up. It rained yesterday so this has to be from today," Carl said. "Let's hope it's not Maggie's."

Carl and the others heard an engine turning over in the distance. A car or a truck. "Whoever it is, they're still here," Carl said. "We need to find that truck. We can't have them driving away if they have Maggie. We might never find her. We have no idea how many people are here though, so we need to stay out of sight." Carl pulled the walkie out from his belt and held down the button on the side. "Glenn, Hershel, do you copy?"

Glenn's voice came from the other end. "I'm here. What do you got?"

"I'm not sure yet but we're in Pitt's Cove and there are people here."

"People? How many? Do you see Maggie anywhere?"

"I don't see Maggie anywhere but it's a pretty big coincidence that people show up at this cove on the same day she disappears. We don't have any idea how many there are but I want you to call the other search parties and all of you to get over here quickly. Whoever they are, I want to outnumber them."

"We're on our way there! ETA is 15 minutes. I'll get the other parties on the walkie en route," Glenn replied frantically. There was a few seconds of silence from both sides when Glenn's voice came through the walkie again. "Carl, do me a favor and don't do anything until we get there. Just stay out of sight until you get some back-up."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just have a bad feeling and don't want anyone getting hurt. You saw what these psychopaths did to Sugar. I guess it's just the dad in me. I told _your_ dad I'd keep an eye on you and I just don't want to let him down."

Carl looked down at the ground at the mention of his father. Nobody but Michonne and Clem had spoken to him about his dad in months, not even his sisters. It caught him off guard and his concentration on the situation at hand was momentarily broken. He held the walkie in his hand and stared back towards the lake, glistening in the afternoon sun. His dad loved living here on the lake and towards the end, all he wanted to do was sit on the shore and look at the water. And Carl, wanting to be near him, spent nearly every day by his side.

Carl was a hardened man, tough as nails and resilient. That's the way this world made you. But his father, really all of his family, revealed in him something pliant and vulnerable. He swallowed back the flash of unexpected grief and pulled himself together. "Don't worry, Glenn. I won't make a move unless I have to."

"Copy that."

 **A/N** If you have rewatched the show (a thousand times like I have) you may have noticed that there is virtually no Glenn and Carl interaction. This always bugged me because I think the two of them are similar and would have had a good friendship or a brotherly relationship. Love that great feedback you guys give me! It's so encouraging so please keep it up! God bless!


	14. Chapter 14

**June 24, 2015: Best-Laid Plans**

It was an restless night for everyone. By 7 AM, nearly everyone was out of their vehicles and gathered near the playground. Michonne pushed Eva on the only swing on the play structure that was still intact while Judith quietly glided down the slide over and over.

Holly had finally woken up in the middle of the night. She was petrified at not knowing where she was but Carl and Bob managed to calm her down. She remained inside the camper now afraid to leave that safe haven. Physically, she was okay though, and that was what was important. Carl was with the others, trying to figure out their next move, so Liv stayed by her side.

"So in case anyone isn't aware yet, there are people nearby," Rick announced. "Now we don't have any idea how many or where they are now. All we saw last night were lights."

Glenn addressed the group next. "Rick and I talked about it. The plan is still to head to the island. Lake Chatuge is only another 20 miles from here but we decided to go another route to get there. We saw the lights just north of us so we're going to head east a few miles. We're hoping we can just avoid whoever we saw last night – at least for now."

"Everyone get some breakfast. We're leaving here in half an hour," Rick instructed.

Rick was just about to go back into the RV when Carl grabbed his arm. "Dad, wait."

"What is it?"

"Are you sure this is the best way to do things?"

"How do you mean?"

"I mean maybe we shouldn't just go straight to the island. We don't know who or what is out there. I feel like there's a good chance there's gonna be people on the island."

"Well what would you suggest?"

"Maybe just a few of us should go...scout it out first. I'd feel better if Judith and Eva and Holly stayed back here and just a couple of people went ahead to check it out."

Rick sighed heavily, contemplating the idea. "That's not a bad idea but I think I'd rather all of us stay together."

"Well I'm not sure I'm ready to just go there without checking it out first."

"Are you volunteering to be one of the scouts?" Rick asked.

"I could go but I was thinking I'd stay back here and take care of the girls."

Rick couldn't help but remember what Carl had told him the day before. Telling him that he wasn't willing to stick his neck out for anyone but his immediate family.

Rick tilted his head and looked Carl in the eye. "Do you think it's fair to make a suggestion and then expect other people in the group to carry it out?"

Carl shook his head and scoffed. "Are you talking about what I said to you yesterday?"

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. You said you were too selfish to leave your family behind to do something for the rest of the group. Is that really the truth?" Rick asked.

"That's not how I meant it and you know it. You're just trying to pick a fight with me because I'm not stepping in line with you and the way you want to do things!"

"That's not the case. In fact, I've changed my mind. I do think sending a few scouts is a good plan - probably a better plan."

"What kind of game are you playing with me, Dad? You're changing your mind about this so I'll have to prove to you that I'm not selfish and that I do care about the group."

"I'm not playing any kind of game with you, Carl," Rick said angrily. "This isn't a game. This isn't about anyone trying to prove anything. Do you really think I'd make decisions for the entire group based on my expectations of you?" Rick stared Carl down expectantly. "My ego isn't going to ever keep me from doing what's best for the group. Everything is complicated enough already. I got nothin' to prove to anyone and you don't either. It's not about proving yourself, Carl. It's about doing the right thing. That's it!"

Michonne overheard the two of them arguing and walked behind the RV where they were.

"What's going on?"

"Carl said we should send out a few scouts before the rest of us go any further."

"And you don't agree?" she asked Rick.

"I _do_ agree," Rick answered sharply staring Carl down.

"Well then what's the problem?"

Carl returned his father's stare. "There isn't a problem. We're going to send out scouts. I'll be one of them."

…..

The group drove 17 miles closer to their destination. They parked all the vehicles in a small industrial area with plenty of overgrowth to conceal their vehicles.

Rick, Carl, Glenn and Morgan were ready to go. Rick kissed Eva on her cheek and handed her back to Michonne. Judith wrapped her arms around Rick's legs.

"Daddy, please don't go! I need you. I'm still scared. I know I'm not supposed to be but I am."

Rick picked Judith up into his arms and hugged her tightly. "It'll be alright Pumpkin. It's just like when we were at the library and I'd go out. Mama and everyone else will take good care of you while I'm gone, promise." Rick could feel her tears on his neck.

"Daddy, no," she cried. "I need you. I don't want the monsters to get me and I don't want them to get you."

"They won't get you and they won't get me."

"They got Abraham and he's big," she sobbed.

Judith was right. Whether they wanted her to or not, she was old enough to see the reality of what life and death looked like. Rick pulled her away from his chest as she still cried. "Look at me," he said, wiping her tears with her shirt. No matter what happens, everything will be okay. If anything happens to me, Mama will be here with you. She'll take care of you."

"What if something happens to Mama?" she asked wiping her eyes again.

"Then Carl will be here with you. There will always, always be someone here with you. Someone who loves you."

Michonne came to Rick and pulled Judy out of his arms. "Come over here baby girl. Daddy's gotta go and we're gonna stay. There's no time for tears now so you just give your Daddy a kiss goodbye. Okay?"

"Okay," Judith said somberly. She stretched her body towards Rick kissing him on the lips as she remained in Michonne's arms.

"That's my big girl," Rick said, running his hand over her long dark hair.

"We'll be back by four. If we're not..."

"I know what to do."

"You always do." Rick placed his hand around Michonne's neck and pulled her close to his face. He rested his forehead on hers. "I love you."

Michonne pressed her lips to his. "Love you back."

…..

Rick, Carl, Glenn and Morgan walked the three remaining miles to their destination. As they stood on top of a hill overlooking Lake Chatuge and the small islands within, Morgan shook his head and let out an audible gasp.

"It's beautiful. Everything we hoped for." The lake's dark blue water sparkled in the late morning sun. Penland Island, the largest of all the islands, was lush with trees, bushes and other greenery. A variety of birds circled around the lake, some swooping down into the water for a minnow or other small meal.

Several small boats and a few larger ones were docked at the southeast end of the island. Rick peered through the binoculars and investigated the main island.

"I see two rows of small cabins on the east side of the island."

"Do you see any people?" Glenn finally asked.

"No but I can't see too much of anything with all the trees," Rick answered. He continued to study Penland Island and the nearby area. He lowered the binoculars from his eyes and looked at the others with disappointment. "This island is occupied."

Carl took the binoculars from Rick to get a look for himself. "How can you tell if you don't see anyone?"

"Look at the boats. They're clean...no rust on them, no muck or build-up. You can tell they've been used in the last few days." Rick pointed to an area on the mainland across from Penland. "Look over there too. Do you see those crops? They're being tended. Neat rows...no weeds. There are definitely people here."

"We all knew this was too good to be true," Morgan said. "An island like this is invaluable. It was foolish of us to think there wouldn't be people here already."

"We knew this was a possibility," Glenn replied.

"We knew it and we planned for it," Rick said confidently.

"And what exactly is the plan?" Carl asked.

"It's 10:30 now. I told Michonne we would be back by 4. We still have plenty of time to go in further...investigate closer up. That's what we should do."

"We could also just leave, Rick," Morgan said. "We could just find somewhere else to go. This isn't the only place we can make our home. There's lots of places we can do that."

"No. No way," Carl stated adamantly. "We've all come this far for _this_ place – for _this_ island. We're not just going to give it up and leave. We lost Abraham so we could get this place."

Morgan fixed his eyes on Carl soberly. "Don't get things confused, Carl. Abraham gave up his life so we could get out of the library safely. We did that. That doesn't mean we have to stay here. We _can_ go somewhere else. I don't want to see anymore blood spilled."

"No one wants to see that. We just have to be careful. Keep our cool," Glenn stated calmly, "but we're not giving this place up."

"We're going in further. You gotta problem with that Morgan?" Rick asked. "If you do, you can stay behind or go back to the others. But the rest of us, we're going."

Morgan's uneasiness was palpable and could be felt by the others. He grimaced as he stood up in solidarity. "I'm going wherever you're going."

Rick, Carl and Glenn stood also. "Alright then," Rick said, "we're going to the bottom of this hill where we can see better. We'll be able to see who's there and hopefully, how many. Let's go."

…..

The vantage point from the bottom of the hill was much better than their view from the top. The four hid behind a Coral Honeysuckle bush right on the lake's shore. They peered through the branches at the island across from them. They took turns using the two sets of binoculars.

"Over there," Glenn spoke softly, "do you see? There's at least a couple dozen people gathered under that shelter. They're eating. Looks like an equal amount of men, women and kids."

"The men are armed," Rick stated clearly. "Pretty heavy artillery too."

Carl took the binoculars from his dad and studied the scene for himself. "I'm counting 25 people in all. Nine men...and yep, they're heavily armed. But the women and children, they don't have any weapons at all."

Morgan observed the scene for a few minutes himself before he lowered the binoculars from his eyes and looked at the others. "I hate to bring it up, but did any of you notice that the entire group of 25 people is all white folks?"

"I guess I hadn't really noticed," Rick replied. "That is a little strange but it could just be a coincidence. Maybe they're all one family."

"I'm sure it's probably nothing," Glenn concurred.

"Are you kidding me?" Carl spoke up. "I think that's really strange. Look at our group compared to theirs. There's no way after this many years they would have such a big group of people that wasn't more diverse."

"Not unless it was intentional," Morgan said.

Rick spoke as he continued to investigate the group from afar. "Let's not jump to any conclusions. For now, that doesn't matter. Either they're friendly or they're not."

"And how do we find that out, Rick?" Morgan asked. "What's our next move?"

Rick stretched his hand out over his face and pulled it down over his scruffy jaw with anxiety. The decision was on him. They always were. If it was a good decision he was making, he got the glory. It was unnecessary and did little to encourage him though. That wasn't the kind of man he was. It never even occurred to Rick Grimes to need or want credit or accolades from the others.

On the other side of that coin, when things went poorly, Rick was devastated with himself. Every time the group had suffered any kind of loss, Rick found a way to place the blame upon himself. His thoughts would turn against him and show him how he he could have, or should have done things differently. No matter how things went down, he almost always took the groups failure's as a whole, solely upon himself.

Today would be no different. There was a definitive decision to be made and once again, it was placed on Rick's shoulders. The pressure of another potential failure weighed on him and he looked at his three companions. "I'm not going to do it this time."

"Do what?" Glenn asked.

"I'm not going to make the decision. We all have something at stake here. We all have things to gain and lose in this. We all have to make this decision together. What do you all want to do?"

Silence fell over the men. None of them knew the exact right answer. There was no way to know what their next step should be. The gravity of the decision loomed heavily on all of them.

Carl was the first to speak. "Okay, I have a plan. We all head back to the others. Me and Morgan, we gather our packs and we come back. We go straight up to their camp. We announce ourselves and come in peacefully, minimal weapons and waving the white flag. We get a feel for the place...see what the people are like. Dad, you and Glenn can watch us from right here."

"Go on," Rick said hanging on Carl's every word.

"Then, if we can, we leave and report back in a day or two. If for some reason we can't get away, we'll try and signal you. If we don't come back or we can't signal you, you can assume they're unfriendly."

"And then what?" Morgan asked.

"If you know they're enemies, and we can't get back to you..." Carl sat up straight and looked from Morgan to his dad, "...then do whatever you have to do."

…..

 **A/N** – Goodness gracious I've missed you all! I've missed writing but I have had a crazy few weeks. Out-of-town guests, vacation (that eclipse was AMAZING!), school starting back up again, and a few million other things, have kept me from writing. I'll be going out of town three times this month so September probably won't be much better. Please know that if I'm not here, it's never for a lack of desire but for a lack of time. Hope you enjoyed this last chapter and please drop a comment because it makes my day when you do! Love and God bless y'all!


	15. Chapter 15

**June 24, 2015: Penland or Bust**

Carl shuffled around the RV stuffing a number of different, and seemingly unnecessary, items into his pack.

Holly propped herself up in bed and gave Carl a confused glance."Why are you taking a can opener?"

"If we're going to convince this new group on the island that we've been wandering out on the road for a while, we need to look the part."

"I'm scared to have you go."

"Holly, I have to do this," Carl said as he sat on the edge of the bed. He held her tiny hands in his and looked into her eyes compassionately. "We've come so far and we're almost there. The island is so close...just a few miles away."

"But why do _you_ have to go?"

"This plan is my idea. It's not fair to come up with an idea and expect someone else to carry it out. I _have_ to go."

"I know there's nothing I can say to get you to stay so I'm not even going to bother."

"Well good," Carl said adamantly. "You have to learn to start trusting me. I've gotten you this far – I've protected you. I'd do anything for you and the baby. You have to trust that. Every decision I'm making, I'm making it for the three of us. For you, me and the baby. You believe that don't you?"

"I do believe that."

"I know things have been hard the last few weeks but we just have a little more to go and then everything will be alright. Do you believe that?"

"I don't think I'm as optimistic as you are but I'm trying to be. I trust you though, Carl. I know you love me. I know you're looking out for me because for whatever reason...I obviously can't do it myself. My fear gets in the way. It distorts everything and I find myself paralyzed."

"Is that what happened yesterday?"

Holly turned away from Carl and looked out the window. "I thought I was going to die yesterday. I thought I would be torn apart in front of you. I was convinced walking out those doors would be the last thing I ever did."

"You made it, Holly."

"Only because of you. I'm alive right now because of you and I'd be dead if you hadn't saved me."

"That's true of almost everyone alive. We're all here because someone else risked their life for our life. I saved you but then my dad saved us both. We all need each other."

Holly turned her blue eyes back up to him. She reached her hand up to his caress his face."I know you'll do anything to take care of me Carl...I know that. And I love you more than anything for doing that."

Carl brushed Holly's long, golden hair behind her ear. He leaned over her body and moved his face closer to hers. He tenderly moved his lips along her cheek until he reached her ear. "I love you too Holly," he whispered, "even more than you know." Carl felt tears stinging in the corners of his eyes but immediately swallowed the piercing emotions back. He quickly stood up, discreetly wiping the stray tears away.

"I need to get going," he said standing and turning away from her.

"Are you okay?" Holly asked with concern as she grabbed onto his hand.

"Yeah. Yeah of course. I just don't want to make my dad and the others wait."

"Oh, okay."

"Mom and everyone else will be here if you need anything. Liv said she'll stay in here and play cards with you or something if you want."

"Yeah that'd be nice. Maybe we'll invite Judith and teach her a new game," Holly said smiling brightly. "I know everyone's getting tired of Uno."

Carl smiled and picked up his pack from the floor and slung it over his shoulder. He mindlessly moved his eyes around the RV before landing them back on Holly. "I should be back in a couple days hopefully but I..." Carl's voice nervously drifted off.

"You'll be fine, Carl. If you take care of yourself the way you take care of me, I know you'll be fine."

"Okay then." Carl said nodding as he stood still by the door, staring back at her. He glanced towards the door indicating once more his intention to leave but still his feet remained planted, keeping him from going. His hand reached out to the doorknob but he made no effort to open the door and leave. Carl abruptly spun around, dropped his pack and ran back towards Holly. His knees dropped to the floor as he buried his face into her lap.

"I love you Holly," he said, no longer curbing his emotions. "I love you so much! And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for when I haven't been the man I was supposed to be for you. I'm sorry for every time I yelled at you, or bullied you or treated you less than what you deserve. I'm sorry for every time I couldn't understand whatever it was you were dealing with." Carl wrapped his arms around her and pulled her small frame closer to himself. He held onto her for dear life not wanting to loosen his grip. A rush of emotion swept over him at the thought of how in love he was with this girl. They had been together for more than two years but something unfamiliar was stirred up in him for the first time. He was suddenly aware of the fact that he needed to take care of her and love her every bit as much as she needed to be taken care of and loved. The depth of that realization moved Carl to cry openly.

Holly pulled his head up from her lap and wiped the never-before-seen tears away gently with her shirt. "Come here," she said pulling him up closer to her. She placed her hands on his face and parted her lips as she brought them towards his lips. Their mouths opened and locked together fervently as they embraced. They held onto each other and the moment for just a little while longer before Carl finally said goodbye.

…..

Carl, Rick, Morgan and Rosita trekked back the same way towards the island. Rosita insisted on going in Glenn's place saying that it didn't make sense for two fathers of little ones to go on such a potentially dangerous mission.

By 5 PM, the four of them reached the area where they had spied on the islanders before. Carl reached down and picked up a handful of dirt. He spit into and rubbed it onto his arms, face, neck and hands.

"You ready for this?" Rick asked Carl and Morgan.

"Yeah, we're ready," Morgan replied as he did the same with the dirt.

Carl adjusted his belt and looked at the others. "We're going in peacefully, armed with only my knife and Morgan's staff. We'll act desperate, hungry...like we're no threat, just looking for charity. We'll get a good feel for what they're like. By this time tomorrow, we'll meet you back here. If we can't get away, we'll signal you from the dock on the south side of the island."

"If we don't see or here from you by 7 PM tomorrow, we're coming in behind you – all of us," Rick stated.

"Alright then," Morgan said extending his hand to Rick. Rick put his right hand into Morgan's and shook it once."Rick, if for any reason I don't come back..."

"You'll come back."

"But if I don't, take care of Carol for me, okay."

"Carol's family. That's not something you even have to ask."

"It's not for your benefit, that I'm asking. It's for mine. I don't like making assumptions or leaving things unsaid."

"Fair enough, Morgan. I'll always look out for Carol, you never have to worry."

"We should get going," Carl announced.

Rick wrapped his arms around Carl. "Be safe out there. Keep your cool and..."

"Got it, Dad."

Rick released Carl from his grip and took a few steps backwards. "Yeah, I know you do," he chuckled slightly, "but I'm required as your father to say these things."

Carl smiled then turned away. He and Morgan began to walk towards the shore. Rosita abruptly turned to Rick and looked him squarely in the eyes.

"I'm going with them," she stated.

"What are you talking about? That's not part of the plan."

"I need to see these people for myself. Besides, having a woman with them will make them seem like less of a threat. I'm going," she said as she handed Rick the walkie talkie.

"Carl, Morgan...wait!" she called out as she ran to catch up to them.

…..

Carl, Morgan and Rosita saw the small boat docked on the bank, southeast of the lake. They didn't see anyone around but assumed that if the boat belonged to someone on the island, they would be nearby. The three looked around and found no one. They hopped into the boat and began to row the 1/2 or so mile, across the lake to Penland Island.

Before they could bring the boat to shore, three armed men stood on the dock awaiting their arrival. Carl, Morgan and Rosita all three lifted their arms in the air.

"We're coming here peacefully!" Morgan called out.

"Keep your hands in the air where we can see them!" a tall blonde man in his mid thirties shouted back.

"Can I row us in?" Carl asked. The blonde man nodded. Carl rowed the remaining 30 feet to the shore. Once the small boat bumped into the dock, Carl raised his hands back up.

A brooding, gray-haired man tied the small vessel to the dock then motioned for the three to exit the boat. "Line up over there," he said while pointing his gun farther up the dock.

"Keep your hands up," the blonde man reminded them as they stood next to each other. The third man, a plump man with a long beard began to frisk them.

"We don't have any guns," Morgan said. "I just have my staff and..."

"Quiet," the blonde man said sternly but with composure. It was obvious he held the most seniority of the three men. "Don't speak unless you're spoken to."

After the bearded man finished frisking them, he pulled their packs off their shoulders. He spilled them out onto the dock and thoroughly opened every pocket. "They're clean," he said, "no guns, no bullets, not much of anything valuable."

"Put your hands down," the blonde said. He turned his attention to Carl, standing in front of him."Where did you get the boat?"

"It was docked on the other side of the lake," Carl replied.

"It's not your boat but you thought it was okay to take it?"

"We didn't know it belonged to anyone," Morgan said. "Most things are up for grabs these days."

"Who are you?" he asked looking at Carl again and continuing his interrogation.

"I'm Carl. This is Rosita and Morgan."

"Why are you here?" the gray-haired man asked.

"We've been on the road for a few months. Morgan said he knew about these islands so we've been making our way here for a while. When we finally got to the lake, we saw smoke coming from this island. We figured there were people here and I'm glad we were right." Carl smiled unassumingly at each of the three men trying to get a read on them. So far they hadn't said or done anything that his dad or the others wouldn't have done themselves. They had behaved reasonably, as people protecting their home would behave towards strangers. "Do you have any food?" Carl finally asked.

"We haven't eaten anything but bugs and leaves for the last week," Rosita lied.

"What'd he say about speaking unless you're spoken to?" the bearded man snapped back towards Rosita, as he stood inches away from her face. "We don't know who the hell you are! You're tresspassers and you're on _our_ turf! Stay quiet while we figure out what to do with you."

"Easy Reg," the blonde man said calmly. "They're trespassers but that's no reason for us to lose our manners." The blonde man turned his attention back towards Carl. "My name is Mitch. Mitch Douglas. My family has been on this island since the very beginning of this mess. It's been our home and we've managed to keep it safe, but you gotta understand, we've kept it safe because we've been careful. Careful about who we let live here. Careful about who's making decisions. Careful about how we do things. I'm sure you can appreciate that, right?"

Carl met Mitch's eyes with his own. "Of course. There's nothing more important now than protecting yourself and your family. Protecting your home is a big part of that."

"Exactly," Mitch replied. "Ya'll pick your packs up and follow me. Now it's not solely up to me to decide whether or not we allow you folks to stay but we can at least get you something to eat while we figure it out."

"How many people live here?" Morgan asked.

Mitch continued to walk forward as he answered, "I'm not quite sure we want to divulge those kind of stats to strangers right now. All you need to know is that you are outnumbered and you'd be stupid to try anything."

"Like I said before, we're no threat to you. We're just folks trying to make it," Morgan spoke softly.

"Yeah I heard you before, son. You're no threat. You'll just have to excuse me if my comrades and I want to decide that for ourselves."

After walking nearly a mile from where they docked the boat, the six reached the island's homestead. Carl, Morgan and Rosita quickly looked around, mentally taking notes of everything they saw.

A dozen or so small cottages encircled a large grassy area. There were several more cottages behind those. In the center of the grassy area was a large covered shelter, open on three sides. Within the shelter were several tables and benches and a large outdoor kitchen. Next to that was a playground where several squealing and giggling children were presently playing. There was another large building completely enclosed but with several windows. None of the three could see what was inside that building.

Down near the shore was a washing station and clotheslines. Further up the shoreline, they spotted what looked like animal pens. Goats bleating and chickens cackling in the distance could be heard.

The three men, guns still raised, led them to the outdoor kitchen. "You folks are just in time for dinner and you're lucky. It's Mary Jo's night to cook and she's probably the best cook on the island."

"Reg and Billy, you fellas help our new friends find a seat and keep an eye on them while I get them some grub. Mitch returned moments later with four plates of food. He set three of them in front of the newcomers and the fourth in front of himself as he sat down. Carl, Rosita and Morgan looked down at roasted chicken, grits and green beans. Feigning near starvation, the three anxiously dug into their food.

"Thank you," Rosita said between bites.

Billy returned a greasy smile to her, "Better than bugs and leaves, huh darlin?"

Rosita nodded trying to hide her uneasiness.

"Yes, thank you," Carl echoed. "It's been bad out on the road. Just two months ago our group was twice as big. I don't know how much longer we would have made it out there."

Mitch tossed his chicken bone on his plate and leaned back in his chair. He licked his fingers clean then laced them together behind his head. "I like you Carl. I know we just met but I got a good feeling about you, kid."

Carl let out a small sigh of relief and gave Mitch a reserved smile. "I'm glad. I have a good feeling too. And I would do just about anything to make this place work for me and my friends."

"You know, you kinda remind me of myself when I was your age."

"Really? How's that?"

"How old are you? Eighteen...nineteen?"

"Eighteen."

"When I was eighteen, I had a lot on my shoulders. My mom had just died. Had a heart attack and dropped dead, just like that. My dad was working two sometimes three jobs to take care of me and my sister and brothers. I was the oldest and I had to take care of them. Cooking, cleaning, making sure their homework was getting done. Damn, I even went to their parent/teacher conferences. Overnight I went from screwin' around with my friends and slackin' off in school to bein' a full-time parent. I didn't like it but I did it anyway. Did a pretty damn good job of it too. I see you, a young kid, bein a leader, tryin' your best to take care of your friends. They probably wouldn't be here without you protecting them."

Carl glanced over at Morgan and Rosita. They had remained silent through the entire conversation. They remembered the instructions of speaking only when spoken to and didn't want to rock the boat with their unpredictable hosts.

Carl brought his attention back to Mitch. "Well that's not the case. They've protected and taken care of me just as much as I've done it for them. Probably more."

"I doubt that," Mitch said sitting up straight. "Some men are just better equipped at taking care of others...leading them. It's part of their DNA, the way God made them."

Carl certainly didn't want to argue his point to Mitch. The point of this entire mission was to safely get a read on these people and report back. Anything outside of those parameters was counterproductive.

"Well, then maybe...maybe you're right," Carl answered agreeably as he looked over at Morgan and Rosita cautiously. He could see Rosita doing her best to bite her tongue as the veins in her neck swelled.

Morgan, on the other hand, played things more smoothly. He cautiously raised his hand and looked at Mitch. "If I may speak."

Mitch glanced over at Morgan and nodded.

"Carl has gotten us farther than I could have ever imagined...farther than I would have if I were in charge. He's a smart kid. He's strong and Rosita and I are lucky to have him leading the way. It's lucky for your group too, that he's here. He'll be an asset to you. We all can be an asset to you."

"Well that remains to be seen," Mitch said in a condescending tone. "Since you three have been here, all you've really done so far is stolen a boat and eaten our food."

"We're hard workers," Rosita finally spoke up, unable to hold her tongue any longer. "We know how things work and we'll earn our keep."

"Good," Mitch said smiling. "I'm glad you already see 'how things work', sweetheart. Everyone here on the islands has to pull their weight and do their part. Everyone here has to do as their told and respect the chain of command. If you folks can do that, I'm sure we'd love to have you stay."

"That won't be a problem," Morgan replied.

"Good, good," Mitch said smiling and nodding. "Hey Reg, why don't you and Billy show these two their new quarters," he said nodding towards Morgan and Rosita. "I want to take Carl around and show him a few things. I think he should meet my dad and a few others. He can stay in my cabin for now."

"If it's alright with you Mitch," Carl spoke out, "I'd like to stay with my friends tonight."

"Nah, they'll get along without you for one night," Mitch said in an almost sing-song tone.

Carl stood up, "I really want for us to stay togeth..."

"Chain of command, Carl. Don't mistake my partiality towards you as a sign that you have some kind of authority here. You don't. If you're gonna stay here, it don't really matter to me what you want right now."

Reg and Billy stood up and looked at Morgan and Rosita, "Clear these plates," Reg instructeded. "Take them over there to where that woman is standing." Morgan and Rosita did as they were told. Then Carl watched as Reg and Billy led his friends away and out of sight.

"Don't you worry about your friends, Carl," Mitch said as he placed his arm around the young man's shoulder. "I promise they'll be fine. As for you, I'm gonna show you what a great place this is. After tonight, you ain't never gonna want to leave."

 **A/N:** I'm so sorry to have abandoned my story for so long. I've really missed writing and missed all you lovely readers too. I'll try to publish more regularly and hope you'll stick with me when life prevents me from doing that. Drop a comment and tell me what you think. Oh, and welcome back Walking Dead...great to see you back with a bang in All Out War! And congrats on 100 amazing episodes! God bless y'all!


	16. Chapter 16

**June 24, 2015: Help Wanted**

Carl followed Mitch away from the homestead. The two men walked behind the rows of cottages and up a small hill to a larger cabin nestled in the woods. They ascended a stairway to a large wraparound porch. Mitch opened the screen door, then a heavy oak door and walked inside with Carl following right behind cautiously.

"Hey Pop," Mitch said as he walked into the study. A man in his late sixties sat napping in a large club chair next to a crackling fire. "Pop," Mitch said again as he shook the older man's shoulder.

"What? What's going on?" the startled man replied as he sat up in his chair.

"Everything's fine. There's new people here...three of them. They found the island."

"Damn it, Mitch, I thought there was something gone wrong! You wake me up for this?"

"You always want to know if we spot anyone new or if there are any breaches."

"Well who the hell is this anyway?"

"This is Carl. He came to the island with two others. I think they're gonna stay with us but I wanted to run it by you first, see what you thought. Carl, this is my dad, Henry Douglas."

"Nice to meet you, Sir," Carl said extending his hand to Henry.

Henry slapped Carl's hand away brashly and gave him a look of contempt. "I don't care who you say you are!"

Carl pulled his hand back and looked at Mitch expectantly. Mitch looked back, apologizing with his expression.

Henry stood up and grabbed onto Mitch's arm. "Boy, don't you know there are dead people walking around out there. He could be one of them! Get him out of here before he kills us all!"

"Carl's fine, Pop. He's not going to hurt you or anyone else. He and his friends are going to be able to help out here – protect this place."

"That's a crock of shit!" Henry yelled back as he picked up his revolver up from the coffee table and pointed it at Carl. Carl stepped back quickly and raised his hands in the air. "They aren't gonna want to do things the way we do. They're going to make trouble for us! Now get him and his friends out of here before I put a bullet in his damn head!"

Mitch smiled at Carl then turned towards his father. He held onto his arms and calmly took the gun from him. "Pop, what's got you actin' like this? You know that you're safe and everything's alright. I like Carl and I think you will too if you just give him a chance. He'll do things the way we do and he'll fit right in." Mitch guided his father to his chair and helped him sit back down."

"Mitch just leave me be! I don't feel well and I need to rest. I don't want you here and I certainly don't want this boy here either. Now get the hell out and let me rest."

"Okay. I'll let you be." Mitch patted his father on the back, placed the revolver on the mantle and turned to leave.

"Lock the door behind you!" Henry yelled to them. "And don't bring that boy back into this house again, ya hear?"

Carl and Mitch exited the house and walked down the steps in silence. They began walking to another part of the island that Carl hadn't seen yet.

"Well I guess your father doesn't like me too much."

Mitch shook with laughter. "No. he doesn't like you at all. And he'll hate your friends."

"What's so funny?" Carl asked.

"What's so funny is that my pop is an old, decrepit lunatic who probably was talking to us with a diaper full of shit!" Mitch glanced over at Carl and smiled casually. "It don't really matter what he thinks. I more wanted to see what _you'd_ do when he went mad on you."

"What's wrong with him?" Carl asked.

"Our doc said a few years ago that he probably has Alzheimer's. He's been fine until just about seven or eight months ago then his dementia and irritability started getting real bad."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. Serves him right," Mitch said walking so fast Carl practically had to run to keep up with him. "He's sick but don't let that fool you. He's always been nasty like that. Used to beat the hell out of me and my younger brothers when we was kids. Never my sister though. He treated her like a princess. Even took things out on us that she'd do. But that's my dad. He has a soft spot for the female persuasion – they're his Achilles heel."

The two men continued to walk inland, getting farther from the rest of the community. "Where are we going?" Carl asked.

"Well Carl, remember I told you after I took you around this place, you'd never want to leave?"

"Yeah, sure I remember."

"Now just around these rocks, we have another cabin. A very special cabin where we keep some of our most prized possessions. Everyone on the island, except for the kiddies of course, know about our little getaway here. Most of the women back in the community don't care for it too much but ain't nobody really care what they think anyway. As long as we're the ones keepin' them safe and fed, they don't have much have much say as to what goes on during our off hours. And boy to we know how to have a good time in our off hours!"

Carl and Mitch finally approached the hidden cabin behind the rocks. A tall man in his twenties stood on the porch in front of the door with a Ithaca 37 shotgun.

"Hey Eddie," Mitch said slapping the man on his back. "Anyone here right now?"

"Nah, it's still kinda early."

"This is Carl. He's new here."

"Hey," Eddie said.

"Hey," Carl echoed.

"Now Eddie, Carl and me are going inside for a bit and we don't want to be disturbed. Anyone comes, you just tell 'em the place is already booked and to beat it for at least an hour. Got it?" Eddie nodded as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out a key ring and unlocked the door. He handed Mitch another key. "C'mon Carl," Mitch said as he turned the knob and walked in.

Mitch closed and locked the door behind them while Carl looked around the room. A chill ran up his spine as he looked from one face to another. Sitting around the room were five women, young and pretty. They all looked clean, well-groomed and were scantily dressed in short dresses or lingerie. Each of them looked from Carl to Mitch with uncertainty in their eyes. Carl glanced down at their feet and saw that each of them had one foot tethered to a pipe by a long cable.

"What do you think?" Mitch asked with a wide grin on his face.

Carl took a step back trying to form an intelligible though in his head. He couldn't believe his eyes and his mouth hung open.

"I can see you're pretty excited and you should be. Aren't they beautiful?"

Carl finally closed his mouth, turned his attention back to Mitch and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah they're beautiful."

Mitch leaned over to Carl and spoke quietly into his ear. "Is this gonna be your first time?" Carl said nothing. "I mean I thought at first that maybe you were with the Mexican girl but she's a little old for you. You're not with the Mexican, right?"

"No," Carl replied.

"So maybe this is your first time. You don't have to be shy about it if it is. We've all been there. Now any of these girl's will do whatever you want, just tell them and they'll do it. Only one rule you need to follow: you have to use protection. Most of these females, as pretty as they are, aren't fit for breeding so you gotta use protection. It's in both of the bedrooms and the girl you pick will take care of it. Got it?"

"Yeah. I got it," Carl said nodding as he stared at the women.

"Now since you're the guest I'll let you pick first."

Carl looked at Mitch, then over the faces of the five women. He studied each of them carefully, looking to see what they were wearing, how fit they were and even trying to see anything behind their eyes that might tell him something.

"That one," Carl finally said pointing at a long, dark-haired Asian girl, "I want her."

"Nice pick right out of the gate! That there is Amy and she's a fine specimen." Mitch walked over to Amy and unlocked the cuff that kept her harnessed to the pipe. He took her hand in his and led her back to Carl.

"Amy, this is Carl. He's our guest here and I want you to treat him real nice, you hear?" Amy nodded. "Now who do I want tonight," Mitch asked as held his chin and perused over the remaining women. "I think I will take little miss Gabriela with me. She's a real firecracker!" Mitch walked over to Gabriela and uncuffed her also. "Well okay then. I'm going in this room and Carl, you go ahead and take the other one. Have fun and I'll see you in a while!"

Mitch led Gabriela into the room and was about to close the door when Carl called out to him. "Mitch wait."

Mitch turned around and stared back at Carl expectantly. "Yes?" he said.

Carl walked up to another girl, a voluptuous, young, black girl with short hair and a look of impertinence. "I want this one too."

…..

Rick walked into the RV and began to search through the cabinets. He finally opened the last cabinet and found what he was looking for: a bottle of vinegar and some cleaning rags. He pulled them out and was just about to walk back outside when he heard Holly's voice from the back bedroom.

"Hey," she said in a chirpy tone.

"Hey yourself," Rick answered as he walked down the hall. "I figured you were asleep and was tryin' to be quiet."

"Oh I wasn't asleep – just resting."

"Well sorry to bother you. Can I get you anything?"

"Nah, I have everything I need but..." she began but then stopped talking.

"What is it? You need some water, something to eat?"

"No but..." she stopped again and watched as Rick stared back at her waiting. "I need to ask you a favor."

"Ask."

"Well," she started hesitantly, "I need to get out of here."

"And go where?" Rick asked.

"Just out. I've been cooped up in this RV for two days and haven't taken a step outside and I need to. I'm ready."

"Okay, well c'mon then."

"I can't just get up and walk out of here. It's not that simple. I know that the only way to break out of this constant fear is to just get up and do it. I have to force myself to go...over and over again, no matter how awful it feels."

"You're right," Rick agreed. "We all gotta do things we don't want to do, even things we feel like we _can't_ do."

"I know that now. The thing is, I need help."

"Do you want me to get Liv or Michonne?"

"No, I was wondering if you would help me...I mean if you're not busy."

Rick sighed thoughtfully. "I was gonna clean some the weapons but I can ask Eugene to do it. I don't think he's busy at the moment." Rick looked at his daughter-in-law with curiosity and sympathy. "What's got you wantin' to do this now?"

Holly stood up from the bed and faced Rick. "Right now Carl is putting himself in harms way to try and make a better home for me and the baby. And what am I doing? I'm sitting in here doing nothing. Not helping the group, not contributing, nothing. I'm tired of being afraid and feeling useless. I'm tired of letting Carl down – of letting everyone down. I don't want to be a liability anymore. I want to do something. I have to."

"And what do you need from me to help you do that?" Rick asked then continued to listen patiently.

"I probably won't be much help to anyone right away. For now I need to just go outside and get used to not being behind walls every second of every day. We're not in the library anymore and thinking this RV is really protecting me is a joke." Holly's eyes turned away from Rick as she looked down at her feet. "Will you just go with me outside the RV - stay with me and not leave my side?"

"I can do that," he answered gently.

Rick went back outside to turn his chore over to Eugene while Holly put her socks and shoes on. When he returned, she was sitting on the sofa, her legs bouncing up and down nervously.

"Do you want to take a weapon with you?" Rick asked.

"No, not yet. That's too much for me to think about right now. I know you'll protect me."

"Okay, next time. You ready to go?" Rick extended his hand out to her.

Holly hesitated, but not for long. She took a few more steps towards the door of the RV leading out into the unknown. She was less than a foot away from the exit when her breathing increased and her body started trembling even more.

"You can do this and I'll be right by your side."

"Are there any walkers nearby?"

"No. Glenn and Sasha are on watch and they would say something if there were. We're safe, Holly. You're safe and I won't let anything happen to you."

"Okay," she said taking a deep breath as she quickly turned the knob and swung the door open. She slowly took the next few steps that led from the RV to the pavement outside. She held onto Rick's arm tightly with both hands as she moved forward. She stood with her eyes closed, in the parking lot of the industrial area where they were camped. Her breathing slowed and she opened her eyes to look around.

Rick held onto her arm as she took her first few steps away from the RV. He could feel the constant quivering emanating from her small body. "Do you want to see the others? Michonne and Liv are with Maggie and the kids at the table just over by those trees."

Holly shook her head. "Can I just stay close to the RV this time?"

"Sure."

Winnie was laying in the shade of the RV when she saw Holly and quickly stood on all fours. She eagerly ran to Holly and nuzzled her face into her side, excited to see her. "Hey girl!" Holly said as she let one hand free from Rick and leaned over to pet the dog.

"Eugene," Rick said, "will you hand me that leash in the crate over there?"

Eugene brought the leash to Rick then looked over at Holly. "It's a fine surprise to see you outdoors, Holly. I hope it's something we'll see more often."

"Thanks Eugene," she replied.

Rick fastened the leash to Winnie's collar then placed the other end in Holly's hand. "You're doing good, Holly. Carl's gonna be real proud. Hold onto Winnie's leash and we'll just walk around the RV."

Holly inhaled the fresh air surrounding her and felt the warmth of the sun on her fair skin. The shaking slowly subsided and her breathing slowed down as she continued her minuscule but monumental journey. She took one step after another with Rick to one side of her and Winnie to the other side. And as she walked, the slightest of smiles crept up on her face.

…..

"Carl, you dog!" Mitch hooted. "I never took you for the lady's man. If you want both these girls to enjoy, I'm happy to oblige! That's Desiree. You're gonna have your hands full with that one, both literally and figuratively. Desi, get over here," Mitch called out. Desi folded her arms and rolled her eyes as she walked over to Mitch. Mitch slapped her on the face lightly. "Behave yourself Desi and don't roll your eyes at me ya little bitch. Now put your foot on this chair." Desi did as she was instructed and Mitch unlocked her foot. He motioned for her to follow Carl.

"Thanks," Carl said as he followed the two girls into the bedroom.

"Now don't let her give you a hard time, boy. If she does, just give her a good, hard slap and she'll fall in line."

Once in the room, Carl closed and locked the door quickly. Amy sat on the bed and pulled her dress off. She dropped it on the floor and started to unfasten her bra.

"Don't do that!" Carl shouted quietly. "And put your dress back on!"

Amy raised her heavy eyes up to Carl in bewilderment. "I just want to get this over with."

"Look," Carl said as he backed away slightly, "I'm not having sex with you. I just want to talk. Now listen to me and answer my questions...please."

"Well I have some questions too. Who are you?" Desi asked placing her hand on her hip. "I ain't never seen your face before!"

"I'm Carl. I just came to the island today...me and my two friends. Do you know where they might be?"

"Is they white?" Desi asked.

"No. Why?"

"If they ain't white, they ain't here."

"What do you mean? Where would they be?" Carl asked in exasperation.

"This island is for white folk. Everyone else is on the mainland across the lake."

"But I saw a couple of black people at the homestead. I saw a Hispanic guy there too."

"They call them the 'house niggas'. There's only a few of them they let stay here on the island – the ones they trust, maybe five or six at a time. And me. They let me stay here too and I'm sure you know why."

"They force you to..." but Carl couldn't bring himself to say it.

Amy finally spoke again. "Yeah. They force us to have sex with them. Anyone who comes in here, we have to do whatever they say."

"And if you don't?" Carl asked.

"Oh they apologize and leave us alone," Desi said rolling her eyes again. "What do you _think_ happens?" She held out her arms to reveal several scars. "That son of a bitch in the other room did this to me with the fireplace poker last time we was together more than a year ago. I told him if he put anything in my mouth, I was gonna bite it off. He didn't believe me. He was so mad he pressed that hot poker up and down my arms all night. We don't get along too good!"

"I'm sorry," Carl said. His words seemed woefully inadequate as they came out of his mouth.

Desi and Amy sat on the bed waiting in silence. Carl slid down the wall to the floor and sat there thinking. He looked around the room trying to figure out what his next move should be. His eyes finally came back to the girls.

"How many guys usually come up here at a time?"

"There ain't usually more than three or four here – sometimes a few more. After they's done with us, sometimes they just sit out there drinkin' and playin' cards all night," Desi answered. "Plus there's always someone on the porch keepin' watch, makin sure we don't try to escape."

"Have you ever tried to escape?"

"Yeah. That's why they started keepin' us chained to the pipe."

"I just have a few more questions," Carl said as he stood up and walked over to the bed. He looked at both the girls intently. "How fast can you run and how far can you swim?"


	17. Chapter 17

**June 24, 2015: Deliverance**

Carl climbed on top of the bed and stood up near the headboard. He kicked the thin wooden slats in breaking them off of the headboard. He took the sharpest one for himself and slid it up the sleeve of his shirt. He took the other broken slats and handed them to each of the girls. He sat on the bed and removed his socks and shoes. "Here, put these on," he said to the girls.

"What are you doing?" Amy asked.

"I'm giving you my socks to wear and giving Desi my shoes."

"Why?" Amy asked. "You think we can escape but we can't! If we try, they'll find us...then they'll hurt us. They're monsters!"

"That's why we getting outta here!" Desi said to Amy as she grabbed her shoulder. "This might be the only chance we get. We's tied to the pipe 23 hours outta the day."

Amy sat on the side of the bed and looked up at Carl. "Last winter, I got really sick...throwing up and high fever. I told this one guy Billy that I wouldn't sleep with him because I was so sick. You wanna know what he did? He punched me in the face half a dozen times then raped me anyway. Then after that, Mitch wouldn't feed me for another two days, said he wanted to make an example out of me. He wanted to make sure me and the other girls knew that we were property and that we weren't allowed to say 'no'. I thought I was going to die."

"Look," Carl said as he knelt down in front of her, "I know you're scared. But I picked the two of you because you looked stronger than the others. I picked you because you look like fighters. I know you don't know me and you don't know if you can trust me. But you can. If you listen to me, I'll get you out of here. I have people nearby and they'll protect you. But you have to trust me." Carl looked up at Desi next. "Are you in?"

"Hell yeah, I'm in," Desi replied. "I'd rather die out there than live with these bastards one more day. And Amy's in too."

"I don't know," Amy said shaking her head and looking down at the floor.

"Girl, if you ain't got enough sense to get yo ass out of here and try to get away from these assholes then I ain't gonna feel bad for whatever happens to you if you choose to stay!"

"Well how? First tell me how are you going to get us out of here," Amy said.

"I don't have time to explain everything right now. I just need to know if you can do this – if you can run and swim. If you can do those two things and listen to what I tell you to do, you'll make it. If you can't, tell me now." Carl stared back at Amy waiting for her response."

"Alright. I'll go with you."

"Good. Now put on my socks and Desi, you put on my shoes. When I tell you to, run out the front door and towards the docks on the southwest side of the island." The girls nodded as they made themselves as ready as possible.

Carl unlocked and opened the bedroom door and slipped out quietly. He crept to the front door and turned the knob. He peeked his head out and announced himself to Eddie. "Hey man. You still keeping watch?"

"Yeah. What the hell are you doin' out here? You shouldn't come out here without Mitch givin' the okay."

"Well I didn't want to bother him. He's kind of in the middle of something."

"Where's whatever girl you were with? Did you just leave her in the bedroom or...?"

"No, of course not. I was with Amy and I already locked her back up. It's okay."

"Okay then," Eddie said as he relaxed a little. "Amy's one of my favorites. What'd ya think of her?"

Carl stared at Eddie and smiled brashly. "Give me one of those smokes and I'll give you all the details you want, dude."

"Sure," Eddie replied enthusiastically. He slung his shotgun over his shoulder and reached into his jacket pocket to retrieve a cigarette. As Eddie looked inside his jacket, Carl slid the wooden slat carefully out of his sleeve. Before Eddie could look up again, Carl plunged the sharp piece of wood into his jugular. With one hand Eddie grabbed at his neck to try to stop the bleeding. With the other, he reached into his belt for his knife. Carl mustered up all of his strength and threw himself into Eddie's large body, pushing him off the porch and tackling him to the ground. Eddie managed to pull his knife out of his belt and stabbed Carl in the side. With the wooden slat gripped tightly, Carl raised his hands in the air and plunged it down over and over again into Eddie's neck and chest.

Out of breath and full of adrenaline, Carl stood over Eddie's dead body. He took his flannel shirt off and tied it around his waist binding his wound as best as he could. He bent over and picked up the shotgun. He took Eddie's belt off and fastened it around his hips. There were five rounds in the gun itself and another 20 or so rounds, on the belt. He removed Eddie's socks and shoes and quickly put them on his own bare feet. He pulled on Eddie's lifeless arms and dragged his heavy body around to the back of the house. Finally, he pulled the knife out of Eddie's hand and plunged it into the side of his skull.

Carl quietly walked back, stepped back up onto the porch and crept inside. He looked at the two remaining girls in the living room and put his finger to his lips, motioning for them to stay quiet. He tiptoed back into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

"Alright, we have to go. Are you ready?" he whispered as he started to open the door again.

"We can't leave yet," Desi said. "We have to get the other girls outta here too."

"No, that wasn't part of the plan," Carl stated adamantly. "Besides, I don't have the key. Mitch does."

"Well then you gonna go get it from him," Desi demanded.

"No," Carl repeated. "We need to just get out of here. We'll come back with my family. We'll get them later."

"No!" Desi shouted. "Them girls is _my_ family! The only family I got!"

"Be quiet or you're going to screw everything up!" Carl fired back.

"I'll scream at the top of my lungs if I have to but we ain't leavin' without them!"

"Desi are you crazy?" Amy asked. "We have to get out of here now!"

"Five minutes ago you were afraid to leave because of what them assholes would do and now you ready to leave Gabby, Sarah and Allison to fend for themselves? You know what they'll do to them if we leave them."

"Alright," Carl finally replied calmly. "I'll get them. But we have to do this fast before anyone else comes."

Desi walked straight up to Carl and held out her hand. "Give me the knife."

Carl hesitated. He wasn't anxious to hand over a weapon to someone he'd just met. But he stared back at Desi. He had known her for less than 20 minutes but had already come to the conclusion that she was no one he wanted to clash with. He removed the knife from his belt and placed it in her hands.

"Amy, you talk to the other girls and bring them up to speed. Desi, you come with me and follow my lead," Carl said as the three made there way out of the bedroom.

Amy whispered instructions to Allison and Sarah while Carl and Desi moved quietly towards the other bedroom. Carl swung the door open just in time to see Mitch pulling his pants up. He stood in the doorway as he aimed the shotgun at Mitch.

"Get your hands up!" Carl ordered.

"What the hell do you think you're doin', kid?" Mitch asked with anger and confusion.

"Shut the hell up," Carl said calmly. "Desi, get his gun."

"Don't you lay one hand on my gun you nigger bitch!" Mitch barked back at her.

"I said shut your mouth and get your hands up!" Carl yelled stepping forward.

Mitch stared down the barrel of the shotgun and subsequently raised his hands in the air. Desi stepped behind Mitch and picked his gun up off the nightstand. "You ain't gonna get away with this, Carl. You might get away from me right now in this moment but you best believe I'm gonna hunt you down. I'm gonna hunt you down and when I find you, you gonna wish you'd never laid eyes on me. I'm gonna beat the livin' shit outta you and piss on your dead skull."

Desi looked at her friend and spoke quickly. "Gabby, get up and get your clothes on. We gettin' outta here."

Desi carefully reached her hand into Mitch's pants pocket to retrieve the key to Allison and Sarah's locks. Mitch stared at Desi and smiled diabolically. "You stupid little bitch. I should've known you'd turn on me like this. I feed you and protect you and you stab me in the back like this. Even a dog knows better than to do that. Carl here is gonna be sorry for makin' me an enemy but you...you're gonna get it so much worse." Carl read the fear in Desi's eyes and saw her cower for the first time. Mitch leaned in closer to her and put his mouth up to her ear. "When I find you, I'm gonna peel the flesh off your bones and feed it to the dead. I'm gonna take that hot poker and make your legs look just like your arms, you stupid, little, nigger bitch!"

Carl watched as Desi stared back at Mitch fearful and paralyzed. "Desi, take Gabby and get out of this room...now!" Desi broke away from Mitch's glare as she and Gabby exited the room. Carl kept his eye trained down the barrel of the shotgun towards Mitch. "I want you to tell me exactly where my friends are."

Mitch smiled. "You ain't never gonna see your friends again, kiddo."

"Tell me where they are!" Carl shouted as he placed the muzzle of the shotgun on Mitch's forehead.

"Ease up kid. You tell me that you'll let me go and I'll tell you where they are." Carl lowered the gun slightly from his head and slowly backed away.

"Fine, tell me now and I'll let you go."

"They're not on this island."

"I know that," Carl barked back. "I didn't say tell me where they aren't, I said tell me where they are!"

"Why you so attached to a nigger and a border rat? I mean I know she's hot but unless you need more towels or your fruit picked, she ain't much good to ya."

"People are the most important thing now. People. Nothing troubles me more right here and now than someone like you having air in your lungs when so many other good people are gone."

"Good people, huh? I'm good. I can see that the world has hit a reset button. We've been given another chance to put things back the way they should be. The way they always should have been before a bunch of bleeding heart commies screwed it all up. You're the one who can't see that there's an order. We're superior. We were made that way."

"I'm done with you, asshole. I'm not gonna waste my breath trying to explain this to you any more. If you haven't figured it out by now, you never will. Now this is your last chance. Tell me where they are or your dead."

"You don't have it in you, kid. I know guys like you. You're all bark and no bite."

"You don't know shit. I'd have you ask your friend Eddie if he thinks I have it in me but I sliced his throat wide open five minutes ago."

"Alright, alright, I'll tell you. They're on the other side of the lake, the north side close to Pitt's Cove. There's barracks there where we keep the ones we don't want here. They stay over there and tend to the crops among other things people like them are only good for. That's where your friends are."

"Thanks," Carl said as he raised the shotgun back to eye level and stared down the barrel.

"You lyin' son of a bitch!" Mitch yelled. "You said if I told you where they were you'd let me go!"

"The thing is, Mitch," Carl shrugged, "I just don't feel all that bad lying to a piece of shit, raping racist."

Carl was just about to pull the trigger when a loud gunshot echoed in his ear. Mitch flew back into the nightstand then slumped onto the floor. Carl spun around with the shotgun still raised and found himself looking at Desi. The gun she had taken from Mitch just moments before was shaking in her hand. Carl walked over to her and placed his hand on hers, lowering the gun.

"You didn't have to do that. I was just about to..."

"Yeah I had to do it," Desi said as tears fell down her face. "I had to be the one to make sure he didn't ever put his filthy hands on me or anyone else."

"Okay then, nice shooting. Let's get out of here."


	18. Chapter 18

**June 25, 2015: Sunshine and Rainbows**

"I can't swim anymore," Sarah said breathlessly. "I can't...I'm going to drown."

Desi stopped swimming and looked back at her friend. "Girl, don't you say that!" she shouted, out of breath herself. "Just a little bit more and the water will get more shallow. Just keep movin' towards the shore."

"I can't," Sarah said, closing her eyes from exhaustion.

Desi swam the few feet to her friend and threw Sarah's arm over her shoulder. She tried her best to swim while carrying Sarah but didn't make it more than twenty feet with the extra weight. "Carl!" Desi shouted. "Carl, I need you!"

Allison and Amy were far ahead of the others but Carl was only a few feet in front of Desi and Sarah. He was practically carrying Gabby on his back as he swam. "Gabby, you gotta swim by yourself for a minute," Carl said as he slid her off his back. Gabby nodded and slowly moved forward on her own. Carl swam as fast as he could back to Desi and Sarah. He threw Sarah's arm over his shoulder then looked at Desi, "You good?" he asked. Desi nodded as they all began to swim again.

The water in Lake Chatuge was cold and the predawn sky gave off no moonlight. They could see next to nothing ahead of them. "Are you sure this is the right way?" Desi questioned.

"It's the right way. I was here yesterday morning. We just have to keep moving. We gotta be less than a hundred feet from the shore," Carl replied.

"I hope so. I don't know how much longer Sarah and Gabby can keep this up. I don't know how much longer I can."

"Save your breath," Carl said. "Don't talk, don't worry. Just keep swimming. We'll make it."

As Carl swam swiftly forward with Gabby on his back, he couldn't help but feel heroic. He saved these girls. He rescued them. And if he hadn't done that, they'd be chained up by those monsters right now, deprived of their freedom and their dignity. Although his body was going through a taxing endeavor, his arms and legs feeling more like jelly than actual limbs, Carl never felt more capable or proud. Yes he saved them, and he would continue to be their courageous champion by getting them back to his own camp where they would be safe and treated well.

 _Stop thinking like that Carl,_ he said to himself. _That's just your stupid pride talking._ _You haven't done anything yet. All you did was get these girls from one bad place to another. If they drown here in this lake, you didn't really do shit, now did you? Stay positive...be confident, but don't you dare get cocky! Cocky gets you killed._ Carl pushed the useless thoughts of heroism aside and focused on swimming. His body moved like a machine through the water, ignoring its own signs of pain and exhaustion. Without warning, his knee hit a jagged rock. Pain shot through his leg as he pushed his foot down into the sand. They had made it. Carl helped Sarah off his back and stood her upright in the water.

"Sarah, you don't have to swim anymore. Just stand right here and wait. I'm going back to help the others." Carl swam back and went to Gabby first. Gabby was barely able to keep her head above water. She bobbed up and down in the lake trying her best to stay afloat. Dazed and disoriented, Gabby was suddenly jolted when she felt Carl's hands slide under her arms to lift her above the water. She thought it was a dead one and began to scream listlessly as she struggled free.

"Shhh, it's okay," Carl said calming her. "It's Carl. I've got you. We're just a few feet from shore."

"Thank you, Carl," she replied in a sluggish whimper as he helped her to the shallow edge of the lake. She ran up to her friends and threw her hands around Sarah, Amy and Allison. The four young women held each other as tears and emotions flowed freely, knowing they had made it out. They were free from their prison for the first time in years.

Carl turned back to make sure Desi was alright. It was dark and he couldn't see her. Carl panicked as he looked in the water for her. "Desi!" he called out quietly as he ran back into the water. He held his hands out, flailing them in front of him hoping, praying that he would find her. He couldn't.

Suddenly, Carl heard screams. He turned around and was barely able to make out the shapes of several bodies approaching. He couldn't tell if they were the vile captors coming to take back what they thought belonged to them or if it was the dead coming to devour them. Either way, Carl was ready to fight once again. He charged out of the water wielding his knife as he ran to protect the women.

As he got closer, he heard groans. Carl thanked God that it wasn't the people from the island. Unlike living humans, the horror the dead inflicted was at least predictable. He watched as Amy bravely stood in front of the others and drove the wooden slat she still had into the skull of a corpse. She pulled it out and repeated the action on another. Carl fluidly stabbed his knife into one zombie after another. In all, he and Amy had taken down six. Carl finally collapsed to the ground as the sheer exhaustion of swimming and fighting off the monsters settled into his body.

"Desi...," Carl said breathlessly, "Desi didn't make it out of the water. She's...she's gone."

"Are you sure?" Sarah asked. "I think we should keep looking for her."

"We can't. It's too dark," Carl replied. "Besides, we have to get out of here fast. Mitch's friends are going to find him and Eddie soon, if they haven't already. And when they do, there's going to be a manhunt."

"So what do we do now?" Gabby asked. "I have no idea who you are or what your plan is."

"Do you hear that?" Carl asked the girls.

"What?" Gabby asked.

"The creek. I can hear it. It's probably only 20 yards from here. That's where we're going. There's plenty to drink and more importantly, that creek will lead us back to my camp."

"So we're just going to leave and not look for Desi," Allison asked.

"More than anything, Desi wanted us to get out of here. Get away from Penland and those bastards. That's what we have to do." Amy reached her hand down to Carl to help him up. "We need to move. Lead the way."

Carl stood up and brushed the dirt off his pants. He and the four women began walking down the shore towards the sound of the creek. Just as they were about to walk into the cover of the woods, Sarah called out. "I see something! Something is coming out of the water."

Carl ran ahead to see what appeared in the dark to be a walker stumbling slowly out of the water. He charged forward with his knife raised.

"What the hell you think you doin?" the body shouted back at him.

"Oh my gosh! Desi!" Carl lowered his knife and came to her side. "We didn't see you come out of the water. We thought you were dead."

"I know how to swim, dummy!"

"I'm sure you do but..."

"The current started taking me under so I rolled onto my back and rested while the water did its thing. It finally brought me in but it was just a little further down shore from y'all."

Carl put his hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eye. "I'm so glad you made it. Right before I thought you were dead, I was really starting to like you," he chuckled.

Desi rolled her eyes but the corners of her mouth turned upwards slightly. "I ain't gonna go out that easy...still too much for me to do."

Desi walked towards her friends and they threw their arms around her. "I told y'all we was gonna make it out of there and we did. The hardest part is over. But now, we gotta get movin'."

"Carl is taking us to his people. He said they're not far," Amy replied.

Allison eyed her friends thoughtfully then spoke up. "Maybe we should just go out on our own. I'm not sure I want to go to where Carl's people are. How do we know they're any better than the people on the island?"

"We don't," Sarah chimed in as she looked at Carl suspiciously. "This could be a trap and who knows what they'll do to us. We don't have any reason to trust them. We don't have any reason to trust _anyone_."

"Girl, you best shut the hell up, right now," Desi said as she placed her hand on her hip and stared Sarah down. "Less than two hours ago, you and everyone else was chained to a pipe before Carl helped us get out! And less than ten minutes ago your ass was drownin' in that lake before he saved you _again_." Desi looked at each of the girls with authority. It was clear to Carl that she was the alpha, the one in charge. He admired the way she shot from the hip and held nothing back. More than that, he appreciated the way Desi defended him. "Now all of us are gonna do exactly what Carl says and go exactly where he tells us to. And I don't wanna hear nothin' from nobody to the contrary. Now let's move!"

Birds began chirping as the sun crept over the horizon. Carl lead the way towards the creek with the five young women following behind.

…..

It was just past 6 AM and Glenn, Maggie and little Hershel were cramped on the RV's fold down sofa. Maggie's poor body was cramped between Hershel, who was against the wall, and Glenn who protectively laid on the edge of the bed. Hershel barely stirred but both his parents awoke immediately.

"Everything okay?" Glenn said quietly but urgently.

Maggie patted Hershel on the back and the toddler quickly fell back to sleep. "Everything's fine," she replied. Glenn moved his body closer to hers. He put his hands around her waist then slid them under her shirt and onto her stomach. "Your hands are warm."

"You cold?" Glenn asked as he pulled the blanket up and over her shoulders.

"Hershel kicks the blankets off me at least a dozen times during the night."

"Well I'll keep you warm for a little while longer. I have to relieve Sasha at seven."

Maggie carefully rolled over to face Glenn and gently pressed her lips against his. She smiled as they listened to Rick snoring gently from the back of the RV. "As much as I like Rick and everyone else, I can't wait to have our own space again. We were spoiled at the library."

"True. It's only been a few days but I miss being alone with you already," he said kissing her again.

"Rick said there's lot's of separate living quarters on the island. Maybe we'll have our own little cottage."

"The island's going to be perfect...I know it."

"How? How do you know?"

Glenn chuckled. "I don't. I don't know anything. I'm just trying to be positive."

"You don't know any other way to be. It's one of the things I love about you."

Glenn rolled his eyes, knowingly. "Most people would say it's not being positive. They'd say it's being naive."

"But I know you. You're not naive. You're smarter than that. And even if you were being stupidly optimistic, I'd take it. The world is screwed up enough that I'd rather have positivity even if it _is_ being a little naive. We're prepared either way. We're ready for whatever's gonna come our way next, even if it's not all sunshine and rainbows."

"Carl will be back this afternoon. He'll tell us everything we need to know about the island and the people. We won't be walking in blind. We'll be ready."

"But like you said, it's gonna be perfect," Maggie replied as she nuzzled herself into his body. "Hershel and Judith and Eva, they're gonna have a safe place to live. We all will. We're gonna finally have good place to lay down some roots and make a life for ourselves."

"We're gonna grow old there, Maggie. We're going to have grandkids and jobs and Christmases and pets and cookouts. It's going to be everything we've been hoping for," Glenn whispered as he held her close. He reached over her and brushed Hershel's tiny hand with his finger. "And even if it's not all that...even if I'm being stupidly optimistic, well then we'll at least have each other, and that's enough."

Glenn and Maggie rested quietly in each other's arms and listened to the birds chirping outside. Rick's soft and muffled snore was actually beginning to lull Maggie back to sleep when suddenly, the RV's door swung open and Sasha charged in. In a matter of seconds, Glenn was on his feet with his gun in his hand. Sasha walked passed him towards the back of the RV.

"Rick, Michonne," she said with urgency.

"What is it?" Rick asked as he sat up straight.

"Carl's coming back! I spotted him about 50 yards out from here."

"Just Carl? What about Morgan and Rosita?" Michonne asked as she rubbed her eyes.

"I didn't see Morgan and Rosita but Carl has five girls with him."

By now everyone else in the RV, Liv, Holly, Judith, Eva and Hershel were all awake and stirring around.

Liv hopped down from a bunk, walked over to a crying Eva and lifted her out of the bed. "Uncle Rick, Michonne, go check on Carl. I'll stay with the girls." Michonne gave a nod of thanks as she grabbed her sword and put it over her shoulder. Rick fastened his belt around his waist as he promptly walked out the door followed by Michonne, Glenn and Sasha.

...

 **A/N:** I'm so sorry I'm not publishing more. It's making me crazy that I don't have more time to write but such is life. I just want you all to know that I am committed to this story. I also want you to know how much I appreciate _your_ commitment to this story. You can't began to know how grateful I am for that.

Anyhow, it's Christmas morning and I'm going to be opening presents with my husband and kiddos in a few hours. I'm excited for that. You all know me though, and know I can't miss an opportunity to encourage you all to take a moment to reflect on the truest and most valuable gift this Christmas: the Son of God, Jesus Christ, King of kings and the Savior to ALL mankind.

"For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him. Whoever believes in Him is NOT condemned." John 3:17,18 ESV

Merry Christmas and a New Year full of His blessings! My love to you all!


	19. Chapter 19

**June 25, 2015: Hotheads**

Carol sat on the ground as she sharpened her trench knife on a large stone. She held the blade in place, her fingers in the knuckle slots, as she ran the edge of the blade along the rock. She held it up in front of her face and when she was satisfied with the razor-sharp edge, she placed it in her belt and picked up her machete. She steadily but assertively ran that blade back and forth over the stone.

Rick walked up behind her but announced himself to her before he got too close. Carol was in attack mode and Rick didn't want to startle her.

"Carol," he said as he placed his hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

"Of course I am. I'm just getting ready," she said brusquely.

"We're going to get him back."

Carol studied her machete before looking up at Rick. "Are you trying to convince me, or convince yourself?"

Rick sighed. "I know you're upset. You're worried and I don't blame you. But Morgan is strong and he can take care of himself."

"Rick," she said finally standing up. "I don't need you to do this. I don't need you to coddle me and tell me how strong Morgan is. I know how strong he is. And I know you mean well but we're past this."

"Fair enough. Tell me what you're thinking then."

Carol walked over to the back of her and Morgan's SUV. She opened the hatch and started getting her pack ready. "I'm thinking I'm going to go in and get him...get Rosita. I'm going to slaughter anyone who gets in the way of doing that."

"We have to have a plan. We need to go into this with level heads and some sort of strategy. They have guns – we don't."

"Carl brought back two guns. That's two guns that we have that they don't."

"We still need to go over this. I'm not letting you go off on some rogue mission without the rest of us. We stay together. We figure this out together and no matter what the plan is, we do it together." Carol checked her canteen then put it around her neck. She hurriedly placed several other items in the pack before she zipped it and threw it over her shoulder. She slammed the hatch down and started to walk away. Rick stood in front of her and blocked her passage.

"Rick, move out of my way," she ordered him as she stared him down.

"I'm not letting you do this. You goin' off by yourself like this is suicide and it's not gonna help Morgan or anyone else. You're not thinking straight and I'm not letting you go."

"Get out of my way!" she said, this time raising her voice.

Rick looked at her calmly. He stood his ground in front front of her unmoved by her aggressive demeanor. A soft look washed over his face as he put his hand on her arm. "Did you know I had a little sister?"

Carol looked at him, confused and exasperated. "I don't have time for this."

Rick ignored her and continued. "I had a little sister and she died. I was nine and she was five when she drowned. She was perfect...pretty and happy, just like Judy. I loved bein' her big brother...lookin' out for her. I wasn't there with her that day. I was with my friends and not her. I know it wasn't my fault that she died but it didn't matter to me. I blamed myself anyway because I knew if I _had_ been there with her, it wouldn't have happened. The day she died was probably the worst day of my life," Rick said choking back his emotions. "Can you believe that? The world how it is now, with all we been through...that day Charlotte drowned was worse than all of them."

Carol looked into Rick's eyes and saw them turning red with agony. She empathized with him but that didn't change anything in her mind. "I don't need you to protect me, Rick."

"Yeah. Yeah you do. Each one of us, we need each other. You need me right now. You wanna know how I know that?" Rick asked quietly. "Because I need you too."

Carol let her pack slide off her shoulder to the ground below. She covered her face with her hands and began to cry. "I can't lose him, Rick. I can't. I won't make it without him. I swear..." she wept openly, "...I swear I'd rather die than lose him."

Rick pulled Carol into his arms and held her there, letting her break down as he comforted her. "We won't lose him. We're getting him back. _You're_ getting him back." Rick held Carol protectively as she cried before he finally lead her over to the picnic tables where the others were gathered.

…..

"They have a lot of guns," Desi said, "plenty of ammo too."

"How do you know?" Michonne asked. "Have you seen it?"

"They talk a lot," Amy said. "I don't exactly remember the layout of the island because they never let us leave the house but we hear them talk about things all the time."

"Like what?" Glenn inquired.

"They makin' ammo somewhere," Desi said. "I don't know if it's on our island or somewhere else close by. They have a lot of things goin' on the mainland and on a few of the smaller islands too."

Carl spoke next while Bob continued to bandage the small stab wound in his side. "I know the layout of the main island. I remember where all the buildings are. I could be wrong but I would bet that the armory is in the largest building in the common area. All the other buildings looked like living quarters."

"Yeah, but we can't know for sure," Rick added. "We don't know exactly where the armory is and even if we did, we can't get to it unnoticed and unarmed."

"They'll shoot you down the minute they see you," Amy said. "They're cruel."

"Yeah don't trust any of them," Desi added. "Even if they don't shoot you on sight, they'll lie. When me and my daddy came to the island, they told him they were gonna take me to get cleaned up and they told me they was takin' him around the island to show him everything. They lied cause I ain't never seen my daddy again."

"Do you know where he is?" Carol asked.

"He's either dead or with the other folks that ain't white. I asked Mitch where he was and he just told me he wasn't on the island. He wouldn't even tell me if he was dead or alive. He laughed at me and said he didn't know cause 'all us niggas look alike.'"

"I think they keep them on the mainland, to the north of the island," Gabby said. "I've heard them talk about all the people in Pitt's Cove, so maybe near there."

"Well maybe we just go there," Michonne stated. "We go to this Pitt's Cove, get Morgan and Rosita and anyone else we can help, then we get out of here."

"No," Carl said tenaciously as he stood up. "That's _not_ what we're doing."

Rick looked at Carl awaiting further explanation. "What are you suggesting that we should do?"

"I don't know," Carl shook his head. His eyes fell to the ground with hesitation and uncertainty. Seconds later, he raised them back up to the group. "I don't know what we do next but I _do_ know that these people don't get to just go on with what they're doing. They don't get to get away with what they've _already done_. That's _our_ island now. We're taking it from then. They're monsters. And monsters like them don't get to have that life. They don't get to have safety and happiness bought with other people's freedom while we're running around like rats looking for a safe place."

Michonne walked up next to Carl. "I know you're frustrated and upset by everything you saw there but we're not in any position to take the island from them. We can't fight them like this. We're outnumbered and outgunned."

"Mom," Carl looked pleadingly into Michonne's eyes, "they think that the world, the way it is now, is how it's supposed to be. They think they've put things back the way they should have always been...treating everyone who they say is inferior, as _slaves_." Carl turned away from the others and spoke quietly to Michonne. "They were treating these girls like property, keeping them chained up like animals and doing worse...much worse. I saw it with my own eyes."

Michonne reached out and took Carl's hand in hers holding tight to it. She stared back at her son with pride and nodded her head. "Okay. Okay. If you say that this is what we have to do, then I'm with you."

"Me too," Maggie said as she looked at Glenn. Glenn stood by her side and nodded his head in agreement.

"Well you know that I'm going," Carol added.

"I'm in," Sasha said. "Bob and Eugene can stay here with the kids and Holly."

"I beg your pardon, Sasha," Eugene stated, "but I will be in attendance for this skirmish. No one gets to clock out today. And hell, this is a story people are gonna tell."

Clem spoke up next. "If you want someone to stay with Bob, I'll stay. Or I'll go if that's where you want me. Just tell me where I'm needed and that's where I'll be."

"I'll go," Lee looked at the others then at Clementine, "but I want you to stay here, Clem. Okay? I know we can trust you to hold down the fort and help Bob protect everyone."

"Okay," she said agreeably.

"I'm going too," Liv announced.

"You sure?" Rick asked.

Liv nodded. "I'm combat ready and I want to help."

"Alright, if you're sure," Rick replied. "That's ten of us in all that..."

"Excuse me but I'm goin' too!" Desi said loudly as she stepped forward. She pointed to her friends, Amy, Gabby, Sarah and Allison. "All of us is goin'."

"I stand corrected," Rick said looking at Desi as a small smile crept up on his face, "that's fifteen of us in all that will go."

"I need to say somethin' else," Desi stated confidently.

"You have the floor," Rick answered nodding his head to her.

"All of us just goin' up to that island without any guns and just our good intentions is stupid! They gonna pick us off one by one."

"Is that all?" Rick asked.

"No. I have a better idea than just marchin' in there and getting' shot." Desi sat down at the table in the center of the group. "The five of us got away. Carl got away too. Not only did we kill two of their men, but they lost their 'property'. They lost five women and they ain't gonna be happy about that. I know them well and I know they want us back and they wanna see Carl good and dead. They ain't just gonna forget about us and cut their losses. Every time I've escaped or tried to escape, they've come after me. A bunch of them is probably out right now lookin' for us. They lookin' for Carl too."

"They think you five girls and Carl are out here alone," Michonne exclaimed as she looked at Rick. "They don't know about the rest of us."

"Exactly," Desi said. "They probably only sent out five or six guys out to find us. Ya'll can take out half a dozen people on your turf a lot easier than fifty people on their turf."

Rick looked intently at his group with certitude. "This is what we're doin'. We wait for them to come and get the girls back. We wait on that main road that leads up to the dock. That's the way they'll think Carl and the girls came. When we see them, we take them down. We have a few guns and our other weapons too. We ambush them. They won't see us and better than that, they won't expect us."

…..

Morgan awoke on a small cot, covered by a thin blanket. He stood up quickly and searched for his staff. It was no where to be found. He looked down at his feet and saw that his shoes and socks were gone also. He looked around the barracks and saw twenty or so men around him. Some were getting ready while others were gathered at tables and eating. Morgan immediately walked passed all the men and approached the only door in the barracks. He anxiously turned the knob but it was locked.

"You can't open that door. It only opens from the outside," a striking, well-built man shouted.

"Where am I?" he asked directing his attention to the man who had yelled at him.

The man returned Morgan's intense stare with one of his own. "You're in the men's dormitory. That's where you are."

"They took me off the island and brought me here. They tied me up and locked me in here last night. Why?"

"Why?" another man asked with surprise. "Because this is where they keep the 'help'. Or should I say the servants? Or should I say the slaves? Take your pick," the man laughed. "Man just get your breakfast and quit askin' questions. We got enough to do today without you stirrin' up any trouble for us."

Morgan spun his eyes around the room, observing mostly young and middle aged black men. Also in the room were two Hispanic men, an Asian man and a young Middle Eastern boy probably around age thirteen. His instincts about the islanders were right. Only the Caucasians were on the main island while everyone else was not.

"Excuse me sir," he said walking up to the first man that spoke to him. "I'm Morgan. Morgan Jones."

"Morgan Jones," the impressive and commanding man repeated back to him. "How can I help you then?"

"I came here yesterday with two friends. Would you happen to know where they might be?"

"What color and age are they?"

"I came here with a teenage boy – white, and a Hispanic lady in her late twenties."

"Well, most of the white folks are on the main island but your lady friend is probably in the women's dormitory which is just on the other side of the trees over there," he said motioning in the direction he was speaking of. "Unless she's very pretty. They tend to find other work that isn't manual labor for the pretty ones, if you know what I mean," he said stirring his bowl of oats. "Now listen, you better get yourself some breakfast, and quickly because we don't eat again until dinner."

"Thank you," Morgan nodded and began to walk away to where they were serving the food.

"Morgan Jones," the man spoke again, "come back here."

Morgan turned around and walked unassumingly back to the man. "Yes?" he asked.

"I know this situation isn't ideal. I'm sure you don't want to be here, none of us do. But I want to help you out. You seem like a good man, strong, smart...I can tell. I have an eye for these kinds of things. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. In a few minutes, an asshole named Rod is going to walk through those doors. You don't want to anger him, trust me. No matter what he, or anyone else in charge, asks you to do, just do it. Keep your head down and say 'yes sir'. You got that, Morgan?"

Morgan looked at the tall man incredulously. "You want me to just say 'yes massa', do as I'm told and start rowin' with the rest of the slaves? Is that it? No thanks, I'm getting out of here."

The man stood up and boldly looked down at Morgan's face. "Now look. You've been here for one day. I've been here for fourteen months, two weeks and six days. You're not gonna try and tell me how things work here. I know all to well how they work. I'm here tryin' to help you out, Morgan, but if my help is not appreciated then you can do what you want and see how it turns out for you."

"Well maybe you can fill me in a little on how 'things work' then," Morgan replied, undaunted by the other man.

"I don't have the time or the inclination to explain everything to you right now. If we have time after our work is done and if you prove yourself a trustworthy ally, I'll think about talking to you more."

Morgan nodded. "Alright, that seems fair. I'll keep my head down for now and not make any trouble for anyone. And you, you'll see that you can trust me." Morgan began to walk away again when he turned back once more. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I caught your name."

The tall man had just finished tying his long dreadlocks behind his head when he extended his hand out to Morgan. "My name is Ezekiel."

 **A/N:** TV SPOILERS AHEAD!I meant to go on a long, angry rant when I published my last chapter but I guess I was too filled with Christmas spirit and I forgot. After the mid-season finale of the show, I was VERY disappointed and upset with the decision to have a certain character bitten. I can't believe they did that! It's not that I think that any character is untouchable, it's that I think this particular character held so much promise for upcoming story lines. Now what are they going to do? Obviously by my FF writing you can tell who I think is important for the future of the show. Grrr, I'm so angry about all this and I'm still hoping that maaaaaaybe, said character won't actually die. I can hold out hope, can't I? Anyhow, drop a comment about what you think about this development on the show, my latest chapter (YAY FOR EZEKIEL!) or anything else under the sun. God bless!


	20. Chapter 20

**June 25, 2015: Do the Right Thing**

The North Carolina sun on a June afternoon was unforgiving. Sweat dripped down Morgan's brow as he pulled weeds from around the tomato plants. He tried his best to do the job he had been assigned while still keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of Carl or Rosita. Ezekiel said that Carl had probably stayed on Penland Island. There were no women to be seen anywhere.

Morgan inconspicuously made his way to where Ezekiel was tending another crop. "Where do you think the women are? Do you usually work together with them?"

Ezekiel kept his eyes on his work and spoke quietly but sternly to Morgan. "I told you Morgan, keep your head down and do your work. It's not wise for us to talk like this. I said if you proved yourself trustworthy, I'd talk to you later."

"I know what you said but I can't wait until tonight. My friends need me and I don't want to waste time."

"If you don't do your work and keep your head down like I said, they'll hurt your friends."

Morgan stared at Ezekiel, startled. "What exactly does that mean?"

"How do you think they get all of us to go along with this atrocity. They use our loved ones against us. Those who don't do as they're told, they take it out on the people who are dear to them. My friend James tried to escape months ago. But they didn't do anything to him. No. Instead they beat his wife, almost beat her to death, right in front of him...in front of all of us. They have my daughter, Desiree somewhere, I'm not sure where exactly, but they've shown me pictures of her. They made it very clear that if I do as I'm told, they'll take good care of her. So far they have. Your friends are likely to be alive and the best thing you can do for them is to do as your told."

"I have a question for you, Ezekiel," Morgan said quietly. "You're questioning whether or not you can trust me. But I need to know if I can trust _you_."

"I have nothing if I don't have my integrity, Morgan. You can trust me," he replied in a stately tone.

"I have more friends than just those two," Morgan said quietly. "There's fifteen more of us in all. Now one of those people I'm talking about is my wife, Carol. If she doesn't hear from me by 7 PM tonight, at 7:01 she's gonna start looking for me, and ain't nothin' gonna get in the way of her findin' me. You've never seen a woman more hotheaded and dangerous than her."

"Hotheaded and dangerous...sound's like my Desi. Desi grew up with her mother on the South side of Detroit and she's a pistol."

"I'll help you get her back, Ezekiel. All my friends will - that's the kind of people we are. All my group's gonna be lookin for me, Carl and Rosita and they won't stop until they find us. I want you, and anyone else you trust, to be ready for that, whatever that might look like."

"My loyalty is not to my captors, Morgan, but that doesn't mean I can pledge it to you. My loyalty is to my daughter alone. I'll do whatever it takes to get back to her and take these beasts down. But if what I see coming with you and your friends looks like it's going to bring more harm to my daughter than good, I can't be a party to it."

"Just wait til you see them. They're not just friends, they're really family. And trust me, you'll want to be on their side because it'll be the winning side. Wait til you see my Carol. I almost feel sorry for these people for the hell she's gonna bring down on them."

…..

Rick, Michonne and Carl watched the five girls from behind a row of thick bushes. The girls sat on the side of the road eating and waiting as bait for their captors to return for them.

"What happened while you were there?" Rick asked.

"The three of us took a small boat and rowed to the island. They met us right at the dock. They seemed normal, cautious but normal. I could tell right away, they weren't the type you'd want to piss off. They frisked us, then led us back to their camp and fed us. After we ate, this guy Mitch took me to meet his dad, this crazy old man that waved a gun in my face then threw me out of his house. He had some other guys take Morgan and Rosita. I asked if we could stay together but he wouldn't let us."

"So is Mitch the one in charge?" Rick continued his questioning.

Carl took his eyes off the road and looked at his father. "He's not in charge anymore."

Rick met Carl's eyes with a mix of shock and pride."You killed him?"

"I was going to but Desi did it before I could."

"Where did you find the girls?" Michonne asked quietly.

"Mitch and I left his dad's house and he took me further into the woods. They kept all five of the girls in a cabin there, away from everyone else."

"What do you mean they 'kept them there'?" Rick asked.

Carl let out a heavy sigh. "Dad, they had those girls chained up. They were..." Carl looked away from Rick, "...they were raping them."

Rick stared at the five girls as they sat on the road.

"This guy Mitch took me to the cabin and told me to pick one of the girls out for myself to...you know. So I went along with him. When he went into the room with one of the girls, I started to figure out how I was going to get out of there. I killed the guy standing guard and took his gun. Desi killed Mitch, we cut the others loose and got out of there. We ran and swam for a long time. Then we made it back."

Michonne placed her hand on Carl's back. "You saved these girls. I'm so proud of you Carl."

Carl looked at Michonne but then let his head drop to his chest. "I couldn't save Morgan and Rosita. I wanted to try but I..."

"You did exactly what you were supposed to do," Rick interrupted. "You saw your opportunity to do something and you took it. Trying to get to Morgan and Rosita could have gotten you killed so you did what you could."

"And what you did was to help those girls...what you did was _everything_ to them. Besides, we're gonna get Morgan and Rosita back. And maybe we wouldn't be able to do that if you hadn't brought those girls here."

Rick turned his attention back to the the task at hand. "Team two still in place?" Rick asked over the walkie to Carol, Eugene and Liv.

"We're here," Eugene answered.

"Team three in place?" he said to Sasha and Lee.

Sasha's voice came over the walkie. "We're in place, Rick. You see something?"

"Nothing yet," Rick answered. "Team four, are you in place?"

"Maggie and I are here," Glenn answered, "keeping our eyes peeled in all directions."

Michonne watched for walkers and any other threats from the woods while Carl and Rick stared ahead at the road. They watched the girls carefully to make sure they were safe, despite the dangerous position they had put them in. The three waited quietly when Carl broke the silence. "We're going to have to kill a lot of people. You know that right?"

A scowl came over Rick's face as he nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah I know that."

"I'm sure there are people there that didn't have anything to do with this. We're not going to kill everyone," Michonne said.

"There's women and children there. What do we do with them?" Carl asked.

"I don't know Carl. There's a lot of factors that are going to play into that. If the women, or even if the children are armed, then we'll have to..." but Rick couldn't answer. "I don't know Carl. Hopefully they'll surrender. We're asked to make these horrible decisions and I don't know if I can make the decision now. We'll talk about it more before we go to the island...when we're all together. All I can promise you right now is that we'll do our best to do the right thing."

"I don't know if I could look at some kid and just pull the trigger. Even if they were ready to kill me," Carl replied.

"This is a war," Rick said soberly. "War is ugly and there will always be casualties. We've had them on our side too."

Michonne stared into the woods as she spoke to Carl."In the Old Testament, there was battle after battle. One war after another. God's people fought other nations and people who came against them – those who came against God and lived immorally. The wars were bloody. They were ugly. Evil people died but innocent people died too. But God was on the side of _His_ people. I have to hope He's going to be on our side and give us direction in all this." She looked over at Carl. "You said these people didn't get to live this way. You said they're evil, and that they couldn't get away with what they've done. You said we had to put an end to it and _we_ all said we were with you on this, whatever it takes. Those who deserve to live and see another day, I hope they do. I'm praying right now that those decisions will be clear to us and that we'll make the right choice when it's in front of us. But we're going in. We're fighting and I believe with all my heart that God's gonna fight with us."

"I believe it too," Rick concurred, "and win or lose, we're doing the right thing trying to free these people."

Just then, Glenn's voice came over the walkie, "We got something...men walking up the road. I count seven total."

"How far?" Rick asked.

"They're about a 20 yards from where the girls are," Glenn answered. "They're pretty heavily armed – automatic weapons and side pieces too."

"Carol, Sasha," Rick spoke over the walkie, "as soon as you have your shots, take 'em out...as many as you can. Everyone else stay out of site until they spread out looking, then take the rest down only if you can safely."

Desi stood up in front of the other four girls as the seven men approached. She put her hands in the air in surrender.

"Hey there Reg," Desi called out in a brassy tone.

"Desiree," Reg replied with restrained anger.

"Now listen up, Reg. I don't want you to hurt these girls" Desi said. "All this was my idea and if you gotta take it out on someone, do it to me."

"Oh don't worry, Des," Reg answered, "I'll be takin' it out on you for the rest of your pitiful life. All you bitches are gonna pay for what you did. Where's the boy you were with?"

"Carl ran off. He helped us get away but then he was afraid you guys would come after him."

"Was he the one who killed my brother?"

"It don't matter who killed Mitch. He dead, right?" she said with an impertinent smile.

"Was it you, Des? Did you kill Mitch?"

Desi stood tall, shoulders back and put her face inches from Reg's, "You damn right I killed him. And shootin' that son of a bitch in the head was the best part of my day."

Reg closed his fist and with a right hook, punched Desi in the side of her head. She fell back towards her friends. They moved away from the men and pulled Desi with them. Before Reg could approach her again, a shotgun shell entered the side of his skull, exploding the contents of his head on those around him. Another shot was fired and another man slumped to the ground. The remaining five men pointed their guns in the two different directions the shots came from. They fired randomly into the woods on both sides of the road. More shots came from the cover of the woods and two more men fell to the ground.

The last three men continued to shoot blindly at the unknown targets as they tried to run farther up the road. The men ran past the bushes where Rick, Michonne and Carl were hiding. The Grimes family came from behind the bushes and sprinted behind them. Rick rushed up behind one man. He grabbed his long, greasy hair with his right hand and stabbed the knife attached to his left hand into the base of his skull. The other two spun around and as they did, Michonne savagely ran her katana through their torsos taking them both down at once. One of them rapid fired his gun as he fell to the ground. A bullet pierced Michonne and she collapsed.

Rick came to Michonne's side and quickly knelt down in front of her. "Oh my God...Baby!" he yelled. He pulled her from the ground and propped her up to lean against his chest.

Michonne's eyes remained closed momentarily before she looked at him. "I'm okay, Rick. I'm okay. It's just my leg. It's not that bad."

Rick tore his shirt off his chest and wrapped it around her leg in seconds."I thought he shot you in the stomach...I thought for a second that I lost you," he said holding her tightly.

Michonne looked up tenderly into Rick's eyes and placed her hand on his cheek. "I promise, I'm okay. I'm not going anywhere. Not today anyway." Rick closed his eyes and breathed heavily, still full of adrenaline. He kissed her forhead repeatedly and cradled her body in his arms.

The last man alive was sprawled out on the road. Carl ran to him and kicked his gun from out of his hand. He lied on the ground trying his best to hold his guts into place."Water, please give me water," he begged as he gasped for air and coughed up blood.

Carl unclipped his canteen from his belt and sympathetically poured water into the dying man's mouth. Carl watched at him as he writhed in pain and felt pity for the man whose life they ended.

"How many more armed men are on the island?" Carl asked him as he gave him another sip of water.

"There's too many. You can't kill 'em all."

Carl set his canteen down and pulled his knife from his belt. He pressed the blade against his cheek near his eye. "I can show you mercy in these last few minutes you have or I can make things much more painful. Now how many?"

"There's forty more men. There's that many women too and they know how to fight."

"How many do you have in captivity at Pitt's Cove?" Carl asked. The man's eyes started to close but Carl shook him by the shoulders reviving him. "How many do you have captive?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit. I know who's growing your crops and doing all the heavy lifting. You have slave labor and I want to know how many." The man stared at Carl but didn't answer.

"Are you ashamed to admit that you and your friends have slaves? Are you ashamed of what you've done to other people so that you could live? Are you ashamed of raping those girls?"

"There's around another 70 men, women and children in captivity," he replied.

"I want an answer to my other questions," Carl asked as he stood up from the ground. "Are you ashamed?"

The man hesitated and closed his eyes again.

"Answer me," Carl ordered him.

"No, I'm not ashamed of any of that," the dying man finally confessed. He turned his malevolent stare from Carl over to Michonne who was starting to get up on her feet again. "Only thing I'm ashamed of right now is that this nigger whore was the one to cut me down."

Carl's eyes widened in fury as he fell back down to the ground. He leaned over the man and drove his knife into his face, stabbing the blade into the side of his cheek. He pulled it out and the man screamed in agony. Carl drove the knife into his eye socket next. He deliberately ran just the tip of the knife into his eyeball not wanting to kill him yet.

"Carl stop!" Rick shouted. But Carl, filled with wrath, stabbed his knife into the man's arm and shoulder. He moved the knife up and down, over and over again in a frenzy, trying to inflict as much pain as possible while the man cried. Carl finally stopped when he heard the gunshot behind him. Rick stood over the man's dead body holding a smoking gun. He had ended the torture scene by shooting the man in the head.

Carl turned his head over his shoulder and looked up at his father. Their eyes locked on each other for what seemed like an eternity. Rick couldn't look away from his son. Carl finally lowered his head again and fixed his his eyes on the dead man's bloody and mangled face. He stared at the knife in his bloody hands A shame he had never felt before washed over him.

"Carl c'mon. We got things we need to do," Rick said calmly. Carl made no attempt to get up but instead continued to study the grisly scene in front of him. "C'mon," Rick said again as he extended his hand out to Carl. Carl allowed his father to help him to his feet. "Help me get your mom back to the RV."

 **A/N:** Well I've published three chapters in less than a month! Yay! Thank you so much for continuing to faithfully read! I'm really loving this story so much and am becoming more engrossed in it each time I write. There are some upcoming things that I'm really excited about.

I feel like _Flesh and Bone_ explored Michonne's relationship with Rick and Carl but I'm really enjoying exploring Carl's relationship with Rick in this story...with Michonne still very much at the forefront and playing heavily into that dynamic. Grimes 2.0 will always be my favorite!

Of course we'll never have these family moments with the three of them in the future of our beloved TV show and I'm still pretty angry about that. From your comments I can see that you were all pretty angry too. Yesterday I heard the news that Scott Gimple will no longer be the WD showrunner. THANK GOD! Of course he's getting some ridiculous promotion to run the whole WD franchise. I guess that's okay as long as he's not in the writer's room. I swear he must have some relative who's an exec at AMC that refuses to fire him. Grrr. Okay rant over. God bless y'all!


	21. Chapter 21

**June 25, 2015: War and Peace**

Carl sat on the bed in the back of the RV. He sat next to Holly with Eva asleep on his lap. He watched quietly as Bob finished cleaning Michonne's leg.

Rick sat on the sofa bed still holding his arms around Michonne protectively. "She'll be alright, Rick. It's more than a graze but surprisingly the bullet didn't do too much damage to the tissue," Bob said reassuringly to his friend as he continued to wrap Michonne's leg in clean bandages.

Michonne finally relaxed into Rick's embrace."Thanks Bob,"

"Yes, thank you," Rick echoed with sincerity.

Bob moved over to the sink and began to wash the blood off his hands."Just tryin' to earn my keep."

Rick looked at Bob with gratitude and admiration. If it weren't for this man standing in front of him, there was a fair chance that Michonne, Eva and Rick, himself wouldn't be above ground. He was certainly an invaluable asset to the group, not only as a doctor, but as a leader and friend.

"You've earned your keep and then some," Rick said.

"I just patched her up. Nothing any of you couldn't have done," Bob replied casually.

"Your usefullness is only surpassed by your humility," Rick said with a crooked smile.

"If you say so," Bob chuckled. "I won't argue with you this time." Bob steered his attention from Rick and Michonne to something else preoccupying his mind. He stared out a window, visibly distressed.

"Bob, what's wrong?" Michonne questioned him with concern.

Bob emitted a heavy sigh before bringing his eyes back to Rick and Michonne. "There's something I've been keeping from you – from everybody, really."

"What is it?" Rick asked.

"I know we're going into battle. I know which way the wind is blowing and what needs to be done. The more I think about it, the more I think that this island is a goldmine. Its value is immeasurable and we need to be there. We need to have a safe home and do whatever it takes to get that."

"Bob, what are you keeping from us?" Michonne asked again, her concern growing.

"Sasha's pregnant," he finally said. "She's far along too."

Rick looked his friend in the eye. "How far along?"

"We're not sure. If I had to make an educated guess, I would say close to five or six months."

"Five or six months!" Michonne exclaimed.

Bob laughed uneasily. "I know, I know. She's a tiny little thing wearing baggy clothes and hiding it well. She didn't want me to tell anyone because she knew y'all would worry. She knew you'd want her to stop going out on runs and missions and she said she couldn't let the group down. She told me not to tell anyone but I told her yesterday we couldn't keep this to ourselves any longer. I begged her not to go on the mission with Abraham and Rosita but she's as hard-headed as you are," he said looking at Michonne.

"Sasha's tough," Rick replied, "not the type to let anything slow her down."

"You're right about that," Bob said then sighed again. "Look, I know she wants to go with you all when you make your attack on the island. She said as much. I tried to talk her out of it but she's a good shot and knows that you need her. She won't listen to me and she's got her mind made up."

"You want us to try and talk her out of it...get her to stay here?" Michonne asked.

Bob let out another uneasy laugh, "I would if I thought it would work but nah, ain't no one gonna be able to talk her out of going. She could be _nine_ months pregnant and she'd still be gearing up. That's just who she is. And even though it scares the hell outta me, I'd never ask her to change. I may know how to patch people up and deliver babies but that girl...that girl is something else. She's braver than anyone I know. Did you know that she was only one of eight female fire-fighters in the whole state of Georgia? She doesn't have any fear, just determination."

"That's how we're going to win," Carl said assuredly as he walked from the back of the RV with Eva still asleep in his arms.

"How's that?" Rick asked.

"By not letting anything hold us back. By going into this with not even a single ounce of fear or reservation about what we need to do. By showing mercy to those who pose no threat and absolutely _no_ mercy to those who deserve to die."

Rick narrowed his eyes and looked at Carl thoughtfully. He couldn't tell where his son's mind was. A few days ago he was saying he wouldn't sacrifice himself for anyone but immediate family and the next day he was risking his life for strangers. Less than ten minutes ago, he was savagely torturring a man and now, he had his baby sister securely cradled in his arms.

"You're right Carl," Bob said. "You said these people are trying to make the world, the way it used to be, treating humans like property. You said they think this is how things should be. Well they couldn't be more wrong. And we have to be the ones to set things right...to make it how it really _should_ be – whatever it takes. If Sasha wants to be a part of that, I ain't gonna try to hold her back. I couldn't even if I wanted to. And I don't want any of you to try and hold her back either. The only thing I was gonna ask, was that y'all look out for her as best you can. Please, I'm beggin' you, keep her as safe as you can and just...just bring her and the baby back to me."

"We will Bob," Carl said soberly. "I give you my word."

…..

Glenn, Maggie, Sasha, Carol, Eugene, Liv, Lee, Clem and Desi rummaged through the packs and supplies of the seven men they had just taken down. They gathered three automatic assault rifles, two shotguns, a sniper rifle and five handguns. The men also had a fair amount of ammunition with them.

"This is gonna be a big help," Glenn said. "We went from having almost no ammo to a few hundred rounds."

Sasha pulled a flare gun out of one of the packs. She pulled out several flares too. Her eyes widened as the wheels in her head began to spin. "Hey you guys. Come over here."

All the others walked to Sasha's side. "What do you got?" Maggie asked.

"Flares. A lot of them," she replied.

"And?" Glenn asked.

"Tonight, we wait til just after dark. Then we shoot off a couple of these."

"And get more of the islanders to come to us," Glenn said astutely. "Another ambush."

"Exactly," Sasha replied. "There's no reason to think that if they came with flares that their people back on the island won't respond to them if they see them."

Liv spoke up with trepidition. "Don't you think that there's a good chance that if we use the flares, we could draw walkers on us too."

"Walkers aren't as intelligent as humans," Maggie said. "If they see the flares, I don't think they could pinpoint where exactly they're coming from."

"If using the flares gets more of their men off that island and on our turf, it's a win," Glenn said. "If walkers come, we'll deal with them – just like we always have."

"We should do it," Carol said. "We should gear up, be ready, and as soon as it gets dark, shoot them off and wait."

…..

Rick looked at his watch. It was 8:30 and dark enough to shoot off the first flare. He gave the signal to Sasha and she fired the gun. A long hiss sounded from the gun. The group watched as the flare let out a hard pop and lit up the sky. Fifteen minutes later, the sky was darker and another flare was shot into the sky. Fiteen minutes after that, a third shot was fired.

"Now we wait," Rick said confidently to the group.

Rick walked up to Michonne who was leaning comfortably against the RV. He stood close to her and leaned his back against it too.

"How's your leg feel?" Rick asked reaching out to take her hand.

"It hurts but it's fine," she replied stoically. Rick tilted his head and widened his eyes, questioning her with his expression. "What Rick? I said it's fine. _I'm_ fine."

"I don't know why I'm even bothering to ask. You would say you're fine no matter what."

Michonne nodded and smirked, "Yeah, that's true. But this time I really mean it. I promise, I'm fine. And if you think for one second I'm not going with you to the island tomorrow, you got another thing comin'."

"Sasha's five or six months pregnant and you just got shot. And both of you are refusing to stay still. Are you two trying to one-up each other?"

"As if you wouldn't do the same thing," she said smacking his arm. "Now quit worrying and give me some jerky."

"If I had a nickel for every time you told me to stop worrying..." but then he stopped and chuckled at the foolish thought, "I guess I'd have a lot of useless nickels I couldn't spend on anything."

Michonne chuckled too as he handed her the bag of smoked and dried deer jerky.

Rick took his Colt Python out of his holster and glanced over it. Michonne looked at him with a satisfied grin. "How does it feel to have your gun in your hand again? It's been a long time."

"I won't lie," he replied, "it feels a little strange. Can't believe after more than two years we have bullets again." Rick looked down at his left arm. He studied it thoughtfully, looking at where his left hand used to be. "Who would have thought that I would ever get used to this? It's so much what I'm accustomed to now that I almost can't imagine having my hand back. It feels more normal than the gun. Crazy right?"

"I don't know. Things keep changing. As soon as we get used to one kind of crazy, a different kind comes along and stirs everything up again. The way things change and the way we have to adapt so quickly to the changes...I think that scares me more than most everything else."

"Carl's changing," he stated, not mincing words. "I'm worried about him...scared for who he's becoming."

"Why? Because of what he did to that man?"

"Yeah, that's part of it. He's all over the place, trying so hard to prove himself. He's got a lot goin' on in his head. I can tell. He's got a lot of of anger in him too. Did you see what he did?"

"I saw it."

"We have to kill people and sometimes it's brutal. I get that and for the most part, I've made my peace with that. I wouldn't have hesitated to end that racist piece of shit's life. I heard what he called you. It made me sick too. But there was no reason for Carl to do what he did."

"He was defending me," Michonne said, trying her best to defend Carl.

"I know he was. But he crossed a line," Rick replied. "I'm not saying that because I care one iota for that man. I'm saying it because I care about Carl. You can't do something like that and not have it damage you. You can't unring that bell and that...what he did, it's gonna stay with him. It's gonna blur the lines for him. I'm speaking from experience. It's gonna make it easier to do something like that again."

"Or maybe crossing that line will make him realize that's _not_ who he is. Maybe it will make the line that much clearer for him. Rick, don't make too much of this," Michonne said looking him directly in the eyes. "Carl's going through things. He's trying to figure out who he is and what his place is in this insane world. There's no prescident for this. We're learning as we go and all of us have made mistakes. Hopefully he'll learn from his mistakes. Hopefully we're _all_ learning from our mistakes."

"But I don't know if I can let this slide. I don't know if I can just _not_ say anything."

"Did you see his face?" Michonne asked. Rick nodded. "He feels what he did. He knows that he lost it. He looked at you like he was ashamed of himself...like he let you down."

Rick shuffled and stared down at his boots. "I've never seen that look from him before. He's usually trying to put me in my place but I guess on some level, maybe he's still looking for my approval."

"Of course he is," Michonne exclaimed as she grabbed his hand. "Just extend him some grace – just this one time at least. This is scary and emotional shit we're dealing with...every day. He's just went through something on that island. He saved those girls. For the first time in his life, he's being a real leader in what we're up against. Not only that, I know he has Holly and the baby on his mind, all the time. Please, Rick, just cut him some slack – just this once."

"Alright. Alright. I'll do that," he yielded respectfully. "I don't know if it's the right call but I trust you enough to let you make it."

Michonne turned and leaned against him. "Trust me the way I trust you."

Rick nodded as he stared down into her eyes, captivated. Michonne extended her neck and torso upwards and reached her hand around his head to pull his mouth towards her mouth. Rick reciprocated, pulling her body relentlessly into his, and holding her as he kissed her fervidly. They kissed longer than they normally would have under the precarious circumstances, allowing the brief moment of passion and intensity to overtake them. Michonne lowered her body but Rick, still wanting more, leaned down and let his lips linger softly on hers as he gazed into her eyes and spoke again.

"What would we do without you, Michonne? Where would I be? What kind of man would Carl be? What kind of man would _I_ be? The girls have this incredible momma that shows them love and strength every single day. I don't know what life would look like if you weren't standing with us...with me. I _never_ want to know." Rick shook his head but held her gaze. "I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am that I'm not doing this alone."

Michonne put her hand on Rick's face and looked up at him adoringly. "That's all true for me too. I never want to wake up and not have you next to me. I see the way you lead your family and everyone else, making the hard decisions and selflessly doing whatever it takes to protect us. But when I think of you and think of what lies ahead for us, for the kids, I'm filled with this unreal sense of joy and peace, like we're living together in some silly dream. Reality shakes me out of that dream all the time, but then I hear your voice or I put my lips on yours or I lie down in your arms and feel your heartbeat next to mine and I come right back...right back to the dream. And I love the dream because it's real. And it's real because of you."

They stood there waiting for the immanent battle for close to another hour. They continued to talk quietly and contentedly, Michonne resting her head on Rick's shoulder while he held her close around the waist. The moonlight peacefully shone down on the two of them as they held on to each other. They could have lingered there in the warmth and tranquility even longer but Sasha's voice came crackling through the walkie talkie. They immediately went into position, drawing their weapons and readying themselves for combat.

"Heads up - theres's at least a dozen people heading this way right now. Desi made a clear ID and says it's them."

Rick looked at Michonne with somber gravity. Seconds ago they were embracing and expressing their innermost feelings of love and their desperate need for each other. In a few more seconds they would be executing a group of strangers.

Carl approached his parents from a few yards away. "Dad, what are you waiting for?" he asked urgently. Rick hesitated as he fixed his eyes on Michonne. "Dad, say it!" Carl shouted to get his father's attention.

Rick finally pressed the button on the side of the walkie and lifted it to his mouth. He swallowed dryly as he looked from Michonne to Carl. "Teams one, two, three and four: as soon as you have visual contact, open fire."


	22. Chapter 22

**June 25, 2015: Ready or Not**

It was 9 PM and three armed guards were escorting Morgan, Ezekiel and eight other men from the bathrooms back to their barracks. As soon as they went inside, Morgan pulled Ezekiel to the corner of the room. "Did you see those flares?" Morgan whispered.

"I saw them."

"Those are my people."

"How could you possibly know that?" Ezekiel questioned.

"I just know. I know my people. I know my wife. They're gearing up and getting ready to come here to get me and my friends. We've come a long way to live on Penland Island. That's been our plan and nothing's gonna stop that from happening."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that they're coming and I need to be ready. Like I said, living on that island is the plan and they're going to take it. As soon as they find out what kind of people are in control here, they're going to kill them," Morgan said gravely. Morgan paused and stared at the floor. He raised his eyes back up to Ezekiel with a pensive expression. "I don't believe in killing. I've done it many times before but I told myself I had to stop a long time ago. Killing made me forget who I really am. It distorted my reality and drove me mad. I came back from that but now..."

"Now what?" Ezekiel asked.

"Now I know what needs to happen."

"And what needs to happen, Morgan? You need to kill again? You need to go against what you believe and shed blood?"

Morgan remained silent. He took his time to consider his understanding of how things were now before he spoke. "I need to be on my wife's side. She needs me. I need to be on the side of my family. I got three little babies in that family that call me Grandpa and they need me. There was a time that I had to kill and it nearly destroyed me. Then there was a time for me to remain peaceful and that was how God brought me back. How He woke me up from my nightmare and set me back on a straight path so I could make a life again. Another fight is coming, and whether I want to be or not, I'm here for it. I know what needs to be done and I'm not gonna hesitate. I'm going to be on the side of Carol and the rest of my family. I'm gonna take these animals down and I want to know once and for all, if you are with me."

Ezekiel stared back at Morgan thoughtfully. "Okay Morgan, I'm with you. What do you want me to do?"

"There's nineteen other men in these barracks. I want to know which of them will fight with us."

…..

Bob sat on the floor of the RV, between the cabinets and sofa bed, holding a crying Hershel tightly in his arms. Holly sat next to them, holding Eva in her arms. Clementine and Judith crouched close by with them. They listened to the the thunder of gunfire echoing outside. Although Bob knew which direction the shooting was coming from, it sounded like it was all around them. The RV was hidden behind a row of storage units close by, but Bob and the five children remained low to the floor, cautious of any stray bullets.

"Mommy!" Hershel screamed. "I want Mommy!"

"I know buddy. I know you do. She'll be back real soon," Bob said trying his best to console the frightened toddler.

Eva stared at Hershel. Tears began to fall from her eyes before a full wail erupted. Holly shook in terror as she took the pacifier clipped to Eva's shirt and stuffed it into her mouth quickly. "Don't cry Eva. It's okay," Holly said.

"Holly, stop shaking," Clem told to the teenager. "The babies can tell that you're scared and they'll be scared too if you shake like that."

"So what. Carl's out there with a bunch of people that want to ki..." she looked at Judith and realized she should stop talking. "I _am_ scared and I don't care who knows that."

"How are we supposed to keep the babies and Judith calm if you're freaking out?" Clem asked sternly. "You need to stay calm, Holly."

"Just shut up Clem! I have enough people telling me what to do without you joining in," Holly snapped. "There's nothing I can do about it anyway. I'm doing my best, okay?" Clementine looked at Holly then rolled her eyes, turning her attention away from her.

"Why are you scared Holly?" Judith asked anxiously. "Are there monsters outside? Is that what Mama and Daddy are shooting?"

"Judy, there's no monsters outside right now," Clem replied.

"Well then what are they shooting? Can we go check on them?" Judy asked as she tried to stand up.

"Judy, sit down right now. Everyone just calm down and stop talking," Bob stated calmly. "Judith, you don't have to worry about anything goin' on outside. Your mom and dad and everyone else are taking care of everything and I think they're gonna be just fine. All you gotta do is stay here. Stay down, stay quiet and stay calm. Okay?" Judith nodded obediently.

The six waited patiently as the gunfire outside began to die down. Eva and Hershel's wailing tapered down to soft whines. Hershel's eyes grew heavy as he began to fall asleep in Bob's arms. Judith had also fallen asleep, crouched on the floor and with her head resting on Holly's leg. Bob moved one arm out from under Hershel's body and wrapped it around Holly giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"I'm proud of you girl," Bob said straightforward.

"Why?" Holly asked cluelessly.

"Because you're still here. You've made it."

"Yeah, but I'm scared shitless."

"Maybe that makes you braver," Bob replied.

"Oh yeah, how's that?"

"You're doing it scared."

"Everyone's is scared...not just me."

"Yeah but it's different. I know you're dealing with some stuff the rest of us have adapted to a little more."

"If you say so," she said looking down.

"Do you know how many people gave up – right in the beginning? They just gave up and didn't even try." Holly looked up at Bob, listening intently. "I was with my girlfriend, Kim when all this went down. My mom and sister died early on. They were gone so we went to Atlanta to check on Kim's mom and dad. We barely made it to their house on the outskirts of the city and I mean _barely._ It was real bad in the big cities in the beginning. But we made it. Somehow me and Kim made it 250 miles from Savannah to Atlanta. When we got to her parent's house, they were gone. But they hadn't been bitten or anything. They...they killed themselves. They got scared and so they just ended it. Kim screamed and cried. I told her she _had_ to keep quiet but she was out of control. I finally got her to calm down and we locked ourselves in a bedroom upstairs and went to sleep. The next day, we buried her parents and started talking about what we were going to do next. We made some decisions and started getting ready to leave the next day. She was sad...quiet, but she seemed okay, under the circumstances. But when I woke up the next day, I couldn't find her. She went to bed with me but she must have snuck out while I was asleep. I went downstairs but I couldn't find her anywhere. I heard noise coming from the basement and that's where I finally found her. Her wrists were slit."

"I'm so sorry Bob," Holly replied earnestly.

"Yeah me too," Bob replied quietly. "Kim was incredible. She was kind, smart...met her in med school and I fell for her right away. She was going to be an pediatric oncologist because her little brother died of cancer. But none of that mattered. She let her whole life go because she was scared. She pinned a note to the back of her shirt. It said she was too scared to go on and she didn't want to watch anymore people she loved, die. She didn't care that it would mean I would have to watch _her_ die. I see someone like Sasha and she's the complete opposite. She doesn't even know how to be scared. She would never give up like that."

"I'm not like your girlfriend but I'm definitely not like Sasha either. I would never kill myself but I don't really know that I could ever _save_ myself either. I'm not sure there's even a difference," Holly said despondently.

"You're still young. There's a lot for you to learn. The fact that you're still here means you've learned already. Give yourself a little more credit."

The six of them waited until the gunshots came to a complete stop. After another ten minutes, Clem finally stood up and walked to the door.

"Clem, what are you doing?" Bob asked.

"Someone should have come in to tell us what's going on," Clem replied.

"Everyone must be okay or else they would have come to get me. Just stay here," Bob said.

"I'm going out to check on everyone. I need to make sure Lee is okay." Before Bob could protest any further, Clementine walked out the door without another word.

Clementine walked to where the others were. She couldn't take her eyes off the spectacle in front of her. She watched as a man lied on the ground writhing and squirming. She watched Carl drive his knife into his temple and the man's body go limp. The moonlight shown down perfectly on the gruesome scene. There were dead bodies everywhere and blood ran slowly down the street. Clem looked over to Lee to see him dragging one of the lifeless bodies to a larger pile of the dead. It was apparent that the second ambush had been as successful as the first one.

Clem watched everyone as they moved around performing the grisly clean up. It all came flooding back to her. Her memories from more than two years ago when it was just her and her adopted father, Lee, out on the road. Sometimes they were with others but at some point the others would die and they would be by themselves again. She had been sheltered in the library for the last two years and she had seen very little of the lurid and savage world of wicked men and the walking dead. But being out here now brought her right back to it, as if she had never left in the first place.

"Clem, what are you doing out here?" Lee asked sternly.

"I came to make sure everyone was okay. No one came to tell us."

"I'm sorry about that. I was just about to come to check on everybody. Go back to the RV and wait inside there."

"Why?"

"Because you shouldn't be out here. You shouldn't be seeing all this."

Clementine gave Lee an exasperated look. "Are you serious? I know what's going on Lee. I know what you're doing and I know why you're doing it."

"Well since I'm the one taking care of you, I decide what I think you should see. You're thirteen and I don't want you to be a part of this."

"It's too late for that. I am a part of this."

"There's things we're doing here that..."

"You've got to be kidding. After all we've been through you're going to start treating me like this? Don't you remember all that we went through before we made it to the library?"

"Of course I remember but that's not the same," Lee argued.

"It _is_ the same. Some things have changed but most things have stayed exactly the same. As much as I'd love to think about boys and clothes, that's not the world we live in, Lee. I don't need you to protect me from this. I'm not stupid, you know."

"I never said you were, Clem. You've been through a lot and I don't need anymore on my conscience, by letting you be out here when you don't need to be."

Clementine walked up to one of the dead bodies, picked up its arms and started to drag it over to the others. "I _do_ need to be here. We've all been through a lot, so don't use that as an excuse to keep things from me. If you really want to help me, then teach me. I'm ready for you to teach me how to fight again, because I'm useless if I can't fight."

Lee watched the young teenager as she pulled the body with all her strength, not slowing down or taking a breath. She wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty. She wasn't afraid of things she _should_ have been afraid of. She didn't want to sit back and watch others do all the heavy lifting. For the last two years, she was blessed to have examples of strength and resilience all around her. She was fighting in this dead world since she was nine years old and at this point, she didn't know how _not_ to fight. Lee walked up to her and took one of the arms of the body she was dragging and pulled with her.

…..

"It's 12 AM right now. I know we're exhausted but we have to keep pushing through," Rick said after he gathered everyone around. "If we wait, we'll just be giving them more time to strategize _their_ next move. They've been trying to reach their people on the walkies. We've been answering back in muffled voices but eventually, they're going to get suspicious. They may send more people out. A few of us have discussed what's next for us. We're not attacking the island just yet. We're going around to the other side of the lake. We're going to make our attack on the guards at Pitt's Cove. There shouldn't be too many and if we get the people they have in captivity to fight with us, we'll have a lot more numbers on our side."

Glenn stood next to Rick and spoke next. "At 4 AM, we're taking the entire caravan and we're driving to the other side of the lake. We don't know the layout there so only a few of us are going to go into the cove: Me, Rick, Carol, Sasha and Carl. The rest of you are going to wait nearby. When we've taken the guards down and we find Morgan and Rosita, we'll make a new blueprint for the next attack."

"We're leaving in four hours. Eat if you can. If you can grab a few hours of sleep, sleep. Pray for strength and sustenance as we keep moving ahead," Rick spoke confidently. "I'm proud of how far we've come. We keep doing what we're doing and I know we're going to continue to prevail. We've already executed two successful battles and we're that much closer to the Promised Land."

 **Author's Notes:** If you are as nerdily immersed in the Walking Dead fandom as I am, you probably know where Lee and Clementine came from. They are the main characters from the Walking Dead video game. I introduced them halfway through my first fic, Flesh and Bone. I should have mentioned it then but I assumed everyone knew who they were. Maybe that was a silly assumption. If you don't already know Lee and Clementine, you could find out more about them on the Walking Dead wiki or play the games. They are great characters in a great game.

I also want to give a shoutout to Yjaxninja for your encouragement and perspective. I really appreciate the all the comments so keep them coming everyone. Hope you are all ready for this midseason premier next Sunday. I am not ready. I'm not ready to say goodbye and I'm still holding out hope for what seems like the impossible. Anyhow, God bless y'all!


	23. Chapter 23

**June 26, 2015: Wounded Warrior**

Rosita woke up early. She opened her eyes slowly, then closed them again. Her left eye was still mostly swollen shut and her lip was split open. She was lying on a pile of blankets on the floor of a cold and musty shack. She began to sit up but immediately lied down again when the blood rushed to her head painfully and the room began to spin. She rested her mind and body, as she inhaled and exhaled slowly, contemplating the events of the last two days.

From the moment they had arrived, she felt uneasy. Her keen instincts immediately prevented her from trusting these people and when Rosita and Morgan were seperated from Carl, she knew something was very wrong. Finally when she saw Morgan being put on a boat while she was taken by Reg to a shack in the woods, it was confirmed.

"Where did you take my my friends? I want to stay with them," Rosita stated, keeping her composure and trying to remain placid. Reg ignored her and kept walking. "Hey! Are you listening to me?"

"Just follow me and stop talking."

Reg clearly underestimated Rosita Espinoza though. She didn't follow him obediently. She had been on the island for less than two hours but already she was tired of pretending like she trusted these people. She picked up a rock from the ground, hit Reg over the head than ran as fast as she could away from him. It didn't take long for three men to catch up to her, put her in handcuffs and drag her to the shack. They cuffed her to a radiator, closed the door and left. She didn't see anyone else until the next day when Henry Douglas stormed through the door.

"You no-good, little bitch!" he shouted at her, waking her up the next morning. "That boy you came here with yesterday murdered my son!" Henry closed his fist and punched her hard in the face repeatedly. He kicked her in the ribs and stomach. Rosita was starting to lose consciousness when she felt him taring her clothes off. She tried with all her strength to break free but it was useless being chained up and weakened from the beating she had just received.

What happened after that was something Rosita wished she could erase from her mind completely but instead, it replayed in her head over and over. She wasn't strong enough to keep Henry Douglas from forcing himself on her not once but four times over the course of the day.

Rosita lied on the floor cold and exhausted, slipping in and out of conciousness. The only thing Rosita could do was try to recuperate between the savage attacks. She had nothing within reach to fight back with and just tried to rest and wait. She knew someone would come for her. By tomorrow, Rick and the rest of the group would know something was wrong and come to free her. She would hold on until then.

The only other person she saw that day was a man in his late twenties who brought her water and a peanut butter sandwich on moldy bread.

"Help me," she begged him as she crouched half-naked on the floor.

"Sorry doll, but you're wastin' your breath. There ain't no one here on this island that's gonna help you. Your best bet is to do what you're told. Spics are real good at doin' what they're told, right?" She could hear him laughing as he walked out of the shack, quite pleased with himself.

Today she knew for sure that this had to end. She wouldn't let what happened yesterday happen to her again today. It was early and she would be ready for whoever was unlucky enough to walk through that door.

They served her the sandwich on a paper plate but they served her the water in a plastic cup. It was that plastic that looked like fake crystal and it was sharp when broken up. She made several blades from the plastic cup and hid them under her blanket.

Rosita held the sharpest of the plastic shards in her hand close to her body as she lied on the floor. She wanted to stay alert but instead closed her eyes and started to drift back to sleep.

As she drifted, Rosita felt Abraham's strong and steady arms around her. She moved in closer to him and nestled her head under his chin.

"Rosita Espinoza, you have to be about the prettiest girl I've ever layed my eyes on. What made you love a big, burly meathead like me?"

"Who says I love you?" she asked giggling.

"I'm not as smart as I look but I know when someone's sweet on me. I know you love me because if you didn't, I don't think you'd be here with me right now."

"Maybe I'm just using you."

Abraham laughed in his distinct, booming timbre. "Well I guess if that's the case, I won't stop you." He moved his lips to her ear and whispered, "You just keep right on using me and I'll keep taken' care of you. I'll keep you safe."

"You think I need you to keep me safe?"

Abraham laughed again. "You can take care of yourself, I know it, but I just want _you_ to know that there's always going to be someone else that's lookin out for you too. As long as I got air in these lungs, I ain't never gonna let anything or anyone hurt you. You got that?"

"Got it, Big Guy."

"I know I sound like I'm full of shit half the time, and maybe I am. But the truth is...the truth is, I really do love you."

"I think I believe you," she replied then remained quiet.

"But you don't love me back," he stated

"I don't know. I don't know what that would even look like. I don't think I've ever really let anyone in close enough for me to love them. Love is just an arbitrary word anyway Why does it even matter?"

"I guess it don't. I'll be me and you be you."

"Just because I'm not saying that I love you doesn't mean I don't care about you. I do care." Abraham said nothing. "Do you hear me, Abraham?" she asked grabbing his arm and pulling it around her waist. She felt something warm and sticky on her fingers. She pulled her hand away and saw that it was covered in blood. She rolled onto her back and Abraham was gone. All that was left of him was his severed arm.

Rosita woke up screaming and bolted upright. Her screams quickly turned to sobs. It wasn't like Rosita to cry. Life over the last few years had made her a stone-cold warrior. But right now she was at her weakest. Broken down and alone. It was only three days earlier that she had made the horrifying mistake that got her best friend and lover killed. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw herself slicing Abraham's arm off then watching him as the dead swarmed his body. He was dead and she blamed herself completely.

Rosita buried her face in her hands, weeping uncontrollably. She had never once felt like she needed Abraham to rescue her. But now, when she did need him, he couldn't be there for her. She wished she could see him storm through the door to free her. She wished she could hear his deep Texas drawl or see his brawny face again. She wished that she could tell him that she loved him back. As Rosita sat on the floor half-naked and scared for the first time in a long time, she realized none of these things were possible.

…..

Rick, Carl, Carol, Glenn and Sasha snuck quietly around Pitt's Cove towards the dormitories where they suspected Morgan was being held. Rick and Carl crept around one of the dorms while Glenn, Carol and Sasha went around to the other one.

"We're in position," Glenn whispered through the walkie to Rick and Carl.

"Remember, don't kill the guards unless you have to. I want to question them first. On three, we take them down," Rick whispered back. He looked at Carl and nodded his head before speaking into the walkie again. "One, two, three." The five of them rounded the corners and Carl and Sasha shot each of the guards standing at the front of the doors to the dormitories.

One man lied on the ground writhing in pain and breathing heavily. Carl pulled the man's assault rifle out of his hands while Rick stood over him and spoke clearly to him. "Are there any other guards here right now?"

"Just the one standing guard at the other building," the man said through grunts.

"Are you sure about that? If you're lying, you're going to suffer. But if you're telling the truth, there's a chance you might be able to walk away from all this," Rick said lowering his gun. 

"I swear," the man gasped, "it's just me and one other guard until 7 AM."

"And how many more guards will come at 7?"

"Six guards. Six guards show up at 7 to run the work details until 3 PM."

"I believe you." Rick looked the man in the eye and cocked his head to the right. He raised his gun again and aimed it at the young man's head.

"Please, I told you the truth. You said you would let me go if I told you the truth."

"I said there was a chance," Rick corrected him as he continued to stare him down. "Tell me something. You're holding innocent people here against their will, is that right?" The man stared back at Rick neither confirming or denying the accusation. "You're not going to answer me?"

"I...we, we're helping them," he finally replied nervously. "We're feeding them and taking care of them. We treat them good."

Rick walked up to the doors to the dormitories and saw that the door pulls had chains with padlocks wrapped around them."

"If you're helping them, why are they chained up?"

"It's for their protection," he pleaded.

"If it was for their protection, these doors would be locked from the inside," Rick said. "These doors are locked from the outside. I think that's for _your_ protection."

Carol walked over to where Rick was standing. "The other guard said there's only two of them here right now. He said there will be six more guards coming at 7 AM."

"See, I was telling you the truth!" the young man stated adamantly.

"You _were_ telling the truth about that. But you're lying through your damn teeth about helping these people. You're not helping them. You're enslaving them. That's why they're locked up, right?"

"No, no! I swear...that's not how it is!"

Rick reached into the man's pocket and removed the keys. "Is that the same story I'm going to get from them when I unlock these doors?"

The man said nothing but instead looked at Rick and the others with shame. "C'mon man, I'm not a bad person. I'm just trying to survive here like everyone else. It wasn't my idea to make things this way. I wasn't the one who decided to lock these people up. I'm a good person."

"You have people locked up like animals but you're a good person?" Rick chuckled ironically. "I'm sorry, but you're not going anywhere." Rick raised his gun to the man's head then squeezed the trigger.

Carl walked up to where Sasha and Glenn were waiting with the other guard. Without hesitation, he shot the other guard squarely in the head.

As soon as both guards had been taken out, Carol snatched the keys out of Rick's hand. "Carol, slow down. We don't know who we're going to find behind those doors." But Carol ran to the doors, ignoring Rick and shoving the key into the padlock. She turned the key, threw the lock on the ground and ripped off the chain.

Carol pulled the doors open and immediately called out for him frantically. "Morgan!" she shouted. "Morgan! Are you in here?" She stood on her tip toes and looked in every direction when she saw someone push through the small crowd. Before she could call out again, Carol felt Morgan's familiar arms around her and pulling her into a fierce embrace.

"Carol!" he exclaimed before grabbing her face and kissing her over and over again. "My sweet angel!"

"Morgan," Carol buried her head into his neck and sobbed. "I though I wouldn't get you back! I was so scared I would lose you." Carol held onto him for dear life, not relenting her grip.

"You're here! You came for me! I knew you would," Morgan replied. Carol held onto him fervidly and continued to cry unabashedly. "Shh, shh, shh. It's okay darlin'. I'm here and I ain't goin' nowhere else." Morgan held fast to her, comforting and reassuring her as she trembled in his arms.

All the men in the first dorm flooded out of the building. Sasha and Glenn unlocked the doors to the other two dormotories and more than twenty women and twenty-five children walked out towards their emancipation.

Carl ran the short distance from the cove to where the group's vehicles were parked. He called for his family and friends to come out. Michonne, Maggie, Eugene, Liv, Lee, Clementine, Desi and her four friends joined Carl outside. "We did it!" Carl said breathless and ecstatic. "We took out the guards and freed everyone in captivity!"

Before Carl could say another word, Desi sprinted past him and towards the cove. When she saw the groups of men women and children moving around, she searched in the dark for her father. "Daddy!" she called out desperately as she looked into the face of one stranger after another. "Daddy it's me Desiree! Daddy where are you?" Desi felt someone grab her shoulders from behind. She spun around in a frenzy and looked at her father wide-eyed and overjoyed. She felt his powerful arms lift her into the air. "Daddy, daddy!" she cried out as her father held her in a bear hug.

"Oh my Baby Girl!" he said with tears in his own eyes. "This is the happiest day of my life. I knew you'd fight your way back to me. I knew you would. I'm sorry I couldn't get to you. I wanted to but I couldn't. But you found me...and I'm so happy right now!" Ezekiel finally set Desi's feet back on the ground. He lovingly placed each of his hands on either side of her face. "Let me look at you, my little girl...I've missed you like crazy! You look as beautiful as the last time I saw you. Those people said they'd be treating you well and it looks like they have. They said if I did what I was told, they'd take good care of you. Are you okay, Desiree? Did they treat you well?" Ezekiel asked as he held her face, patiently waiting for confirmation. She didn't give it to him. "Desi, are you okay?"

Desi lowered her head shamefully and began to cry. Her tears fell down her cheeks and onto his hands. "Desi, what's wrong? Did they hurt you?" She continued to cry as she pulled her sleeves up on her jacket. She held out her arms to her father, revealing the deep scars from the burns she had received from Mitch Douglas.

Ezekiel stared at his daughter with a sick feeling in his stomach. He focused his eyes on the raised flesh on her arms and felt a burning wrath coming from his gut. He choked back his tears and spoke in a low guttural gasp, "Baby Girl, what did they do to you?" But Desi couldn't answer. The strong and stout-hearted young girl broke down in her father's arms and wept.

…..

Rick stood on a platform situated in front of the three buildings and spoke out loud to the all who had gathered in front of him."All of you please come over here. I have something I'd like to say," he said. The crowd congregated in front of the platform and the noise and talking dissipated.

"My name is Rick Grimes. These other people here with me are my family. We came to these islands to make a better life for ourselves. A life away from the dead. A life where we could raise our children in peace and make a future for them. When we arrived a few days ago, we saw that there are already others living here. But we also saw what kind of people they are," Rick said looking at the ground. "All of you...all of you are free now! You're free to do whatever you want from this point forward. You are free to take whatever family you still have and leave and get as far from this place as possible, if that's what you want. We are staying. My family and I are staying right here and we're going to take the island from the people who live there...the people who kept you enslaved here. They don't get to stay. They don't _deserve_ to stay. And just as you're all free to leave, you're also free to fight with us. If you choose to stay and fight, I can't promise that you won't be sacrificing something. If you stay and fight, the cost may be your very life. That's true for me and my loved ones also. But we're ready to lay our lives on the line, not just for this better life, but to right this wrong. If you stay and fight, then what you're fighting against is tyranny and wickedness. You're fighting against those who think they are superior to others – that think they deserve freedom and a better life than what others deserve.

"Not only will you be fighting _against_ something, you'll also be fighting _for_ something. You're fighting for a home that's yours. You're fighting for a life of peace – for yourselves and _your_ families. What you're not fighting for anymore, is your freedom. Today you have that. You have it already. And not because we gave it to you. You have your freedom because it's what belongs to you. You have it because it's what God has endowed you with. I hope you'll choose to use that God-given freedom to fight along side us."

The crowd hung on Rick's every word and a hush swept over them. "I will fight with you, Rick Grimes!" Ezekiel shouted from the crowd as he shot his arm in the air. "I will fight to the death if that is what is required of me! And all of these people here, my friends, my family, they'll fight with you too! We will undo this evil injustice and we will not let our freedom be in vain." The men, women and even the children raised their arms and shouted in solidarity. An all-out war was imminent, and they were ready for it.


	24. Chapter 24

**June 26, 2015: No Mercy**

Rick and his group huddled together near the RV. Morgan invited Ezekiel to join them and Ezekiel brought Robert, Nicole and Antonio, three people that Ezekiel said were leaders among the others who could be trusted in the inner circle.

"We've searched everywhere for Rosita," Carol said. "She's not here and no one has said they've seen her."

Morgan spoke next. "After Rosita and I were seperated from Carl, I was brought here by myself. It stands to reason that if she didn't come with me and no one here's seen her, she's probably still on the island."

"I'm sure you're right," Rick said. "When we make our attack on the island, we need to make sure she's not somehow caught in the crossfire."

"The six guards that come at 7, are all of them armed?" Glenn asked their new allies.

"Armed to the teeth," Ezekiel replied. "Semi-automatic rifles and side pieces, all of them."

"If we do another ambush when the morning shift arrives, that's a dozen more guns we'll have to arm the prisoners," Glenn stated.

"Is there anyone that shouldn't be given a gun?" Michonne asked Ezekiel.

"What do you mean?"

Michonne gave him a stony stare, "I mean are there people here we shouldn't trust – people whose loyalty might still be to their captors?"

Ezekiel looked at his friends unsure of how to answer.

"We got a few Uncle Tom's here," Robert said.

"That's not fair," Nicole replied. "People who have been afraid to stand up to the islanders have made that choice because their loyalty was to the people they love. They were just protecting their families."

"Well I can appreciate that,"Rick said diplomatically. "But I'm not arming anyone unless I know for sure which direction they're going to be aiming their guns. I need to protect _my_ family."

"We need to approach this with wisdom," Ezekiel said to Rick, then spoke to his friends. "We all know there are a few people here who when a line is drawn in the sand, we're not sure which side they'll want to stand on...not because they're bad people, but because they're scared. Rick, you can trust me to put weapons in the hands of those who won't waiver in the fight. I've been here long enough to know who can be trusted to stand with us implicitly."

Rick placed his hand on Ezekiel's arm. "Morgan says that you're a man of integrity. He says you helped him. If he trusts you, then I trust you too."

"It's 6:20," Carl stated, "the guards will be here in less than an hour. As soon as we take the guards down, I think we should make our attack on the island immediately."

"Why immediately?" Robert asked. "We shouldn't rush this. These people aren't combat trained. Most of them haven't even held a gun in a few years."

"Carl's right," Carol said. "We have an even bigger advantage if half of the islanders are asleep or just waking up. The more time we give them, the more they'll start figuring out what's going on."

"We have our momentum right now. I don't want to slow down and give these people an opportunity to regroup," Rick said as he looked at each person in the circle. "Almost all of this has happened during the night. Most of them are probably going to roll out of bed thinking it's just another day. We have the element of surprise and they won't see us coming."

"But we shouldn't be worrying about who to arm right now or planning the attack on the island," Carl stated. "Right now we have to get ready for this shift change. We need to get all these people back in their dorms. We have to make everyhting look like normal so that we can take the guards down before they suspect anything."

Rick looked to Ezekiel, Robert, Nicole and Antonio. "You four have rapport with everyone here. We need you to quickly explain things to them and get them back inside. I'm sure they won't like it, but I want the chains and locks back on the doors too."

"They'll understand," Ezekiel replied. "They'll do whatever it takes to put an end to this attrocity, once and for all." Ezekiel and his friends walked away to carry out Rick's instructions.

…..

At exactly 7 AM, six armed men stepped off of a large pontoon. The warm morning sun shown down on them as they talked and laughed. Most of them had large cups of what must have been hot coffee in their hands.

One of them spoke to the other five. "Where do you s'pose Mark and Cal are?"

"They can't be stupid enough to both be usin' the john at the same time," someone else replied.

"After all them beans Mary Jo shoveled onto our plates last night, anything is possible," a third man said with a boorish chuckle.

"Well they gotta be somewhere," the first man spoke again.

Before the six men could take another step, gunfire sprayed out and knocked their bodies to the ground. At 7:01 AM, Rick and the others stood over their corpses.

…..

Michonne and Carl stood together in front of the lake's shore, staring at Penland Island in the distance. The sunrise filled the sky with brilliant blue and crimson colors but the lake looked dark and ominous.

They passed a pair of binoculars back and forth, taking turns scoping out the best site to approach the island undetected.

Even with the binoculars covering his eyes, Michonne could see a foreboding and uncertain expression covering Carl's face. Her son usually had an air of confidence when faced with even the most terrifying challenges, but not in this moment. She put her arm tenderly on his shoulder and turned him to look at her. "Hey, you seem worried. What's on your mind?"

"Do you really think we can do this?" Carl asked apprehensively as he lowered the binoculars.

"Of course we can do this."

Carl looked at her directly. "Do you think you could you do me a favor? Could you for just one minute lose the optimism and be real with me?"

Michonne released her hold on his shoulder and defensively inched away, hurt by his words.

Carl sensed the hurt and turned towards her. "Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be an asshole. I...I just..."

"You're scared," Michonne replied matter of factly.

Carl nodded slowly. "Yeah. I _am_ scared. Look I know Dad needs you to cheer him on and stay positive and all that but I just need you to shoot it to me straight."

"If you think I sugarcoat things for your dad, you're wrong. I'll shoot you straight the same way I do him."

"I didn't mean that you sugarcoat things, I just meant that..." Carl fumbled through his thoughts.

"What?"

"I need different things from you than Dad does. I know he has a lot on his shoulders, he's always had a lot on his shoulders. And he looks to you to lift some of that burden from him, even if it's just emotionally lifting the burden."

"And you?"

"In this moment, with what we're facing, I just want honesty. And even though I'm different from him, I trust you the same way he does. I want you to just tell me what your gut says about all this."

"Are you having second thoughts about the attack?"

Carl lowered his head and stared at his boots. "I wish I wasn't, but I am. We've executed three successful ambushes. We've come out on top over the last few days. But I don't feel good about this next move and I think we could lose. I think we could lose it all."

Michonne nodded once as she stared across the lake. "Alright. I'm gonna keep it real and not sugarcoat a damn thing. What I'm honestly thinking is this: we _can_ do this, Carl. We can take this island. We can win. Does that mean I think we're going to come out of this unscathed? No. It's probably going to cost us something. It's going to cost us something that we won't want to pay...it always does. Not everyone in our group is going to live on that island. There's going to be a lot of bullets flying and I'm not so naive to think that none of those bullets are going to touch any of us." Michonne turned to Carl and spoke earnestly, "But all that said, we _can_ do this...we _will_ win. We're the ones that live."

"Okay," Carl replied solemnly as he noddd his head. "I believe you."

...

When Rosita heard Henry Douglas come in, she was ready. She promptly sat up and glued her eyes onto him as he closed the door and moved in slightly closer to her.

"I've missed you pretty girl," he said moving slowly across the room. "I got men missin' and more men out lookin' for them but I don't give a shit about any of it. They buried my boy, Mitch last night and I don't care about that either. If I'm bein' honest, it's a relief. He was a screw up and now he's one less thing I gotta worry about. All I been thinkin about all night is you. I took one of those blue pills and I'm ready. I hope you are too."

The shack was dark and Rosita could barely see. But just enough sunlight came in through one small window for her to view her opponent. He was a large man, tall and fat. He was old and had to be in his late seventies. She noticed the first time he came in that he had a limp and with the limp came a wooden cane. His skin was leathery and wrinkled and he smelled like old cigars, whiskey and sweat.

"I bet you been thinkin' about me too, huh?" he asked as he carefully lowered himself to the ground with his cane. "You been thinkin about how much I scare you? You thinkin about how much you liked it? And you been waitin' for me to come back to you so I can do it again. Isn't that right?" Rosita said nothing but just unflinchingly bore her eyes into his.

"You saw my island. It's a good set up we have here, isn't it? There's dead men everywhere and they're all tryin' to get me but we're safe and we got plenty of workers that keep us fed and keep this place runnin'. I'm livin' in the lap of luxury here. I mean for what life is like now it's pretty great," Henry stated before he hocked up snot from his throat and spat across the room and onto the floor. "Now why you think I'm tellin' you this, pretty girl?" He looked at Rosita expectantly. "Answer me."

"I don't know. I don't know why you're telling me this."

"I'm tellin' you all this because I like you. Your name is Rosita, right?" Rosita nodded. "That's a little too ethnic so I think I'll just call you Rose instead. Rose is a nice name, don't you think? Well Rose, I like you so I'm tellin' you all this because I don't want to keep you chained up in here. That's not nice for you and it's not too nice for me either. I want you to come stay in my house. I got the nicest house on the island and you're gonna be happy there with me for a long time. I'll keep you safe from the dead and I'll take good care of you. Okay?"

Henry lowered himself even farther down towards her as he removed his belt. Rosita caught a whiff of his breath and gagged silently. She pulled away, backing up as close to the wall as she could.

"Now don't worry," Henry said in a repulsive whisper. "I ain't gonna hurt you. I had to be a little rough yesterday because I wasn't sure if you were one of the dead ones or not. And when I realized you were alive, I had to make sure you knew who was in charge. But today will be different. I'll be gentle, I promise. "

"I understand," Rosita replied calmly, "and I _am_ ready."

The beast began to pull his pants down all the way to his ankles. He was vulnerable and Rosita had found her moment. Her right hand was still cuffed to the radiator but with her left hand she pulled the piece of sharp plastic from under the blanket and drove it into his eye. Henry screamed out in pain as he pulled the plastic shard out of his socket. As he did, Rosita took another piece and tried to stab it into his neck. It didn't penetrate his leathery skin and broke instead. Rosita picked up a third piece and stabbed at his face, tearing through his cheek. He screamed again but before he could do anything to stop the onslaught, Rosita stood up, grabbed his cane and hit him as hard as she could in the head with it. She lifted the cane over her head and slammed it down into his groin. Filled with adrenaline, she hit him over and over again all over his limp body, not slowing down the beating for a second. She screamed with each blow she inflicted until she fianlly realized that he had to be dead.

Rosita quivered and breathed heavily as she slid to the ground. She rested only momentarily before she began to search through his pockets for a key to the cuffs. She couldn't find one. She continued to search his body and found a small pistol in his boot. She pulled it out and immediately shot the chain that extended from the radiator to her wrist. Rosita was free. She pointed the gun at his head but then decided she would save her ammunition. He was dead anyway. She walked to the other side of the room where her clothes had been tossed. She dressed herself and ran out the door.

...

Rick, Glenn and Lee had spent what little time they had gun training the now freed captives. Along with nearly everyone in their own group, they had the 16 men and 9 women they had armed and trained gathered at the lake's shore.

Once everyone had stepped onto the pontoon, Ezekiel began to stear it towards the island. They all stood in silence.

One woman stood up and addressed Rick directly. "I know we're going to be on the island soon but I have to ask...how do we know who to kill?" she asked with grave concern. "I mean there's women and children there. I'm not sure how we do this exactly."

Rick looked at the woman and then the others and began to speak calmly. "I know you're going to be faced with tough decisions when you're pointing your gun at these people. But you..."

Carl stood up and placed himself in front of his father. "We're going to shoot anyone who has a gun pointed at us."

"You even want us shooting _kids_ if they're armed?" another man asked, appalled at what he had just been instructed to do.

"Let me rephrase that: _I'm_ going to shoot anyone who has a gun pointed at _me_ or anyone _else_ in this group. I don't care what gender they are or how old they are, if they're going to try to kill me, I'm going to stop them. You people do what you want."

"You're sick!" one man shouted as he stood up to Carl. "You're telling us to kill kids...well I'm not going to do that. You're a sadistic asshole!"

"You're calling _me_ a sadistic asshole?" Carl laughed as stared the man down. "Those people on that island had you all in chains doing forced labor! They were raping and beating your daughters and sisters but _I'm_ the sick one?" he shouted as he paced back and forth ." _They're_ the sick and sadistic assholes for doing what they've been doing. And those who weren't doing it themselves, they were complaisant. They sat back and watched it all happen...for years!" Carl began to calm down but continued to speak. "You all can do whatever the hell you want but don't say there's something wrong with me for wanting to end these people. You let them live and see what happens after that. You stare down the barrel of a gun being held by a kid and you see if he's going to show _you_ the kind of mercy you want to show him."

Another heavy silence loomed over the passengers as the pontoon moved closer and closer to the shore. Rick looked over at Michonne as she stared at Carl. She could read Rick's mind.

"I don't know what to say," she said as she finally turned her eyes from Carl to Rick. "I don't know if he's right or if he's wrong. I do know he's sure though. He's sure about what he's going to do and nothing's going to change that."

Rick inhaled and exhaled slowly as he gripped Michonne's hand. "I know. I know," he replied as he looked at the island that they were getting closer and closer to. "I can't think about where Carl's head is right now. Like you said, it won't change anything. We have to focus on what's going to happen when we step off this boat. It's not gonna be pretty but it's happening all the same."

Moments later, the pontoon docked onto the shore of Penland Island. This side of the island was strategically chosen because the shore was covered with thick trees and bushes, hidden from where any of the islanders could see them. Carl was the first one off the vessel as everyone else followed quickly behind him.

 **A/N** These more recent chapters have been a departure for me. There have been so many moving parts to the story and it's actually been really hard to make them all come together from a writing standpoint. I want to tell a story and I want it to come off as real. There have been two main elements to this story for several chapters. There's the battle side, which I want to get right as far as logistics and details go. I want it to seem real and it's hard for a mom/pastor to engineer a war and write battle scenes. I can't neglect them though because they're such a vital part of the story, but it does take me a long time to navigate writing those parts.

The other element of the story is the human element. That obviously matters to me a great deal. Without telling this story with a humanistic and personal viewpoint, it just wouldn't work for me. That's probably where my strength lies and the part I love the most. I truly love these characters and telling their stories the right way is so important to me. Balancing both the human side and the war side has not been easy for me and each chapter takes a long time for me to write.

I think the more recent seasons of the TWD TV show has struggled to balance all those moving parts too, with the battles, the various storylines and the NEVERENDING number of new groups of people. More recently the show has focused more on the battle with the saviors and new characters and has somewhat neglected some of the human element with our old characters that I love so much. I love the show and could never stop watching but almost everyone would agree that it's lost something more recently, dare I say it's heart?

Anyhow, I hope all my efforts to write a good and balanced story come across that way. Thank you for your patience as you wait for me to try to do it right, all while juggling 3 kids and 3 jobs. Love to you all and God bless you! Happy Easter weekend to you and your families and remember, HE IS RISEN!


	25. Chapter 25

**June 26, 2015: A Time To Kill**

 _There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:_

 _a time to be born and a time to die,_  
 _a time to plant and a time to uproot,_  
 _a time to kill and a time to heal,_  
 _a time to tear down and a time to build,_  
 _a time to weep and a time to laugh,_  
 _a time to mourn and a time to dance,_  
 _a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,_  
 _a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,_  
 _a time to search and a time to give up,_  
 _a time to keep and a time to throw away,_  
 _a time to tear and a time to mend,_  
 _a time to be silent and a time to speak,_  
 _a time to love and a time to hate,_  
 _a time for war and a time for peace._

 _Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 NIV_

Carl, Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, Carol, Morgan, Sasha, Liv, Eugene, Lee and Ezekiel stepped off the pontoon with 25 more men and women following behind. Bob, who never joined the group on dangerous missions, came with them today. At the last minute, Rick decided he wanted their doctor on standby, ready to treat anybody who might get hurt in battle. He instructed Bob to stay near the pontoon and out of sight.

They stepped into the thick cover of the trees and bushes. Rick and his group divided themselves into five teams each team with five of the others with them.

Rick came to the center of the group and talked in a quiet but commanding voice. "Teams one and two flank the south side of the island while teams three and four, you'll flank the north side. My team, team five is going straight up the center."

"The priority is going to be the armory," Glenn said next. "Team five, Michonne, Rick, Liv and their members, are going for the armory. If they can take it before we open fire, that's better. If we can, we want to take the armory before they know we're even attacking. And remember, try not to use rapid fire. If we don't get to the armory quickly enough and we shoot too liberally, we're going to run through what little ammo we have too fast."

"Open fire on any adult male," Rick said with certitude, "and open fire on anyone else who has a gun pointed at you. Any woman or child that drops their weapons and surrenders, keep your guns trained on them while someone else from your team disarms and restrains them. We'll gather any prisoners in the main area in the center of the island. Make sure their hands are secured behind their backs and have them lay on their stomachs. We'll decide what to do with them later. Is that clear to everyone?" Rick asked looking directly at Carl. "If there are any women or children surrendering, stand down."

Rick, Michonne and Liv lead their team of five up the center of the island. They sprinted through the woods until they came to where most of the buildings were. Rick signaled them to stop.

"Right there," Michonne said as she pointed to a building in the middle of the commune. "Carl said he thought the building in the center was probably the armory."

"It's the only building being guarded right now so he was probably right."

"I'm going to come in behind them and use my sword," she said as she stared ahead at the guards.

"Not without me," Rick replied.

"We want to take them out quietly," she argued. "Me with my sword will be better."

"Fine, but I'm still coming with you. Don't worry, I'll use my hatchet."

Michonne and Rick sprinted quietly to the armory coming in from behind. Rick circled around the building and Michonne came straight from the back. They made it to the front at the exact same moment. Rick plunged his hatchet into the man's forehead while Michonne decapitated the other guard. She quickly searched and found the keys to the building and went to unlock it. The door swung open and she and Rick entered in. It was the armory. They closed and locked the door behind them, then ran to find ammunition. Rick grabbed a backpack off of a shelf and started stuffing different rounds of ammo inside. Suddenly, gunshots rumbled outside. The shots hit the side of the armory and Rick and Michonne threw themselves onto the ground. Rick crawled as fast as he could to Michonne and covered her body with his, as the gunshots continued to rain onto the building. They continued for another minute although it seemed much longer.

When the bullets finally stopped, Rick rolled his body off of Michonne's.

"So much for this happening quietly," Michonne said.

"Well we were going to get their attention at some point," Rick replied. They turned their attention to the door when they heard someone turning the knob and trying to come in. They turned their guns to the door and moved closer, still staying low.

"Uncle Rick! It's Liv...let me in!" they heard her shout. Michonne ran to the door and opened it. Liv ran inside with only one other person from their five person team.

Rick was shocked to see only his niece and Chris. "Where are the other four?"

"I'm sorry!" Liv cried. "They're gone. They got shot by the guys shooting at the armory. I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything to help them."

"And where are the men that shot at the armory?" Michonne asked.

"They're gone too...all of them. They all shot at each other and now everyone's dead," she said continuing to cry.

Rick pulled Liv into an embrace. "Except for you and Chris," he said comforting her. She nodded her head. "Liv you're okay...you made it and you're okay. You and Chris helped us take the armory. Our people out there gave everything they had to help us do that." Rick let her go and she wiped her eyes. "Chris and I are gonna go back out there," he stated as he looked at Chris. "I want you and Michonne to stay here and hold down the armory. Okay?"

"Uncle Rick, no!" she pleaded as she grabbed his arm. "I don't want anything to happen to you...there's so many of them out there!"

"That's why I have to go. I have to help protect the others and I have more ammo to bring them."

"I'm scared!" Liv sobbed. "I wasn't scared before but I am now."

"I know you're scared," he said back to her. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared too. But that doesn't mean we stop. It just means we have to do it scared. Got it?"

Liv nodded. Rick started to turn the knob but stopped and spun back around. He took Michonne's face in his hand and kissed her hard and fast. "I'll be back soon," he said.

Michonne looked him in the eyes. "I know."

...

Morgan, Carol, Ezekiel, Desi and three others came up behind a row of seven small cottages. They pressed their bodies flat up against one of the houses.

"We wait," Carol spoke softly, directing the others. "They've heard the gunshots and either they'll come out or someone will come to help them. When we see heads, we take our shots. As long as they're standing, don't take your finger off the trigger."

The others looked at her with with awe and fear. Ezekiel studied Carol carefully before speaking. "Morgan said you were no one to be trifled with and I can see his surmise of you was accurate."

Carol didn't take her eyes off of the scene ahead of her to return Ezekiel's gaze. "I'm not suggesting we do anything that they wouldn't do themselves."

Morgan placed his hand on the small of her back and she turned her attention towards him. "Hey, we're not going to take anyone down who's surrendering."

"Of course not," she said turning the corners of her mouth up slightly. "But that doesn't mean they're going to have the opportunity to surrender. I'm taking down anyone with a weapon in their hands. If their plan is to surrender, I hope they come out unarmed and with their hands in the air. Otherwise..."

Morgan tilted his head to the side and frowned uncomfortably. "I guess everyone here should do what they see fit. Do whatever you think it is you gotta do."

"Morgan Jones, if you get yourself killed doing something stupid, I'll never forgive you," Carol said staring at Morgan intently.

"Don't worry 'bout me Darlin'. Things will happen the way they happen and ain't no use fightin' it," Morgan replied with a somber smile.

Gunshots echoed throughout the island but still no one came within the vicinity of Carol, Morgan and their team.

"We have to be on the offense," Carol stated. "No one is coming out of the cottages so we're going to have to go in."

"There's seven cottages and seven of us," Desi said with a commanding demeanor. "Let's do this."

"No Desiree, you're not doing it by yourself," Ezekiel declared.

"I'll be okay Daddy," she replied as she ran off.

Ezekiel called after her quietly, "Desi get back here!" Before he could follow her, the door to one of the small houses flew open. Ezekiel spun around and opened fire on the person standing in the doorway. The man slumped to the ground. Shots fired on Ezekiel but missed. He walked into the cottage and fired on a woman standing in the corner with a rifle. A teenage girl sat on her bed crying and shaking with her hands in the air. Ezekiel quickly restrained her hands behind her back and motioned for her to lie on the ground out in front of the cottage. He didn't waste another moment with her but ran in the direction he saw Desi running.

Desi had gone to the last cottage in the row. She fired her gun at the doorknob and kicked the door in. Three people sat on the sofa with their arms raised. A woman in her forties, a teenager and a man in his twenties.

"Where your guns?" Desi shouted.

"We don't have any in here," the woman replied calmly.

"You ain't got no guns? You lyin'!" Desi shouted back.

The woman lowered her arms angrily. "Girl, if we had guns, you'd be dead. People on this island think my boys are too stupid to have guns so they ain't allowed."

"And you?" she said nodding to the woman.

"I got a gun but it ain't got no more ammo. I shot it out the window and now it's empty. It's sittin' on my nightstand."

Desi kept her gun pointed at the three captives but relaxed for a moment feeling no immediate danger from them.

"Desi?" the young man in his twenties said in a timis and friendly tone. "You're Desi, right? Do you remember me?"

Desi stared at the man in front of her. She did vaguely recognize him but she shook her head. "I don't know you," she replied.

"Sure you do," he said. He lowered his voice and spoke in a discreet tone."We were together a few months ago. I'm Freddy. Remember we was together a couple times. I was the one who snuck them cookies to you afterwards. I liked you...I mean I still like you."

Desi stood there, indignant, but tears ran down her cheek. She turned away from him unable to look at him any longer. "I said I don't remember you." She did remember him though. He was one of the men she was forced to be with. She remembered that he was kind...as kind as any sick and twisted rapist could be, reassuring her that he would never hit her like the others did. He knew she hated what was happening to her so he told her he wouldn't pick her to be with him every time even though she was his favorite.

Ezekiel quietly stood on the porch listening to the conversation. He couldn't help it. He hadn't been a part of his daughter's life for a long time and he desperately wanted to know what those missing pieces of her were. Blood was pulsing through his veins and his heart was racing in his chest. He felt dizzy with rage but couln't bring himself to let his presence be known.

"I always thought you were the prettiest one up there," he said sincerly as Desi just stood there paralyzed. "And I always felt bad the way they had you chained up in the woods. I know some of those guys weren't too nice to you girls. But I liked you so much, Desi. I really liked bein' with you." The tenderness and sincerity in his voice made it worse, as if he was someone who had shown benevolance towards her.

Ezekiel turned the corner and tackled the young man. He easily held him down with one hand as he thrust his fist into his face over and over again. The teenage boy jumped onto Ezekiel's back but Ezekiel barely noticed him. His mother picked up a dish of fruit and slammed it over Ezekiel's head but nothing could stop him. As the mother and teenager continued their attack on Ezekiel, Desi raised her gun and shot them both. They fell dead on the floor but Ezekiel didn't let up on the man lying on the floor unconcious.

"Daddy, stop!" Desi shouted. Ezekiel didn't stop. He beat the young man's face in until it was no longer recognizable as a face. Freddy lay on the floor dead in a pool of his own blood, his mother and brother lying dead next to him. Ezekiel stood up and slowly turned around. He picked up a dishcloth from the small kitchen table and wiped the blood off his hands. He threw the bloody cloth on the floor and walked quickly towards Desi. He tried to wrap his arms around her but she pulled away.

"Desiree!" he said with shock and confusion. Desi buried her face in her hands and sobbed. "Desi, talk to me Baby Girl. Why are you pulling away from me? Why do you mourn for this man...this animal?"

"I'm not cryin for him!" she yelled out. "He can rot in hell for all I care! All of them can rot in hell!"

"Well then tell me - tell me why you're crying. Tell me why you're pulling away from me."

Desi sniffled and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. She stood there vulnerable and looking like how Ezekiel remembered her looking when she was just a little girl. He flashed back to a time when she was seven years old. She was visiting him from Detroit over the summer and he was determined to teach her how to ride a bike. She was getting the hang of it but she kept turning to see if he was looking. "Daddy!" she yelled, "I'm doin' it! You see me, Daddy?" Again she took her focus away from the road to see if he was watching - to see if he was proud of her. A twig got caught in the spokes of her front tire and little Desi flew over the handlebars and onto the asphalt. Ezekiel ran to her and picked her small body up from the ground. He sat with her on the curb and held her close to himself, comforting her as she cried and held her scraped knee. "I saw you Baby Girl! You were riding that bike so good I though you might peddle it up to the sky!" Desi looked up at her daddy with love and awe. She was filled with a sense of pride and smiled as she wiped the tears away with the back of her hand.

Today was different. There was nothing surrounding her today but shame. She couldn't even find the courage to look her father in the eyes. "I didn't want you to know," she cried in a whisper.

"Know what?" he questioned her sympathetically.

"I _never_ wanted you to know what they did to me, and now you do...you _know_ Daddy! You know what they did and now nothing will ever be the same!"

Ezekiel put his hand on her cheek trying to comfort her, but she slapped his hand away and moved out of his reach. "Daddy, no! Just stay away from me!" She turned around and ran out of the cottage.

As soon as Desi ran off, Carol and Morgan and the three others came to the doorway. "This row of cottages is clear," Carol stated as she looked at the three dead on the floor. "Looks like this one is clear too."

Morgan watched as Ezekiel leaned against the door frame in an emotional shock. "Hey, are you okay?" Morgan asked with concern.

"No. No, I'm not," Ezekiel replied. He was saddened and stunned by all that had transpired over the last few minutes but he had to get to Desi again. He checked his weapon and ran out to chase after his daughter. These people had hurt her for the last time.

...

 **A/N:** I know this story, and even my last story, has had strong themes of rape, slavery and abuse. I also know readers can be triggered by those things. I can assure you that those elements are not added to make things more dramatic or lurid, even though that may be the result. It's added because sadly, in an apocalyptic setting like this one, I think it would be a horrific reality. Rape, abuse and slavery are horrific realities for so many women, young girls and even young boys around the world _today_. The abuse is one thing but the shame and stigma can be even worse. They last long after the abuse has taken place. I have no shame in saying that I was sexually abused as a child. The effects are still lingering but I've overcome them. Terrible things like that truly can make you stronger. I know that is certainly not the case for everyone who's been abused, but it _was_ the case for me.

So, I'm not going to shy away from it or pretend things like rape, slavery and abuse don't exist but instead I want to create a story where those things are examined honestly and hopefully overcome in a powerful way. Thanks for reading and keep the comments coming. God bless you all!


	26. Chapter 26

**June 26, 2015: A Time For War**

Glenn, Maggie and Sasha took their team of five up the south side of the island's shore. That side of the island was home to most of the livestock. Several pens held goats, chickens, ducks, pigs and cows. Gardens flourished in neat rows with two greenhouses nearby also.

"There's no people here," Sasha said.

"It looks like the other living quarters are over there on the east side of the island...just about another 75 yards," Maggie replied.

Glenn signaled the whole team. "Okay we're going over there then," he said as he pointed in the direction of three large houses.

Minutes later they stood behind a tree in front of the three large houses. The eight of them looked at the homes and tried to ascertain what was beyond the doors and inside.

"How should we do this?" Maggie asked the others.

"They're big houses," Glenn replied. "I gotta think that there's probably a lot of people inside each one. We have to clear each house one at a time. It would be suicide to split up."

"Look up there," Sasha exclaimed. "There's an empty guard tower right there. If you guys go into the houses one at a time, I can go in the guard tower and pick off anyone coming out of the other houses."

"That's good," Maggie replied. Sasha started to walk away towards the tower. "Sasha wait", Maggie said. Sasha turned around and eyed Maggie. "Why don't you let me go up there."

"Why?" Sasha asked, confused.

"Yeah why?" Glenn echoed. "Sasha's a better shot than you. A much better shot if we're being honest."

Maggie tilted her head and eyed Glenn,"Yeah I get it. It has nothing to do with who's the better shot. I just don't want her having to climb that tower six months pregnant, okay?"

Sasha rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Nuh, uh. We're not doing this. This is exactly why I didn't want Bob to say anything about the baby. I'll be just fine." Before Maggie could say anything else, Sasha turned and started to walk away again. Maggie watched her until she saw her start up the ladder to the guard tower.

"Sasha knows what she's doing," Glenn reassured his wife. "And we know what we're doing."

As soon as Sasha was at the top of the tower, Glenn lead the team into the first house. Maggie broke the glass in the front door and stuck her hand in the opening. She quickly unlocked it then swung the door open. It didn't take long for bullets to start flying down hallways in every direction. The two men and one woman were no match for the team of seven.

Glenn, Maggie and the others crept quietly up the stairs. They carefully cleared the rooms until they reached the end of the hall. Maggie slowly opened the door with her gun raised. A woman stood in the corner of the room with six children, all in their pajamas, cowering behind her. Her gun was raised to Maggie and the others but it shook in her quivering hand.

"Please," she cried, "don't hurt the babies. Do whatever you want to me but please don't hurt these kids, I'm beggin' you."

"Lower your gun," Maggie calmly commanded the woman. "There's seven of us in your house right now and just one of you. If you don't put your gun down, it's going to end badly for all of you."

Tears ran down the woman's eyes as she lowered her gun. "I don't want no trouble with you people. Just please...please don't hurt our babies."

Glenn walked up to the woman and removed the gun from her hand. Maggie kept her gun raised while Glenn and another man restrained the woman and all the children with zip ties. Two of the little girls, around the ages of four and five, whimpered softly. "Mommy, who are these people? Why are they tying us up and where's Daddy?"

"Don't cry Maggie," the mother said to her daughter gently. "Everything will be okay."

"You're name is Maggie?" Glenn asked the frightened girl. She nodded. "I like that name - it's really pretty." Glenn looked at each of them. "I know you're all scared. But if you do exactly what we say, there's nothing to be scared of. Just like your mom said, everything will be okay. Now follow me."

Glenn lead them through the hallway and down the stairs while Maggie carried up the back. When the woman and six children reached the bottom of the staircase, they could see the fallen members of their families.

"You bastards!" an older and bulky teenage boy shouted out as he slammed his head into the back of Glenn's head. "You killed my Pa!" Glenn turned around and tried to hold the young man back but he kept attacking, kicking Glenn's legs out from under him. A young man on their team tried to restrain the crazed teen, but he was immediately kicked to the floor.

"Stop it!" Maggie shouted. "Stop it or I'll shoot you!" But the ravenous teenager didn't retreat and instead kicked Glenn in the face. Maggie took her shot and the young man collapsed on the floor as blood oozed from his head.

The woman and five remaining children screamed and cried in horror as they looked around at the massacre. "Jimmy!" a 12 or 13 year old boy screamed. He turned towards the crying woman. "Miss Ellen, they killed Jimmy! And my daddy's on the floor over there too! Is my Daddy okay Miss Ellen? Did you see if he's okay?" But the woman just wept along with the children as they lead them to the front porch.

"Sit here," Glenn ordered them as he held a handkerchief to his bleeding head. "Don't move."

The woman sat on the porch weeping with the children sitting and hovering around her.

"Jamal, you stay here and watch them," Glenn said to one of the younger members of their team. "Don't hesitate to shoot if any of them try something." Jamal nodded as Glenn looked at Maggie and the rest of the team and let out a heavy sigh. "Two more houses to go."

...

A strong wind came up from the lake and blew Carl's hat off his head. He glanced over at it for a split second watching it disappear over a hill. He quickly debated whether he should retrieve the memento or not. _I'll find it later,_ he thought to himself. _There's more important business to take care of than chasing after a stupid hat._ Carl tried his best to concentrate on the task at hand but his eyes kept moving in the direction of where the hat had blown, distracting him from his mission. _Just go get it. You'll be sorry if it blows into the lake and you never see it again._

Carl recalled the day his dad gave him that hat. Lying in bed, at Hershel's farm - in pain but very doped up. He could almost feel the morphine running through his limbs as he pictured his dad placing the hat atop his head. He remembered the looks of relief on his father's face and the gratitude on his mother's after he made it through the surgery and awoke the next day. He shouldn't have survived. What were the odds that his dad would have brought him to the home of someone who could perform the surgery that his small and weak body needed. If it weren't for the collective efforts of his father, Hershel and Shane, Carl would have died that day.

 _Life really is fragile,_ Carl thought as he chuckled to himself, dismissing the hat completely. _These bastards are about to find out just how fragile their shitty, pathetic lives are._ He finally turned his complete attention to about ten men who were running from their homes towards the armory.

Carl looked over at Lee, Eugene and his other team members as they hid behind a shed,"As soon as they pass, we come up behind them and take them out."

The armed men hurried past them and when they did, Carl and his team came out from their cover and fired their weapons at them. The wind blew a spray of blood back onto Carl and the others. Carl closed his eyes but when he opened them he saw three of the men continuing to run.

"Use your knives and stab the dead ones in their heads," Carl said calmly to his team as he ran past the men lying in the blood-soaked grass."Lee, Mike, you come with me...we have to stop them!" Carl shouted givng chase to the three that got away. Carl, Lee and Mike followed the men as they approached the armory.

When they rounded the corner of a building, Carl and the others stopped dead in their tracks. They stood there frozen looking ahead at Rosita. The three men who had gotten away, stood with three other men. One held a knife to Rosita's throat while the other two had their guns raised to Carl, Lee and Mike.

"What are you doing here? What do you want?" one man shouted through furious tears. "You're killing all of us, why?"

Carl stared ahead and said nothing.

"Why won't you answer me?" he shouted frantically. "I watched men walk into my home and kill my wife and boys! What did we ever do to you? Who are you?"

Carl stammered with uncertainty, "We...we came here to live here. We wanted to make a home here."

"So you were just gonna come here and _execute_ all of us and take what we have...what we've made for ourselves? You murdered my family and just..." but the man couldn't finish. He turned his head and wept uncontrollably. Carl looked away not knowing what to say.

Lee stepped forward, his gun still pointed at the six men as they held Rosita. "Listen to me: you let our friend go," Lee said. "You let her go. You'll be sorry if you don't."

"We're not letting her go. I'm gonna slit her throat and you're gonna watch. She killed Henry. She killed the man who gave us a life here...who made this island what it is."

"Besides, what more can you do to us?" another man asked despondantly. "You killed everyone we know? You say we'll _be_ sorry but we already are. You're monsters for what you've done to us!" 

"What kind of people come and attack innocent people and murder them?" the first man spoke again. "How could you do this to us...killing our families, our children?"

"You want sympathy from us for what _we've_ done?" Lee asked as he stared them down. "You say you're innocent but we saw the barracks across the lake. We saw the people you had locked up there...the slaves. We know about the women you were raping and beating. You're the monsters here! We came here because we wanted to make a life for ourselves and our families. We were ready to live in peace with whoever was here. I wanted my little girl to have a chance at a real life...where she could be happy! I wanted her to grow up and live where she wouldn't have to fight the dead and certainly wouldn't have to fight the living! We wanted peace!" Lee shouted then shook his head fervently. "But you can't have peace with those who would look at other humans like they're animals...like they're half a person. We can't have peace with people like you! Besides, you don't deserve a life of peace!" Lee fired his gun into the head of the man with his knife at Rosita's throat. The knife dropped and Rosita grabbed it and stabbed it into the man next to her before she ran to safety.

The other men opened fire on Carl and the others. Bullets entered into Lee's chest and stomach, pushing him into Carl. Carl shot his gun at the men as he ran down a hill as fast as he could, pulling Lee along with him. Lee collapsed on the ground as Carl took shelter behind a tree and watched as the men came towards him. He fired a few more rounds, taking two of the men down, before his gun ran out of bullets.

Carl's slim body wasn't completely covered by the trunk of the small maple tree. He felt a rush of fear as bullets wizzed by and small bits of bark flew off the tree in front of him. One bullet went through the loose fabric in his shirt. When he looked down to make sure he hadn't been hit, he felt the sharp stab in his eye. He wasn't sure what happened but an explosion of pain spread throughout his entire head and blood poured down the right side of his face. He raised his hand to his eye, quickly examining the area to determine how bad it was. He felt the bony mess that was moments ago, his eye socket. He pulled a bandana out of his back pocket and pressed it against his wound. He could hear the men closing in on him but Carl knew he wouldn't be able to fight them off in the state he was in, with no ammo.

Gunfire echoed all around Carl as he heard the sound of familiar voices. Carol, Morgan and Eugene were near. Carl heard his father's voice next and relief washed over him. He felt weakness in his knees as his head began to spin. Carl finally collapsed to the ground next to Lee.

"Lee hold on!" Carl said reaching out to him as he tried hopelessly to put some pressure on the bullet holes in his chest. "My dad is coming and we'll get Bob...just hold on Lee!" 

"Won't do any good, Carl," Lee said as blood sputtered out of his mouth. "Listen to me - I think I only have a few seconds left..."

"I'm listening!" Carl gasped, trying to remain concious himself.

"Clementine...Clem, tell her I'm sorry for leaving her. Tell her I've always loved her like..." he said then stopped, choking on his blood, "...like she was my own little girl. If I coulda had a girl of my own, I would've wanted her to be just like Clem...just like her. Tell her that."

"I'll tell her Lee."

"Take care of her for me, Carl...you and everyone else, take care of that girl for me. She don't think she needs anyone to take care of her, but she...we _all_ need that."

"We'll take care of her. I promise," Carl replied softly as he held the rag to one eye and closed the other, unable to stay awake any longer.

Only seconds had passed before Carl felt his father lifting him up from the ground. Rick ran to one of the cottages wtih Carl in his arms and laid him in a bed. Carl looked up at Rick and saw the shell-shocked look on his face and the red in his eyes. Michonne was at Rick's side wiping the blood off of his face, as she reassured him. Bob hurried inside with his triage bag and ran to Carl. He immediately started to attend to what was left of his eye before Carl completely lost conciousness.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Rick asked Bob a few minutes later as he stared down at his boy blankly.

"I think so. I'm starting an IV to give him some meds to lower his blood pressure. His other vitals - oxygen, heart rate - they're pretty good," Bob said confidently. "Rick, Michonne, it's not all good news though," he said looking down, "Carl's gonna lose his eye. A lot of damage was done to his eye socket and the bone tore right through his eyeball. I can't do anything to save it."

"He's still here though...he's not gonna die," Rick closed his eyes and nodded in acceptance. Tears ran down Michonne's cheeks as she held onto Carl's hand.

"I wish I could have done more for Lee and some of the others but..." Bob's voice drifted off.

"You're only one person and you've done more for our family than anyone else, Bob," Rick said placing his arm on Bob's arm.

"No matter how much I do, no matter what I can fix, it's never enough."

"The same thing is true for all of us," Michonne replied. "It's always been true."

Bob opened his mouth to speak again when suddenly Maggie burst through the door frantically. She threw several items off of the other bed in the room. Bob looked at Maggie and immediately started getting ready for another patient,"Who's hurt? What happened?" Bob asked calmly.

Maggie stared into Bob's eyes trying to mimic his calmness. "Bob, it's Sasha. She was shot in the leg. The gunshot wound doesn't seem bad but she fell off a two-story platform."

"What?" Bob asked. "No not Sasha. She can't..." but Bob couldn't finish.

Glenn charged through the room carrying Sasha in his arms and laying her on the bed. Bob looked down in horror as he saw blood between her legs soaking through her jeans.


	27. Chapter 27

**June26: A Time To Scatter**

Rick sat at Carl's bedside holding his hand. He wondered to himself the last time he had held the hand of his son. It was probably the last time he was shot, many years ago.

Michonne came into the room and walked close to him. She lifted his chin with one hand and tucked a lock of hair behind his ear with her other hand. "You look exhausted," she said. "Do me a favor."

"What's that?" he asked looking up at her with a haggard expression. Michonne never remembered him looking older than he did in this moment.

"This chair you're siting in, it reclines. I want you to pull that lever on the side and close your eyes for a bit."

"Michonne you know I can't..."

"What, you think the world is going to spin off its axis if Rick Grimes rests? You know the old adage: you sleep when baby sleeps," she said nodding towards Carl. "He's going to need you when he wakes up. We're all gonna need you. But right at this moment, everything is under control. Carl is stable. Sasha is too. There's a few of the others, I'm not sure of their names, but they're getting treated too. You can rest."

"And what about you?"

"We're taking the pontoon back to Pitt's Cove. I'm going and I'm going to bring the babies back here. Don't worry about me, I'll find some time to get some rest today too."

"Okay. I'll get some rest. Promise," he said standing up. Rick leaned into his wife. He rested his forehead on hers and sighed. "We did it. We did it and even though it cost us some things, I can't help but think of how much more it could have cost us. Is it wrong that I'm relieved that Carl just lost his eye?"

"Don't look at it that way," she said caressing his cheek. "You, me, the kids, we're all here. We don't have to think about how much worse it could have been. Let's just be grateful for all we have."

"Okay," he replied. He kissed her goodbye and sunk back in the chair. Michonne lifted Carl's hand to her mouth and placed a kiss on it before resting it gently back on the bed. She placed her pack over her shoulders, grabbed her sword and walked to the door. Before leaving, she turned to Rick. His eyes were shut and she could already hear his soft snore. She closed the door and left to get their babies.

...

"Are you sure about this?" Maggie asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I talked to Rick about it but his head is in a weird place and he can't help with this decision. He's preoccupied with Carl. He's made enough tough decisions for this group and we thought we'd let him sit this one out. Michonne is behind this though. So are Morgan and even Carol."

"So where are you taking them?"

"Eugene, Carol and I talked about it and decided on Kingsport, Tennessee. It's 190 miles northwest of here just on the other side of the Smoky Mountains. There's water there, not too populated. We're sending them with weapons to hunt - no guns. They have a lot of food on this island and we're sending them with a generous supply of that too."

"Well itis _their_ food."

"It's _our_ food now," Glenn asserted.

"What if they come back? What if 190 miles isn't far enough away?"

"Do you want us to take them farther?" Glenn asked.

"No, of course not. 190 miles is already too far for me to feel comfortable with."

"This is the right call, Maggie. Were obviously not going to just..." Glenn almost couldn't say it. "We're not just going to get rid of them but they can't stay here."

"I know. It's just that nothing about this feels right. They're women and children. We killed every single male above the age of 20 on this island and now we're taking their home."

"We didn't kill innocent people, Maggie. And we knew this was how it was going to play out."

"Yeah but now that it's happening, it just doesn't feel right," Maggie said shaking her head.

"You know what kind of people they are. We all know what they were doing."

"The kids had nothing to do with that. They're innocent."

"Well what do you suggest we do?" Glenn said becoming exasperated.

Maggie bit her lip and looked to the side. "Maybe we can keep the kids here. At least the younger ones...the ones that won't make it out on the road."

"Those moms aren't going to leave their kids with us - with people who just killed people in their families."

"You know that if we send kids out there, they'll die. We could just take them."

"That's kidnapping! Maggie, listen to me. You're not thinking straight." Glenn set his gun down on a rocking chair on the front porch of a home that just hours ago, they had invaded. He pulled Maggie into his arms and held her tight. "We're making really hard decisions here. The same way you had to decide to kill that boy who was trying to kill me – it wasn't easy for you to make that call but you did it anyway to save me. And I get it. This doesn't feel right. I would be worried about what kind of people we're turning into if it _did_ feel right."

Maggie wept in Glenn's arms. "We killed their daddies. These kids, we came into their homes and killed their daddies. I know what that feels like. I remember the day the Governor came to our home, the place where we made lives for ourselves, and he killed my daddy right in front of me. I won't ever forget that. And that's...that's what _we_ did to _them_. That's all they'll remember."

"You're right. Maybe I'm the one not thinking straight. But we did what we did, and now we're going to have to live with it. Now, now in this world, we can only choose the lesser of two evils. We could have let these people keep doing what they were doing to those girls and keeping the others enslaved or we could have done what we did. We chose to stop them. I can live with whatever price we had to pay and whatever price they had to pay to make it stop, because what they were doing _had_ to be stopped."

Maggie pulled herself out of Glenn's arms and wiped the tears from her eyes. "There'a orphans in that group...kids that lost both their parents. We could keep them. I have to at least try. I have to at least try and see if they can stay."

"Okay," Glenn said kissing her forehead. "Okay."

...

Eugene lifted the last crate of food onto the school bus. Glenn, Ezekiel, Nicole and Jamal escorted 45 women and children onto the bus. Once they were seated, they tied blindfolds around the eyes of fourteen women and thirteen teens and older children.

Glenn put his gear in the back of the Suburban that would follow behind the bus and bring him and his friends back to Lake Chatuge. He walked to Maggie to say goodbye before the long journey.

The islanders did indeed decide to leave two of the orphaned children behind - younger children that they thought would be better off to stay, than be on the road with them. Maggie stood near the road with the two young and confused children. Jenny who was three years old and Davis who was two, both cried as Maggie, a total stranger, tried to comfort them.

"This is a huge commitment. Are you sure you want to do this?" Glenn asked Maggie.

"I've never been more sure of anything else," Maggie said lifting Davis into her arms and holding him close. "I don't know exactly who is going to take care of them, but if no one else wants to do it, I will."

" _We_ will," Glenn replied. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her. "Hopefully I'll be back in a few days. I love you, Maggie."

"Be safe...I love you too."

...

Winnie's frantic barking woke Holly up suddenly. She sat up and looked around. She thought for a moment she was still at the library and panicked when she didn't recognize the inside walls of the RV. After a few seconds, she remembered where she was and eased her shoulders down. She thought maybe she had heard someone calling for help but decided that she must have been dreaming. Winnie continued to bark when she heard the cry for help again. It wasn't a dream. She quickly scanned the RV and didn't see Judith anywhere.

When the others left for the island, she was left in the RV with Judith and Nadine. Nadine, one of the captives at Pitt's Cove, was a kindly woman in her forties. Holly wanted to stay in the RV and Judith wanted to stay with Holly, so Nadine agreed to stay with them both while a few of the other women took Clementine, Eva and Hershel back to the barracks.

"Judy!" Holly called out."Judy, where are you?" There was no answer. Holly walked around the the inside of the small space but it was obvious Judy wasn't there. She ran to all the windows and peered outside. She slid open a window and called out.

"Judy?" she called out. "Nadine? Where are you?"

"Holly help me!" she barely heard Judy calling out in the distance.

 _Where could she be?_ she thought to herself as she trembled. _Why would they go outside? Oh God...oh God, what do I do? I can't go out there and help her but Carl will never forgive me if something happens to Judy while I was supposed to be watching her. I can't fail him again...not like this._

Holly slipped her shoes on. She saw a bat covered in barbed wire leaning against the corner. She quickly picked it up and before she could give it more thought or talk herself out of it, she ran out of the RV with Winnie at her heels. As soon as she stepped outside, she looked up. Terror swept through her mind and body. With all her might, she fought the urge to run back inside. She had to find Judy or at least try to. If she didn't at least try she would never forgive herself and reminded herself again that Carl never would either.

The trees looked menacing and much taller than they were. The dirt beneath her feet seemed to move like quicksand. Her head spun around and everything around her became awry and twisted. It was like she was walking through a nightmare and she felt light-headed. Her chest heaved in and out and her breathing was loud in her ears. As she hyperventilated, she tried to remember what Bob had told her, "Deep, steady breaths in through your nose then blow them out of your mouth."

Holly concentrated on trying to get her breathing under control but she couldn't. She tried her best to keep from passing out or going back inside but she felt paralyzed to move away from the RV. Winnie whined and nudged Holly with her nose. She was about to open the door and go back inside when she heard the screams again.

"Holly, please help me!"

"Judy, where are you?" Holly's own voice sounded distorted in her ears.

"Over here! Help me!" Holly forced herself to run in the direction of Judith's screams. Her legs moved swiftly despite how heavy they felt. She ran and ran through the woods until she saw Judith sitting on the branch of a tree and holding on to the trunk for dear life.

"Judy! Oh thank God! What are you doing out here? Hurry and come down! We need to get back inside!"

"I can't! There's monsters everywhere!" she cried.

Holly walked to the other side of the tree and saw a walker clawing at the trunk and reaching up to grab Judith. She looked at the grissly scene on the ground next. Three of the dead were feeding on Nadine. Their bloody faces looked up at Holly and Winnie from where they were hunched over and eating. The fur on Winnie's coat stood straight up as she growled viciously at the dead.

Holly bent over and vommited. She wiped her mouth and looked back up at the walkers. She teetered and stumbled backwards. _Don't pass out...don't pass out...don't pass out,_ she thought, willing herself to stay upright. The walkers stood then walked towards her and Winnie.

"God please help me...right now! Please help me!" she called out desperately.

Holly raised the bat over her head, almost as if some force other than herself had pulled her arms up. She swung it down with as much force she had in her small arms, and landed it into the skull of one of the dead. She lifted it again and brought it down into the walker's head once more. The other two zombies were up from the ground and now coming towards her. Holly swung the bat into the head of one of the walkers again and again until it collapsed to the ground while Winnie lunged at the other one, taking it back to the ground. The walker wrestled with Winnie and tried viciously to sink its teeth into her but the dog proved more quick and agile. Holly came to Winnie's side and smashed the bat into the corpse.

Holly held the bat in her hand but rested it on the ground. She breathed heavily in and out, more from exhaustion this time than panic. She stared down the last of the walkers as it turned its attention from Judith in the tree, to her. She moved forward and took a deep breath - in through her nose, then blowing out hard as she swung the bat into the head of the final walker. It fell to the ground and Holly bashed its head in again.

"Holly! Are you okay?" Judy asked as she started to climb down from the tree.

Holly shook her head as she cried and heaved. "No. I'm not okay. Hurry down and let's get back."

Judy was finally on the ground again and grabbed onto Holly's hand. "Miss Nadine said we needed to get some fresh air so we went for a walk. I didn't want to go outside without mommy and daddy but she said we had to. The monsters grabbed her and I climbed up the tree."

"That was good thinking," Holly said shaking uncontrollably as she tried to regain her barings. 

"I peed my pants when I was up in the tree. I had to go really bad and then I got scared. Don't tell anyone, okay?"

Holly sighed, "It's okay Judy. I was so scared I think I may have peed my pants too," she kidded trying to make Judy feel better.

"If you did, I won't tell Carl or anyone else."

"Thanks."

They wasted no time walking quickly back to the RV. When they arrived, Holly ran to the door and swung it open.

"Hurry and get inside Judith and I'll help you find some clean clothes." Judy climbed the steps inside with Holly right behind her. "C'mon Winnie...inside girl!" she said. Winnie didn't move but remained still, staring at something towards the front of the RV and growling.

Once again, Holly fell back into a state of panic. "Winnie, come here girl," she said in a commanding voice as she pat her leg. Winnie bounded up the steps and inside the RV. Holly quickly slammed the door shut, locked it and backed away.

Winnie ran to the front of the RV and put her front paws on the dashboard. She looked through the windshield and continued to growl. Holly crept to the front, trying to see what had Winnie on edge. She hid behind the shepherd peering over her shoulder and saw a man walking around the RV.

"Holly, what's wrong? Are there more monsters outside?"

Holly came to the back of the RV to Judith's side. She mindlessly grabbed some clothes off the bed and handed them to Judith. "Judy, listen to me. I want you to go in the bathroom and close the door...lock it and get changed. When you're done, don't come out. Just stay in there until I tell you to come out, okay?"

"Why?"

"Judy just go in there and lock the door!" Holly whispered frantically. Judith did as she was told and Holly went to look for her bat.

"Dammit!" Holly said under her breath. She had left the bat outside. She rummaged through the kitchen drawers and found a large knife.

The knife trembled in the frightened girl's hand as she listened to the man outside trying to open the door. Winnie snarled and bared her teeth as she stood protectively in front of Holly.

They heard something banging on the door. The man was trying to beat the door in.

"Get out of here!" Holly screamed through tears. "Leave us alone!"

The banging continued as the bat started tearing through the fiberglass and metal. Holly watched in horror as the baseball bat came through the mangled door. She retreated even farther inside when she saw his hand unlock the door. The door flew open and the man came in. Winnie placed herself between Holly and the intruder barking and growling. The man swung the bat towards them.

"Get that damn dog away from me or I'm going to smash its head in!"

"What do you want?" Holly cried. "Please, just leave us alone!"

"I'm gonna take a wild guess that you're with the people that just moved in on us and killed my friends. They came in and murdered everyone! I managed to get away and now...now I'm gonna have to start all over. I'm gonna have to go as far away from here as I can."

"Good! Go then and get out of here!" Holly screamed.

"Oh don't you worry sweetheart, I'll leave. But guess what? You're coming with me."

"No, please no," Holly cried and shook her head. "Please just leave."

"You don't gotta be scared. I'm one of the good guys," he said smiling."What's your name little girl?"

"Holly," she said quivering as tears ran down her cheeks.

"Holly, that's a pretty name for a pretty girl. I'm Billy. Startin' over might not be so bad with a pretty girl like you and a ride like this," he said continuing to close in on her. "Drop that knife and everything will be okay. I promise." He set the bat against the cabinet and raised his hands in the air. "See, I layed down my weapon so now you can lay down yours."

Holly kept her eyes fixed on his. She tried to slow her breathing down, taking in a full breath through her nose and blowing out through her mouth. She started to lower the knife.

"That's good Holly. See you can trust me," he said starting to reach for the knife. Before his hand touched hers, she drew the knife back and thrust it into his gut. He gasped and heaved before she pulled the knife back and did it again. He stumbled backwards. As he did he grabbed the bat and swung it into Holly's side. She screamed in pain as the barbs tore through her skin. Billy collapsed onto the floor and Winnie attacked with full force, wrapping her teeth around his neck. He kicked and writhed around on the floor before he finally gave up the struggle. Holly stooped over the man and drove the knife into his head.

Holly stood up and moved to the back of the RV. She lifted her shirt up and looked at the bloody and torn flesh on her side. The barbs on the bat had made several painful cuts. It hurt but she sighed in relief. The cuts the barbs made weren't deep and should heal.

 **A/N:** Yay for summer break! My kids just finished school yesterday and I'm hoping that will give me a little more time to write. If you can't tell, this part of the story will be wrapping up in just a few more chapters. My own version of "all out war" took a little longer than I thought it would but overall, I'm happy with it. Anyhow, I'm super excited about this part of the story coming to and end because I have a lot of ideas in my little brain that I want to finally appear on my computer screen. Well have a happy day y'all and God bless!


	28. Chapter 28

**February 5, 2041: A Time To Gather**

Carl adjusted the patch on his eye as he looked over at Caleb, Marshall and the others he was with. "Glenn and the rest of the search parties are on their way," he said quietly as he walked further down the bank. "Listen, I want you all to stay here and wait for them. Follow Glenn's orders once he gets here."

"And where are you going?" Caleb asked.

"I'm going to look for Maggie. She's here and I'm not just gonna sit here and wait."

"Waiting is exactly what you just told Glenn you would do. You told him you wouldn't make a move unless you had to."

"Well I have to. Minutes count...even seconds count and I have to go."

"Well then if you're going, then I'm going too," Caleb replied

"Just stay here. Judith and your kids need you more than I do. She'll kill me if I do something to put you in danger."

"And you think she's gonna go easy on me if I let her brother go out on his own?" he asked as he followed Carl. "I'm coming with you so don't waste your breath."

"Okay then, follow my lead and stay out of sight."

Carl and Caleb stayed low and walked behind the cover of some Indigo bushes. They saw three small children playing on the lakeshore. Two women were chatting as they watched the children splash and play. Carl quickly and quietly walked up to one of the women. Before she even knew they were there, the muzzle of Carl's Colt Python was already against her temple.

Carl stared down the other woman gravely. He put his finger to his lips and shook his head. Caleb came up and pointed his gun at the other woman.

"Don't make a sound and you might live through this," Carl instructed. Carl and Caleb frisked each of the women. They each had a knife and nothing else.

The children still played nearby, unaware of Carl and Caleb's presence. "Please don't hurt my little girl," the woman Carl held, pleaded.

"Don't worry, she'll be fine. Just listen to me carefully and don't try anything stupid ," Carl spoke quietly in her ear. "Is there a woman here? Someone your people took from the island?"

"I don't know...maybe," she replied nervously as she shook her head.

"I'm sure you can do better than that."

"There's a shack...some kind of storage shed next to the ranger station. Th...they've had someone standing guard there since early this morning. I don't know why but maybe she's in there."

"Where?" Carl said coldly.

The woman pointed inland. "About 60 or 70 yards that way...behind that grove of trees."

"How many people do you have with you?" The woman remained silent. Carl spoke again, with a calm demeanor. "I'll tell you what. You don't have to tell me how many people you have. Instead, I'll tell you how many people _we_ have. How's that?" Carl looked at Caleb. "Caleb, how many people did we have at last count?"

"On the island and in the surrounding communities, at last count we had 1,682 people, give or take a dozen that are coming and going."

"Wow, 1,682. That's a good number. Don't you think that's a good number?" Carl asked rhetorically. "Do you have that many people?" the woman shook her head. "Do you want to tell me how many you _do_ have?"

"There's 49 of us. 49 men, women and children."

"And what are you doing here?" Carl asked.

"We...we used to live here, a long time ago. I lived on the island with my momma and my pa and my sister and brother."

"The people who lived here were taken far away. Why did you come back?"

"Some of the people in our group, people in charge, want to take this palce back. Just a few of them. We ran out of food. And I guess being hungry makes people mad. A few of the older men who used to live here started talking...saying they wanted revenge. They want to take the island back and kill the ones that took it from them. The rest of us, we just want food. We want a safe place to raise our kids. But we're not in charge. We're just trying to stay alive. I swear," she cried. "Please, I'm beggin' you, don't hurt my little girl. Don't hurt any of the kids. They're innocent."

"Your parents weren't innocent," Carl stated.

"I know. I know what they did. My momma told me what they did. She told me stories about captives and slaves and evil things goin' on, but she couldn't do nothin about it. But that wasn't me. That wasn't my little girl. That wasn't most of us. Most of us just want to live in peace."

Carl finally lowered his gun. "I hope this isn't a mistake but I'm going to trust my instincts right now. I believe you. What's your name?"

"Sadie."

"And my name is Mavis," the other woman said.

Carl looked from one woman to the other. "If you say you're just trying to stay alive, and that you want peace, then you're going to have to help us. If you want to protect yourselves and your children, then you're going to have to work with us to get our friend back."

The women both nodded. "I'm not going to lie to you," Sadie said, "there's a few people here that don't want peace. They have bloodlust. They want to kill you and they won't be talked out of it. They're vengeful and they'll sacrifice anything, even their families for that vengeance. I'm beggin you right now, don't confuse that handful of people for the rest of us."

"And how are we supposed to know which people you're talking about?"

"There's really just four guys who are in charge. No one wants them in charge but they are anyway. They're the ones that you'll have trouble with."

"Do your people have guns?"

"A lot of people are armed in our group but no one's had ammo in years. The guns are just for show in case we come across someone."

"This is what we're going to do," Carl said. "My people will be here soon. When they get here, we're going into your camp. I'm going to take you in at gunpoint but you're going to have to trust me. You're going to call out the four men in charge, the ones that took our friend and have been planning this attack, you're going to call them out by name. Got it?"

"And then what?" Mavis asked after staying silent through the conversation.

"What do you think? They kidnapped my friend and they want to kill us. I won't hesitate to use deadly force if they don't cooperate or if I think for one second that my people are in danger?"

"So you'll just shoot them down? Murder them in front of everybody?" Mavis continued. "There's a difference between not wanting someone in charge and wanting them dead."

Sadie shot her eyes at Mavis, "I want 'em dead. You'd be doin' us - hell you'd be doin the whole _world_ a favor to take them out. They're animals."

"Why would you want to be with them then?" Carl questioned.

Sadie looked at Carl with indignace. "I don't _want_ to be with them. I _want_ my girl to be alive. _I_ want to be alive. I'm with them because they protect us. They provide for us. There's safety in numbers. Everything for the last thirty years has been about survival. I've thought about leaving a thousand times but not everyone has a cushy isalnd paradise to live on. Some of us have had to swallow our pride just to live another day. I've eaten things I wouldn't feed a dog. I've traded my dignity to protect my little girl. I've let those men do things to me just..." Sadie shook her head and tears fell from her eyes, "...just so my daughter and I could feed ourselves."

Carl turned his face from hers. It still surprised him what people were capable of. It shouldn't have after all these years, but it did anyway. He felt contrition and shame thinking of the atrocities that people, usually men, still continued to perpetrate. He felt an unfair guilt by association, being a man himself, and wanted to right this wrong. "Well not anymore. Today you're going to help us take them out. Yes, we're going to kill them and I don't care who sees it," Carl stated looking at Mavis. "If I see a rabid dog, I kill it. So that's what I'll do. That's what _we'll_ do."

Sadie looked back at Carl thoughtfully. "We'll help you take them out, but only under one condition."

"Do you really think you're in any position to make your help conditional?" Carl asked, narrowing his gaze.

"Maybe I am and maybe I'm not," Sadie replied. "I do know that you stand a better chance of getting your friend back alive if I help you. And I'm risking mine and my daughter's lives to help you. I think that's worth a condition."

"What's your condition?"

"If we tell you which men to target and we help you get your friend back, you have to give me and my people sanctuary here."

Carl contemplated the proposition carefully as he looked out at the lake. "Well you can't live on the island. There's no more room there." He looked Sadie in the eyes earnestly. "But you, you and your friends, your daughter, if you help us and you all prove yourselves trustworthy, you can be part of this community."

"Deal," Sadie said as she extended her hand to Carl.

Carl took her hand and shook it. "Deal."

…..

Carl brought Glenn up to speed on the plan he had set in place. He made it clear to everyone, that they were only going after four men and that no one else was to be fired upon unless they attacked. He instructed Glenn and the others where to dock. He wanted them to come into the intruder's camp from several points so they would be completely surrounded. When everyone was in place, Carl looked over at Sadie and Mavis, then nodded. "You ready to do this?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm ready," Sadie nodded. Carl, Glenn, Hershel, Caleb and Marshall put guns to Sadie, Mavis and the children. Sadie looked over at the frightened children and smiled. "Remember what I told you, it's just a game, I promise they won't hurt you."

Carl put the walkie up to his mouth, "All teams move in." The ten of them walked for a few minutes before they finally arrived at the camp. Carl looked around and saw the other teams moving in and encircling the people there. A woman saw the guns pointed at her friends and screamed.

"Quiet!" Carl shouted. "Nobody make a move!" Everyone in the camp froze and stared at the Carl and at least 70 or 80 others.

"You let those people go!" a man yelled. "You let them go right now or..."

Carl fired his gun into the air. Birds flew from the trees above him and the people gasped. "I said be quiet!" Carl looked from one fearful face to another. "Now listen to me. I'm going to call out the names of four men and I want them to come forward. Doing anything besides what I tell you to do, will be seen as hostile action. Understand?" Everyone nodded. "Mark Southerland, Tobias, Jake and Ed, come forward now," Carl shouted.

Three men came forward. "Are these them," Carl asked Sadie. She nodded. "Who's missing?" he asked.

"Jake. He's the one in charge," she said quietly.

"Hands in the air," Carl commanded the three men. Three of Carl's men came over and frisked them and took their weapons. "Now get on your knees." The men complied. "Where is Jake?"

"Don't know. Wouldn't tell you if I did," one of the men said. He looked at the five people Carl and his friends were holding guns on. Then he looked at Carl and smiled. "If you think having hostages is gonna help your cause, you got another thing comin' boy. Especially this one," he said nodding at Mavis. "She's only good for washing clothes. She used to be good for more than that but she's getting a little old. Her daughter on the other hand..." he said chuckling. "

Carl pulled his gun away from Sadie's head and pointed it at the man speaking.

"What are you gonna do?" the man asked smiling. "You gonna shoot me?"

"You make me sick," Carl said staring him down. "I don't want to be breathing the same air as you."

"Then pull the trigger," the man said trying to provoke Carl.

"Glenn, take some of our guys with you and check out that shack next to the ranger station. I think Maggie might be in there," Carl said still keeping his gun on the kneeling man.

Glenn ran to the shack followed by Hershel and five others. He banged the door with his fist. "Maggie, you in there?" Glenn heard moaning from the other side. "Maggie!" He took his gun out and aimed at the lock from the side. "Maggie, move to the back of the shed." He fired his gun and the door knob broke apart. He opened the door and saw his wife there in front of him. She was bound and gagged. A man stood behind her with a knife to her throat.

"Get back or I'll slit her throat!" he shouted.

"You hurt her and your dead! Do you hear me? Dead!" Glenn shouted back.

The man shuffled out of the shed slowly. "Back up!" he yelled again. Glenn and the others backed away giving the man some room.

Carl walked over to where the man held Maggie. "Are you Jake?"

"Yeah, I'm Jake. Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Carl Grimes. I'm the leader here." Carl said calmly. "I hear you're the leader of _your_ group."

"What do you care?"

"I don't actually. I just want Maggie back and for you to leave."

"You want us to leave? Well guess what I want _you_ to leave. This is my home. This is my home and you took it from us. You and your people came into our houses. They murdered my father. Then this little bitch right here," he said pulling Maggie by her hair, "she killed my big brother right in front of me. All he was trying to do was defend my ma and me and my sisters and she shot him down in cold blood! He was 16 and she murdered him!" the man said vehemently. "Then this one here," he said motioning to Glenn, "he took me and a bunch of others far away from here. Took us away from our home and dropped us off in the middle of nowhere. Do you know what it was like to be ripped away from your home? We didn't have our daddies to protect us because you killed them! Do you know how many of us died out there? How many starved to death and how many became food for the dead? My sisters died out there! My momma died out there. And it was because of what you people did!"

Compassion and sorrow overwhelmed Carl as he listened to what happened to the people they had banished from Penland Island. Of course he knew there were cassualties to every war, but that fact did little to remove the guilt from him. It had always been there, gnawing at him but what could he do besides just go on living with it. Just moments ago he had been ready to execute these men but now he wasn't sure. Carl stood there for a long time. No one said anything. His people waited, not wanting to make a move unless he made it first. The others stood on pins and needles watching both men to see where the stand-off would lead. Carl looked from Maggie, to Glenn, to the others who fought with him, to the newcomers. He looked down at the ground, digging his boot into the dirt and gravel before he finally turned his attention back to Jake.

"I don't know what to say. There's certainly nothing I can say that's going to change what happened 25 years ago. There's been a lot of suffering in this world for a very long time. There's been more death in these last thirty years than there was the thousand years before. I'd like to end this without anyone dying today – on my side _or_ on your side. You've suffered, and I see that. I'm not too proud to say that I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I caused some of that suffering." Carl nodded his head to Jake. "You want revenge. You want to make us pay and hurt the way you did. Maybe you just want a reckoning. But there's not going to be any reckoning in more suffering...more bloodshed. The only thing you're going to accomplish by killing Maggie is to add to the suffering and bloodshed. Killing her is not going to feed your people. It's not going to keep you safer. But you can decide right now to change things for the better." Carl placed his gun back in his holster. He turned around and looked at the frightened people all around him then turned his attention backe to Jake. "You and all your people can decide right now to live in peace. The past doesn't have to determine which way we go from here."

Jake fearlessly poised himself behind Maggie and made no move to take the knife away from her throat. His eyes filled with fury and hatred. "You think saying sorry is going to make me feel better about watchin' my entire family die? You think looking ahead is going to erase the past? Who the hell do you think you are? I came here for one reason and one reason only: to watch as many of you die as I can." Jake turned his glare to Glenn and smiled. "I bet you're wishin' right about now that instead of drivin' us away on a schoolbus, you had just killed us too. Well you didn't. And that's why she's gonna die."

Glenn raised his pistol to Jake's head. Before he could fire the gun, Jake ran the knife against Maggie's throat. Glenn shot Jake in the head and he collapsed to the ground with Maggie crumpling on top of him.

"No! Maggie No! Oh God!" Glenn fell to the ground by his wife of 29 years. He tore his flannel off and wrapped it around Maggie's neck. "Hold on Baby! I'll figure something out," he said through tears as he removed the gag from her mouth.

"You found me," she gasped and gurgled.

"Shh, don't talk, just be still and breathe," Glenn said as he caressed her pale face. "Of course I found you. I'd go to the ends of the earth for you."

Carl ran to Glenn and Maggie's side. "Caleb, Marshall, Tom, watch them," Carl instructeded his men as he motioned to the three still on their knees.

"Carl, what do I do?" Glenn pleaded.

"We have to get her back to the infirmary back on the island. We can stitch her up there," Carl replied quickly.

"I'm a nurse!" a woman yelled from the crowd. "Let me help her."

Carl waved her over closer, "Hurry, please!"

The woman ran over as fast as she could. As soon as she was close enough, she pulled Carl's gun out of his holster and put it to his head. Carl couldn't believe what was happening until he heard the hammer being pulled back in his ear. He hadn't had a gun on him in years. He couldn't believe how naive he had been to trust this stranger so quickly.

"Stand up!" she ordered Carl. Carl complied and stood with the woman.

"Danielle, don't do this!" Sadie yelled over at the woman.

"Why not? They just killed Jake!"

"Just don't do it! I told him that we're good people. I told him only Jake and his friends wanted to kill them. He promised he would give our group sanctuary if we helped him take them out," Sadie confessed. "If you kill him, it's going to ruin us...all of us. Just don't do this, please."

"You were working with them?" Danielle asked in shock. "You were helping the people that Jake wanted to kill?"

"Jake wasn't good. He and his friends have done horrible things and you know it!"

"That's a lie. Jake _was_ good. He was a good leader and now they've killed him."

"No. You _know_ what Jake and his friends have been doing to the women at camp...for years. I know he's your husband but don't pretend you don't know what he's done."

Danielle shook her head. "No. That's a lie. You're a liar, Sadie. He's been helping all of you. He brought us here for blood and we'll get it, even if it's just his blood," she said nodding towards Carl.

"If you do this, if you kill me, you're going to die," Carl said calmly.

"I don't care. If killing you is the last thing I do, I don't care if I die too." Danielle positioned the muzzle of the gun flat against Carl's head. Carl could hear her take a deep breath and took a deep breath himself, preparing himself for his final seconds. Suddenly, Carl felt the muzzle of the gun slide forward and watched his gun fall at his feet. He looked down and saw the woman lying on the ground. She screamed out in pain as she pulled a knife out of her hand. Before she could make another move, Carl picked her up and quickly tied her hands behind her back.

Carl looked at the three men, Mark, Tobias and Ed. "This is over. It's over once and for all. I tried to give you people a chance but you've made that impossible. I wish it didn't have to be this way but you leave me no choice other than to..."

"...other than to kill us?" one of the men confirmed.

Carl nodded gravely. He called some of his own men over to him. "Tie these men up and take them to the other side of this grove. Take her too," he said handing Danielle over. "Give me a minute and be right behind you."

Carl was shaken. He was at death's door, as he had been more than once, but today, he had gotten a reprieve.

Carl picked the throwing knife up from the dirt and leaves. He sighed as he turned around. It was _her_ knife. She was home. Not only was she finally home, but she had saved him. Carl watched her as she walked towards him. Eva, Liv, Bob and the rest of the team that had gone to establish the new trade route, walked back with her. While Bob and Liv immediately ran over to Maggie to help her, she went to Carl.

"You're home," he said as he wrapped his arms around her and held onto her securely. "Thank God, you're home."

"We just got back and your mom told us what happened to Maggie. We got her as soon as we could."

"You got here just in time" Carl said, as he handed her the knife back. "You saved me. That woman was just about to..."

"I know. I saw what was happening. If I hadn't gotten back when I did, I would have lost you," she said shaking her head and looking at the ground.

"But you got here in time, and you didn't lose me," Carl said lifting her chin. "And I don't think I've ever been as happy to see another person as I am to see you right now." Carl pushed her hair back and caressed her face...the sweet face he had been aching to see for over a month. He looked deeply into her eyes as he leaned forward. He pressed his lips gently against hers, slowly breathing her in. He pulled his hands away from her face and reached down to her belly. "And the babies? Are they okay?"

"They're perfect. The obstetrician in Greensboro said they're doing great. A little small but that's to be expected with twins."

Upon hearing the good news and despite this latest trauma, peace and calm washed over Carl. But then again, she always made him feel that way. "I can't believe you're really back," Carl said touching her face again. "More than anything, I want to go back home and sit on the sofa with you in front of a fire...just hold you and talk to you. But I have things...things I need to do right now," Carl said with a troubled expression as he looked in the distance to where his people had taken Tobias, Mark, Ed and Danielle.

"I know what you have to do," she said. "I'll go with you."

"No," Carl said adamantly. "You've been gone for a long time and you need rest. Go with the others back to Penland. Go home and make sure Maggie is okay. I don't want you to be there when I...when I do it."

"Maggie has ten people around her right now. I'd just get in the way. She'll be okay," she slid her hand into Carl's and laced her fingers between his. "Right now, you need me more than anyone else does. And I need to be with you. I _need_ to, Carl."

"Okay," Carl replied. He detested the task he would be forced to carry out in just a few minutes, but having her with him, _really_ with him, relieved him. It didn't make all the difficult duties and decisions any easier but at least she was willing to share that burden with him. And since his dad passed, she knew he needed that more now than ever before. She took his hand and they walked away, finally together again.


	29. Chapter 29

**June 26, 2015: A Time to Weep**

The battle to take the island was over. Every person that had lived on Penland Island the day before, was either dead or gone. Carl had awoken to his new reality later that night. He could tell how bad it was when he went to open both eyes and only felt his left eye open. His head was in excrutiating pain but it was nothing in comparison to the immediate and surreal awareness of his loss. His eye was gone. It was part of him for his entire life then in one flash of a second, it was gone. It was gone and already he felt broken, like he was less of a man because of this missing piece. He wondered if this was how his dad felt when he lost his hand...broken and inadequate.

Carl lied in bed and wondered what other collateral damage had been sustained in taking the island. He knew for sure that Lee hadn't made it but he was hoping that everyone else in his family was okay.

When he saw his son stirring, Rick stood from the chair he was sitting in. He tapped Michonne on her leg. "Hey, he's awake," Rick and Michonne immediately went to Carl's side.

Michonne took his hand in hers. "Hey sweetie, how you feeling?"

"Like shit," Carl replied groggily. "Am I on any pain meds because if I am, I need more."

Michonne went into the small living room to get Bob and in less than a minute, Bob was standing above Carl and sticking a needle into his IV.

"Bob, don't give him too much," Rick said.

"Why the hell not?" Carl asked sharply.

Rick looked at Carl through red eyes. "I know you need rest but you have to stay awake right now."

"Why?" Carl asked.

"Give it a minute or two and you'll feel better," Bob said to Carl then looked over at Rick. "The meds I just gave him are strong but they don't have as much of a narcotic effect."

"Thanks Bob," Rick replied as Bob walked back out of the room.

"Mom, Dad, what's going on?"

Rick looked over at Michonne pleading with his eyes for her to talk to Carl instead of him. Michonne put her hand on Rick's arm and nodded. She sat on the bed with Carl.

Michonne began slowly as she caressed his hand. "I'm afraid I got some bad news for you."

A moment ago Carl was feeling drowsy and only half concious but Michonne's words bolted him upright and he was completely alert. "Is it the babies? Is it Holly...Liv? Who? What happened? Tell me!"

"Judy and Eva are fine. Liv is fine. They're here on the island and they're safe," Michonne stated assuredly. "Judy got stuck out in the woods with one of the people we saved from Pitt's Cove. I think her name was Nadine. They were attacked by walkers and Nadine was killed. Holly went out and looked for Judy. She fought off a lot of the dead and saved her. She saved Judith's life."

"Is Holly okay then? Oh God, did she get bit?"

"No, but Carl..." tears fell from Michonne's eyes as she spoke, "Carl...Holly's infected."

"No, that's not possible. If she didn't get bit she can't be infected," Carl replied angrily.

"She's not okay. After she fought off the walkers, she was attacked by one of the men on the island. He used a weapon that had blood on it...blood from the walkers. It infected her the same as a bite."

"No...no. This can't be happening," Carl said frantically. "She was fine when I left. She was with that lady and they were locked up in the RV. They weren't even that far from the others at the barracks. You're lying to me! This isn't happening!"

Michonne continued to cry softly. "Carl, I'm telling you the truth. It happened just how I said. She fought the man off. She killed him Carl. She killed him and protected Judy again. He was going to take them but she stopped him. I got there right after it all happened and I brought her back here."

"Where is she? Is she alive?"

"She's alive. She's in the other room here, but...she's very sick, Carl. She doesn't have that much time left. That's why we wanted you to stay awake."

Carl threw the blankets off and swung his legs out of bed. He yanked the IV out of his arm and stood up.

"Take it easy," Rick said as he went to Carl's side, taking his arm. Carl pulled away and walked out of the room. The pain on the entire left side of his face tore through his head but he didn't care. He had to be with her. He walked into the other room and saw her lying in a bed staring at the wall through half-closed eyes.

"Holly!" Carl cried out as he came to her. "Oh God, Holly." Carl sat on the edge of her bed, crying as he held onto her clammy hands.

"Shhh," Holly said gently. "Don't cry, Carl. It's okay."

"No, no...it's not okay!"

Holly looked at the bandage covering Carl's eye and reached towards his face. Carl flinched and pulled away quickly. "Carl, what happened to your eye? Are you okay?" she asked with concern.

"It's not that bad."

"What happened?"

"It's nothing Holly. There was gunfire that shot up a tree that I was standing behind. Some of the tree bark flew into my eye and scratched it but I'm fine." Carl couldn't believe how easily the lie about his injury came out of his mouth but he wasn't going to waste time garnering sympathy from her right now. His focus had gone completely away from his own affliction to the looming death of his wife and unborn child.

"Holly, I'm sorry I let this happen to you. I'm so sorry," Carl wept. "I should have been with you. If I had been with you, this wouldn't have happened. Oh God, I'm sorry," Carl sobbed as he collapsed to his knees at her bedside. Carl had never in his life cried like this before. Not when his mother died. Not when he thought he had lost Judith or thought he would lose his dad. Not all the other times they had lost and buried so many others before.

"No! This isn't your fault...I swear. Please Carl, don't cry right now. We don't have that much time together and I have things I need to tell you. Okay?" Holly spoke in a soft whisper that Carl could barely hear above the pain ringing in his head and made worse by his crying. Her voice had always been quiet and meek. Everything about her was gentle and unassuming. His final moments with her would be no different.

Carl was trying his best to pull himself together. He didn't have much time with her. He wiped the tears from his eye with the front of his shirt then held onto her hands again. "I'm trying, but I just can't believe this is happening. I don't want to lose you, Holly."

"It's okay. I'm okay," she said, soothing him with her voice. "I think this is how it was supposed to happen. And you know what? I'm not even scared. Can you believe that?" she said smiling at him. "For the first time in all this I'm not scared. I wasted so much time being scared and now the thing that I was trying to avoid finally happened. I'm going to die, Carl, and I can't do anything to change that. I can't control it anymore. I probably was never really in control of anything anyway. I was just pretending. But now, now I'm okay. I'm not scared and I don't want you to be either."

"How can you say that? How are you okay with this? This isn't what was supposed to happen! I was supposed to keep you and the baby safe."

"Maybe the baby isn't supposed to be here. Maybe the baby is supposed to be with me, in heaven."

"Are you out of your mind?" he cried out. "The baby was supposed to be with _me_...be with _us_! I was going to be a dad! We were going to live on this island forever. I wanted to be a dad and I wanted to teach our little girl or little boy everything my dad taught me. I could see it. Whenever I looked into the future, you and the baby were there. You're telling me that none of that...none of what I could see ahead for us, was supposed to happpen?"

"I don't know. I don't know what is and isn't _supposed_ to happen. All I know is this is what _is_ happening." Holly began to cry. Carl could feel her trembling next to him. She reached her hand out to him. "Carl, will you lay with me? I don't want to spend the last few hours or minutes we have together crying. I don't want the last things we say to each other to be angry or things we'll regret. Please, just hold me until I fall asleep."

Carl lied next to her, moving his body as close to hers as he could in the twin bed. He wiped away the tears on his face again, then the tears from her eyes. He caressed her face tenderly and kissed her on the top of her head over and over again.

"I'm sorry, Holly. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for the times I wasn't as good to you as I should have been. I'm sorry for pushing you and making you try to be something you weren't."

"I'm not mad at you, Carl. You pushed me because you love me and you wanted me to be able take care of myself. You wanted to teach me to fight so I could make it. How could I be mad at you for that?"

"Michonne told me what happened. She told me you saved Judith. You went outside and looked for her and brought her back. You killed walkers and killed the man that did this to you. You really did all that?"

"I had to. I was so scared but I knew you'd never forgive me if I didn't try to get Judith back...if I just left her out there."

Holly's words stung Carl. She thought he wouldn't forgive her if she let her fear keep her from protecting Judith. She was right. Carl would have held that against her and it pained him to know that ugly truth about himself.

It took every bit of Carl's strength and fortitude to keep himself together. The physical pain he was enduring was unbearable. It was matched only by the grief he was feeling by her impending death. And now, he was figuring guilt into the equation.

Lying next to her Carl wished for nothing more than to die with her...to die with the baby. He wanted desperately to stay with the sweet and mousy little girl that he fell in love with at the library. The first girl he kissed. The first girl he asked to dance. The sweet and pretty girl who he had made it his mission in life to love and take care of. He wanted to stay with the precious baby that he had been joyfully anticipating. When she left him, she would take their child with her and fatherhood would be just one more thing that would never happen. They couldn't stay with them and he couldn't go where they were going. They were being ripped apart from each other and the pain was agonizing.

Carl rested his head next to hers and began to cry again. The cry quickly turned into weeping."I can't do this, Holly. I love you and I don't want you to go! I can't lose you. I can't lose the baby. I just can't...please don't leave me!"

"Don't cry," she said in a weak whisper. "I know your heart is breaking right now. I know you wish this wasn't happening. I know how sad you are but...but I don't want you to be sad for too long. The people here, they need you. Your family needs you. They'll listen to you because you care and you always want to make things better. You're not afraid to do whatever it takes to make things better for the people you love and you'll fight for it. So please...please don't let this take you away from being who you're supposed to be. That would break _my_ heart.

"And me and the baby, we'll be okay. We'll be together, Carl. The baby and me we'll be together forever with Jesus," she said trying to comfort him. "I think He's the reason I'm not scared. Michonne told me that if I have faith...if I believe, really believe that Jesus will save me, that I'll be with Him forever. And I know it's true. I heard Him calling me. And I can feel it, Carl. I can feel Him with me and it feels so...it feels so good. I believe and I'm not scared any more.

"Michonne told me to look for her little boy when I get there. She said his name is Andre and I told her I would. I said as soon as I found him, I'd run and give him a big hug for her. And I'll get to see my mom and my dad...my sister and brother," she said as the most joyful and dreamy smile appeared on her face.

Holly looked at Carl again, reassuring him with her eyes."And Carl, I'll take care of the baby while I'm there. I'll still get to be a mommy and I'll take care of our little baby...for the both of us. And me and the baby, we won't be scared. We won't ever have to hide away because we're scared. We'll just be at peace and be happy. We'll be okay, I promise. And you will be okay too. I love you Carl, and soon, soon it will all be okay."

The heat coming off Holly's body was becoming more intense but Carl couldn't pull himself away from her. Her breathing became heavier and more labored. Carl could feel her and the baby slipping away...slipping through his fingers. It wouldn't be long.

"Carl," Holly said breathlessly, "I want you to sing me a song."

"What?" he asked, bewildered by her request.

"Sing me a song," she said looking at him with love and longing in her eyes.

"I...I can't think of any," Carl replied.

"What did your mom used to sing you? What'd your dad play you in the car?" she asked deliriously.

"Okay, okay," Carl said taking a deep breath and trying to gain some semblance of composure for her benefit. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. "You are my sunshine..."

"Go on," Holly said with a sleepy smile. Carl continued to sing slowly, holding her close and choking back his tears.

"...my only sunshine

You make me happy, when skies are gray

You'll never know dear how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping

I dreamed I held you in my arms

When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

And I hung my head and cried

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy, when skies are gray

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away.

Please don't take my sunshine away..."

Carl stopped singing. He held her still, not wanting to move. "Holly," he said in a hushed voice. "Holly are you here?" She didn't move and Carl put his ear to her mouth, trying to hear her breath. There was nothing. The heat that was raging from her skin was starting to dissipate. Moments ago she was quivering but now, her body felt still and heavy in Carl's arms. "Holly," he said again. But she was gone.

Carl felt no need to hide his devastation any longer. He lied in the small bed holding her tiny body close to his and weeping unabashedly. The immediate and agonizing grief was crushing him.

Carl held his left arm around her firmly. His right hand went to search for the knife strapped to his leg. He quickly pulled the knife out of its sheath and raised it above her head. As if his hand had a mind of its own, it came down in one furious motion, sliding quickly into her temple. It had to be done quickly. She could never turn. She could never become one of the monsters she was so terrified of.

Carl pulled the knife out and lowered it towards his neck. He contemplated running the knife into his own throat in that moment. It would be so easy to just end it all right then...to make the pain go away. But he thought of the words she left him with just moments ago.

 _I know your heart is breaking right now. I know how sad you are but I don't want you to be sad for too long. Your family needs you. You're not afraid to do whatever it takes to make things better for the people you love and you'll fight for it. So please...please don't let this take you away from being who you're supposed to be. That would break my heart._

Carl dropped the knife onto the floor. He pulled the blanket over the both of them. He drew her even closer and cried until he fell back asleep, her body resting in his arms.

 **A/N**

So this was rough. It really, really was. I couldn't believe it but as I was typing out this chapter, I had to stop several times to weep myself. It surprised me.

One of the amazing things about writing, or at least the way I write, is that I only have about 20 - 30% of my ideas planned out. Most of my ideas and creative mojo actually happens as I'm typing. So it's almost like the story is unfolding in front of me for the first time as I write it. This chapter was no different. Writing her death was heartbreaking because I didn't know all the beautiful and devastating words and events that would transpire in the scene until I was actually writing it out.

I planned Holly's death from the beginning of this story more than a year ago (I can't believe it's been that long!) and I never veered from that plan. I was going to take it in a different direction though. I was going to have her lose the baby and then end her own life. But I couldn't do it. That didn't feel right and I just couldn't do it. Even if she was going to die, I still wanted Holly to draw something out of herself. I wanted her to find strength no matter how weak she appeared to be or how scared she was. I think we all have that ability. I'm happy I went this direction instead. Both ways would have probably been equally devastating to Carl so this decision was more about her character than his. I love this insecure and frightened little girl and this was difficult for me to do. I actually had someone really dear to me, very much in mind when writing Holly. That made it even harder. Anyhow, just thought I'd give you a peek inside my brain. Leave a comment and tell me what you think of all this. Love to you all and God bless!

"You Are My Sunshine" written by Jimmie Davis and Charles Mitchell

Some of the dialogue was taken word for word from the "Sing Me A Song" episode of The Walking Dead. It was written by Robert Kirkman, Angela Kang and Corey Reed.


	30. Chapter 30

**July 30, 2015: The Promised Land**

 **Warning: this chapter deals with abortion and rape. Sorry I haven't been more consistent about including trigger warnings.**

It was late afternoon when Rick was finished with his work for the day. He walked leisurly over to where his family was. Michonne took turns pushing Judith and Eva on the swingset in the island's central gathering place.

"How are my girls?" he called out to them as he approached.

Judith hopped off of her swing and ran up to her father. "Daddy!" she squealed as she threw her arms around his legs.

"Hey Pumpkin!" he replied sweetly as he wrapped his arms around her in a hug. "How was your day?" he asked as he held her hand and walked closer to Michonne and Eva.

"It was fantastic, Daddy!"

"Fantastic? That's a big word for a little girl. Why was your day 'fantastic'?"

"I helped Eugene feed the chickens and goats. Eugene said chickens and goats are the dumbest animals and then he tripped and fell in the lake and Liv and me laughed because it looked so funny. And Liv said he deserved that for calling the goats and chickens dumb but she told me not to tell anyone she said that so Daddy don't tell anyone, okay?"

"I won't tell anyone, promise," he replied. Rick had spent most of the day by himself, working in silence. The barrage of words from his excited 5-year-old made Rick dizzy with happiness. "Is that all that happened?"

"No," she replied eagerly. "After that, I baked twenty cobblers with Carol and Morgan."

"Twenty cobblers? Wow, that's a lot! What kind of cobbler did you bake?"

"We made ten strawberry cobblers and ten blueberry cobblers. Daddy..." Judith practically yelled, interupting herself, "I tried blueberries today! They're my favorite food! I picked them off the bushes and Carol let me eat them right as I picked them!"

"Blueberries are really yummy. So what did you do with all those cobblers?"

"Grandpa is taking seven of them to Pitt's Cove to the people that live there. He said we could keep thirteen of the cobblers here for all of us though. He said everyone gets two pieces of cobbler. Momma says I can eat one piece for dessert and the other piece tomorrow. When are you going to eat your cobbler that I made for you?"

"Well just as soon as I finish my dinner - I'm not even going to put my fork down."

"Also Daddy, I made another friend today!"

"Who?" Rick asked with excitement.

"His name is Mikey! He's kind of quiet but when he talks he's funny. He and his sister helped us bake the cobbler and then we played a game called tag. Him and his sister are the same color as Momma and Grandpa. He's six-years-old and he knows how to read so he is smart too."

"Well he sounds like a nice kid. I'm glad you're making friends."

An exhausted Rick sat down at one of the picnic tables adjacent to the playground. Judith promptly climbed onto his lap. "Daddy, can we stay here forever?"

"Judy, you've already asked me that. Do you remember what I told you?"

Judith looked to her left trying to remember what he'd said. "You said that we'll _try_ to stay here forever."

"Do you remember what else I told you?" Judith shook her head and looked carefully into her daddy's eyes, hanging on his every word. "I said we'll try to stay here but sometimes life can have surprises. Sometimes they're good surprises and sometimes they're not good. I promise wherever we go, you'll always be with people that love you. Got it?"

"Got it!" she agreed then smiled.

"Judith Grimes," Michonne called out, "you have exactly 5 more minutes before we go inside to get cleaned up for dinner."

"Okay Momma!" she shouted then looked back at Rick. "I'm going to go down the slide 10 more times, Daddy. Watch me, okay?"

"I will," Rick kissed Judith hard and loud on the cheek before she hopped down and ran back to the slide. Michonne pulled Eva out of the swing and walked over to Rick for her turn with him.

"At the end of every day, she's got about a hundred things to tell me," he said reclining at the picnic table and smiling up at his wife.

"She loves it here. Everyone loves it here...well almost everyone," Michonne said somberly as she set Eva down on the grass and sat down next to Rick.

"He's not upset because of where we are," Rick replied as he mindlessly watched Judy go down the slide. "He's still hurting...hurting bad. I'm worried about him. He's pulling away. He's not talking to me at all...sleeping all day. Are you having better luck with him than I am?" Rick asked looking at her.

"I don't know, maybe. He's talked to me a little, mostly trying to reassure me that he's fine. He's not though. He's depressed and neither of us can blame him. We've both been where he's been."

"Yeah," Rick sighed, "we have been. There's something different about him though. He's not okay right now."

"It's only been a little more than a month, Rick. I think he's still got a ways to go in the grieving process. At some point, he'll turn a corner. He's a strong kid."

"I'm sure you're right. I know whatever's going on with him, he needs some space from me. Whenever something bad happens, for some reason I get the brunt end of whatever anger or sadness he's dealing with."

"I'm sorry for that," she replied sympathetically.

"I'm used to it by now," Rick scoffed. "Just do me a favor."

"Anything."

"Be there for him," Rick asked her humbly. "I mean, I know you already are there for him but even more right now...as much as he'll let you. Even if he won't let me in, I know he'd never close the door on you."

Michonne looked into his eyes and nodded sincerely. She put her hand on his back, kneading it hard with her palm and trying to alleviate some of the tension she knew was there. Rick closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. "That feels good...thank you," he said as he rested his hand on her thigh."

"You've had a long day. Let's have some dinner..."

"...and some cobbler."

"Yep, then cobbler. And then after we get the girls to bed, we can take a bath."

"You mean in the bathtub - not in a creek?" he asked sarcastically.

"Yes, a hot bath in an actual tub," she said smiling. "If I never have to take another bath in shallow, cold, dirty creek water, it'll be too soon."

Rick picked Eva up from the grass, kissed her and put her on his hip. He put his hand on the small of Michonne's back as they walked to the playset. "C'mon Judy. It's time for dinner."

…..

Rosita opened the door of the largest house on the island. It belonged to Bob and Sasha. Upstairs was where they lived and slept but downstairs was Penland Island's infermary. It was a fine infermary - well-stocked and very modern. There were four hospital beds, an x-ray machine, a heart monitor, a pulse ox, an ultrasound machine, IVs, oxygen tanks, supplies for breaks, stitches, first aid and a large assortment of medicine: prescription, over-the-counter and homeopathic. Considering the conditions during the last five years, it seemed as good as any hospital Bob could remember.

Bob sat at his desk in the corner and looked up at her arrival. "Hey Rosita, how you doin?"

"Good. I'm good," she said as she closed the door behind her. "I hope it's okay that I just walked in."

"Yeah, yeah. It's all good. You settled into your new place okay?"

"Yeah. I'm staying in one the cabins with Carol and Morgan, Ezekiel, his daughter Desi and Eugene. I'm sharing a room with Desi. She's a...she's an interesting girl."

"You probably wish you had your own room?"

"Yes and no," she said looking around the infermary. "Alright, mostly yes. I can't say that it's been easy. I don't mean to sound like Desi's not a nice girl – she is, really. I guess it's just strange being around new people."

"It is," Bob nodded. "You know, we have an extra bedroom upstairs. Right now it's full of more supplies but we can put those anywhere. You can have it all to yourself if you want it."

"Don't you want to ask Sasha first?"

"Nah, she won't mind. You're family. Besides, she could probably use a good friend right now, and you're one of the people she likes," Bob chuckled.

"Thanks. There's a good chance I'll take you up on that offer. Being able to have even a small space of my own would probably be really good for me right now." Rosita let out a heavy sigh. "Life lately has been one adjustment after another."

"I think we all have been getting used to the adjustment. This is a beautiful place with lots of things that are going to make life a lot easier. But sometimes, I miss the library. Life was simpler there."

"I can't think of the library without thinking of Abraham," she said looking at the floor.

Bob didn't know how to respond. He turned his eyes away from her, trying desperately to think of anything useful to say.

Rosita scoffed awkwardly, "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No, no. It's not your fault. I just have a lot of these conversations with people – occupational hazard, I guess. I just don't always know what to say. I don't want to say something cliché or insensitive so I usually just keep my mouth shut. But if you need to talk about things, anything about Abraham or anything at all, I'm here to listen."

"That's actually why I came here."

"Well sit down and let's talk then," he said as he pulled another chair closer to his.

Rosita sat down. She immediately buried her face into her hands.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked with concern. Bob waited patiently for her to answer.

Rosita finally sat back up but she averted her eyes from Bob's. "I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant."

"Oh, okay. Well we have plenty of pregnancy tests here. You should take one."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll do that." Rosita closed her eyes and put her hand on her forehead. "There's more I need to tell you, Bob."

"Sure. What is it?"

Rosita hesitated again before she finally spoke. "I'm not sure who the father is."

"Okay," Bob said trying to hold in his shock. "Whose baby would it be if it's not Abraham's?" Rosita said nothing, making Bob feel awkward for asking. "Sorry, I guess that's not really any of my business."

"Bob," she spoke slowly, "while I was being held here...I was...I was raped." As soon as she had made the difficult disclosure, Rosita found it easier to go on. "There was an old man, Henry, I'm pretty sure he was the man in charge here. He had me hand-cuffed in a shack in the woods and he raped me four times."

Bob shook his head from side to side in shock again. "Rosita, oh my...I...I'm sorry. How did you get away from him?"

"I gouged his eye out then beat the hell out of that son of a bitch with his cane," Rosita said without emotion. "Look, I don't need a pregnancy test. I already know I'm pregnant. What I really want is to not be pregnant."

"If you want me to do an abortion, I don't know how," Bob replied nervously.

"Relax Bob. I'm not going to ask you to give me one," she said as she stood up and began to pace around the room. "There's a big part of me that wants that. I hate that I'm pregnant. I was raped. I don't know who the father is. I'm all alone. I'm not exactly the motherly type. I mean there's a million reasons why I want to have an abortion. But..."

"What?"

"What if it's Abraham's baby?" she asked softly. "What if it's his baby and I take the last part of him that exists and throw it away like a piece of garbage?"

Once again Bob didn't know how to answer. It didn't really matter though. Rosita was strong and smart. She knew what she wanted and Bob just happened to be present while she was sorting it all out in front of him.

"When I was 22, I had an abortion and I've regretted it ever since. It's funny that when I was younger, I didn't have good reason to have an abortion then, but I did it anyway. Now I have a lot of good reasons but I can't."

"Rosita, I'm sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine what you're going through right now but..."

"I know I'm not the only one who's suffered in all this. There's a lot of us that paid a heavy price to be here." Rosita put her hand on Bob's arm. "I'm so sorry about the baby. I'm glad Sasha is okay but I know she's devastated about losing the baby. You two holding up okay?"

Bob sighed. "I don't know. I'd love to say we're doing fine but I'd be lying if I did. We're sad about it...plain and simple. It took me a while to adjust to the fact that we were gonna have a baby and that rug got pulled out from under us in a split second."

"That's part of it too, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"You and Sasha lost your baby. Carl lost Holly and his baby too. I wouldn't feel right about another baby being lost to this war, especially at my hands. I won't do it. I don't think I even could. The life of a baby is precious. And when it comes right down to it, it doesn't matter if this baby is Abraham's or not. Ultimately, this baby is _my_ baby."

"You got a good head on your shoulders, Rosita. You're strong. If anyone can sort this out, it's you." Bob shook his head in astonishment. "You, Sasha, Carol, Michonne, Maggie, all of you... I served for four years in the army and I never met one soldier that was stronger than the ones I see here every day, not one."

"We're all strong. You're strong too. I heard you took in one of the babies the islanders left behind. Not everyone would be able to do that but you and Sasha, you did."

"That we did!" Bob said a smile coming back to his face. "His name is Davis. He's 2 years old. The first week or so was pretty hard on all of us but he's a perfect little boy. Me and Sasha are in love with that kid already. He's sweet and funny. Blonde hair, blue eyes...just about the whitest little boy two black parents could ever ask for," he laughed heartily. "It should make for some interesting conversations when he's older."

Rosita shook her head and laughed with him. She sat there for a moment longer before she finally stood up to go. "I should get going. I have a perimeter watch in about ten minutes."

"Let me get you something before you leave." Bob went to one of the cabinettes and pulled a bottle out. He handed the pre-natal vitamins to Rosita. "So take two of these every day. And why don't we do a full exam tomorrow morning around 10."

"Sounds good," she said nodding. Rosita wasn't really one for sentiment but she put her arms around Bob and hugged him. "You're a good friend, Bob. Thanks for listening."

…..

Carl sat in the shade of the tall oak. It was nearly a hundred degree day but the branches sheltered him from the scorching, mid-day, July sun. A slight breeze came off the lake and the wind blew his unkempt hair around his face. The sweat made his sunglasses slide down the bridge of his nose .

Carl slipped his hand into his boot and removed a small bottle of pills from inside. He twisted the lid off and removed a small white pill.

It had been a month since Carl's injury and the pain in his eye socket was almost completely gone. His head was a different story though. Every day, he woke up with a headache. It usually wasn't too bad in the morning but as the day moved forward, the pain would worsen. Almost anything would exacerbate the headaches. Noise, lights even strong smells. He couldn't even be around Judith and Eva anymore. If they started squealing or giggling, which they inevitably would, it set off the sharp pain which would turn into a dull but excrutiating throb that wouldn't go away until he went back to sleep again. And sleeping is what took up most of his time.

Carl spent the bulk of his days doing three things: sleeping, lying in bed willing himself to get up and sitting under the oak tree. Sometimes he would read in the shade but not for too long. Reading was one more thing that worsened the headaches. So he would just sit there. Sit there and look back and forth from her grave to the lake.

When Carl was well enough to be on his own. He moved into the same small cabin nestled in the woods that he had been taken to on that first night at the island. The cabin where Mitch Douglas brought him. The cabin where Desi and her friends were being held captive. For them it was a prison but for Carl, it was the alluring isolation he craved. An island hidden away on another island where he could be away from everybody. He could be alone there with his pain and grief. He only left there to go to the oak tree.

The oak tree.

The morning after Holly's death, Carl awoke next to her. He awoke from a peacful and happy dream of fishing on the lakeshore with his little boy. In the dream, Holly brought him a glass of lemonade and kissed him quickly on the lips, then left. It was a simple dream. He awoke from the dream to a nightmare. He looked at her lifeless body next to his. As soon as he got out of bed, he wrapped Holly's small, cold body up in a blanket. He picked her up and walked outside. He carried her to the oak, far away from everyone else.

Without his knowledge, Rick followed him. He knew what he was doing and he came with a shovel. Carl would have preferred to bury her by himself but he couldn't. His face and head were in such intense pain that he practically dropped her body at the base of the tree. His father dug the grave in silence and Carl let him. He lied back down next to her body in the grass and cried again.

Holly's body, and the tiny child within her, were buried in the ground beneath the oak tree. And that's where Carl was today.

Carl popped the small oxycodone pill into his mouth and swallowed. He saw Clementine walking towards him and he quickly put the pill bottle back into his boot.

"Hey," she said holding something behind her back. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Well you found me," he replied indifferently.

"I have something for you," she said excitedly. She pulled the item from behind her back and showed it to him. It was his hat.

"Where did you get that?"

"I found it yesterday when I was looking for worms...you know for fishing. It was tangled in some of the bushes."

Carl nodded

"Well here," she said handing it to him. Carl stared at it but made no attempt to take it from her. "You want it don't you?" Clem asked with confusion.

Carl finally took it out of her hand and set it on the ground next to him. "Thanks," he said turning his attention back to the lake.

"Do you mind if I sit here for a little bit?"

Carl _did_ mind but didn't want to hurt the poor girl's feelings, especially when she was dealing with her own loss. "No, I don't mind." They sat in the quiet for more than a few minutes when Carl felt like he should say something.

"I heard you had a birthday yesterday. How old are you?"

"Fourteen...at least I _think_ I'm fourteen," she said playfully. "I don't think I've seen a calendar in about five years but Liv swears yesterday was July 16th 2015. That would make me fourteen."

"Well Liv is pretty nerdy about stuff like that so I'm sure she's right. Anyhow, sorry I didn't come to your birthday party.

"It's okay. I can't even believe they had a party for me. It was so weird but Carol and Maggie really wanted to do it. I think everybody's just trying really hard with me since Lee...since Lee is gone." Clem was anxious to change the subject. "Anyway, I wouldn't have expected you to come. I know you have other things that...that you're doing."

"I haven't really done anything but sleep. That and sitting outside here by..." Carl just nodded towards Holly's grave stone. It was just a rock really. A flat rock that had "Holly Marie Grimes" painted on the front. "It's really quiet here which helps with my headaches."

"I'm sure it's no coincidence that it's far away from everyone too," she said.

"If I want to be by myself, who cares?" he said defensively, surprised that she would even notice his craving for solitude.

"I know your sisters really miss you."

"They'll live," Carl replied coldly.

"I'm sure everyone misses you. Your parents, Liv, I even miss you."

"There's plenty for everyone to do here without me."

"Yeah but you were a big part of _why_ were here. I know what you did to get us here and then you just kind of disappeared."

Carl shook his head at her and the pain began to flare up. "Look I don't want to be around anybody right now. I feel like shit all the time and I just want to sit here by myself. If people don't understand that, or get why I might feel that way..I really just don't care!"

"I get it."

"Do you? Do you really?" he asked impatiently.

"Yeah, I _do_ get it. You think I haven't lost people?" she said sadly. "I've lost all my family and now I've lost Lee. _Everyone's_ lost people so please, don't act like you're the only one."

Carl took a few deep breaths and looked at Clementine. He felt bad for the way he had just treated her. Not only was she right, but he couldn't fault her for simply showing concern for him. "Look, Clem," he said attempting to not sound condescending, "I'm not trying to be hurtful or mean to you but..."

"You want to be by yourself...I get that too," she said as she stood up. "Well I really just came to give you your hat so I'll leave you alone now."

Clem began to walk away quickly. Carl was relieved he could finally be by himself again. She was almost out of sight when Carl shook his head and got up to follow her.

"Clem, wait!" he shouted. When she turned around and started walking back towards him, Carl was already regretting making the effort.

"Yeah?" she said.

Carl sighed, "Look, I was with Lee when he died. I was with him and he asked me to do something."

"What?" she asked inquisitively.

"He wanted me to tell you some things." Carl wasn't in the mood for having a conversation like this but he at least owed Clementine Lee's final words. He looked out at the lake for a moment before looking back at her.

"Well are you going to tell me or should I start guessing?"

"He wanted me to tell you he was sorry for leaving you. He said if he ever had a daughter of his own, he would have wanted her to be just like you. He said he loved you like you were his own."

"I already knew all that. I could tell by the way he always treated me."

"He asked me to take care of you too. Well, for all of us to take care of you."

"I don't need you to take care of me."

"Lee said you would say that," Carl chuckled. "It's not true though. We all need someone...you know to help us and have our back."

"Funny but if I remember correctly, you just said a few minutes ago that all you wanted was to be by yourself. So which is it?"

Carl turned and kicked the grass softly. He didn't like being challenged by a fourteen year old – a kid. He was aggravated but also couldn't dismiss her question. He finally turned back to her. "Are you quiet?"

"Am I quiet?" she replied in confusion.

"Yeah, are you quiet? Do you feel like you have to talk all the time? Do you squeal all of the sudden or whistle, sing, snap your fingers? Do you feel like you need to talk about clothes or boys or a million other stupid things or do you know how to just be quiet?"

Clem rolled her eyes. "Have you ever _once_ heard me talk about clothes or sing?"

"Just answer the question?"

Clementine adjusted her baseball cap and nodded her head slowly. "Yeah, I guess I'm quiet. Why?"

"I just can't handle a lot of noise right now," he replied. "I'm thinking, maybe you can fish here. You can fish here and that way neither of us will be ourselves."

"And what are you going to do while I fish in silence," she asked sarcastically.

"I don't know yet," Carl sighed. "But at least I won't be alone.


	31. Chapter 31

**April 16, 2016: Weeds Or Wildflowers**

"I sure do love watching you work!" Michonne called out to her husband as she strolled out onto the porch of their house, a wide grin forming on her face. Eva ran outside in front of her and into the yard. She sprinted around the grass a few times before she came back to the porch and sat on a small tricycle. She started peddling the tryke around the porch as she sang to herself.

Rick was digging up rocks in their yard to make way for the flower garden Michonne had been begging him for. She bit her bottom lip as she watched him toil in the hot sun. She could see his muscles flexing as he worked the shovel into the ground. Sweat gathered on his neck and shoulders while dirt caked his hands and tanned forearms. Rick was one of those men that became more attractive the harder he worked and the dirtier he got. Grimes was a fitting surname.

"You wanna come and help me?" he asked as he looked up at her.

"As sexy as you look when you're working, the smell always brings me back to reality," she teased. "I'd rather sit in the shade and enjoy the show."

"I bet you think you're real cute," Rick picked up the garden hose and sprayed her bare legs and feet playfully.

Before the end, Michonne loved planting flowers. It was one of the few domestic hobbies she had. Of course she didn't have a big grassy yard; just a cramped balcony on the 8th story of her downtown Atlanta condo. Rick was as excited to give her the garden as she was to receive it.

Michonne stepped back inside and pulled a pitcher of cold water out of the refrigerator. She poured it into a tall glass. She opened the freezer and grabbed a handful of ice from a bowl. She dropped the ice into the glass and sighed. They'd been on Penaland Island for almost ten months but she still couldn't get used to some of the creature comforts it offered.

As she closed the freezer door, she thought back to darker days. Days when she was digging in dirt for grubs to eat to keep from starving to death. Days when she was doing battle with the undead and running for her life. On those dark and terrifying days she would never have been able to picture the life she had now.

But today they had ice water, flower gardens and tricycles to say nothing of the safety and security they were experiencing.

Michonne strolled back outside in her short denim shorts and mauve t-shirt. She handed Rick the glass of water and he gulped it down. He wiped his mouth with the back of his arm and set the glass down on a bench strewn with tools. "I still can't get over having ice," he said.

"That's funny, I was just thinking the same thing. I'm glad that we haven't been here so long that we start taking those little things for granted." She picked up some of the rocks Rick had dug up and started to throw them into the wheelbarrow behind him.

"I thought you just wanted to watch me work."

"I did, but I've put on 6 pounds since we moved here and I need to get myself back in shape."

"You look just fine to me," Rick said patting her behind when she bent over to pick up more rocks.

When Michonne stood back up, they both caught a glimpse of each other and smiled. A knowing smile that conveyed to the other just how happy they both were.

The moment was interrupted by crying. Rick and Michonne looked over towards the back porch and saw Liv walking Judith through the house and outside to them.

Judith's face was red and tear-stained. "Mama!" she cried as she ran to her, throwing her arms around Michonne's neck.

"Judy, Baby, what's wrong?" Michonne asked with empathy. "Did you get hurt?"

"See Judy. I told you she was okay." Liv looked from Rick to Michonne. "One of the older girls in school told Judy, that you weren't her real mom. He said her real mom was probably dead. She got really confused and thought they meant you," Liv said nodding towards Michonne. "She was so upset that I told Michelle I wanted to bring her home from school to see you."

"Thanks Liv," Rick said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

Liv crouched down and opened her arms to Judith. "Come here and give me a hug, Juju Bee," she said affectionately. Judith released her grip on Michonne and fell into Liv's arms. "You still want to go fishing with me and Ben later today?" A small smile came back to Judith's face and she nodded her head. "All right, I'll come back at three and we'll fish! Okay?" Liv kissed her on the forehead and left.

As soon as she was gone, Judith began to cry again. Michonne sat in the shade of the awning and Judith crawled back into her lap. Rick pulled a chair up to them and looked at Michonne. She nodded to Rick, another unsaid exchange telling him that it was time. Time to tell Judith the truth about her parents.

Michonne went to open her mouth but Rick stopped her. "I'll do it this time. You just hold your baby girl and I'll do it."

Michonne turned Judith on her lap so she could still hold her but so that she could face her daddy. "It's time to stop crying and listen to Daddy, okay Judy?"

"Tell me what the little girl said to you at school," Rick instructed her as he took her hand in his.

"It was Cassie. She said that Mama wasn't my real mom because she was black and I wasn't. I said that yes she was and she said no that she couldn't be because her skin is too dark. She said that my real mom was probably dead and that Mama probably just adopted me. Then I got scared because I thought maybe Mama was dead." Judy's bottom lip quivered as she tried not to cry.

"Look at your mama," Rick said clearly. "Go ahead, look at her." Judy leaned her head back and looked up at Michonne's smiling face. "You see, she's just fine. She's not dead. She's right here and she's holdin' you in her arms and she's just fine. That's your mama and she's not going anywhere." Michonne tightened her hold on Judith.

"Why did she say Mama was dead? And what does adopted even mean?" Judy asked, still confused.

Rick let out a heavy sigh. "Judy, you know how Michonne is my wife and we're married?" Judy nodded. "Well before I was married to Michonne, I was married to another lady."

"You were?" Judy asked with wide eyes.

"Yep. Her name was Lori." Rick looked down, choking back his own emotion. He hadn't even uttered that name from his lips in at least a year. "She was a nice lady and I loved her very much. She got pregnant and do you know who she got pregnant with?"

Judith was a smartl little girl and she felt like she was piecing it together. "Was it me?" she asked with uncertainty.

"Yeah, it was you!" Rick exclaimed. Judith smiled shyly, quite proud of herself that she knew the answer to his question. "Lori was the mama that carried you in her tummy until you came out into the world to be with us."

"Just like when Rosita had her baby?" Judy asked.

"Exactly," Rick replied. He looked away but continued to talk. "It was sad though because when you were born, Lori died. She brought little Judith Grimes to us and then...then she died. We were all real sad because she was _your_ mama but she was Carl's mama too."

"Michonne isn't Carl's mama either," Judy asked in shock. "Is she Eva's mama?"

"I'm everyone's mama; yours, Carl's and Eva's," Michonne finally spoke. "The only difference is Eva is the only one I carried in my tummy. That's it. That's all. I love each one of you the very same and that's all that matters, okay?"

"Okay," Judith replied apprehensively. All the new information coming at her was hard for her to comprehend, let alone fully accept. But even at a young age, Judith was eager to please her parents and give them as little anxiety as possible. She somehow sensed the weight of all their responsibilities and never wanted to add to her parents' burdens.

Rick faced Judith but turned his eyes up to Michonne. "Judith, I know that maybe this is a big surprise to you and that it might be hard for you to understand, but..." Rick turned his face away, feeling uncertain of things himself, "there's more for me to tell you. I can tell you right now or we can save it for another day. You're a big girl so you decide."

"Mama told me that if you know the truth then you should say what it is."

"Well she's right about that. So does that mean you want me to tell you?" Judith nodded. Rick inhaled and exhaled then went on."There's another man besides me that's your dad too. His name was Shane."

"Did he die too?" she asked matter of factly.

"Yeah Judy, he did."

"So I have two mamas _and_ two daddies?" she said clarifying her understanding of the situation.

"Well that's a good way to look at it," Rick said smiling. "Yes, you have two mamas and two daddies. That makes you very special because not everyone has that. God gave you a mom and dad that made you and then He gave you us: the mama and daddy that get to tuck you into bed and sing to you. The ones that get to bake and read and fish with you and take you to the playground."

"The ones that get to kiss you and snuggle with you and tickle you," Michonne said as she ran her fingertips along Judy's ribcage. Judith giggled as her smile returned to her face.

Things calmed and Rick pulled Judith from Michonne's arms into his own. "Your mama and me get to be the ones that get to love you every day," Rick kissed his little girl. "You know, I have a lot of jobs but taking care of you is my very favorite one. I love you Pumpkin."

"Love you too, Daddy," she said. Judith layed her head on Rick's shoulder. "Do I have to go back to school or can I stay here with you?"

"I think you could probably miss the rest of the day at school," Rick said.

"You gonna help watch your little sister?" Michonne asked. "She's been trouble lately and tries to escape from the yard when I'm not looking."

"I'll help watch her, Mama," she said sliding off Rick's lap and running off to find Eva.

Rick rubbed the back of his head anxiously. "I've been thinking about this day for a long time. How do you think that went?" he asked as soon as Judith was out of earshot.

"I think you did perfect," Michonne said leaning her head into his chest.

"I feel like I always turn those heavy talks over to you and that's not always fair. I wanted to be the one to tell her who you were to her...who we both are."

…..

Just around the corner there's heartache  
Down the street that losers use  
If you can wade in through the teardrops  
You'll find me at the Home of the Blues

I walk and cry while my heartbeat  
Keeps time with the drag of my shoes  
The sun never shines through this window of mine  
It's dark at the Home of the Blues

Oh, but the place is filled with the sweetest mem'ries  
Memories so sweet that I cry

Dreams that I've had left me feeling so bad  
I just want to give up and lay down and die

So if you've just lost your sweetheart  
And it seems there's no good way to choose  
Come along with me, misery loves company  
You're welcome at the Home of the Blues

Carl sat on his sofa in the darkened room as he rolled a joint. He licked the end of the paper then looked for his lighter.

"That's ain't very tight," Desi said as she watched him.

"It's fine," he said then slipped the end into his mouth. "Do you know where my lighter is," he asked her.

"Wasn't my day to watch it," she said crashing down on the sofa next to him.

Carl stood up and found his lighter under where he had been sitting. He sat back down and lit the end of the joint. He inhaled then offered it to Desi. She took it from him and put it to her lips, inhaling deeply.

"Where did you get this?" Carl asked.

"A guy on the Cove that grows it in his house."

"What guy?"

"I ain't tellin you. He don't want everyone knowin' his business."

"I can find out myself, you know. Hell, I can grow it myself."

"Well why don't you just go ahead and do that then?" she said. She took another hit before handing it back to Carl.

Carl put the joint to his mouth again and inhaled. He held the smoke in but started coughing and hacking after a few seconds.

Desi looked at him and laughed. "Boy, is this your first time smokin' weed?"

"Well I've never had the chance before now," Carl snapped back. "We've been lucky to just have food."

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen."

"Nineteen? Dang, you just a baby!" Desi said and laughed again.

"Why are you always laughing at me?"

"I don't know," she said rolling her eyes. "Don't be so sensitive."

"Fine. Just stop laughing at me...and don't call me names either."

"Okay. I'll be nice," she said, rubbing the inside of his leg. "I didn't know you were only nineteen though."

"Well how old are you?" Carl asked.

"Twenty- three."

Carl took one more hit off the joint then layed his head back on the sofa. He closed his eye, feeling the high immediately.

"If this is your first time smokin', you probably shouldn't have any more." Desi took the joint out of his hand. She took one more puff then set it onto a plate on the coffee table. She brushed his hair behind his ear then leaned into him.

Carl could feel Desi's breath on his neck. He opened his left eye and looked over at her. "You're so pretty, Desi," he said smiling. "I remember the first time I saw you that first night, I thought you were so pretty. You scared me though. I don't scare easy but I remember thinking that I better do what you said. You're tough." Carl smiled again, feeling the high more and more as each second passed. "But mostly I just thought about how pretty you are."

"Yeah, you and every other guy I know."

"Yeah probably," Carl took her arm in his hands and gently touched one of the scars there."I'm sorry for what happened to you. I hate the people who did this to you. If I could kill everyone of them again, I'd do it."

Desi quickly pulled her arm away. "I don't want to talk about that."

"Sorry," Carl replied in a hazy voice. "What do you wanna talk about?"

"I don't care. I just don't want to talk about me."

"We don't even have to talk. We can just sit here and be quiet."

"There's lots we could do," Desi said putting her hands on Carl's leg again. "You're just a baby but you're cute. You ever been with a girl, Carl?"

Carl laughed.

"What's so funny?" Desi asked.

Carl stared ahead. The smile faded from his face as quickly as it appeared. "I was married," he said in a vacant tone.

Desi sat up straight. She was surprised. "To who?"

"Her name was Holly."

"Holly...I think I met her. Was she that little blonde girl with your group?"

Carl nodded.

"Yeah I remember her. She was the one who was afraid to come out of the camper."

"Yep that was her."

"What happened to her."

"It doesn't matter. I didn't keep her safe so she's gone," Carl said blankly, still staring ahead. "She was going to have our baby."

"Damn. That's sad," Desi replied, succintly but sincerely.

Carl sat in silence. Despite Desi's closeness to him, he felt alone. Alone and still broken. The heartache he had been feeling wasn't fresh or raw anymore. Now it was heavy, weaving itself through his mind and soul, corroding every part of what was left of him. He held onto the heartache closely. He had to. He couldn't stop thinking about Holly, and to think of her meant holding onto the heartache too.

Desi rubbed her hands over Carl's chest then further up and around his neck. She moved her mouth up farther and Carl didn't stop her. She kissed him all over his neck and then moved to his face. She moved her legs up and straddled his lap. She held his face with both of her hands kissing him over and over again.

Carl did nothing to return her advances then finally put both his hands on her arms and pulled her away. He looked straight into Desi's face. "She's gone but I'm still in love with her."

"You in love with a dead girl?"

Carl nodded.

"That's okay baby. You just go right on ahead and love her. I ain't here for love."

Carl pulled Desi towards him and kissed her back."

…..

Carl woke up in the middle of the night. He got out of the bed, trying not to wake Desi. She had fallen asleep there. He went to the bathroom then promptly crawled back into the bed. He moved his body close to Desi's spooning her. He put his arm around her, pulling her closer.

"What are you doin?" she asked pushing his hand away.

"Just holding you," Carl replied in confusion.

"Get your hands off me, right now."

Carl took his hands away. "What's wrong?"

"Why don't you go sleep on the couch for the rest of the night?"

"What? Why?" Carl asked.

"I just don't want you sleepin' next to me. I don't want you touchin' me either."

"Desi, what are you talking about. We just..."

"I know what we did!" Desi shouted. "We ain't doin' that right now though. Look, I didn't mean to stay the night here. Just go sleep on the couch. If you don't want to then I will."

"I don't understand. It's okay for you to throw yourself at me, for us to have sex but not for me to sleep in the same bed as you?"

"Just go! Just get away from me. I want to sleep by myself, okay. Is that too hard for you too understand?"

"You go!" Carl shouted back. "This is my house and if you don't like the way I do things then you can get the hell out of here!"

"I ain't walkin' home in the middle of the night!" she shouted. "Just get away from me, Carl!"

"Seriously Desi, what's your problem? Why are you treating me like shit right now? I've been nothing but good to you. I _saved_ you. If it weren't for me, you'd still be chained to a radiator."

"You're holdin' that over me? You think because you saved me I _owe_ you something? You're no better than the men that had me chained up!"

"Why are you being such a bitch?" Carl shouted back.

Desi picked up an empty bottle off the night stand and threw it as hard as she could at Carl. He ducked and the bottle crashed on the wall behind him.

"You stupid little whore! That almost hit me!"

Desi charged towards Carl then stopped right in front of him. "You ever call me whore or bitch again, I'll slit your throat. God as my witness, I'll wait for you to go to sleep then I'll slit your damn throat."

Carl inched away from her. It was foreign and deeply upsetting to be on the other end of the wrath of someone you cared about. He inhaled and exhaled slowly as he looked at her. "Do you think we could both just take a few breaths and calm down?"

Desi eased her shoulders down and looked at Carl, pleading for forgiveness with her eyes. Carl looked back softly at her. They were both ashamed of the exchange that had just taken place. Carl put his hand on her shoulder trying to soothe her. Desi shrugged her shoulder back and moved away from him.

"Carl," Desi said quietly with tears rolling down her cheeks. "Please just let me sleep by myself."

Carl nodded. He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. He lied down on the sofa, confused and angry. He could hear Desi crying in the other room.

"The Home of the Blues"

Performed by Johnny Cash

Written by Glen Douglas, Johnny Cash and Lily Mcalpin


	32. Chapter 32

**October 5, 2018: Here Now**

Carl was ready for the mission. After a long time of planning, he would lead a team to find replacement parts for the solar panels. Several of the panels that were on most of the houses needed new inverters. Carl, Clem, Morgan, Carol, Eugene and Robert would be driving the 111 miles to Chatanooga, Tennessee to hopefully find the replacement parts they needed.

Leaving the island was usually unnecessary. They had everything they really needed right where they were. There was plenty of fish in the lake. There weren't just gardens here, but full crops. Large crops that yielded a surplus, plenty to sustain the 103 people on Penland Island and the Lake Chatuge area. There was livestock too. Cows, chickens, pigs, turkeys and goats. Food was plentiful and life was good. Leaving on long missions was rare but necessary in this instance.

Rick knocked on the door to Carl's cabin.

"Come in," Carl said as he stuffed his rations into his back pack.

Rick opened the door and walked in. "You all ready to go?"

"Yeah," Carl replied, not bothering to look up from his task.

"I heard you changed the trip from Atlanta to Chatanooga."

"Atlanta's a little closer but Eugene thought Chatanooga would be safer...less populated. He's sure we can get what we need from there."

"Well you got a good team going so I'm sure things will go well." Rick paced around Carl's cabin trying to see into his son's life a bit. As inconspicuously as he could, Rick peeked his head into Carl's bedroom. He saw a bottle of whiskey on the nightstand and a bra hanging on the footboard.

"You need something?" Carl asked.

"Yeah," Rick replied. "Tell me something. Why is Clementine going on this mission?"

"Because she wants to go."

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Carl, she's a kid. She's what, sixteen?"

"She's seventeen. You don't even know how old she is but you're assuming she's not old enough to go?"

"She's _not_ old enough. It's our responsibility to take care of her – make sure she's not doing anything that's going to put her in danger – especially unnecessarily."

"She'll be fine. She's not a kid. She's smart and she knows what she's doing. I was doing things much more dangerous than this, and at a much younger age. So was she, for that matter."

"That's because you both _had_ to. Clem doesn't have to go today," Rick replied. He walked over to Carl's bed and picked up a bra that was hanging over the headboard.

"Is this hers?"

"Whose? Clementine's?" Carl asked in shock. "No...of course not! Clem and I are just friends!" he shouted as he snatched it out of his father's hands. "Do you really think I'd take advantage of her that way?"

"You just got through telling me that she's not a kid..."

"You've got to be joking right now!" Carl replied angrily.

"...you spend a lot of time with her. It seems like the two of you are always together. Look I'm just looking out for her...for you too."

"Well thanks for that," he said sarcastically.

"I think I've been pretty good aboout giving you space and not prying into your business. I'm not asking these questions just as your father. I'm asking them as the leader of this group."

"My personal life isn't your business as my father _or_ as the leader!"

"I just don't want to see her doing something that's going to get her in trouble."

Carl calmed down. He sat on the sofa and rested his arms on his knees. "You think I'm a bad influence on her, don't you?"

"I don't know. Less than four years ago you got Holly pregnant. You didn't mean to but you did. Things have a way of just happening."

"I _wanted_ to be a dad!" Carl shouted back. "And you should really just leave Holly out of this."

"I'm sure you think Clem is mature and capable and maybe that's true but..." Rick hesitated.

"But what?"

"You're persuasive and young girls can be impressionable."

"We're just friends, Dad! And you don't know anything about her. You don't even really know anything about me."

Rick sat across from him. He looked out the window. "You're right, I don't know. But that's not really my fault. You've made pushing me and pretty much everyone else away a full-time job. I'm used to it but your mother and your sisters aren't. It breaks their hearts to never see you. What makes it even worse is they're all fully aware of how intentional your distance is. It must be really hard to avoid everyone the way you do when we all live on 42 acres. I only know what I see – what you _let_ me see. When I see you, I still notice a lot of anger. You're drinking a lot."

"What do you care? You have two perfect little girls and a perfect wife to occupy your time. I'm 21. I'm an adult and you don't have to worry about me anymore."

"Parenting doesn't work that way, Carl."

"Wouldn't it just be easier on everyone if you just did your thing and let me do mine?"

"Probably," Rick said then sighed. "But I'd rather do what's right than what's easy."

"Is the lecture over?"

Rick stared his son down. He didn't know how to communicate with him anymore. He didn't know how to relate at all. The father and son had practically become strangers over the last three years since moving to the island. Before they arrived, Rick thought things were getting better but the progress was short-lived. Since the death of Carl's young wife and unborn child, his son had not been the same. His anger and distance was obvious not only to Rick, but to everyone.

Rick couldn't deny Carl's accusations either. Life was near perfect with Michonne, Judith and Eva. The family of four was a happy unit and Carl felt like a fifth wheel. A squeaky wheel at that.

Despite all the good reasons Carl had for the tumoil he was in, Rick couldn't ignore what it meant. Rick walked over to Carl's open backpack. He looked inside and saw glass. He reached in and pulled out a pint of vodka. Rick closed his eyes and sighed heavily. His son was in no state to be going on any missions, let alone leading one.

"Why the hell are you going through my things?" Carl said indignantly.

"I think you should stay here."

"What are you talking about?"

Rick handed the bottle to Carl. "You can stay here and drink or you can go on runs. You can't do both."

Carl willfully put the bottle back in his bag. "Sorry but you don't get to tell me what to do anymore."

"I'm pulling you off this run. Clem too. Neither of you are going out there."

"Are you out of your mind?" Carl shouted. "I've been putting this mission together for two weeks! This is _my_ mission to go on!"

"It's a good mission, Carl. It'll still happen. Carol can take over as team leader and Tim and Nicole can go in place of you and Clem."

"You son of a bitch! Why are you trying to control me like this?"

"Not everything has to do with you. I'm looking out for everyone," Rick said calmly.

"You're not going to tell me what I can do or where I can go!" Carl yelled as he zipped up his pack and threw it over his shoulder. "I'm going and..."

Rick grabbed Carl by the arm pulling him back. Carl spun around and met Rick's jaw with his fist. The blow was completely unexpected and Rick fell to the ground. Carl stormed out the door, slamming it behind him. He ran from his cabin to the docks with Winnie close behind.

"You ready to go?" Carol asked as she watched Carl walking towards them.

"Change of plans," Carl stated as he walked towards the small power boat. "You're leading the team. Nicole and Tim are going with you instead of me and Clem."

"What?" Carol asked in confusion. "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere else." Carl untied the boat.

"Carl," Morgan exclaimed. "You need to tell us where you're going."

Carl ignored him.

Carl climbed onto the small vessel and Winnie hopped in right behind him. Clementine walked casually up to the dock when she saw him ready to depart. "Carl, what are you doing?"

Carl turned and called out to her. "I'm leaving."

"Wait...what? Where are you going? I thought we were all going to Chatanooga together."

"I'm not going."

"Well tell me where you're going then," Clem shouted.

"I don't know."

"What?" she asked. "You can't go out by yourself!"

"I'll be fine," he answered as he pulled the chord, starting the small engine up. Clementine pulled her pack off her shoulders, threw it onto his boat and jumped in with him. The boat started to pull away. "What are you doing? Get out of the boat!" he shouted.

"No," she shouted back. "I'm not letting you go out by yourself."

"I mean it Clem, get out. You can't come!"

"What, are you gonna throw me overboard? Just tell me what's going on or at least where you're going and I'll stay."

They were about 30 feet from the dock when Carl killed the motor. "I just need to get away from here. Okay?" Carl said, finally calming down.

"Tell me where."

"I don't know."

"You need to be alone...fine. I get it. Go to Merry Island. It's close and you'll be safe there."

"Why is everyone telling me what to do...where I should and shouldn't go? First my dad and now you!"

"Because people care about you," she said sincerely, "even if you don't care about yourself."

Carl looked in the direction of the tiny island to the northeast of Penland. "All right, fine. I'll go to Merry Island."

"You promise?"

"Yes, I promise," Carl conceded.

"Fine. If you promise me that's where you'll be, then I'll stay here."

Carl looked at Clementine. She was putting her backpack on her shoulders again and looking towards the dock. She said she would leave him alone but in all honesty, she was the only person he didn't feel like he needed a break from. He was looking forward to spending time with her on the mission and disappointed when he couldn't. When he told her to get out of the boat, it was said out of anger and stubbornness. In this season of his life, she was his only real friend. Others, many others, had tried to break down his walls but Carl wouldn't let them. Not Michonne, not Desi and certainly not his father. But Clem didn't try to break them down. She just sat patiently on the other side of them. She didn't force anything and by not trying to constantly understand him, he felt understood.

"Go with me," he said quietly.

"What? Why?" she said turning back towards him. "You just told me you wanted me to stay. You make absolutely no sense to me sometimes."

"I don't know. I just..." Carl looked down. "Just go with me."

Clementine looked at his face. It was heavy. It was sad. She could tell that he needed someone. "I'll go under one condition."

"What?"

"I'm telling Carol where we're going." Carl scoffed and looked away. "Look, you may be okay with treating people like shit but that's not how I treat the people that care about me. We're not going to just disappear and have everyone worrying and wondering where we are. We know better."

"Fine." Carl started up the motor again and steered the boat back to the dock. Clem stepped off the boat and walked towards Carol and Morgan. Carl watched as she spoke to them for a few minutes. They hugged her goodbye and she stepped back onto the boat.

"Okay," Clem said looking up at Carl with a tentative smile, "let's go."

…..

Carl steered the small boat towards Merry Island. There was no dock but a small beach. He climbed out of the boat into the water and pulled the boat onto the beach. Carl reached his hand out to help Clem out of the boat.

Clementine put her hands on her hips and looked at Carl intently. "Okay we're here. What now?"

"I don't know," Carl said.

"I swear," Clem replied angrily, "if you tell me 'I don't know' one more time today, I'm going to kick you in the head."

"Well do you want me to make something up?" Carl asked.

"What happened to make you leave? Why didn't we go to Chatanooga with the rest of the team? We've been planning this run for two weeks and then all of the sudden, you're running away. You tell me to come with you and you don't tell me why."

"It doesn't matter." Carl sat on the sand and reached into his pack. He pulled out the bottle of vodka.

"It does matter. Tell me something – anything, or I'm leaving," she yelled.

Carl took the cap off the vodka, took a drink then looked at her. "Sit down. I'll tell you whatever you want just please don't yell." He looked away from her and down at the sand. "And please don't leave."

Clem tossed her pack down and sat next to him. She looked over at Carl and waited for him to speak.

"I got in a fight with my dad."

"About what?"

"About a lot of things," he replied abruptly then took another swig of vodka. He stopped talking and just stared out into the lake. Clem waited for him, expecting him to go on but he didn't.

"This isn't going to work," she stated.

"What's not going to work?"

"This!" she yelled again, throwing her hands up at him. "You sitting here and saying nothing to me and expecting me to be okay with that! I've tried to be there for you Carl. I've sat with you through your moodiness. I've watched you get angry. I've watched you get drunk...get high. I've tried to be a friend to you while still giving you your space. Everything I've done has been on your terms and I'm not just going to keep letting you shut me out. That might work with your dad. It might have worked with Holly but it's not going to work with me anymore. I'm done. If you want to be angry about everything, fine...be angry! But do it by yourself!" Clem stood up, grabbed her bag and walked back towards the boat.

Carl stood up and ran to her. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Get your hands off me!" she turned and yelled at him venomously.

Carl retreated and threw his arms up in surrender. "Okay. Just don't go...not yet. Not like this. I swear, I'll tell you what you want. And then if you still want to leave, I promise I won't stop you."

Clementine let out a heavy sigh before they both sat back down. She picked up the vodka, took a small sip then took a much bigger sip of water from her canteen. Carl took another drink too before replacing the cap and looking at her.

"I got in a fight with my dad. It was bad and I punched him," Carl said concisely. "He told me I couldn't go on the run today. He said he didn't want you to go either."

"Why?"

"He found the vodka in my pack. He said I could go on the run or stay home and drink."

"Well he was right. Nobody has any business being out there unless they're completely focused on the mission. It puts everyone in danger."

Carl nodded slowly and sighed. "I know. I think that's one reason I got so pissed off. I know he's right. But..."

Clem looked at him with compassionate eyes and waited patiently for him to continue. She knew that he would this time.

"I don't think I can stop, Clem. I _can't_ stop. Drinking is one of the only things that gets me through each day. It's the only thing that calms the noise in my head and takes the pain away. The only thing that helps me sleep. It was pills at first but Bob started locking them up better after they started 'disappearing'."

Clem ran her hands through the sand, frustrated. "I don't know what to tell you. I don't know how to get you to stop drinking. It seems like a problem your mom or dad should help you with. Sorry."

"I didn't expect you to fix it Clem," Carl chuckled quietly. He looked over at her, feeling vulnerable but still safe. "You just wanted to know so I'm telling you."

Carl took another drink from the bottle then sat it down in the sand. Clem picked it up and took not one but two sips. "You shouldn't do that,"' Carl said.

"Why not?"

"I don't want you to be a piece of shit drunk like me."

"But you're my favorite piece of shit drunk," she said kicking sand at his legs.

"That's one of the reasons my dad didn't want _you_ to come. He thinks I'm a bad influence on you."

"Which clearly you are," she replied dryly as she smiled.

Carl smiled back at first but the smile faded. "When Lee asked me to look out for you, I don't think this is what he would have had in mind."

"Lee's not here. My parents aren't here and niether are yours. Only the two of us are here right now."

A despondant expression came over Carl's face. His dad was right, right about everything. Carl wasn't in any position to be leading and he _wasn't_ a good influence for Clementine. The stress of the realizations started to make his head throb. He pushed his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose and layed in the sand.

"What's wrong?" Clem asked as she leaned slightly over him. She intentionally leaned in a way that blocked the sun out of his eyes and the gesture didn't go unnoticed by Carl.

"I don't think I'm being who I'm supposed to be. I'm not acting the way I should."

"Who are you supposed to be?"

"I don't know, but not who I am."

"You _are_ who you are though. You're my best friend, Carl. That has to count for something, right?"

"Sure," Carl said smiling.

"Quit thinking you have to fix everything today. Quit acting like your forty-five years old and have to save the world. We're here now, you and me. Let's drink and swim and fish and read comics and have a fire and eat and talk and just be you and me."

"Now I _know_ I'm a bad influence on you," Carl laughed.

"I'm starting to think maybe _I'm_ a bad influence on _you,_ " she said as she grabbed the vodka once again.

Carl looked around the lake that surrounded the tiny island. He looked up at the towering trees before finally resting his eyes on Clementine. He smiled. She was right. They were here now and not much else mattered.


	33. Chapter 33

**October 6, 2018: Merry Island**

It was around 6 PM when Carl and Clementine finished their dinner. They had eaten well. They caught two smallmouth bass, a spotted bass and two catfish. They cooked them over the open fire, sharing the bass and giving the catfish to Winnie. They reclined around the campfire playing cards and passing the bottle of vodka back and forth, now taking sips instead of chugs.

Carl layed his cards down in the sand. "Haha. I win. Do you want to play again?" Carl asked while putting another log onto the fire.

"Later," Clem replied. "I want to go swimming again before it gets dark...and before I drink anymore. You gonna come with me?"

"Sure," Carl said.

Clem jumped up and started to take off her clothes. She slipped her pants down and started to lift her top above her head.

"What are you doing?" Carl asked nervously.

"My clothes just finally dried off from swimming this afternoon. If I swim in them again right now, they'll be wet all night. I don't want to sleep in wet clothes." Carl stared at her unsure and uncomfortable. "What," she said smirking, "are you afraid if you see me in my underwear, you're gonna fall in love with me?" She smiled as she threw her shirt at Carl's face.

"Fine," Carl said, beginning to remove his clothes. He stripped down to nothing except for his boxers.

Clementine jumped into the water and Carl and Winnie follwed behind. Clem swam half a dozen laps before finally stopping in front of Carl. "You have a freakish amount of energy," Carl stated. "Where does it all come from?"

"I don't know. It seems normal to me," she said as she splashed water into his face and swam away.

Carl splashed her back then dove under the water. He pulled her legs out from under her and she went down below the water. She kicked him in the side and broke free. She swam up behind him and jumped onto his back taking him under the surface. Carl spun around and tickled her until she finally let go.

"Okay! Okay!" she squealed. "You win!"

"You know best!" Carl said splashing her again. "You'll never be able to take me down, so get used to it."

They were both out of breath. "I love it here," Clem said as she looked at the expanse of the lake in front of her.

"Where? Merry Island or Penland Island or just the lake?"

"All of it. I love all of it."

Carl shrugged. "Yeah it's pretty good."

"Pretty good? Are you serious?" she aked. Carl shrugged again. "You're such a grump!"

"Fine," Carl conceded as he smiled, "it's great."

"Did you ever think we would live in a place like this? I mean when we started talking about leaving the library, did you ever think we'd make it here and have it this good?"

"What I thought three years ago doesn't look anything like what things are like now," Carl said with sadness.

"Because you thought you'd have Holly with you and be a dad?"

"Yeah," Carl nodded solemnly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you think of them."

"You don't have to apologize. Even after three years of them being gone, I think of them at least ten times a day. It's just how my brain is wired now."

"Is it better now?"

"I don't know. I guess. When I think of Holly, it feels like she was part of someone ele's life. Like the boy who was with her is someone else...not me. It's strange. I've changed so much since then."

"You never talk about her any more."

"What good would it do?"

"Talking is good."

"In all honesty, I think about the baby more. Every November I think of how that's when the baby was due...how every November would be the baby's birthday. I wish I knew if it was a boy or a girl. It's always bothered me to not know that. Is that weird?"

"No, it's not weird," Clem said sympathetically as she shook her head. "You're going to be a dad again some day. I know it."

Carl scoffed. "I don't know about that. If I'm a shitty son it stands to reason that I'll be a shitty dad too."

"If you've changed so much in the last three years, imagine how much more you'll change in the next three."

"You always think the best of me, even when I don't deserve it. Why are you so nice to me?"

"That's what a friend is supposed to do." Clem lied on her back, floating calmly in the cool water. Winnie paddled out further into the lake and Carl stood still, looking at the sun as it descended closer to the horizon.

Carl looked over towards Clementine, still floating on her back. Carl rarely saw her without her baseball cap atop her short brown hair. The water slicked her hair back and exposed her youthful and attractive face. Her eyes were closed but he could picture the warm hazel color staring back at him. Her bronze skin glistened in the water. He stared at the curve of her breasts under her bra. His eyes moved from her chest to her toned abdomen, then even further down. Her long, dark legs extended from small, round hips. Carl's gaze paused on her toes peeking out of the water before it traveled back to where it started. He didn't even realize he was doing it. But when his heart started racing in his chest and blood started rushing downward, he stopped.

"Oh shit," he said under his breath as he shook his head and turned away quickly. He had never once looked at Clementine that way. They were friends and that was it. In a strange way, he didn't really even think of her as a girl - just as his best friend. She had dressed like a tomboy from the time he first met her, almost seven years ago. And the way he behaved around her was similar to how he had behaved with Noah. Playful perhaps, but never flirtatious. Although they enjoyed a close and even intimate friendship, Carl had never seen her as anything more than a friend.

Carl kept his back to her but he could hear her moving in the water. He tried his best to shake the thoughts from his head. He finally turned back towards her and as soon as he did, she splashed water in his face yet again and laughed.

"So are we going back tonight or do you need to sulk longer?"

"Very funny," Carl replied nervously, wondering if she could somehow read his mind a few moments ago. "I don't care. What do you want to do?"

"Well if we go back, I'll be cleaning out chicken coops at 7 AM. If we stay here, I'll sleep in til 10 and then go swimming again. Tough choice."

"We can stay I guess."

"Tell me something."

"What?"

"How mad is Desi going to be if you spend the night here with me."

"I don't know. I don't really care either. She knows we're friends."

"I know she knows. I also know she hates me."

Carl laughed. "She hates everyone...including me."

"What are you talking about? She doesn't _hate_ you."

"I'm exagerating," Carl said as he slowly moved his hands around in the water. "It's complicated with Desi. She's screwed up and I'm screwed up too. So both of us together is pretty much a disaster."

"Well if we stay the night, I don't want her mad at me. I don't want any trouble with her. She's scary," Clem said chuckling.

"Don't worry about her. I'll make sure she doesn't give you any trouble," Carl reassured Clem.

"And how do you plan on doing that?"

"You know, me and Desi aren't exclusive. She has other guys she hangs out with. And I have..."

"Oh I know all about it. I know how many girls you 'hang out' with."

"How do you know?" Carl replied, slightly embarrassed.

"Girls talk," Clem said casually.

"Who?"

"Are you kidding me right now? We live on an island, Carl. Everybody pretty much knows everybody else's business. I know you picked the little cabin in the woods so you could have your privacy and I also know why you want that privacy. I know how much you drink. I know you used to keep those pills you were popping hidden in your boot. I know how much you like Desi. I know about that ugly temper you have sometimes. I'm observant and you're not good at hiding those things...not from me, anyway."

Carl thoughtt it was ironic how fervently Clem insisted she knew him but didn't know what he was thinking just moments earlier when he was watching her swim. "I guess I thought my personal life was more personal."

Clem looked away, hurt. "Are you upset that I know so much about you?"

"I wasn't talking about you Clem. I meant everyone else on the island."

"Oh, okay," she said, showing him a hint of vulnerability. She tilted her head back getting her hair wet again then slicking it back away from her face. Carl watched her every move.

"Carl, are we close enough that I can be honest with you? You know, without you getting mad at me?"

"Yeah," Carl chuckled. "You can tell me anything.

"Are you really sure Carl? Because it seems like the last person who told you the truth, you punched."

"Look, I said you can tell me whatever you want. Do it or don't do it but I'm not going to lose my temper with you."

"All right," she continued. "I know you're an adult and you can do whatever you want..."

"Just tell me already!"

"You shouldn't be with Desi."

"Okay," Carl said calmly. "Why not?"

"Desi isn't right for you. I see how you are with her. You let her use you. She treats you like shit and you just let her. I don't understand. You're this tough bad-ass with everyone and then with her, she says 'jump' and you say 'how high?'"

"I told you it's complicated. There's things about Desi you don't know about."

"I'm sure it is complicated. But whatever she's been through doesn't make it okay for her to treat someone I care about like garbage."

"I give it out just as much as I get it."

"You're saying that like it's a good thing."

"I can take it. It doesn't even effect me," Carl replied casually. "Besides, I deserve it,"

Clementine shook her head and narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me, but did you just say you deserve it?" Carl remained silent. "I never took you for the battered housewife."

"I treated Holly badly. I constantly told her how weak she was. I bullied her and called her names. I threatened her. I wasn't good to her. And then on top of that, I couldn't even protect her."

"So you being a bad husband when you were 18 years old means you deserve to be punished for the rest of your life?"

Carl scoffed and looked away. "That's not what I'm saying."

"Holly wasn't right for you either."

"So Holly wasn't right for me and Desi's not right for me. What makes you an expert? You're 17 Clem, and last time I checked, you've never even been in a relationship."

"Yeah but I see them all around me. I don't have to put my hand in a fire to know it's going to burn."

"It's not the same."

"You said I could be honest with you. I see what I see and maybe I'm wrong but, when I looked at Holly, all I saw was a scared little kid trying her best to be a grown-up."

"Holly was complicated too. You're over-simplifying everything."

"Maybe you're over-complicating everything."

"I fell in love with her when I was 15. I was 15 and she was 13. We were kids. I didn't know what I was getting into. Neither of us did. Next thing I know we're going to have a baby. Life moved faster and harder than I expected."

"So what's your excuse with Desi? What's your excuse for all the other girls?"

"I don't know. I think I just don't care any more."

"I think you're just letting yourself off easy. I think you..."

"What happened to having fun?" Carl interrupted. "What happened to not trying to fix everything today?"

"You're right, I'm sorry," Clem said. "I just care about you Carl. I want good things for you."

"I know you do, Clem. And if I saw someone treating you badly, I'd be pissed too."

"I know you would." She gave him a content smile then lied on her back, floating in the water once again. Winnie swam up to her and gave her a stick. Clem pulled it out of her mouth and chucked it farther into lake. Carl watched her as she played with his dog.

Clementine was happy. She took joy in small things and never complained. She worked hard but when she was done, she intentionally enjoyed life. She was strong, smart and funny. But most of all, she was kind. Everyone liked her and she was amiable to everyone, whether she liked them back or not. She was the only person in Carl's life that he didn't have to try so damn hard with. It was easy with her.

Those first few months after Holly had left him, Clem visited him nearly every day. Carl would sit by the oak tree, usually high or drunk, and she would just be there with him. She would fish or read or fall asleep in the grass. Later when Carl's headaches didn't plague him as much, she sat on the shore and played the guitar she'd found in one of the houses. When she first brought the guitar to their place near the oak tree, Carl cringed silently. But she played and practiced and she got better every day.

Clem always talked about how Carl was her best friend. But the truth was, she was a much better friend to Carl than he was to her. If it weren't for her, Carl knew his life would be an even bigger mess than it already was.

Clem swam back to the shore and walked back onto the beach. Winnie ran behind her. Winnie shook the water off herself vigorously.

"Winnie! You're putting the fire out!" Clem yelled at the dog then laughed.

"I'll get it going again," Carl said as he grabbed three small logs from their woodpile.

"Can I wear this?" Clem asked as she picked up Carl's flannel. "We don't have towels."

"Sure," Carl said. She slipped her arms into his shirt and sat down by the fire. She moved closer to the flames, trying to dry herself off. She looked at Carl's hat laying on the ground. She picked it up and studied it. She traced her fingers along the brim then gently pulled on the worn gold tassels.

"Put it on," Carl said, studying her as she studied the hat.

Clem put the hat on her head. ""I'm Carl Grimes," she said impersonating him badly. "I'm a grumpy old man with bad taste in women."

Carl shook his head pretending to be angry then fell back into the sand laughing hysterically. When he sat up, he grabbed Clem's baseball cap. He quickly put it on his head.

"That looks so weird on you!" Clem giggled. "Okay, okay – now you have to do your best Clementine impression."

"No," Carl said adamantly. "I'm not doing that."

"C'mon...please?"

"Fine, but you can't get mad."

"I won't – I promise."

Carl straightened the baseball cap on his head and spoke in a high-pitched voice. "I'm Clementine. I'm seventeen but I think I know everything. Let me tell you how to fix your life, Carl!"

Clem looked at Carl and laughed until her stomach hurt. So did Carl. After a few moments of uncontrollable laughter, they both calmed down. They smiled at each other. Carl picked up the bottle of vodka and poured the warm liquid down his throat. He took the hat off his head and looked at it. "I don't think I've ever seen you without this hat. Where did you get it?"

"It was my dad's," Clem said, reminiscing with a somber smile. "It was from the softball team he played for at his job when he lived in Texas. The Frisco, Diamondbacks. I've worn it just about every single day since I was seven."

"My hat used to be my dad's too."

"I knew that. I was pretty sure you were never a King County Sheriff's Deputy."

Carl chuckled. "Yeah I guess that's not too hard to figure out."

"When we go back tomorrow, I hope you can make things right with your dad. I know how much he cares about you. You know, you're lucky to have him."

"I know I am. It's just going to be a matter of swallowing my pride," Carl said poking at the fire. He looked back over at Clem. "But I'll do it...promise."

Carl and Clementine sat around the campfire playing cards. For the rest of the night, they talked, laughed and drank until they finally stumbled inside the dusty one-room cabin on Merry Island and passed out.

…..

Carl woke up at 9:30 the next morning. He looked a few feet away and saw Clementine, still asleep, crouched up and shivering. Winnie was curled up beside her. In their hasty depature to leave Penland, they hadn't thought to bring blankets or sleeping bags. Carl took his flannel off and layed it over her. He slipped his boots on and walked outside, looking for the nearest bush. He quickly relieved himself then walked over to the water to wash his hands in the lake.

Carl sat down around the previous night's campfire. He stirred the embers and threw a few small pieces of wood onto it. He blew on the embers and the flames caught the wood right away. Carl layed a big log onto the growing fire.

Clem walked out of the cabin and sat down next to him putting her hands close to the fire trying to warm them up.

"How'd you sleep?" Carl asked.

"I slept great but I'm freezing and feel like shit now. I don't think I've ever had that much to drink before."

"You look better than you did last night. Less green," Carl laughed quietly.

Clem buried her face into her knees and groaned. "Stay away from those bushes over there," she said pointing to her left. "I threw up fish, granola and vodka in those bushes."

Carl laughed. "That's disgusting."

"I know. That's why I said stay away," she said laughing too. "Do you have any aspirin or Tylenol? My head hurts so bad."

"Yeah," Carl pulled a first aid kit out of his pack and pulled Tylenol out of the kit. He shook three pills out and put them in her hand. He handed her his canteen and she took several gulps behind the pills.

"I can't drink like that again for a while."

"I wish it took one bad hangover to make me stop," Carl said poking at the fire with a stick.

Clem didn't know what to say. Despite how she felt physically, she was in a good mood. She looked over at Carl with a big grin on her face. "I remember for my eighth birthday, right before the end, I went to Disney World with my mom and dad. When they told me where we were going I was such a brat. I told them I was too old for that and that Disney World was for babies but inside I was really excited. We could only go for a day because my mom and dad had to be back for work. So we made the best of that one day. When we got there, I met every single Disney Princess and rode so many rides and ate cotton candy and got the Mickey Mouse ears...we did everything. My mom and dad used to fight a lot but they were happy while we were there. We were all happy. It was the best day of my life."

"That sounds fun. Why are you telling me about that?" Carl asked.

"Because for the last seven years, I would always look back on that day as my favorite time. When I was sad or afraid, I would think about our stupid trip to Disney World and I'd feel just a tiny bit better." She looked over at him and smiled. "But from now on, when I want to remember my favorite time, I'll think of yesterday."

Hearing her words made Carl happy. Perhaps happier than _he_ had ever been. The time they spent together on Merry Island had been a respite. A break from his self-inflicted misery. He hadn't even known how badly he had needed it until he was there – there with _her_ , that is.

Something swept over Carl. He stared at Clem with intensity. His stomach was in knots and his heart raced in his chest. He leaned over her and thrust his face towards hers. His lips crashed against hers and he kissed her hard.

Clem put her hands onto his chest and pushed him away as hard as she could. "What the hell are you doing?" she yelled.

"What do you think?" he asked, shocked by her response.

"I don't want that! Why would you think I would want that?" Carl shook his head in confusion. "We're friends, Carl. You and I are friends and that's it! You're with Desi and I'm too young for you and I'm not going to be just another girl you've slept with! We're friends!" Clem stood up and brushed the sand off her clothes. She paced back and forth, confused and angry.

"Why are you so mad at me? Was me kissing you so bad?"

"Why did you do it?"

"I don't know. Because..." he fumbled. "I don't know."

"You're trying to take advantage of me but I'm smarter than you think! What is it Carl? Are you trying to screw every girl on the island?"

"No, of course not! I swear!"

"I thought we were something special...our friendship. I thought _I_ was something special to you. Now I realize I'm just like everyone else!"

"You could never be like everyone else, Clementine. You _are_ something special to me."

"I need to get out of here."

"Okay, we can go back," Carl replied as he started to kick sand onto the fire.

"No, I need to get away from you. As soon as I get back, I'll have someone come back and get you," Clem said as she pulled her shoes on."

"Clem wait, don't go! Let's just talk about it," Carl pleaded. "Or let's just pretend it never even happened."

Clem ran into the cabin and grabbed her bag. She frantically stuffed her belongings inside and ran back out. As soon as she did, she hopped on to the boat, pulled the start chord a few times and sped off.

Carl sighed as he watched her disappear.

…..

 **A/N:** I'd love for everyone to go on Google Maps and Google Images and look at Penland Island, Lake Chatuge, Pitt's Cove and now Merry Island. They're all real places and having them in my mind while I write really inspires me. Also to answer I.C. 2014's question, did Glenn and Maggie adopt the other orphan? That question will be answered soon. (:

And finally, I just want to give a shout out to all my faithful readers and especially those who comment so consistently. Thank you for all your encouragement and thoughts about the story. Keep it coming because I LOVE knowing what you think. I know it sounds cliché to say that it means a lot to me, but seriously, it means a lot to me. I consider you friends and I love you all bunches and bunches! Happy 4th!


	34. Chapter 34

**October 7, 2018: The Prodigal Son**

Carl sat on the shore. He had everything in his back except for the bottle of vodka. While he waited for someone to pick him up, he took a few sips to calm the morning shakes he usually had after a night of drinking. He finally saw the same boat Clementine left on less than an hour ago, returning to Merry Island. Michonne was on board this time instead of Clem. When she pulled the boat up to the shore, Carl walked towards her. He threw his backpack onto the boat and started to climb inside.

"No," Michonne said shaking her head as she handed Carl his pack and stepped out of the boat.

"No?" Carl asked her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you're not getting on this boat."

"What the hell?" he said angrily as he backed away from the boat.

Michonne stood in front of him, "Don't you start that with me. It won't go well for you."

"Mom, I just want to go home."

"I'm sure you do. Here's the thing though...right at this moment, Merry Island is your home."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"While you were having your little vacation here, a lot happened back on Penland. It hasn't been decided if you're welcome back there."

"Are you being serious right now?"

"Oh I'm dead serious," Michonne replied staring him down. Carl sat in the sand and Michonne sat next to him. "The council met yesterday afternoon. They're still trying to decide what to do with you."

"This is crazy," Carl said shaking his head.

"I agree, this is crazy. You punching your dad in the face, knocking him to the ground...pretty crazy, Carl. The council is looking at it as an assault, plain and simple. And why wouldn't they? We have law and order there. They're talking disciplinary action. And we haven't even gotten to the part where you were going to take alcohol out on a run."

"I didn't even go on the run," Carl said trying desperately to defend his behavior.

"You didn't go because your dad _said_ you couldn't go, Carl. So do me a favor and don't act like you had some realization of your mistake and decided to stay back because you knew it was the right thing to do." Michonne turned to him, glaring sternly. "Tell me something. Do you know how hard it was for your dad to tell the council about what you did to him? Why he pulled you off the run? He would have liked to keep it private but you made that impossible with the scene you made at the docks. Do you know what it was like for your dad to lie to Judith and Eva and tell them that he got the fat lip and his tooth knocked out because he fell?"

"He could have told them the truth."

"He wanted to protect you. Even though you don't care what your sisters think about you, your dad still does."

Carl stared down at the sand. He couldn't even look Michonne in the eyes. "Did I really knock his tooth out?"

"Yeah, you did. Marcia thinks she can fix it but it's going to mean another run to get supplies. Another run means more people have to go out, leave their families and cover up for your mistakes."

"I'll go," Carl said, trying to say something, anything to try and mend things.

"You're not allowed out on anymore runs. That was an easy decision for the council. They don't want you in any type of leadership position or leaving the area until you sort things out."

"Sort things out, huh. Is that another way of saying I have to stop drinking?"

Michonne took the bottle out of Carl's hands and looked at it like the enemy it was. "What do you think? Is getting drunk and high every day really serving you that well? Is it really making your life so much better?"

"I don't think you understand, Mom," Carl said finally looking at her, "it's not a matter of making my life better. My life is shit whether I drink or don't drink. I don't _want_ to drink – I _need_ to drink."

"No, Carl. What you _need_ is your family. You _need_ to take care of yourself. You _need_ to be a whole person again...in your spirit. In your mind. In your body."

"I'm just not sure how I do that."

Carl and Michonne sat together on the small beach and looked out into the lake. Neither of them said a word to the other for a long time. Michonne finally spoke, but she didn't look at her son.

"Your dad," she began, "your dad kept telling me how worried he was for you. He kept telling me that we needed to do something to help you. Telling me that you were going down a path that wasn't right. I told him that you were fine. I told him you just needed time and that things would work themselves out. I told him to give you some space. He listened to me. Then after you lost Holly and the baby, he told me to be there for you. He said that you wouldn't let him in but that you would let me in."

"What's your point? That he's known what a screw-up I am for a long time?"

"No that's not the point I'm trying to make at all. The point I'm trying to make is that I was wrong. Your dad was right and I was wrong. I've given your dad the very wrong impression that I've had all the answers when it comes to you. I've led him to believe that I know what I'm doing here and obviously I don't."

"That's not true. You're the best mom I could have ever asked for."

"Well that's a nice thing to say but I'm not sure if it's true. Maybe this is one of those times when my optimism has made things worse."

Carl put his arm around her and pulled her closer to himself. "I think I could use a little more optimism in my life."

Michonne put her arm around Carl too. "So tell me then, where do we go from here?"

"I don't know."

"Are you ready to give it up?"

Carl pulled his arm away and held his face in his hands. He rubbed his temples, visibly stressed. "More than anything I want to say yes. Yes I'm ready to give it up. But I don't want to lie to you. I'm not sure if I'm ready. I'm not sure if I can. With all we've been through, I can't believe that _everybody_ doesn't have a drinking problem. I don't know how anybody is getting out of bed and getting on with their lives. Why does it seem to be just me that can't cope with this screwed-up way of life?"

"You don't know what's going in everybody's life. People smile to your face but then they go home and it's another story. Don't make the mistake of thinking everybody's got their shit together. They don't."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You know exactly what I would tell you about how I cope. You turn to drinking and I turn to my faith...every day."

"Is there really even a difference? They're both crutches."

"That hurt, so I'm just going to go ahead and pretend you didn't say that."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"Yeah whatever."

"Mom, really, I'm sorry," Carl said as he squeezed her hand.

"I forgive you, "she said squeezing his hand back. She gave him a tentative smile and then looked at the boat. "Well I'm supposed to make the decision whether or not you should come back."

"What do you mean?"

"I brought you supplies: food, water, a toothbrush and clothes."

"Did I screw up so bad that they don't even want me on the same island?"

"That's not it, Carl and you know it. A few years ago, when that guy, I can't remember his name, but that guy who was hitting his girlfriend, they left him here on this same island for two weeks. It's actually not the worst system."

"And you think that's what should happen to me?" Carl asked in shock.

"I don't know...like I said, it's not the worst system. Maybe you can detox here. There's no alcohol or drugs here, unless you brought them with you."

"Mom, you can't be serious."

"Well you tell me what we should do then. I asked you if you were ready to quit and you said you weren't sure. You tell me what I'm supposed to do. What's the right decision here? You can't be with the others if you can't get things under control. That's just the way it is."

Carl stood up and turned away. He paced back and forth. He took his hat off and ran his fingers through his hair. "Fine. I'll quit. I won't drink. I won't use anything. Okay?"

"Do you give me your word?"

Carl hesitated and Michonne looked him in the face. Carl had no choice. "All right. I give you my word."

"Well then let's go home."

…..

The boat ride from Merry Island to Penland Island took less than ten minutes. Carl and Michonne stepped off the boat and onto the dock. Carl tied off the boat and grabbed all the supplies that Michonne had come with. They began to walk towards his parent's home.

As they got closer, Carl became more nervous. Carl turned and looked over at Michonne. "How mad is he?" he asked bluntly.

Michonne narrowed her eyes. "Your dad?"

"Yeah."

"He's not mad at you at all."

Carl stopped in his tracks and looked at her."Of course he's mad. I disrespected him...I didn't listen to him. I punched him and apparently knocked his tooth out. I ran away and had a temper tantrum like a spoiled little kid. I know he's mad at me."

Michonne shook her head and tears rolled down her cheeks. 

"Mom, wy are you crying? What did I say wrong this time?"

"You don't know your dad very well, Carl, and that makes me sad. You've been pushing him away for so long. Pushing away someone who loves you more than he loves himself. Someone who cares about you and would do anything for you. Someone who worries about you every day and wants nothing more than to give you a better life. It breaks my heart that you don't have any idea just how much your dad loves you...how much we both love you." Michonne wiped the tears from her face and turned away. " _I_ was the one that was mad at you. I was ready to beat your ass for the way you acted – for the way you treated your dad." Michonne shook her head again. "But not your dad. No, he hasn't had time to be mad at you. He's been too busy worrying about you."

The shame and remorse Carl felt, overwhelmed him. He wrapped his arms around Michonne and hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry. I am. I'm really sorry," he said with deep sincerity. "I'm sorry that I acted the way I did yesterday. I'm sorry for the way I've been acting for a long time now. I'm sorry for pushing you and Dad away...for not being there for Judith and Eva. I'm sorry for being so selfish."

Michonne hugged Carl back. "I forgive you," she said again simply.

When Carl finally released his mother, he turned around to see his father waiting and watching from the front porch. Rick had been watching the emotional exchange his wife and son had just shared. He looked over towards Carl and started to walk towards him. Carl could have tried to save face and play it cool. He could have tried to once again prove to his dad that he was a man, unwilling to relent his own will to anyone else's. But Carl looked at his dad and heard Michonne's words of how much his father loved him echo in his mind. Carl had no desire to prove anything. He ran swiftly to his dad and threw his arms around him. Rick reciprocated holding Carl in a loving and welcoming embrace. Carl couldn't remember holding onto his father like this since he was a little boy. He felt broken in Rick's arms, but in an even greater way, he felt whole again.

"I'm so sorry, Dad. I shouldn't have treat..."

"I know," Rick quickly replied. "I know and I forgive you." Rick pulled away but held Carl on either side of his face looking at him intently. "I'm glad you're home."

…..

"So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."

Luke 15:20

…..

 **A/N:** I know I said a few chapters back that sometimes I don't know how the story is going to unfold until I see it on my computer screen. That was so true of this chapter. As I was writing, I thought to myself, oh my gosh, this chapter reminds me so much of the the story of the Prodigal Son from the Gospel of Luke. That's one of my favorite parables Jesus told, so I totally went with it.

I think so many people think that when we come (or come back) to our Heavenly Father, He's ready to just pounce on us. To remind us of all the ways we've screwed up in life. To make sure we know what awful sinners we are. That couldn't be further from the truth. When we come back to our Father, He's just so happy to see us come to Him, that all He really wants to do is throw His arms around us and welcome us back home. It's the most beautiful picture of love. Truly I can't believe that Rick and Carl Grimes, from The Walking Dead, in my silly fan fiction, have illustrated this parable of Jesus so perfectly. Life is really weird sometimes. If you've read this far, thanks for letting me preach once in a while – I truly can't stop myself sometimes. If you haven't read the story of the Prodigal son, here's where you can find it in the Bible: Luke 15:11-32. Better yet, here's a link: passage/?search=Luke+15%3A11-32&version=NIV


	35. Chapter 35

**October 10, 2018: Wrecking Ball**

Clementine sat on the shore of the lake and cast her line out into the water. She wasn't in her normal fishing spot. She usually sat by the oak tree where Holly's grave was.

Holly wasn't the only one buried under the oak tree. Lee's body had been laid to rest there also. One other body was buried there too. A lady from Pitt's Cove. There was some debate over whether or not the valuable island property should be used to bury the dead but it was finally agreed upon that a small portion could be used as a cemetary. It was ironic and macabre that Carl and Clem's fishing hole was adjacent to the cemetery. The place they had chosen to spend their days was a constant reminder of their losses.

Today Clem was on a completely different part of the island. She was trying to avoid Carl. It had been two days since she ran away with him to Merry Island and one day since he had kissed her. She replayed the events over and over again in her head. She had never been more confused in her young life. Why did Carl kissing her make her so angry. Why did it surprise her so much? After all, Carl had become the island playboy. Why should it surprise her that after swimming half-naked in front of him, that he would make a pass at her? She didn't think she had been flirtatious with him but in hind sight, she could see how he might have thought differently.

Was she overeacting? Clem wondered if things could be the same again. Could the two of them go back to being friends again after his blatant advances towards her and her blatant rejection towards him? She hoped that they could fix what went wrong between the two of them. She didn't want to think of what her days would be like without Carl Grimes. They had built this trust and friendship over the last three years and she valued it too much to let three seconds ruin it.

Clem ignored the bite on her line as she thought about the kiss again. It was her first kiss and she knew she would never forget it. She could still feel his lips on hers, pressing into her madly like he couldn't help himself. She remembered the taste of his tongue as it passed through both sets of lips barely touching her tongue before she pushed him away. Nothing had ever felt better to Clementine. Those three seconds were maybe the best three seconds of her life. But it didn't matter.

Clementine was pragmatic. Lee had painstakingly taught her to be practical in every part of her life. The delicate balance of it all was too fragile to be swept away by emotion. As much as she loved the feeling of being kissed by a man she cared so deeply for, she wouldn't let it ruin the friendship she had created and maintained with Carl. From the second Carl's lips touched hers, she could see how it would play out. If she hadn't stopped him, he would have only been satisfied with kissing her for so long. He would want more. He would try to sleep with her then move on. Maybe if he enjoyed it, he would want to come back again once in a while. Clementine would be one more dish on the table for him to choose from. She had far to much respect for herself to let that happen no matter how much she cared for him...no matter how good it felt.

Clem was angry. She was angry with Carl for trying to take advantage of her but she was even angrier with herself. Angry that she had led herself to believe that she and Carl could just be friends. She was angry that she let herself be vulnerable with him...that she trusted him with her friendship.

 _Clem you stupid little girl! How could you be so naive? You let him play you like a fiddle and now it's over. You didn't give him what he wanted so it's over._ She pulled her rod back, yanking the line out of the water. She lied back onto the soft grass and closed her eyes. She felt like she had lost the best friend she ever had and her heart was breaking over it.

…..

Carl woke up in the bed in Judith's small room. He opened his left eye and stared at the pale pink walls, then looked over at a bookcase to his left. It was filled with books, toys and stuffed animals. He wretched once then immediately grabbed the trashcan sitting on the floor next to his bed. He vomitted out what little contents was in his stomach from dinner earlier. He let his pounding head fall back on to the pillow. Carl's heart raced in his chest, his arms shook and sweat poured down his forehead and temples. He was miserable.

Carl came home yesterday morning and hadn't consumed a drop of alcohol since. There were no pills to pop and nothing to smoke either. It had been 36 hours and his body was in the full throws of withdrawal. He was feeling it. He looked at his wrist and saw that it was nearly 11 PM. He pulled the covers away from his body and stood from Judith's bed. He tip-toed out of her room and into the kitchen. He quietly began to open each cabinette door looking for a bottle of anything that he could drink. He just needed a little to calm his shaking body. "Dammit!" he shouted under his breath as he closed the last cabinette door. There was nothing anywhere. He could look in other houses or try to break into the infirmary.

Carl went back into Judy's room and quickly found his socks and boots. He put them on and crept towards the back door. Eugene liked to drink wine. He liked drinking it so much that he started making his own. Eugene probably left his doors unlocked and had to have something Carl could drink. Carl closed the back door as quietly as he could.

As soon as Carl stepped off the back porch, he looked around the yard, lit up by the moonlight. He looked at Judith and Eva's toys strewn around the yard. He saw his mother's prized flower garden.

Carl looked at his dad's toolshed in the corner of the yard. His dad built that toolshed himself. His father had become an incredible carpenter and craftsman since moving to Penland Island. Building things was no easy task when you only had one hand but his dad had done it anyway.

Rick Grimes had spent the first part of his adult life trying to uphold the law and build a family. He did that. Then the world changed in a monumental way and Rick tried his best to rebuild a life and a society where his family could be safe from the dead and those who should be dead. That was harder but Rick had done that too. Now that things were peaceful, Rick didn't stop building. He could have but he didn't. Rick couldn't be satisfied with mediocrity or the status quo. He continued to evolve and fortify his construction.

Since Carl had become an adult, he felt like all he did was tear things down. He had become a wrecking ball, destroying anything in his path. He hadn't built anything of value in his life or anyone else's. He wanted to though. He wanted to construct something that would make things better. But he couldn't make things better for anyone else, if he couldn't even get his own demons under control. He would have to stop drinking and using for that to happen.

Carl's head throbbed as the confusion whirred through his brain. He sat on a chair in the back yard. _You can do this Carl. You don't have to drink. You don't have to put poison into your body to function can't keep doing that and expect things to get better._

As he sat there, his mind drifted elsewhere. Since coming home yesterday morning, Carl's mind bounced back and forth frantically between two dominating thoughts. Drinking and Clementine.

Clem.

Carl hated that before he had gotten one addiction under control, another had come to the forefront. Thoughts of Clementine filled his already crowded brain and it was driving him mad. His thoughts about her were so forceful and intense that they hurt.

Clem was perfect. Of course not in the sense that she had no flaws. Perfect in that she was perfect for Carl. She knew him...knew him well. Maybe even better than Carl knew himself. Clem didn't have alcohol and drugs clouding her perspective the way Carl did. She called him on his bullshit without shaming him. He desperately needed that. And although she was young and inexperienced, she had been completely accurate in her analysis of Carl's relationships.

Holly had been in his life by default. That thought immediately brought pangs of guilt to Carl. Holly's memory was something sacred to him. But parts of that sacred memory were chipped away when he looked at the relationship honestly and for what it really was. It wasn't to say that Carl didn't love her, he did. But it was easy for Carl to fall in love with her. It was easy and natural for a teenage boy to fall in love with a pretty girl who desperately needed him, especially when she was the only girl there. Carl was young and wanted purpose. Protecting her, teaching her, even trying to control her, gave Carl purpose. Holly, then later on the baby, gave his life meaning and direction. When they died, that meaning and direction died with them.

Then there was Desi. It was true that Desi used Carl, but he let her. Desi's ordeal with the cruel savages on the island had done damage that couldn't be overstated. She was tormented by her past afflictions and could do nothing to heal them. She didn't know where to start and Carl was certainly no help.

It was a symbiotic relationship though. Carl used Desi every bit as much as she used him. Carl was just careful to never let Desi know _how_ he was using her. After Desi's abuse, Carl realized how much she needed to be the one in control in their relationship. He handed the reigns over to her. It suited him though. In a perverse way, Carl relished being controlled. The disfunctional romance made Carl feel as if some atonement was being made for his past sins...not only with Holly but with everyone he had wronged.

Carl had murdered. Murdered in cold blood. He had taken lives and each life taken had come with a healthy dose of guilt. It didn't matter if he was justified in killing or not. And when he did think of Holly and the baby, he never pictured them as lives simply lost, but instead as lives he took part in ending. If he hadn't been so hell-bent on taking the island, he was sure he could have saved his young wife and child.

But Clementine was different. Clem didn't come with an assortment of fears and hurts that she carried on her shoulders from day to day. She felt the losses she had experienced, but they hadn't broken her. If anything, they had made her more resilient and steadfast. She took her losses and built something within, to make herself better and stronger.

Clem didn't need Carl. She didn't need him to protect her and reassure her the way Holly did. She was capable and confident. She knew who she was, what she wanted and was fearless when persuing it all. And Clem didn't need Carl to work out issues from the past the way Desi did. Desi often craved twisted and lurid exchanges where she made Carl feel worthless so that she could feel powerful and repaired.

But Clem was innocent. She was undamaged. She was whole. Not because she was naive but because she was adept at navigating life as it was.

Carl sat in the backyard and closed his left eye. He visualized Clementine in front of him. He could picture her slender, tanned form swimming in the lake without a care in the world. He saw her in the glow of the campfire laughing and smiling. He could see her sitting in the sand wrapped in his gray flannel shirt and wearing his hat and telling him how happy she was. And although she had rejected him, he thought of the kiss. The glorious and fleeting moment where his lips touched hers.

Carl was in love again. And not for any reason besides love itself.

He had to tell her. He had to confess all these feelings to his closest friend. He had to let her know that she wasn't just another girl he wanted to have a fling with. He had to tell her that she was different...that she made _him_ different.

If Clementine rejected him again, Carl wasn't sure what he would do next but he had to tell her. His thoughts towards her were consuming him.

Carl had business he needed to conclude first, though. He had to break things off with Desi once and for all. There were other girls, even women, that Carl had involved himself with but Desi was different. He owed her this closure.

Carl stood up and walked swiftly to see Desi.

…..

Carl climbed up that lattice that lead to Desi's window. He tapped on her window lightly at first, then with more force. "Desi," he called out quietly.

Carl watched as Desi pulled back the curtains. She slid the window up and stuck her head out. "What the hell you doin' out here?"

"Can I come in?"

"My daddy'll kill you if you come in here!"

"Well then come out here."

"What for?" she asked impatiently. "I ain't got time for your bullshit right now and I ain't in the mood for no booty call."

"That's not why I'm here. I need to talk to you."

Desi clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Fine. Wait on the front porch and I'll be down in a minute."

Carl climbed back down the lattice and walked to the front porch. He sat on the stoop and waited. When he heard the door open he turned to see Desi standing there with her bag slung over her shoulder. She closed the door and walked towards him.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?"

"C'mon then," Desi said as she moved ahead of him. She walked towards the docks and Carl followed behind her. They sat down at the end of the dock.

"I haven't seen you in a few days. Where you been?"

"I was on Merry Island and then I've been at my parent's house. It's a long story."

"Well then I don't want to hear it," she replied quickly. "You were with Clem though, weren't you?"

Carl looked away from her icy stare. "Yeah."

"Well I wasn't by myself either so you ain't gotta feel bad about bein' with that little bitch."

"Don't call her that," Carl replied sharply.

Desi laughed. "Since when do you tell me what to do? I'll call that girl whatever I want."

"Whatever," Carl said shaking his head.

"So you sleepin' with her now? She act like she a nice girl but I knew she was just another slut on a long list of sluts you like."

"I said don't talk about her that way!" Carl said with more indignation this time. "I didn't sleep with her and why would you care if I did?"

"I don't."

"Right," Carl said sarcastically.

"Carl, it's late. What do you want?"

"You and me," Carl started, trying to dance around her carefully. "It's obvious to both of us that we're...that we're not right together?"

"Yeah, it's obvious. But ain't nothin' ever been right for me my whole life. Things weren't right before the world went to shit and they weren't right after. I wouldn't know what 'right' looked like if it bit me in the ass."

Carl sighed. He took off his hat and layed it on the dock before he turned to look her in the eyes. "Desi, I don't know what we're doing here. I don't know how you see us, but..."

"But what?" Desi asked point blank, staring Carl down. He sighed and turned away again. "If you got something to say just say it. I'm a big girl."

"I can't be with you," Carl finally blurted out. "We can't be together."

Desi leaned back and laughed hard. When she was done, she gave Carl a dismissive look."I got news for you baby. We ain't together."

"Why are you saying that? You spend at least two or three nights at my cabin. In some capacity, we _are_ together." Desi laughed again but Carl knew her well enough to know that it was to mask what she was really feeling."Do me a favor: acknowledge that we're something. I know we're not a typical couple. I know we've never been right together but that doesn't mean we're _not_ together."

"Let me get this straight. You want me to act like we're some kind of couple just so you can _dump_ me?"

"I just want things to be clear."

"Fine, things are clear," she said nonchalantly. "But what I think is really happening here is you want your Darlin' Clementine but she don't want you because you with me and she ain't the kind of girl that likes to share. I knew it from a long time ago. I saw this day comin'. I knew you'd eventually fall for her. I knew I would never be good enough for you. I'm good enough to get high with and sleep with but you ain't never gonna take me home to Mama."

"That's not true," Carl said shaking his head.

"It's okay, Carl. I get it. You movin' on to some greener pastures. You want to trade the old car in for a newer model."

"It's not like that, Desi. It's not about you. It's just...I'm...I'm in love with Clem."

"Oh I'm sure she's perfect. I'm sure she's just flawless and you think you need her. You think she can fix you. She's up on some pedestal, just like Holly." 

"You're wrong," Carl argued.

"No you're wrong. You put sweet, little Holly on a pedastal. You put her there after she died, that is. Treated her like shit when she was with you right? Oh but when she died, she became Saint Holly, didn't she?"

Carl looked at Desi but said nothing.

"Clem's no different. You think she's perfect, don't you? She ain't a whore like me, right?"

"Don't say that. You're not a whore and I don't like you saying that."

"Carl, you called me a whore the first night we was together. I told you never do it again but I bet you done it a thousand more times in your head."

"Desi..."

"It's okay, Carl. Once a whore, always a whore."

"Why would you say that?"

"You get called a whore every day for over a year, you believe it. But then when you _treated_ like a whore...spit on, beaten, chained-up, starved...raped, well then..." Desi spoke as she choked back her tears, "...then you _know_ it's true."

Desi tried to hide the tears that fell freely from her eyes. Carl reached out to take her hand in his. He moved his fingers in between hers, trying to offer some inadequate measure of comfort. Desi quickly pulled her hand away and wiped her eyes.

"Why do you do that? Why won't you ever let me comfort you?"

"Your comfort is just pity wrapped up a nice bow. I don't need your pity. I don't need shit from you. You want to be with Clem, then go be with her. Get the hell outta here."

"I can't leave you like this, Desi."

"You got some ego on you, boy. I told you I don't need you."

Carl kept his gaze on Desi, uwilling to leave her in the state she was in. Carl finally stood up on the dock and turned to walk away. But not before seeing what Desi had just pulled out of her bag. Carl stopped in his tracks and did an about face, looking at the amber liquid moving behind glass. He stared at it, spellbound and unable to move away any further.

"What are you still doin' here Carl? I said for you to leave. Go and leave me alone!"

"I...I...I just," Carl stammered as he did battle with himself over his next few moves.

"I know why you're still here, you stutterin' fool. You want to drink, don't you?" Desi chuckled.

"You can walk away from me a lot easier than you can walk away from this bottle."

"I just want one. One drink...just to calm my shakes and calm my head."

"Sure. Yeah. One drink," Desi replied. "Fine, come here and get your _one_ drink."

Carl walked back towards her. He sat back down and took the bottle from her hands.

…..

The deafening sound of all the birds that lived on the island, woke Carl up early the next morning. He rolled onto his back and looked at sky. He was still at the docks. He remembered sitting there with Desi the night before. He remembered breaking up with her. Then he remembered taking a drink of whiskey...then another and another. After that, he had no recollection of what happened.

Carl didn't sit up right away. He lied on the dock with a heavy feeling of worthlessness. He was disgusted with himself. He would never be able to stop drinking. He would never be able to repair all the damage he had already done in his young life. He was not who he wanted to be and was pretty sure he never would be. _I was no good for Holly. I'm no good for Desi and Clem would never be with a piece of shit like me._ _It would be easier for everybody if I just left. I could leave Penland and no one would ever have to see me again. Then maybe I wouldn't be able to do so much damage to the people I love._ Carl wanted nothing more than to just disappear. _Maybe I could just swim out to the middle of the lake and end it there._

Carl finally sat up. He began to come to his senses and tried to clear his head. He let out a heavy sigh as he viewed the tranquility of Lake Chatuge. He stopped to look at something about 40 or 50 feet from the shore. He stared out at something purple. He had a hard time adjusting his eye to determine what it was. He continued to look out into the water when something struck him like a brick. _Desi was wearing purple. Oh God...no._ Without hesitation, Carl stood up and dove into the water as far as his arms and legs could stretch. He swam hard and fast towards her. Within seconds he lifted her head out of the water and shouted into her face.

"Desi!" he screamed. "Desi wake up! God please no! No, no no!" Carl threw her arm over his shoulder and swam back towards the shore. "Help!" he shouted as he swam. "Somebody help, please!" He finally reached the dock and heaved her lifeless body up onto the wooden planks. He climbed up behind her then leaned over her body. He tilted her head back and put his mouth completely over hers. He breathed into her mouth once. "Help!" Carl shouted again as he moved his hands between her breasts and started doing chest compressions. He did ten compressions before he breathed into her mouth again. He called for help again but no one came. He had to get her to Bob. He quickly lifted her body into his arms. Filled with adrenaline, Carl ran swiftly towards the infarmary.


	36. Chapter 36

**October 11, 2018: Damage Control**

Carl could see the infirmary in front of him as he ran with Desi's body hanging in his arms. He reached the front door and tried to turn the knob. It was locked. With all the force he could muster, he kicked the door in as hard as he could. It broke apart from the frame and Carl ran inside.

"Bob!" he shouted as loud as he could while laying her body on a gurney. "Bob, help, please!" Bob ran down the stairs in his boxers and a t-shirt, holding his gun in his hand.

"What happened?"

"I found her in the water!" Carl said breathless and still panicked.

"Do you know how long she was in?" Bob asked as he checked her pulse.

"No. I have no idea."

"Is there anything else you know that can help me?"

Carl looked from Bob to Desi, then back to Bob. "We...we were drinking," he replied. "We drank a lot of whiskey late last night. I blacked-out though. I don't know if she passed out before me or after me. I just woke up and saw her in the water."

"So you have no idea how long she was under?"

"No. She could have been in the water for a 30 seconds or five or six hours. I have no idea. I got her out and did CPR for a minute but thought I should get her to you instead of doing more CPR."

"Sasha, Rosita!" Bob yelled. "Get down here! I need your help!"

Sasha and Rosita came bounding down the stairs, coming to Bob's side. Bob quickly explained the situation to the two women as he put a trach tube into Desi's mouth, then down her throat.

"Is she alive?" Carl asked with desperation.

"Yeah, she's alive. But her pulse is weak, her pressure's high and her lungs sound pretty bad," Bob replied as he continued to work. "Carl, I need for you to go get Ezekiel."

Carl stood still, frozen in place. He hadn't thought of Ezekiel. He hadn't considered that this horrible incident would affect someone besides himself. The realization that he was going to have to tell Desi's father what had just happened made him feel sick to his stomach.

"Go! Now!" Bob shouted at Carl. Carl finally left the infirmary and ran to Ezekiel's house.

…..

October 14, 2018

Carl was back at home with his mom and his dad. He lied on the sofa feeling sick once again. He was going through the withdrawals again. He was trying to get himself sober again and again, he was miserable. Sweat poured down his face and he trembled.

Rick walked into the room and pulled a chair over to Carl, sitting down next to him. He picked up a clean rag and dipped it into a basin of water on the coffee table. He wrung it out and placed the cool rag on Carl's forehead.

"Thanks Dad," Carl said breathlessly.

"No problem," Rick answered. "How you doin'?"

"I'm okay."

"Well okay's pretty good these days."

"I mean, it's not as bad as getting shot in the eye but pretty bad."

"Well, I guess everything's relative," Rick said smiling down at him. Bob said days one through three of detox are the worse and you're on day three. By tomorrow you should be feeling better."

"When can I leave here? I should be with Desi. I want to see her. I should be doing something to help...anything."

"You're right where you're supposed to be. You need to focus on getting well yourself." Rick looked away from his son. "Besides, Ezekiel still doesn't want you there."

"I can't blame him," Carl said, hanging his head down with shame. "I've really screwed things up, Dad. I've screwed everything up."

"You'll be okay. You'll get through this."

"I'm not talking about me. Right now, I don't give a shit about myself. I'm talking about Desi. I nearly got her killed. She could die and if she does it'll be my fault."

"Carl," Rick said looking at his son straight on, "It's real unfortunate that you've inherited my guilty conscience. You take everything on your shoulders whether it's your fault or not."

"This _is_ my fault."

"I'm not saying it is or isn't."

"She was at home and I told her to come out...so we could talk. If I hadn't gone to see her, she'd probably be fine right now."

"Whether it's your fault or not, the real question is, where do you go from here? Do you want to pile on the guilt and keep letting it poison you along with the drinking and drugs? If that's what you want to do, I can't stop you." Carl said nothing. "Or do you want to decide to grow up and get your life in order? I can't make you do that either. This is all on you. I can be there for you. I can support you. I can love you. But none of that is going to get you through this if _you_ don't make it happen."

Carl looked down with an anguished expression. "I don't know if I can, Dad."

"I've seen what you can do, Carl. You _can_ do this. I know you can. You're strong and you're determined. You're not the type of person that takes the easy road. We wouldn't be on this island if you were."

"But since I've been here, I've been taking the easy road. That's all I do. I haven't made one good decision in years. Right now I feel the opposite of all those things."

"If you weren't strong, I'm pretty sure you would have a bottle in your hand right now. Usually the path to deeper strength leads you down some darker paths first." Rick took the rag from Carl's head and dipped it into the basin of cool water again. He rung it out then put it back on Carl's forehead. Rick looked him in the eye then turned away. "You know, you're not the first person to have an addiction and you're not the first person to beat one."

Carl narrowed his gaze and studied his father intently. "Did you have some addiction I never knew about."

Rick looked out the window. "No not me but my dad did."

"Really?"

Rick nodded. "I remember my dad drinking. Drinking a lot. After he was discharged from the army, he worked as a mechanic. He worked real hard...tryin' to provide for his family. He worked ten, twelve hours a day, six or sometimes even seven days a week trying to make ends meet. When he'd finally get home from work, he sat on the sofa and drank. It got a lot worse after my little sister died but we all just went on with it like it was normal. It _became_ normal. Every day he'd drink a sixpack of Schlitz. I still remember that red and yellow logo on the can. On his bad days, he drank a lot of bourbon too.

"One day when I was about eleven and Uncle Jeff was about thirteen, we were fighting." Rick chuckled softly. "I remember we were fighting about something real stupid too. Remember it clear as day. We were arguing about which one of us had ridden their bike furthest away from home. My dad hated noise and he hated when we'd come into the living room when he was trying to watch the news. He told us to cut it out but we didn't listen. We just kept goin' back and forth about how far we'd ridden our bikes. My dad snapped that night. He'd slap us around quite a bit - nothing serious. But that night was different. He completely lost control. He picked up the lamp off the end table and slammed it into Jeff's head over and over again. I cried and tried to pull him off but he threw me against the wall and went back to wailing on Jeff. My mom finally came into the room and hit him over the head with a frying pan. I'll never forget that either. The image of her hitting him with that frying pan is etched in my memory. It seemed like something from a cartoon." Rick chuckled again ironically.

"Anyway, my mom drove us to the hospital. Jeff had a concussion, a tooth knocked out and a broken nose. His face was covered in cuts and bruises. She lied to the doctors and nurses and said he wiped out on his bike. Doctors back then didn't push too much for abuse investigations. Probably wouldn't matter if they had. The next day while my dad was at work, she went home and packed our bags. She took us to my grandma's and that's where we stayed for a few days. Until my dad knocked on the door, tail between his legs and begged her to come home with us. He said he hadn't had a drop of booze since that night and that he never would again." Rick paused thoughtfully.

"What happened after that?" Carl asked hanging on his father's every word.

"We came home and he kept his promise. I never saw my dad hold another drink in his hand. He was a good man, my dad. He lost his way. He lost his way for a while but he found it again. We all lose our way sometimes. I have, you have. But we can find it again."

"I want to Dad. But wanting to doesn't always mean you can. I tried this a few days ago and then I snuck out the other night. I was hell-bent on finding booze. Then when I saw Desi had whiskey, it was all over. I felt completely powerless when I saw the whiskey in front of me and I gave in. I want to quit, I swear I do. Especially after what I let happen to Desi. I just don't know if I can."

Rick looked at his son with great love and devotion. And Carl could feel it. He felt all that his father had for him in that moment. The love and the devotion but also the pain and anguish he had. Everything his father had done, the life he lived, the choices he had made were all about him. Every difficult decision made was with Carl and his daughter's very best interest at heart. He would easily trade his life for any one of theirs. Nothing could ever make him stray from being the man his children needed. "You _can_ , Carl. You can. And even if you don't, I'll still be here."

…..

October 22, 2018

Clementine knocked on the door of the Grimes home.

"I'll get it!" Eva shouted as she ran down the hall as fast as she could. She wrapped her chubby fingers around the doorknob and opened the door.

"Hey Eva," Clem said with a bright smile on her face.

"Hi Clementine," Eva said as Clem walked into the house. "Clem, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why do you have the same name as a orange?"

Clem laughed, not knowing how to answer. "I don't know. I guess my mom and dad must have really liked oranges."

"Well what if they liked blueberries? Do you think they would have named you Blueberry?"

"I don't think so, but you never know," Clem replied, trying not to laugh again at the 5 year old girl's preposterous questions. "Either way, I'm really glad they didn't name me Blueberry."

"Sometimes my momma and daddy call me Cupcake. I like when they call me that because cupcakes are good. They call Judith pumpkin though. I don't know if pumpkins taste good though."

"They taste good in pumpkin pie but even pumpkin pie isn't as yummy as a cupcake. What do your mom and dad call Carl?"

"They just call him Carl," Eva said in all seriousness.

"Oh, okay," Clem said smiling and looking around the room. "Is Carl here?"

"Yeah, he's in the backyard helping my daddy with stuff."

"Okay well I'm gonna go out there to see him. I'll talk to you later Eva."

"Bye!" Eva shouted as she ran down the hall and back into her bedroom.

Clem walked out into the backyard and saw Carl sawing a piece of wood. He didn't notice Clementine at first but when he finally did he stood up straight and wiped the sweat off his brow.

"Hey," he said, laying down the saw and walking towards her.

"Hey yourself," Clem replied as she nervously shuffled her hand into her back pocket. "How have you been?"

"Not too bad," Carl said, nervous himself. "I'm sorry I haven't been to see you. I haven't been at our fishing hole in a while. Actually I haven't really been anywhere but around here."

"Well that's a good thing, right?" she asked, looking up into his flushed face.

"Yeah. It's a good thing."

"So do you think we could go for a walk or something?"

"Actually, I'm not supposed to leave the house."

"Really?" Clem asked with confusion.

"Yeah really," Carl replied as he pursed his lips and raised his eyebrow. "It's kind of like probation or a house arrest type deal. The council says I have to stay here for four weeks and then after that, they'll review things again."

"Wow. That sounds serious."

Carl nodded, feeling embarrassed by the situation. "Anyhow, I can't leave but we can still talk."

"Okay," she said and smiled.

Carl walked up to his dad and talked quietly with him for a moment. Rick nodded and patted Carl on the back. He walked towards the house and smiled at Clem as he walked inside, closing the sliding patio door behind him.

"My dad said he'll grab his lunch now so we can talk," Carl poured a glass of water from a pitcher and handed it to Clem. He poured one for himself and promptly gulped half of it down. He sat down on the concrete slab and she sat next to him.

Clem sipped her water then looked over at Carl shyly. "I'm sorry I haven't come by either. I've been wanting to. I just wasn't sure if..." Clem shook her head and sighed. "I've really missed you Carl."

"I've really missed you too, Clem. More than you know. It's been almost two weeks since I've seen you. It feels even longer than that though."

"I know. I'm sorry I haven't come to see you. So much has happened and I just wasn't sure how to deal with it all." There was an awkward silence between the both of them. They both had so much they wanted to tell each other but if they actually said it all out loud, there would be no turning back.

Clem finally rallied up the courage to say what was on her mind. "I'm sorry for running away from you on Merry Island. I handled that badly and it would have been better for both of us if I had just stayed and talked it all out with you. That's what I should've done. You deserved that."

"I'm the one who handled things badly." Carl set his glass down on the porch and folded his arms across his knees. "The truth is, I've handled a lot of things badly for a long time."

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I think the problem is that I haven't been hard _enough_ on myself."

"That's not true Carl. It's one of the things that frustrates me the most about you. You're constantly beating yourself up...telling me, telling yourself what a piece of shit you are. How you'll never be able to figure things out. Acting like you don't deserve to be happy...or loved."

"I'm not talking about feeling guilty, Clem. There's been plenty of guilt going through my mind for a long time. I'm talking about just holding myself to some kind of standard...being accountable. I've just been doing whatever the hell I want and it hasn't worked out very well for anyone. It's time I grew up and started acting like a man. Like the man I _should_ be."

Clem looked into his face with compassion and sincerity. "If you never changed one thing about yourself, if you never fixed all these things you think are wrong with you, I'd never turn my back on you. I'm here with you no matter what."

"I know you are. But that's not who I want to be anymore. I don't want to just be the person others are here for. I want to be the person that's there for the people that I love too. I want to be the person my dad says he sees in me. I want to be a person that others can look up to. Especially Judy and Eva. I want to be that person for you, Clem."

Carl grabbed a blade of grass from out of the ground and twisted it in his fingers mindlessly. "The night Holly died, she knew how broken I was right then. She told me to not let her death, or the baby's death, take me away from being the man I was supposed to be. But I didn't care what she wanted then. I don't think I was even listening to her. All I cared about was what _I_ was losing. I'm not sure if I even cared that she was losing her _own_ life. I just cared about how losing her and the baby would make _me_ feel. And since then, I haven't cared about anything important. I did exactly what she asked me _not_ to do. I tried drowning my grief with alcohol. I just didn't want to feel anything because it hurt too badly. And then as if hurting myself wasn't bad enough, I hurt others too. I hurt Desi, and in a way that I can't ever make right. I'll have to live with that. But whatever mistakes I've made, whatever hurt I have, whatever demons I'm dealing with, I've decided that I'm not going to let them take me even one more step away from being that man."

Clem smiled up at her friend. "I see that man in you too, Carl. I always have. Even when I was a little girl at the library I thought to myself 'how great is Carl Grimes?' I thought how you were brave and smart and always tried to do the right thing. I saw how you were ready to take on the world and how you wouldn't let anything stand in the way of doing that. I saw how you cared about your family...even how you cared for Holly. I never stopped seeing that. It's why I've been hard on you. Why I've always told you the truth. Because I see that man too."

"I'm glad you see him. I'm starting to catch a few glimpses of him myself." Carl smiled. It was the first smile Clem had seen on his face since coming to see him. She returned the smile with one of her own.

Clem's hand rested on the porch as her legs stretched out onto the grass. Carl put his hand on top of hers and looked over at her. She stared back, first looking at the black patch covering his right eye, then the piercing blue of his left eye. She was lost in his ethereal gaze and didn't come back to reality until he spoke again.

"Clem."

"Yeah," she replied, shaking her head slightly. She pulled her hand out from under Carl's and sat up straight.

"I'm sorry about..." Carl turned away, embarrassed again. "I'm sorry for kissing you the way I did."

Clem opened her mouth to speak but didn't know what to say.

"I want to try and be honest with you and I owe it to you to tell you what I was thinking."

"You don't have to explain, Carl. I get it. We were alone...talking and sharing things we never shared before. We were drinking all night. You got caught up in the moment..."

"Is that what you think happened?"

"I mean...look, what do you want me to say Carl? You have a reputation with lots of girls. What am I supposed to think?"

"You think that I just got caught up in the moment and that I just wanted to sleep with you?"

Clem stared back and shrugged her shoulders.

Carl stood up from the porch. He paced to the maple tree in the center of the yard then came back. He dug the toe of his boot into the grass. He looked around before finally turning his complete attention back to Clementine.

"Clem, I'm in love with you. It's that simple."

Clem stared back at him, stunned by what he had just said. She was fighting the urge to run away again. His confession was unexpected and it scared her. This wasn't her best friend wanting to fool around, this was her best friend professing his love. Carl loved her. That possibility hadn't even crossed her mind. As apt as Clementine was at maneuvering herself through life's trials, she felt her abilities were useless at this particular emotional crossroad. She was dumbstruck.

Carl read the look of confusion on her face. He looked down. "It's alright if you don't feel the same way about me."

"I...I don't know how I feel."

"It doesn't matter right now, Clem."

"What do you mean it doesn't matter? I may not understand all this or know how I feel but I know that it _does_ matter."

"I just mean that right now I need to focus on myself. I need to quit thinking that I need a woman in my life...to take care of or to work out my issues with. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to me. I need to be by on my own for a little while and just take care of myself. And I have a lot of work to do."

Clem looked away, her heart sinking into her stomach. She felt another unexpected emotion when it came to this revelation: disappointment. Just when she discovered that Carl loved her, he told her that he wouldn't be with her.

Carl sat back down next to her. He moved his hand to her face and pulled her gaze back to him. "I mean it when I say I love you. I mean it completely. But I need to prove it to you. I don't want to just tell you that I love you, I want to show you. And the best way I know how to show you is to start by making myself the kind of man you deserve. The kind of man your parents and Lee would be proud to have you be with. The kind of man my family knows I can be. Even if you never feel the same about me, I still want to be that man. I want to earn you, Clem."

"I'm not sure that's how it works."

"I've managed to do a lot of things that haven't worked so at the very least, I'll be consistent," Carl smiled.

Clem nodded slowly, still very uncertain of everything she was feeling. She looked carefully at Carl before finally standing up and turning away. "I have to go. I'm supposed to help at the schoolhouse after lunch."

"Okay." Carl stood with her walked her back inside. "Hey before you go, I have something for you."

"Really?"

"Yeah really."

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise. I found them in the cellar here when I was cleaning it. Give me a second." Carl walked quickly down the hall and returned moments later. He held out in front of him a box made from burl wood. "Open it."

Clem lifted the hinged lid and looked at the shiny and sharp metal laying atop the black velvet lining. She looked up from the box and into Carl's face. "What exactly are these?"

"You've pretty much perfected fishing and I know you're getting bored with the guitar," Carl said smiling at her. "They're throwing knives. I thought you could use a new hobby."

"I don't think I'd be very good at using throwing knives."

"Sure you would. You're good at everything."

"You'd be better than me at something like this. Why don't you want them?"

"I told you, I have a lot of things I need to work on. Besides, I wanted to give you something."

Clementine slid her fingers around one of the six identical knives and looked at it closely. She saw her reflection in the lustrous metal and smiled. "Throwing knives. Okay," she said nodding. "I don't know how good I'll be at this but I'll give them a try." She smiled at Carl as she laid the knife back in the box and closed it. "I guess a hobby like this could come in handy some day."

…..

 **A/N:** Good heavens I have missed all this! I took a fabulous vacation to Florida and Georgia. I actually went to the set of TWD in Senoia. I walked down main street in "Woodbury" and saw the outside walls of "Alexandria". It was so much fun! Then school started back up with my kids and I've been so busy. Anyhow, sorry to bore you all with the details of my life but I just wanted to let you know why I haven't been around. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Drop a comment to let me know what you think of it. God bless y'all!


	37. Chapter 37

**November 3, 2018: Full Circle**

It was 9 PM. Ezekiel had fallen asleep at her bedside but when her hand stirred in his hand, his eyes shot wide open.

"Desiree?" he said sitting up and looking down into her face. "You awake, Baby Girl? Daddy's here." He studied her face carefully, looking for any sign of life. None came. Ezekiel sank back down into his chair but still kept a protective grip on her hand. He closed his eyes again, but not from exhaustion this time. He closed his eyes to the anguish and heartache that was ravaging his soul.

After Desi's body had been pulled from Lake Chatuge, she had never regained consciousness. Bob told her father that she had likely suffered extensive brain damage. Not only that, but she had a significant lung infection from the lake water she had breathed in. Her prognosis from the beginning was poor but it had only gotten worse. Bob said that it was highly unlikely that she would be able to overcome all the damage done to her brain and lungs.

Despite the circumstances, Ezekiel held out hope. He sat at her bedside, day and night, holding onto her hand and praying for a miracle. "My girl's a fighter," he told the others with beaming pride. "If anyone can pull through, it's my Desiree."

But it had been more than three weeks since the near drowning and Desi's condition had only worsened.

That morning, Bob told Ezekiel that it was time. There was nothing more he could do for Desi and the chance of her making a recovery was all but impossible.

"Give it one more day," Ezekiel plead. "Just one more day. If she doesn't come back to me by tomorrow morning, I'll let her go."

"Of course we can wait another day," Bob replied with compassion in his eyes.

As the day went by, Ezekiel's hope was replaced with finality. As each minute passed, he knew that he was just waiting for the end as opposed to waiting for a miracle.

A quiet knock on the door pulled him from his dismal reality for a split second. He looked up and saw the door open. Rosita entered the room.

"I brought you a cup of coffee," she said thoughtfully as she handed him a mug. "I knew it'd be a long night."

Ezekiel took the mug from her hand. "Thank you. That's very kind of you."

"Would it be okay if I sat with you for a while?" Rosita asked. "I just got Isaac to sleep and I thought you might want some company."

Ezekiel looked up at her through bloodshot eyes. "I don't think I'll be very good company but it would be nice to have someone wait with me." Rosita pulled up a chair next to him. They sat quietly for a long time before Ezekiel finally broke the silence. "Thank you for all you've done to help take care of her."

"I didn't do much."

"I saw what you've done for her...keeping her clean, feeding her, making her comfortable. Please don't diminish your goodness and what that's meant to me." Ezekiel looked into the warmth of Rosita's eyes. "I'll always remember your kindness to my daughter and me in our time of suffering and need. To you it may have seemed like someone just doing there part, but to me, to take care of my baby girl the way you've been doing, it's much more than that."

"You're welcome, Ezekiel. I only wish I could have done more," Rosita said with a tentative smile.

Ezekiel looked down at Desi and smiled at her through his tears. "Isn't she beautiful?"

Rosita sat up and looked over at him. "She is. She's a beautiful girl."

"Before the end, she was trying to be a model. She was going to move from Detroit to New York so she could find an agency. Before she went though, she came to visit me in Birmingham. She was just 17 years old. She dropped out of high school her senior year so she could model. It pissed me off something terrible that she gave up on her education. She grew up in an ugly neighborhood in Detroit with a bunch of thugs and crack-heads. She was looking for a way to get out. She thought her beauty would get her further than books.

"I take it you tried to talk her out of it?"

"There's no talking this girl out of something she's got her sights set on. I wanted her to go back to school - go to college but she wouldn't listen to me. But as it turned out, neither college nor modeling were in her future. Her future would be fighting the dead like everyone else left alive. I must've thanked God a thousand times that she was with me in Birmingham when the world came crashing down."

"If she were still in Detroit, I'm sure you would have gone after her."

Ezekiel shook his head with a regretful expression."I don't know about that."

"I could always see how devoted a father you were to her...how devoted and good to her you are right now."

"I'm none of those things. I'm a coward," he said as his head dropped. "I left my baby girl in a bad neighborhood on the South Side of Detroit because she wanted to stay with her mamma. She grew up with her crack-head mother and her crack-head uncles. Her brothers were bangers that didn't look out for her. I abandoned my only child to a life of drugs and death...a life of despair. If I didn't rescue her then, why would you think I would have later?" he asked with anger and self-loathing. "Then when I finally got my girl to this island, what I thought would be a safe place, I threw her into a den of lions! Those animals treated her less than human and I went along with it because I believed what they told me. They said they were taking care of her and I was naive enough to actually believe that!"

"What choice did you have?" Rosita replied.

"I could have fought back sooner. I _should_ have fought back sooner!"

"They would have killed you."

"Fighting to get her back would have been worth my life!" Ezekiel practically shouted. He hung his head, resting it on Desi's hand. "I was a coward. The world has always been out to get my little girl and I let it. I didn't save her once. I should have come to her rescue but I never did."

"It's okay to forgive yourself."

"I'm not sure I can do that. Carl had been beggin' to come and see Desiree since it happened. I didn't want him to though. I blamed him for letting this happen to her. But then earlier today I finally told Rick that he could come and say his goodbyes...that he could come and talk to us and say whatever he needed to say to get things off his chest and possibly get the closure he needed. He came and practically fell at my feet begging for my forgiveness. Carl saved my girl three years ago...saved her from the people _I_ couldn't save her from. He gave her back to me for a little longer. And even though it hasn't looked too pretty from the outside, I know he's been a friend to her as best as he could. How could I _not_ forgive him?" Ezekiel shook his head. "I forgave him but I can't seem to forgive myself right now."

"I know what I've seen you do for Desiree. I saw you fight with your life to take down the ones that hurt her. I didn't see you waiver then. You lead the charge. We won this island because you lead your people into battle with our people. And damn it, we won. And I've seen what you've done for the last three years. I've seen a father that's been trying his best. I've seen a father that's been there for his daughter...trying to undo some of the hurt and make up for lost time and mistakes."

"Whatever I've done as a father, whether it was years ago or just over the last few weeks, this is where it's gotten me." Rosita watched as tears fell from Ezekiel's eyes. "I've failed my baby girl and tomorrow I'm going to bury her in the ground."

Rosita put her hand on Ezekiel's. He turned to look at her, surprised by her touch. "I'm sorry, Ezekiel. I really am so sorry. But life is too hard right now without adding guilt to your pain. I'm speaking from experience. When you lay your little girl to rest tomorrow, when life has forced you to bury her, I hope that maybe you'll be able to bury the guilt too."

Ezekiel brought Desi's hand to his lips. He kissed it gently then laid it back at her side. "God knows, I'll try."

 **September 5, 2019**

Everyone gathered around Jenny Rhee as Maggie brought the cake out to the backyard. Seven candles stuck out of the home-made frosting as they all began to sing "Happy Birthday" to the young girl. Maggie set the cake on the table in front of her as an excited Hershel ran to his big sister's side and tried to blow out the candles before she could.

Glenn gently scolded his son. "Hershel let Jenny blow out the candles. It's her birthday, not yours buddy."

"Mommy," he said looking at Maggie. "After Jenny blows out the candles can you light them for me to blow out...please."

Maggie smiled and tousled his dark hair. "Okay Baby, I'll light them again since you asked so nice."

"Thanks, Mommy!" Hershel squealed.

Jenny finally blew the candles out on her cake as as her perfect blonde ponytail bounced on her head.

Glenn and Maggie didn't know exactly when her birthday was so they chose a random date to celebrate her birth. Loving the little girl left behind by the islanders, was easy for Glenn and Maggie. They adopted her nearly four years ago and although the _decision_ wasn't easy, they never looked back on it. When Glenn looked at Jenny, he saw chance to do something good a midst the bloodshed of taking the island. A chance to preserve a life after ending so many others. But when Maggie looked at the little girl, all she saw was Beth. At least once a day, when Maggie looked at Jenny, thoughts of her little sister came to mind. It was bittersweet, but mostly, it was just sweet. Jenny appeared small and delicate on the outside but her parents saw that she had a joyful and fiery spirit that couldn't be contained. She sat on Glenn's lap as Maggie re-lit the candles for Hershel to blow out.

It was a beautiful day as summer neared its end. All of them were there for the celebration. It was a joyful but rare occasion for just their close-knit group to gather. Life on the island didn't afford them the opportunity to share life together the way they used to. Today, Rick, Michonne, Carl, Judy, Eva, Liv, Clementine, Carol, Morgan, Bob, Sasha, Davis, Rosita, Isaac and Eugene gathered to celebrate Jenny's seventh birthday. A handful of others were there also, including Ezekiel and Ben, Liv's fiance.

Rick and Michonne sat at a table with Carol, Morgan, Glenn and Maggie. Liv brought over a tray and set six small pieces of birthday cake on the table. Carol took a plate and scooped half the frosting off her piece and fed it to Morgan.

"Mmm, thank you darlin'" he said licking the frosting from his lips.

"Well I have to watch my figure," she replied coyly.

"That's my job," he said with a smile then leaned over to kiss her.

"You two are too much," Michonne said shaking her head as she looked at the happy couple. She then turned her eyes to Rick, "And if you think for one second that I'm giving you any of my frosting, you better think again."

"Oh I know better," Rick said widening his eyes and squeezing her thigh. Rick picked up his fork and ate his tiny slice of cake in two bites.

Maggie cleared her throat and looked at the others. "Now I know this is a birthday party but we're all together and there's some things that've been on my mind."

"What's so pressing?" Morgan asked her. "We're missing a few people on the council."

"Well it's not an official council meeting. Besides, I just want to talk to you four before we take this to the next meeting. I've met with Rick a few times and we've been talking about a lot of changes that have taken place already and quite a few changes that still need to take place." Maggie continued. "Since we've been here, there's been a small but steady stream of people coming to these islands."

"That's a good thing," Michonne replied. "More people coming means we have more people to work to keep this place going. It means more people to grow crops and protect what we have."

"Yeah, it's a good thing. But it's put a strain on our resources," Rick said. "We need to build on what we have here. We need to start branching out – build up some of the other islands and grow the infrastructure even more."

"We need to grow more crops, build more houses and dorms, go on more runs," Maggie added.

"What do you have in mind?" Carol asked. "How do you want to go about doing all this?"

Rick pressed his index finger into the remaining crumbs on his plate and ate them off the tip before speaking. "If expanding is on the horizon, we need to start by expanding our council. Now generally people aren't big fans of more committees or more governing but that's what we need now."

Glenn chimed in next. "Right now we have one council doing everything - making every single decision."

"Exactly," Maggie said. "We can't do it all. We need to have a security committee, an agricultural committee, a construction committee, a school board. We have to start trusting some of the other people here to run things. They've proven themselves. We need to start training these people to not just go on runs but to lead them. We need fresh faces on these committees and fresh ideas."

"Do you have ideas about who you want to head up these committees?" Glenn asked.

"We have a few ideas," Rick said. "And even though I think we're ready to start turning over the reigns to some of the others, I still want our core group to get them started. Even though I want them to start leading, I'm not sure I'm ready to follow - not yet, anyway."

"Carol, Morgan," Maggie said looking at her friends, "crops are high priority and we want you two to start the agricultural committee. We trust you to recruit who you want." Carol and Morgan both nodded in agreement.

Rick looked over at Glenn, "Glenn, we want you and Robert on the construction committee."

"Rick I don't know the first thing about construction."

Rick smiled, "Well then I trust you'll be quick to find people that do. You're both resourceful and adaptable. These aren't permanent positions either. Get it started with a team that can do the job of expanding and then we'll go from there."

"Okay," Glenn nodded confidently.

"We're planning on asking Liv, Eugene and Michelle to establish the school board," Maggie said. "Michonne, Rick and I were hoping you would help the two of us oversee all these new committees."

"Of course. Put me wherever you need me," she replied.

"My duties will be divided between helping on the head council and establishing a security committee."

"Who's doing security with you?" Morgan asked.

"We were thinking of Rosita but we just found out she's pregnant. Of course she's juggling that with a three year old boy," Rick said. "When it comes to security, I want someone I can trust implicitly. No outsiders in charge for now."

Michonne put her hand on Rick's knee. "Rick we've been with these people for four years now, we can trust them."

Rick shook his head. "Our safety and security are too important to put others in charge of it. I won't do it."

"Well then who do you trust to head security with you?" Glenn asked

Rick shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not sure yet but I'll figure it out soon enough."

"Carl should help you," Maggie said pointedly.

Rick looked down. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Maggie asked. "He knows weapons, he's sharp, observant. And he knows the area better than anyone else."

Michonne looked her husband in the eye. "He's been clean and sober for almost a year, Rick."

"Yeah and I want him to stay that way," Rick replied quickly. "He's still young and trying to figure things out. Securing this place is a job with a lot of pressure and responsibility. I don't want to push him."

"Maybe heading this up with you will give him a reason to stay sober. Maybe having more responsibility will _help_ him figure things out," Michonne said.

Rick looked from Maggie to Michonne. "You're looking at this the wrong way. We should try to find the person who's going to be good fit for the job, not giving the job to someone to fill a need in _their_ life."

"We should be doing both," Maggie replied. "Security is your department and I won't tell you how to run it but I think Carl would be a good fit. A perfect fit actually. I told him years ago at the library that I saw him as a leader and I still see him that way. He's a big part of why we're on this island."

Michonne held Rick's hand in hers. She looked at him earnestly in the eyes. "He's 21. He's been home for almost a year, focusing on his sobriety and making himself whole again. He's ready for more. He's ready to lead again. He's _meant_ to lead. Can't you see it, Rick?"

"Yeah, I can see it," Rick nodded. "But I don't want to push him too soon. I don't want to give him this responsibility and then find out it's too much. That's what happened before. He was thrust into a place where he was expected to lead and when it didn't go well, things came crashing down around him. He's finally starting to figure things out again and I don't want to push him."

"We don't get to know what the future looks like. We don't get any guarantees on most of these decisions we're making. We have to have some faith. We proceed with caution but we have to have faith," Michonne said.

"Does anyone here take issue with Carl helping Rick head up security?" Maggie asked.

Rick looked at each of his friends as they shook their heads or said no."Okay. I can see I'm outnumbered here," he chuckled. "Maybe I'm seeing this from the perspective of the overprotective father. I trust all of you and I trust your decision."

"Alright then. It's settled," Maggie said. "The council meets on Tuesday and we'll bring all this up before them."

"Good. Now we can get back to the party," Michonne said standing up as she turned to her husband and kissed his lips. "I'm going to see if there's another piece of cake to share with you."

"You read my mind," he replied smiling back.

 **September 10, 2019**

Rosita walked into her small cottage after her shift at the infirmary had ended. It was 10 PM as she shuffled into the small kitchen and poured honey onto a slice of bread. She ate it quickly followed by two prenatal vitamins that she washed down with a large glass of water. She turned out the light in the kitchen and walked into the living room.

Rosita took her hat off her head and hung it on a hook on the back of a door. She walked to the corner of the room where Ezekiel and her little boy slept on the sofa. Isaac sat comfortably on Ezekiel's left leg, asleep in the crook of his muscular arm while "Goodnight Moon" rested on his right leg. She placed her arms around Isaac, lifting him from Ezekiel's arms.

As soon as he felt Isaac move, Ezekiel came to attention, grasping onto the three-year-old boy protectively. But when he saw Rosita's face, he relaxed and released his grip.

"I didn't hear you come in," he said in his rich, deep timber.

"You never do," Rosita smiled. She cradled Isaac in her arms as he continued to sleep peacefully. She bounced him in her arms as she walked him to the loveseat they used as his bed. She kissed him twice before laying him down and drawing a blanket up to his chin."Did you remember to take him potty before he fell asleep this time?"

"I did. It only took me washing his sheets twice to get me to remember," he chuckled.

"And how many books did you have to read him before he finally fell asleep?"

"Three," he replied.

"Only three this time?" she asked smiling.

"We're getting our routine down."

"I can see that. You even found time to do the dishes," Rosita said smiling as she pulled her boots off.

"What can I say? Domesticity suits me."

"Probably better than it suits me," she exclaimed as she sat down on the sofa next to him. She drew her legs up and pulled her body as close to his as she could. Ezekiel wrapped his arm around her and pulled her even closer.

"You know, this little one-bedroom cottage is going to be a tight fit for a family of four," he said as he put his feet up onto the coffee table. "The council says they want to expand and start building in other places around the lake."

"And?" she asked with wide eyes.

"And, they want me to lead the construction team."

"So you're saying I'm going to have to start doing the housekeeping myself?" she asked as she rolled her eyes in jest. "I'm not the barefoot and pregnant type, you know?"

"Don't worry, love. I'll still do the dishes when I get home."

"A true Renaissance man," she said as she smiled and mindlessly played with one of his dread locks.

"Now I'm compelled to look to our own interests first when it comes to future building plans. I have my eye on a piece of land off Lemon Cove to build us our perfect home. I know a beautiful spot there with the best place on the lake to watch the sun rise."

"Oh really?"

"Really. I'll build a house for us right on that spot. For you and me and Isaac and a nursery for this little one," he said as he rested his hand on her stomach.

Rosita swallowed back her nervousness and moved his hand from her stomach to her hand. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Of course you can. Is that really a question you need to ask me?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

Ezekiel sat up and pulled away from her slightly. "Should I be worried about what you're going to say next?"

"No, don't be worried," she said moving her hand across his chest. "I just feel like I owe it to you to tell you what's going on in my head."

"Tell me."

Rosita let the silence hang above them before she finally spoke. "I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"I don't know...everything. Mostly of being a mother."

"You don't have to be scared. You're already an amazing mother."

"When I was out there, when I was out on the road and fighting every day to live, I was ready for anything. I was ready to die, I was ready to kill. I wasn't scared because I knew the worst thing that could happen to me was to be dead and for all of it to be over."

"You weren't scared before but you are now?"

Rosita nodded. "Yeah. I am scared now. It's more than me. I have two other lives counting on me. I feel like I could make any number of mistakes at any time. I feel like it's inevitable."

"It is inevitable. You will make mistakes. Every parent does. Hell, I wrote the book on parenting mistakes."

"And aren't you scared that it could happen again?"

"No."

"How can you not be scared? After all you've been through with Desiree, how can you not be afraid of making mistakes again?"

"It's the same as you not being scared when you were out on the road. You knew what you were up against. I know what I'm up against. I think the most terrifying beasts are the ones we can't see around the corner. I already know what can go wrong. I know all too well."

"I watched my mom and knew that I never wanted to be a mom...but now I am. I have Isaac and now we're having another baby. I knew a long time ago that I wasn't cut out to be the doting wife and mother. I'm not Michonne. I'm not Maggie. I look at them and see the kind of mothers they are and it's just not me. I push. I fight. I run. I was made for _those_ things. I wasn't made to stay in one place and take care of a family. I don't think I know how."

"You already are doing those things. You kiss that boy a dozen times every day. You're teaching him and you're loving him. And that's what you'll do with this new baby. You will because you don't know how _not_ to. You're not Michonne or Maggie and I know for damn sure you're not supposed to be. You're Rosita. You're Isaac's mother. You're the mother to my future son or daughter. Nothing will ever make that untrue." Ezekiel squeezed her hand and smiled. "You do you, Rosita Espinosa. And the way I see it, I got six months to build us that dream house on Lemon Cove, before the baby comes. I'll build it and then I'll tell you what."

"What?"

 _"I'll_ stay in it. I'll be the one to change the diapers and do the dishes. I'll read the books and do the tuck-ins," he chuckled. "You can spread your wings and run and do what you need to do and I'll stay here. Just promise me one thing, love. Wherever you go, no matter how far you run, just promise me you'll always run back to me."

"I promise."

The smile on Ezekiel's face faded into something more thoughtful and reflective. "Life is just so odd and unpredictable sometimes. This life is giving me another chance at being a father. When I put my Desiree to rest, I never imagined I would be a father again. Nothing could have been further from my mind. But here we are. I don't have just one child but two. I am a father again and I don't want to take one second of it for granted."

"And you'd really be fine to stay home and take care of our children."

"Not just fine. I honestly can't think of anything that would bring me more joy. I know what's out there and I know I'd rather be here...be with these children we've been blessed with. These last few months with Isaac have been a breath of fresh air. Seeing his bright face and hearing his laugh every day has done so much to get me through my grief. I love him," he said looking at the sleeping boy. He turned and looked back at her. "I love you, Rosita."

"I know you do." She looked around the room and tried to think of any valid reason to not tell this man how she felt. Her heart suddenly felt a sharp punch when she thought back to the time when she withheld those three simple words from Abraham. When her prideful walls prevented her from saying them back to him. She thought she would have plenty of time to tell him if she ever felt like it but she was wrong. He was taken away and she never got the chance to admit to him that she indeed _did_ love him. She didn't want to make that same mistake with Ezekiel. She extended her neck and petite frame to meet his lips with hers. Their bodies pressed against each other as they kissed deeply. Rosita let her mouth softly linger on his as she breathed him in. "I love you too."

 **A/N:** Just a tiny side note: I picked the name Isaac for Rosita's baby because I love that name. Just a few seconds later, I thought about Isaac from the Bible and remembered that His father was Abraham. Even though Rosita said back in Chapter 30 that she doesn't know who her baby's father is, I'm the author and I do know. It's Abraham. :)


	38. Chapter 38

**February 5, 2041: There's No Place Like Home**

Clementine walked into the cozy living room of her and Carl's modest cottage. Michonne had already gone to bed and Clem was by herself. She kicked off her boots and fell into the comfort of the sofa. She had returned home from the long trip to Greensboro earlier that day. What she came home to was completely unexpected.

Michonne told Clem, Eva and the others about the strangers on the island and Maggie's abduction. Clem knew that Carl would be at the center of any confrontation or battle, and against Michonne's insistence, went looking for him. She had never been more relieved to be at the right place at the right time when she saw the woman with a gun to her husband's head. Without hesitation, she pulled one of her knives from the sheath on her leg and threw it precisely into the woman's hand, causing her to drop the gun pointed at Carl.

It was almost 10 PM now and Clem was happy to be in her own house. She was overjoyed to be back with Carl. She knew how desperately she needed a shower but her weary body needed rest more than it needed to be clean. Her hands immediately went to her massive stomach in front of her. She was 33 weeks along in her pregnancy but she felt like the size of a baby elephant. The action and excitement of the day had the two babies inside her practically doing somersaults and the exhilarating movement filled her with joy and anticipation. She was anxious to be done with the pregnancy and have her twins in her arms. Not just because she was ready to have her body back, but because she finally wanted to experience having a baby of her own.

This pregnancy was not Clem's first. This was in fact the fifth time Clem and Carl had been expecting. She first became pregnant when she was 22 years old but it never amounted to becoming a mother. She excitedly carried her and Carl's baby to term but the day she delivered was one of the darkest days of her life. The baby girl was stillborn. She was devastated to not only lose the child but to be taking fatherhood away from Carl for a second time.

The heartbreak was almost too much for Carl and Clementine to bear. When they weren't grieving, they were fighting. The loss took it's toll on the young couple and they unfairly took all their pain out on each other. It would have lead to the demise of their fledgling marriage if it hadn't been for the deep love and sheer stubbornness they both possessed. They barely got through that dismal chapter only to find out Clem was expecting again. She was 25 and Carl was 29. They were excited and certain that this time the pregnancy would end with a baby in their arms. It didn't. Clem lost the baby in her sixth month. When the loss of their second baby happened, their marriage was on much steadier ground. The anger they had towards one another the first time they lost a child was replaced with love and compassion the second time it happened. It strengthened their bond and they became more devoted to each other than ever before.

But after Clem had experienced two failed pregnancies, she was ready to give up. Being a mother wasn't worth the pain of burying another tiny baby in the ground. She could have lived very contentedly with Carl, but she knew how much he longed to be a father. He ached for it. He always had. He tried to hide it but she knew him too well. He told her that they didn't have to try for another baby but she knew that he only said that for her benefit. Clementine was in love with this man and more than anything wanted to give him the child he so desperately wanted. Before she was 30 years old, Clem became pregnant two more times. Two more times, she lost the babies.

Clementine was a strong, healthy and vibrant woman but she felt utterly betrayed by her body. She watched women all around her create life and have babies as if it was the easiest and most natural thing to do. Later Clem would watch her sister-in-law Judith have four babies in the span of just five years. Carl could see the way it was breaking her and decided that being a father would never be more important than the peace and happiness of the woman he loved. They both resolved that having a baby just wouldn't be a part of their lives. They stopped trying to get pregnant and in fact tried _not_ to conceive.

After Carl and Clem moved on from that period of loss and disappointment, they were happy. Their marriage was stronger than ever and their roles as leaders on Penland Island factored prominently into their lives.

But then, nine years later, out of the clear blue sky, it happened. It was just four weeks after Rick had passed away, that they found out. Carl walked into the kitchen as Clem made him one of his favorite dinners, beef stroganoff, and after they finished eating, she told him.

"Carl, you know how I haven't been feeling very well lately?"

"Yeah," he replied. "Did you finally go see Bob?"

"I did," she said as she nodded her head. "I went to go see him today."

"Well what did he say?" he asked with growing concern.

"He gave me a thorough exam - did some tests."

"Tests? What kind of tests?" he asked anxiously as he turned towards her and put his hand on her leg. "Clem, what's wrong? Tell me."

"There's nothing wrong, Carl," she said smiling with wide eyes. "I'm...I'm pregnant."

Carl bolted up and out of his chair, knocking it over. "You're pregnant?" he asked in disbelief.

"I'm pregnant," she confirmed, still with a grin on her face. "I'm already eight weeks along. I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner but I thought...I thought I'd never be pregnant again."

"Oh my God! I can't believe this," he said with a stunned look on his face.

"I can tell. But are you happy?"

"Am I happy?" he asked as he picked her up into his arms and kissed her hard on the lips. "I've never been happier!" It was the first time Clem had seen Carl smile since his dad passed a month earlier.

Carl finally set her feet back on the ground but didn't let her go. "Tell me everything, Clem. How do you feel? When's your due date? Did Bob say everything looks good?" he asked with the excitement of a child.

"My due date is March 29th...uh you already know I'm nauseous and tired all the time, so there's that. Bob says it's a high risk pregnancy because of my age and my history but..." Clementine held Carl's scruffy face in her hands and looked at him intently, "...I feel good Carl, I feel strong and you know what?"

"What?"

"I'm not scared. I know I don't have to remind you of everything that's happened before this but this feels different. And no matter what happens, I'm happy to be pregnant right now."

Ten weeks later, when the ultrasound Bob gave, showed they were having twins, Carl and Clem's excitement doubled. They were overwhelmed by what was happening to them. Carl's emotions went back and forth between sadness for the recent death of his father, and joy for the promise of new life.

Bob suggested that Clem continue to get at least some of her care in Greensboro with Dr. Mike Bridges. He knew obstetrics and neonatoligy much better than Bob did. With all the risks Clem faced in her pregnancy it was an easy decision. She had made the trip with Eva, Liv, Ben and Bob. Eva and Ben were there to solidify the trade route but Bob and Liv stayed with Clem. Bob and Liv shadowed Dr. Mike. He worked in the finest hospital on the eastern half of the country. He and a few of the other doctors and nurses prepared Bob and Liv for Clem's labor and delivery. They sent them back with an abundance of supplies and new equipment for their infirmary, including everything they would need to ensure the best outcome for Clem and the twins.

Today Clem reclined on the sofa drawing her legs up close to her body. She was exhausted from the six week trip. Her eyes were growing heavy when she heard the front door close. Her face lit up and she came to attention when she saw Carl walk into the room.

"Hey, how's Maggie?" Clem asked anxiously as she sat up.

"She's good. She's going to be alright," he said walking towards Clem and tossing his hat onto the spindle of a rocking chair. "The bastard that slit her throat had a pretty dull knife. It cut through her skin but it barely touched her jugular. She lost quite a bit of blood but she's already had two transfusions. She's going to be sore for a little bit and she can't speak much right now but she's going to be fine. She has a broken wrist too."

"Oh thank God!" Clem replied, easing her shoulders back down. "I saw all the blood and I thought she wasn't going to make it."

"She's strong and we have good doctors here," Carl said as he quickly began to start a fire in the wood stove. It wasn't long before the tiny flames grew into a big fire. He placed a large log in the stove and closed the door.

Carl walked to the sofa and sank down into it. He lifted Clem's legs onto his lap and let out a heavy sigh. He rested his head on the back of the sofa as he mindlessly began to run his hand up and down her legs. Clem reached for his other hand and laced her fingers through his. "I can't help but think about how much worse it could have been. All those people coming here...those men wanting to kill our people...that psycho with the gun to your head."

"And Clementine coming home just in the nick of time, saving her man," Carl said breaking the tension with a smile. He shook his head, still in disbelief of how she had come to his rescue. "You had to have been at least sixty feet away when you threw that knife. Thirty-three weeks pregnant and still in full bad-ass mode."

"These babies, sitting on my bladder and making me nearly pee my pants all day, don't have me feeling like much of a bad-ass right now."

"You don't fool me. I've seen you with those knives. You could have done the exact same thing with your eyes closed and twice as far away.

"Alright now," she said grinning with embarrassment. "I think you might be exaggerating just a tad. Besides, how many times have you been there for me and saved me Carl?"

"Neither of us would be here if it weren't for each other." Carl said pulling her hand to his mouth and kissing it gently. He slipped his boots off and kicked them under the coffee table. He leaned to the side a bit and pulled his revolver out of his holster. He looked at it thoughtfully for a few moments before speaking. "That woman..." he started than glanced down.

"What about her?"

"She didn't have just any gun on me. It was _my_ gun...my dad's gun. I was almost killed by my dad's gun. Can you believe that?"

"How did she get it?"

"It was my fault. Maggie was lying on the ground bleeding and she said she was a nurse and could help her. I didn't think twice about it. I just wanted Maggie to be okay and I let my guard down. I didn't frisk her...I wasn't even facing her. I had my back to her and she pulled my gun right out of my holster." Carl shook his head as he continued to stare at the revolver. It surprised him how carelessly he had handled himself with the woman. "I had to make dozens of decisions today and I felt like I made every one of them the right way. But then just one slip up..." he said shaking his head again, "...one slip-up and I came seconds away from dying. If you hadn't saved me Clem, you would have buried me and the babies would never know me."

"I don't want to think about it, Carl," she said turning her head away from him. "I don't want to even imagine what would have happened if I had lost you." Tears ran down her cheeks but she quickly wiped them away.

Carl finally set the gun on the table in front of him and turned to Clem. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you upset," Carl said pulling her closer to himself. "I'm not saying all this because I'm playing the 'what if' game. I'm just saying...I guess I'm just saying that I'm grateful. You were there. You saved me and Clem and Carl get to see another day together."

"Another day, and then another and another until we're both old and gray." Clem sat up and turned her body around on the sofa. She adjusted her overgrown belly to a more comfortable position and leaned into Carl.

Carl immediately put his arms around her. He layed his hand on her womb and caressed it gently. "So how was Greensboro? What did Dr. Mike say? How are the babies? How are you? Tell me everything."

"Well I had two ultrasounds and the due date is still the same. The babies are great. They're almost four pounds each which is a little small but still a respectable size. He said their hearts are strong and they look perfect. No obvious defects or anything like that. All my blood work looked good. My fluids are kind of low but he said it's nothing I should worry about. He wants me to get a lot of rest and food."

"Rest and food – we can do that."

"He says I have cervical insufficiency which means I need to stay off my feet as much as possible."

"I think we can manage that too."

"Carl," Clementine said as she tilted her head back to look up at him,"he's says no sex either."

Carl twisted his neck and grimaced. "This doctor sounds like a hack."

"Very funny," Clem replied as she pinched his arm and smiled. "You'll live."

"Alright, alright," he said smiling back. "You've been gone since Christmas so it's been almost two months since we've slept together. I guess I can wait a little longer until the babies are born."

"You know we can't have sex for another four to six weeks after the delivery, right?"

"Four to six weeks? Are you serious?" He threw his head back in exasperation. "You're killing me, Clem!"

"Stop your whining," she said, smacking his arm. "You have the easy part in this. I'm the one waddling around like an elephant, peeing every 30 minutes. And you know what? I have to wait too, not just you."

"Yeah but I'm much easier to resist than you are. You have an unfair advantage."

"I should be pretty easy to resist right now. I haven't had a shower in three days. Maybe I could just not take one for a few more months. Would that make it easier on you?"

"No, that won't help," Carl said shaking his head and staring at her intensely.

"Why not?" she said smiling and biting her lip.

"Because you're beautiful and I'm in love." Carl pulled her face up and put his mouth gently onto hers. The softness of her lips and the taste of her tongue were euphoric. As he kissed her, he felt a rush of excitement and energy surge through his entire body. He moved to face her better and placed his hands on her cheek and neck. As he kissed her, his excitement quickly got the best of him. He was beginning to feel out of control as their bodies pressed against each other. He pulled away from her hastily and sat back down. "This is going to be harder than I thought," he said all kidding aside. "I guess it's back to cold showers."

Clem closed her eyes as she breathed heavily. She reached her hand towards Carl's thigh and seductively moved it farther and farther up. "I'm sure we can figure something out besides cold showers."

"You've always been the more resourceful one."

"I promise that after I get a good night's sleep and a long shower, I'll put that resourcefulness to good use first thing tomorrow," Clem smiled coyly. "For now though, why don't we change the subject. I have some other big news I haven't disclosed yet."

"Really? Okay, what's the big secret?"

"Dr. Mike told me the sex of the babies."

"Wow," Carl said with restrained excitement, "I guess finding out the sex hadn't even really occurred to me. I was so preoccupied with knowing they were healthy that I forgot you would find that out too."

"Well you want to know, right?"

Carl remained momentarily and thoughtfully silent. "Yeah. Of course I do," he replied expectantly.

"We're having a boy..." Clem smiled up at him, "... _and_ a girl."

"Both?" Carl asked in shock.

Clem nodded with an ear to ear grin on her face. "Both!"

"I can't believe this. Every time you tell me something about the babies, there's always another exciting twist to it." Carl looked up at the ceiling, grinning ear to ear himself. "A boy _and_ a girl. That's going to be a big challenge, don't you think?"

"Since when have we minded a challenge?"

"I guess I knew having a boy and a girl was a possibility but I didn't picture it happening that way."

"Life hardly ever turns out how you picture it to be."

Carl sat in silence, staring ahead blankly. He ran his hand over the scruff on his jawline and turned his head away from Clementine. Seconds ago the room felt bright and joyful but Clem immediately sensed the sudden heaviness in the air around her. She wrapped her arm around his back and rested her chin on his shoulder. "You're thinkin' about your dad?"

"Is it that easy to tell?" Carl asked and Clem nodded. "Sorry. I didn't mean to bring the room down."

"Don't say sorry. Don't apologize for feeling what you're feeling." Clem kissed his shoulder and spoke to him quietly. "Do you want to talk about it or do you just need a minute?"

Carl always wanted to tell her what was on his mind. He knew many men, his father included, that stifled their feelings and emotions, but not him. He never held them back. Probably because it was her. Clementine had a way of listening to him that didn't require him to explain everything. She just listened and knew what he was thinking...what was beyond his words. She could easily read his body language – the way he touched her, how he moved his hands, the expressiveness in his face, every subtle and beautiful nuance.

Carl sighed heavily and turned back towards her. "He should still be here and I hate that he's not, Clem. I could pretend that I'm fine but I'm just not going to do that...not with you. I feel like I have to do it with mom because she can barely handle her own grief, but I can't do it with you."

"I'd never want you to even try."

Carl stood up and paced back and forth in frustration. "I hate that one of the happiest times in my life is also one of the saddest times. I hate that I can be over the moon then a second later, the rug gets pulled out from underneath me and I'm on the floor again. You came home to me today – you came home with good news about the babies, and Maggie's fine and I'm alive when I probably shouldn't be because the girl I love saved me. But right now...right now in this moment, all I can think about is how he's gone. And I wonder when not having him here will get easier. I hate it. I hate hearing mom cry herself to sleep because she misses him so much. I hate how much _I_ still miss him. I hate that Judy and Eva seem like they've moved on...like they're okay when I'm still a mess. I hate that these babies will never know the sound of his laugh or see what kind of man he was. And then...then I start feeling guilty about my grief because I had him much longer than you had your parents and there's so many people that lost so much and what makes what I've lost more important? I hate that I've forced you to deal with my grief. It's not fair."

"Come here," Clem said, beckoning him as she held out her hand. Carl walked to her and sat back down on the sofa. Clem leaned into him again and Carl put his arms back around her securely, resuming the comfortable position they had been in moments earlier. She held onto his hand as it rested on her belly. She brought it to her mouth and kissed it softly before putting it back onto her stomach.

"You _should_ hate it," she said simply. "You should hate all of those things. And you shouldn't feel bad about it either. There's gonna be a day when you forget to be sad about this. I know it. Until that day comes, grieve. Grieve in whatever way is right for you. Grieve as hard and as often as you need to. I'll wait with you. I'm in no hurry and you shouldn't be either."

"I'm getting to be old, Clem. I'm 44. I don't want to waste my time feeling sorry for myself or being bitter about this. In just a few weeks we'll have two babies. I want to soak up every minute of _that_. I want to look ahead not back. I want to focus on being the best father to our kids, not keeping mourning the loss of my own father."

Clem inhaled and exhaled slowly and composedly "Do you remember how hard things were when we lost the first baby?"

"Of course I remember."

"That was probably the hardest thing I ever went through. Harder than losing Lee. Even harder than losing my parents."

"I remember."

"I was so happy to be a mom and make you a dad and instead, we were putting our baby girl into the ground." Clem was quiet for a few moments, vividly remembering that time from nearly twenty years ago. "You weren't there for me Carl...not that time." 

"I know I wasn't and I'm sorry for that."

"I know you are. And I'm sorry too, because I wasn't there for you either. Neither of us knew how to deal with another loss. We both had our share of losses but I think that one was different...at least it was for me.

"I remember not wanting to be around you. Not just because we were fighting all the time but because every time I looked at your face, all I saw was the man that I loved, hurting. And I was the cause of that hurt. I know I didn't have any control over what happened with my own body, but I was young. I blamed myself like I did something wrong. I just wanted to be away from you. We should have turned towards each other but we turned away instead.

"I remember wanting to go on a run. It was a three week run that Glenn was leading to Knoxville. The run that Liv broke her leg on."

"Yeah I remember."

"I wanted to go so bad," Clem said. "I wanted to run away. I thought a change of scenery would help me get me through the loss. Like looking at different trees would somehow make me forget that I lost our baby. I was gonna go but your dad said I shouldn't. He wasn't in charge anymore so he wasn't telling me I couldn't go, he just said I shouldn't. He came to our house and said he wanted to talk to me alone. It was funny because I never really knew that your dad even gave me a second thought. I guess I knew he cared for me the same way he cared for everyone in our group but that was the first time I looked at him as a father to me too. He had the ability, you know? The way he was with Liv and me and Holly. He looked out for us the same way he did for you and your sisters. I really felt it for the first time that day.

"He said that he thought I wasn't ready to leave home just yet. I wasn't ready to be in the field again. It pissed me off that he thought he knew what was best for me. I was so cocky and thought I knew everything back then. He said that I needed some time to just be with my grief – to be with the loss and feel it. He told me that I needed to be kinder to myself. He could see how I was trying to run from my pain and he told me that if I ran, it would just catch up to me. He saw me running from you too. He knew you and I were going through a bad time and he told me that running away from you wouldn't make it better. He told me that staying, screaming and shouting and fighting it out with you was better than pulling away. And he was right. I don't know how he knew that's what I needed to hear but he did. He was very intuitive."

"He saw me running from my grief," Carl replied. "He saw what a dark path my loss took me down. I'm sure he wanted to spare you from doing the same thing. He loved you Clem. In case you ever wondered, he really did. He could see how good you were for me. I think he finally stopped worrying about me when he saw you come into my life." Carl kissed Clementine on the top of her head as he pulled her closer. "I remember you changed your mind about leaving. You stayed home...stayed with me."

"I stayed but things didn't get better – not for a little while, anyway. Your dad was right though. I needed to grieve longer. I wasn't ready to leave home. I wasn't ready to move on. And right now, you're not ready to move on either. That's okay Carl. You'll know when it's time. Let the scales tip slowly."

"Okay," Carl sighed calmly, "I will. I'll take my time." They sat on the sofa in a comfortable silence for several minutes before Carl looked down to see Clem's eyes growing heavy. He reached behind him and grabbed an afghan off the back of the sofa. He unfolded it and placed it over Clem as she eased her warm body closer to his. As they rested peacefully in each other's arms, they started to drift off. Carl was almost completely asleep when he heard her groggy voice.

"Carl?"

"Yeah baby."

"I'm glad I'm home."

"I'm glad you're home too."


	39. Chapter 39

**October 9, 2019: Falling**

"So where exactly are you going?" Morgan asked with a concerned tone.

Clementine picked up a small pitcher of goat's milk and poured it on her oats. "I don't know. Carl won't tell me. He said it's a surprise," she replied as she shoveled one teaspoon after another of sugar into her bowel. "Carol, are we still out of cinnamon?"

"Yep. I haven't been able to make my granola bars properly in months," she huffed. "Maybe this secret location will have a cinnamon stash somewhere."

Morgan looked at Clem intently. "I don't like the idea of you going somewhere we don't know about."

"Well it's just a surprise for me. I'm sure Carl will tell _you_ where we're going."

Morgan opened his mouth to speak again when he heard a knock at the door. He glanced at Clem, "You gonna get that? I'm sure it's him."

"Will you get it Morgan? I'm still eating." Morgan stood and walked towards the door opening it and letting Carl in.

"Hey, Clem," Carl said nodding his head towards her and smiling as he walked into the kitchen. "Hey Carol."

"So are you going to tell me where you and Clem are going to be for the next two days?" Morgan asked sternly.

"Yeah sure. I told my Dad and Michonne where we'll be but I'll tell you too. If we go into the other room I'll show you on my map." Morgan led Carl into the sitting room and as soon as he did, Carol sat down at the table next to Clem.

Carol grinned at the young girl suspiciously. Clem swallowed her bite of oatmeal. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I know why you wanted Morgan to answer the door," Carol whispered.

"What do you mean. I wanted to finish my breakfast."

"Are you sure it wasn't because you didn't want to appear to be too anxious to see Carl?"

"What are you talking about? I see Carl nearly every day."

"But not like this. He's never come to the door to pick you up. He's never planned a special surprise like this."

"That's not true. Last week he surprised me with some new fishing lures."

Carol tilted her head and stared at Clementine knowingly. "Are you trying to convince me that fishing lures are the same kind of surprise as an overnight trip?"

Clem stared back at Carol and said nothing. "We're just friends, Carol. We both like camping."

"Don't bullshit a bullshitter. I know Carl...I know you. And I've seen the way you two look at each other."

"So," Clem replied casually scraping the last of her oats out of her bowl and into her mouth.

"So tell me right now that you don't have any feelings for him."

"I _don't_ have feelings for him. There, are you happy?"

Carol pursed her lips, unsatisfied with Clem's answer. "I'm sorry but Carl has some history with making bad decisions with the opposite sex. I've known him a long time and I love that boy but I love you too, Clem. I'm just looking out for you...same way Lee and your parents would be looking out for you. The same way I'd be looking out for Sophia," she said with a sudden mournful tone.

Clem set her bowl in the sink and turned to look Carol in the eyes. She put her hands on Carol's shoulders. "I know you are. I know you love me and I love you and Morgan too. But I'll be fine. I promise."

Clementine and Carol walked into the living room. Clem hooked her sleeping bag onto the bottom of her backpack and threw the pack onto her shoulders. She grabbed her knives, fishing pole and gear. She pulled her baseball cap off of the coat rack and put it on her head.

"I have no doubt you'll treat Clem like gold while you take her on this little adventure."

"Of course," Carl replied sincerely.

Carol looked straight at Carl and grinned sweetly."Good. I don't want to have to break the legs of someone I've grown to love so much," she said with a saccharine tone.

"Alright then Darlin'," Morgan said pulling Carol towards him, "let the poor kids be on their way."

"We'll be careful and we'll be back tomorrow night. We have the walkies and everyone knows where we'll be," Carl said trying one last time to reassure them.

"See you tomorrow!" Clem said as she turned the doorknob. She opened the door and started to walk through it when she quickly did a 180 and walked swiftly back to Carol and Morgan. She put her arms around both of them and hugged them quickly. She let go of them just as quickly but looked them both in the eyes. "Don't worry."

…..

Clem had lied through her teeth. She felt bad about that but she wasn't about to tell Carol and Morgan that she was going away for two days with the boy she was in love with. The boy she knew was in love with her too. They would just worry and they were already worried enough to begin with.

Carl pulled the boat into a dock on the south side of the lake. Winnie immediately jumped over the side of the boat while Carl tied it to the dock. Clem handed Carl their gear before they walked the short distance to a small gravel parking lot. Clem looked at an assortment of vehicles in the lot including the RV, Carol's Suburban and finally Carl's candy apple red, Plymouth GTX.

"Oh my gosh! I haven't seen your car in years. Does it still run?"

"Yeah, of course it runs. It's not quite as shiny as it used to be but it's still the fastest car in our fleet."

Carl pulled the key out of his pocket, unlocked and opened the trunk. He tossed their gear in the back and slammed it shut. He walked around to the driver's side and opened the door while Clem walked to the passenger side.

"Wrong side," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it's going to be a lot harder for you to drive the car from that side," Carl said smirking.

"I'm not driving. I don't know how."

"Well you should probably learn. You're 18. Don't you think it's about time."

"You're going to teach me how to drive this? It's a stick."

"Yeah I know it's a stick. You'll learn same way I did."

Clem stared Carl down, unsure of herself. "I promised Carol and Morgan we'd be careful."

"Well then _you_ should drive instead of the guy with the eye patch," Carl said with a grin.

"Alright," Clem said nervously, as she walked around to the other side of the car. She sat down, adjusted the seat and mirrors and fastened her seat belt.

"Alright," Carl said as he let Winnie in the back seat and climbed in next, "it's in neutral right now. Stick the key in the ignition and start her up."

Clementine turned the key and listened to the engine purr. Carl gave her detailed instructions on how to use the clutch and gas pedal. He showed her where to place her hands on the steering wheel and how to find the different gears. After several small lessons, Clem was driving down the empty road at a speedy 23 miles an hour.

"You know you can go faster," Carl said.

"Well I'll have to shift up again if I do that, right?"

"Right. You can do it though. Put the clutch in and move it into third."

Clem stepped on the clutch, pulled it out of second and tried to put it into third. The gears grinded and Clem cringed. "That doesn't sound right. Where is third?"

Carl placed his hand on top of Clem's and helped her find the next gear. "Alright, that's third. Now ease up on the clutch and press down at the gas."

Clem was following Carl's instructions or at least thought she was when suddenly the car stalled and died. "Oh no! What did I do wrong?"

"It's okay," Carl chuckled. "You just didn't give enough gas before you released the clutch."

"Oh," she sighed with relief. "I thought I broke it."

Carl laughed and looked over at her. "No, it's fine. You're doing really good."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. You're doing better than when my dad taught me."

Clem turned to Carl and smiled up at him. She stared into his face, watching him as he watched her. She moved her eyes down and let them linger on his lips. More than anything, she wanted to reach her body across the front seat and kiss him. She remembered every magnificent detail of Carl's kiss from nine months earlier. After realizing how obvious it was that she was staring at him, she looked away and stared out the windshield. "This is so much fun, Carl...you teaching me how to drive. This is a really great surprise."

"Oh this isn't the surprise," he said smoothly. 

"It's not?" she asked in all seriousness. "Okay well where's the surprise?"

"Well put the clutch in, get this back in first gear and I'll take you there."

…..

Clementine parked the car exactly where Carl told her to then cut the engine. They had only driven 25 minutes from Lake Chatuge but everything was unfamiliar to Clem. "This is so beautiful," she said as she looked out the window. They rolled the windows up and got out of the car. The late morning heat was already stifling. "I can't believe we're back in Georgia."

"When's the last time you left the island?" Carl asked.

"I can't even remember. It's been a long time. I think it's been four years since I've even been inside a car. It's been since we left the library."

"Well today's the day you get to spread your wings. You ready for a hike?"

"I can't stand this...tell me what the surprise is already!" Clem squealed girlishly as they pulled their gear out of the trunk.

"You'll find out soon enough. The hike isn't even that long."

Before long, Clem and Carl were walking on an overgrown trail. The sounds of the birds and bugs were everywhere. They walked along as the sun beat down on them, sweat dripping from their bodies. Winnie ran ahead of them on the trail, leaping in and out of the tall grass and sniffing all the new smells.

"She's so funny. She still acts like a puppy most of the time."

"She's gotta be at least eight years old. I've had her for seven years and she was already full-grown when I found her."

"She's still healthy and in good shape though."

"When we first found her, my dad didn't want us to keep her. He thought she'd be too much of a liability. I begged him though and he finally caved. And since then, Winnie's proven herself over and over again. I always feel safer when she's around." 

"Me too," Clem said as she reached out to scratch Winnie behind the ears.

"I wanted a dog so bad when I was a kid but my mom didn't like animals."

"What? That's crazy. How could anyone not like animals?"

"She grew up on a farm and was forced to take care of them. She told me she was just never an animal person." Carl glanced over at Clementine. "She was a good mom though. She always tried so hard to get everything right with me." Carl looked back at the trail ahead of them. "I wish you could have met her. I wish I could have met your parents too."

"Yeah me too," Clem replied simply.

"You know, I really wanted to take you here for your birthday but I couldn't get away," Carl asked.

"You have been busy. I don't get to spend as much time with you as I used to."

"Well that will change. I have a little more free time now since I'm helping my dad with security. I'm not working the long days that I was before with the crops and maintenance. It's been nice. It's more responsibility but overall it's been less hours and work."

"So you're moving up in the world?"

"I'm just happy I'm not working 12 hour days building fences and shoveling out the goat pens. Anyhow, I'm sorry I didn't get to bring you here for your birthday like I wanted."

"Better late than never."

"So you're really 18. Does it feel different?"

"Not really. Should it?"

"It's just weird because you're an adult now. I remember you running around the library in pigtails...playing basketball and riding your skateboard between the bookshelves," Carl said smiling.

"I've felt like an adult for a long time. It's hard to feel like a kid when you've seen and done the things we grew up doing."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I haven't felt like a kid for a long time either."

"Even when I was a little girl and things were normal, I didn't like playing with toys and doing kid stuff."

"What did you like to do?"

"My dad and me were always going on adventures. Hiking, fishing, camping...pretty much the same thing we're doing right now. I liked playing soccer and baseball, running around and getting dirty. And with my mom, I always wanted to know what she was talking about. I would eaves drop on her phone conversations whenever I could. She had a lot of girlfriends and my mom was constantly on the phone with them gossiping about their latest drama. When she would have friends over, I'd try and figure out a way to stay in the kitchen so I could hear what they were talking about."

"That doesn't sound like fun at all," Carl said as he chuckled.

Clem laughed then looked at Carl. "Yeah I guess it was pretty dumb. I just always wanted to know what was going on. I'm still that way. Lee was always trying to keep things from me. Not in the beginning as much because he just _couldn't_ keep things from me. We were on the road and, fighting and trying to survive. But then when we got to the library, he started treating me like a kid again. I know he wanted to protect me but it was too late for that. I always knew what was going on. I wanted to know. I _had_ to know."

"I guess I'm the same way. I want to know what's going on. I mean that's how I feel now. Not that long ago, I liked just burying my head in the sand. I was so selfish. I didn't see beyond myself to pay attention to what was going on around me or to care about anyone but myself."

"Yeah but that's not true anymore. You've changed so much, Carl. I know because I've watched it all happen."

Carl looked off into the distance self-consciously. "Oh great. I hate that I had an audience to watch me spiral out of control."

"That's not what I mean. When you care about a person you want to know them...really know them. That's how it is for me, anyway. If you want to have friends that you keep at arms length or that you want to be fake with, you know that's not me."

"I know that, Clem. I know how well you know me and even though it makes me uncomfortable sometimes, I still like it."

"Why does it make you uncomfortable?"

"Because I can't hide from you. Because when I'm around you, I can't pretend things are okay when they're not. Because even though you know all the good things about me, you know the bad things too."

"That's just how relationships are."

"Well I know you just as well."

"Do you now?" she asked coyly.

"Yep. Go ahead, ask me anything."

"Okay," Clem said as she tried to think of a good question. "What's my favorite color?"

"Seriously?" Carl asked, smiling but clearly annoyed. "That's the best question you could come up with?"

"Alright that _is_ a lame question but you still have to answer it."

"Blue. You wear blue all the time so that's my answer."

"You're right that was too easy. Uh...what's my middle name?"

"Grace," Carl quickly replied. "C'mon throw me a curve ball."

"What food do I miss the most?"

"Pizza, same as me."

"What's my favorite fishing lure?"

"The worm jig or the spinners...the red spinners."

"The bass love the spinners. They bite every time. Okay, tell me...what makes me mad?"

"Unkindness," Carl quickly replied, "and when someone tells you can't do something. I learned that one the hard way."

Clem laughed again. "Yeah you did! Well what makes me happy?"

"Fishing, anything that has to do with the water, food, babies, your best friend, Carl Grimes."

"Wow, you're good. Okay, what did I want to be when I grew up?"

"When you found out Sasha was a fire fighter, you said you wanted to be one too."

"I was 11 and I seriously didn't know girls could be fire fighters," Clem replied defensively but still smiling. "Okay, what do I want to do _now_?"

"Uhhh..." Carl said thoughtfully.

"Ha! I guess I finally stumped you!"

Carl smiled then looked at the ground. "You want to be a mom."

Clem stopped in her tracks and grabbed Carl's arm. "Hey how did you know that? I've never told you that before."

"I told you I know you. Am I right or wrong?" Carl asked looking at her.

"You're right," she said smiling. "I mean eventually but not anytime soon. I just love babies. They're so sweet. Everything is brand new to them and they're always happy."

"Well most of the time anyway," Carl said as he started walking again. "I can't wait to have kids. I want them as soon as possible. I want to be a young dad."

"Why?"

"Because you never know how much time you'll get. The younger I am when I have kids, the longer I'll get to be with them."

"That's really sweet, Carl. You're only 22 though so you have plenty of time."

Carl and Clementine walked a little farther along in a comfortable silence. As they continued on down the trail, they came to a steep incline. "We're almost there," Carl said as he extended his hand out to help her up. She grabbed onto it and climbed up the last few rocks until they reached the top.

They rested at the top for a moment. Carl took a drink from his canteen then offered it to Clem. She took a drink then looked all around her. "This is great Carl. We could make camp over by those trees," she said pointing.

"It is a good place but I know an even better one."

"Where?"

"Do you hear that?" Carl asked with excitement.

"Hear what?"

"Listen."

Carl and Clem stood there in the quiet. Clem listened intently, then grinned. "Is it water?"

"C'mon," Carl said, grinning back at her. "It's just up and over this ridge." They both took off running with Winnie at their heels. There was another cluster of steep rocks and they began the ascent. They were almost to the top when Carl turned and offered Clem his hand again. She grabbed onto it pulling herself up. When she reached the top of the rocks, she didn't let release her grip on his hand. She held onto it comfortably, as she looked all around her, gazing at the breathtaking view.

"Oh Carl! I've never seen anything so beautiful! It's amazing!" Clem stared ahead of her at magnificent, towering waterfalls crashing into the river below. The cool and refreshing mist of the falls blew gently onto them as they stood on the rocks in the blazing sun. Clem looked at the waterfalls but Carl wasn't paying attention to them at all. He looked down at Clem's hand still in his. She didn't say anything or make a big deal about it. She just held onto his hand as if that's what they always did when they were together. Nothing felt better to him than her hand in his.

"Can we swim in them?" she asked anxiously.

"I don't know how deep the water is at the bottom of the falls but..."

"We'll find out!" Clem said as she finally let go of his hand and ran down to the pool that the waterfall made. She quickly pulled off her shoes and socks and stepped into the water. Winnie watched Clem carefully and wasted no time running down the rocks and jumping into the water next to her.

"Is it cold?" Carl shouted down at her.

"Yeah but that won't keep me from swimming!" Clem grabbed her bag again and ran behind a large rock. When she came back out she was wearing a one piece blue and white striped swimsuit.

"C'mon Carl! Get in the water!"

"Alright, I'm coming," he said as he walked down the rocks. Carl pulled off all his clothes except for his boxers and jumped in. "Oh shit! This water is way colder than the water in the lake!"

"Your body will adjust in a minute. C'mon, let's go under the falls!" Clem grabbed his hand pulling him in farther. They walked in the water until their feet couldn't touch the bottom anymore. Clem took off swimming towards where the falls were crashing down.

"Clem, be careful!" Carl shouted as he swam behind her.

Clem continued to swim away from Carl until she disappeared beneath the waterfalls. Carl swam as fast as he could towards where he had just seen her.

"Clem!" he called out, but the sound of the water drowned out his voice. "Clem! Clem, where are you?" he shouted louder. Carl spun around in the water looking everywhere for her but he didn't see her. Carl dove underwater to look for her. After a minute of searching beneath the surface he came up for air. He dove back under and swam underneath the falls as a chilling panic washed over him. He swam into a rocky cavern on the other side of the falls where his feet felt the ground again. He stood up when suddenly, he felt a touch on his shoulder. He quickly turned around and found himself face to face with Clementine.

"You scared me!" he said shaking. "I thought you drowned, Clem! Why did you swim away like that?"

Clem turned from him, feeling insulted. "Because I know how to swim, that's why!" she shouted back defensively. "Why are you acting like I can't take care of myself for more than three seconds?"

"It's dangerous here. These falls and these rocks are dangerous. I couldn't find you and I thought you hit your head on a rock or that the waterfalls were pounding on you and that you couldn't come up for air. I couldn't find you and I thought you might be dead!"

Clem looked at Carl. He wasn't questioning her abilities. He wasn't trying to condescend her because he thought she wasn't capable. He was genuinely scared for her. Not being able to find her had obviously shaken him.

"I'm sorry, Carl. I just saw the waterfalls and I got excited. I didn't mean to scare you, I swear."

Carl sighed and the tension fell away from him. "No I'm sorry. I know you know what you're doing and you know how to swim. It was stupid of me to act like you can't take care of yourself. I just got scared."

Clem stared at Carl's head. There was blood dripping from his hairline. "Carl, you're bleeding," she said as she moved closer to him. Carl raised his hand and touched his forehead. He wiped a small amount of blood away and looked at the red drops on his hand.

"I guess maybe I hit my head against something when I was looking for you. I didn't even notice."

Clementine reached up and gently placed her fingers on the small gash, putting a small amount of pressure on it. After a moment, she moved her fingers slowly down the side of his face and finally rested the palm of her hand under his jaw. She looked up at him staring into his face completely subdued by his returning gaze.

The crashing of the water echoed all around them as they stood in the dark cavern. Carl stared down into her hazel eyes, standing perfectly still, breathing slowly and taking the moment in. As her hand rested on his face, a sublime feeling of calm washed over him. Clem felt her heart beating in her chest. She swallowed once, savoring the feelings of nervousness and excitement that were surging through her body. The exhilarating energy that filled the small space between them was too much to contain. Clem continued to hold his face in her hand as she stood on the tips of her toes and moved her mouth towards his mouth. Their lips gently pressed together as Carl slowly reached one hand around her waist and the other around her neck. Clem quivered as the tips of their tongues touched. Their cool, wet bodies pushed into each other as the euphoric kiss became deeper and more intense.

Clem finally pulled away but still held onto Carl's face. "I'm in love with you too," she stated simply. Carl chuckled as a look of confusion came onto his face. Clem smiled and explained, "You told me almost a year ago that you were in love with me and I just wanted to say it back."

"I thought maybe you forgot I told you."

"I could never forget. I've thought about it every day since you said it. Since the day you kissed me on Merry Island, I've dreamed about the next time you'd kiss me again."

"Me too," Carl replied. They stood in the darkness of the cave, holding each other while the mist from the waterfalls enveloped them. "C'mon," Carl said grabbing her hand, "let's go in the water and swim!"

Carl and Clementine ran hand in hand back under the waterfall and into the pools.

…..

 **A/N:** I don't know how everyone else feels but I really love Carl and Clementine together. Something about their love story feels innocent, sweet and real to me. In this story, we've watched Carl grow up too fast and saw what that did to him. To me, this chapter is about Clementine growing up herself and Carl taking a step back and hopefully reclaiming some of the innocence he's lost. I especially like the contrast of this chapter and the last chapter. Last chapter we saw them in the future as a solid married couple of 20 years and now in this chapter we see them young and in love. Can you tell I love "This Is Us" by the timeline jumping? BTW, if you're not already watching "This Is Us" you should be. It's fantastic!

I'm not sure who is still on board with this story or if it's what you want to read. Comments have been dwindling and that's okay. Fan Fiction is an interesting machine in that it allows the writer and reader to engage in the process of writing and reading the story together, one chapter at a time. This story is definitely coming to an end but it will still have about another 10 chapters. Who really knows, it could have more. This story has been longer than I thought it would be but I've loved writing it so much. I hope you've enjoyed reading it and I hope you will all be here til the end. I certainly will.

On another side note, I was pleased with the season 9 TWD premier. I really loved seeing the main cast of characters being at the forefront of the story. I'm obviously sad about Andrew Lincoln leaving and still really mad about Chandler Riggs leaving but I'm watching til the end. I love Michonne, Carol, Daryl, Aaron, Maggie, Enid, Jesus, Rosita, Ezekiel and even Negan, way too much to give up on my favorite show. I "just got a feeling" that we are going to see some interesting interactions between Michonne and Negan this season. I think they will have great chemistry together. Acting chemistry, that is, not romantic chemistry.

Anyhow, let me know what you think of Carl and Clem, this last chapter and where you think the show will go in season 9. I love hearing from you! God bless!


	40. Chapter 40

**October 9, 2019: Need You**

After swimming and playing in the waterfalls, pools and river for four straight hours, an exhausted Clementine finally dragged herself out of the water. She dug a flannel shirt out of her back pack. She slipped her arms inside the sleeves and wrapped the over-sized shirt around her body. She came and lied her shivering body on the sleeping bags Carl had spread out on the ground. She moved her body towards his as he pulled her close. They positioned themselves together, facing each other, with their limbs tangled comfortably.

"This shirt looks familiar," Carl said staring down at her chest. "Wait, is this _my_ shirt?"

Clem smiled back up at him, a little embarrassed. "You left it on the fence by my house a few weeks ago so..."

"So you _stole_ it?" Carl accused her with a a wide grin on his face.

"Of course I didn't steal it. I just borrowed it. It's not really stealing if I wear it in front of you," she replied, the corners of her lips turning upwards.

"This is one of my favorite shirts. I've been wondering where this shirt went. I guess I'm going to have to start hiding my things from you," Carl joked as he tickled her ribcage.

"No! Stop!" Clem pleaded as she giggled uncontrollably. She slapped his hand away and Carl finally stopped tickling her. Clem looked at Carl, all kidding aside. "I wanted something that belonged to you. It smells like you."

"You mean like sweat, fish and goat shit?"

"You don't smell like that. You smell like the woods and the water and campfires...alright, and maybe a _little_ like sweat."

"Well I'll tell you what, you can have the shirt," Carl said kissing her.

Clem shook her head. "No, I don't want you to give it to me."

"Why not?"

"It'll feel different if it's mine. If it's still _your_ shirt but I'm wearing it, it will feel like I have something of yours."

"Okay, you can wear _my_ shirt," Carl said smiling at Clementine. He rested his chin on the top of her head, still holding her in his arms. He let out a long, peaceful sigh. "I could stay like this all day."

"I think maybe I could stay here by these waterfalls forever...if you were with me, that is. This is the most beautiful place I've ever seen, Carl. Thank you for bringing me here."

"I found these falls on that hunting trip I took with my dad in June. The second I saw them, I knew I had to show them to you. I knew you'd love them."

"Well thank you. I do love it here," she said in a sleepy voice as she closed her eyes and nuzzled her face into his chest. "I love _you_ Carl."

"I love you too, Clem," he replied in a whisper as he pulled her in closer. It didn't take long before she fell completely asleep. Carl kept watch as he held her protectively in his arms.

Carl put his head down and quietly listened to Clem's gentle breathing as she slept next to him. As he held her comfortably in his arms, he felt the fall and rise of her chest as her body pressed against his. He was completely relaxed, breathing her in and thinking about how happy he was.

Carl was young. He was 22 years old but felt like he had lived two lifetimes already. His mind quickly scanned over the few highs and many lows he had experienced in his short life. He thought of all the mistakes he had made since being old enough to really make mistakes. Some of those mistakes were due to his immaturity and inexperience. He could at least chalk those up to lessons learned. But other more significant mistakes he had made, were the direct result of his pride and recklessness. Those mistakes carried a weight, severity and guilt with them that had become embedded in Carl's young soul.

Since Carl quit drinking and using almost a year ago, almost everything had gotten better though. Sobriety had given him clarity. He could at least address the guilt from his past with a straight head. But clarity didn't erase reality. Nothing was the same as before. The dead had conquered the earth. Those left with their hearts still beating, were blessed to be alive. But along with that beating heart, came many burdens. Guilt, fear, loss. Carl felt those burdens. Everyone did.

But when he looked at Clementine in his arms, none of it mattered. The blessings overwhelmed him while the the burdens didn't. Looking at her he saw the hope in his future rather than the mistakes of his past. Listening to the waterfalls and feeling her body next to his, Carl felt a joy and serenity that he never even knew existed. He was happy. Carl smiled as he drifted off to sleep.

It was just past four in the afternoon when Winnie came over to Carl. She licked his face, waking him up from the meager 20 minute nap he had taken. "Good girl, Winnie. Thanks for keeping watch," he said as he scratched her behind the ear.

Carl looked at Clementine as she continued to sleep deeply. He waited impatiently for her to wake up again. She had been asleep for well over an hour and he missed her. He wanted to hear her chirpy voice and see her radiant smile again. He wanted to kiss her and tickle her while she laid in his arms. He resisted the urge and instead settled for kissing her cheek gently and caressing her arm as she slept.

After another ten minutes, Carl couldn't wait any longer and finally decided it was time to wake her up. He placed his hand on her shoulder and rocked it back and forth. He kissed her cheek then moved his lips to her ear. "Clem, wake up," he whispered. Clem rolled onto her back and stretched her arms above her head. She slowly opened her eyes and looked up at Carl. "Did you have a good nap?" Carl asked.

Clementine nodded and smiled. "How long was I asleep?" she asked groggily.

"Probably close to an hour and a half. It's a little past four and we should start thinking about dinner."

"Yeah, okay," Clem said yawning. She lazily threw her arm around Carl's neck, bringing him closer so he could kiss her. Carl happily obliged, kissing her with an elated and intoxicated expression on his face.

After a few minutes, they finally broke the kiss and Carl rested his forehead on hers. "Where do you want to fish?"

"Actually, I thought we could try something else."

"What? We're camping but not fishing? How do you plan on feeding me then?" he joked.

"I have a surprise for you too!" Clem exclaimed as she jumped up. She slid her jeans on over her swimsuit, then sat back down to put on her socks and boots. She reached into her pack and pulled the throwing knives out. She wrapped the sheath that held the six small knives around her thigh. "I've gotten pretty good with these and I'm going to prove it to you!"

Carl smiled and nodded his head, impressed with her. "And what exactly are you going to hunt with those?"

"Anything that moves," she said as she reached her hand out to pull him up from the sleeping bags. "C'mon."

Carl checked his weapon and slung his canteen over his shoulder. He and Clem ran off hand in hand with Winnie close behind.

They walked on another overgrown trail, talking quietly for at least a mile. Winnie froze in place as her ears shot up to attention. She cocked her head as she looked ahead.

"What do you think she sees?" Carl asked as they stopped to look and listen.

"I'm hoping it's dinner," Clem said narrowing her eyes. She crept forward and pulled a knife from the sheath on her leg.

"Clem be careful. It could be a walker."

The three of them continued to walk quietly ahead. They came to a small clearing and looked in disbelief at what was in front of them. Six wild turkeys pecked at the ground as they approached.

Clem lifted the knife above her shoulder keeping her eyes on her prey.

"I swear," Carl said, "if you bag a turkey, I'll marry you today."

Clem smiled but she put her finger to her lips. "And if you scare these turkeys away with your talking, I'll never speak to you again," she whispered as she shot Carl a stern look. She took one last look at the bird she had in her sights before releasing the knife from her hand. The knife sunk into the turkey's flesh as it let out an ugly squawk and flapped its wings. The other five turkeys began to run frantically from the commotion. In one smooth motion, Clem pulled another knife from her sheath and immediately threw it into the scattering flock. It landed into another bird. But Clem didn't let up. She took out one knife after another, chucking them quickly into the remaining birds as they ran away.

When the dust settled, Carl and Clem hurried over to their fresh kill.

"Six knives and six turkeys but I only managed to kill two," Clementine stated.

Carl stared at the two birds on the ground then looked back up at her. "You're kidding, right?"

Clem chuckled. "Yeah, I'm kidding."

Carl fixed his gaze on Clem, his mouth hanging slightly open. He shook his head trying to remember the last time he had been this impressed with another person. When he gave her the throwing knives, he had done it thinking she would have a new hobby to pass the time with. He couldn't have imagined that she would be able to put the skill into use the way she just had. It was more than just being impressed though. He was in awe of her. Her kindness and lighthearted nature, her stunning but understated beauty, her strength and fiery determination, everything about her drew Carl in deeper. He finally closed his mouth then swallowed.

Winnie sniffed at the birds laying on the ground. One of the birds was still flapping its wing. "Get back Winnie," Carl commanded his dog as he knelt down. Carl wrapped his hands around the turkey's neck, twisting forcefully until it snapped. He picked up a bird in each hand and heaved them over his shoulders. "We're going to eat good tonight."

…..

After Carl had plucked and cleaned one of the turkeys, he cut a breast from the large bird and placed it on a rock surrounding their campfire. Winnie watched Carl's every move as he cooked the turkey, whining faintly and pleading with her eyes for any charity.

"I get it, you want some turkey. Be patient and you'll get some." Carl moved away from the meat and went to his pack to pull out some rice they had brought with them. He looked over his shoulder at the German Shepherd, making sure she didn't swipe the breast away from the fire. "I'm watching you, Winnie," he said sternly.

"Carl!" Clem shouted. "Carl, help! Hurry!"

Carl dropped the rice and pulled his gun from his side. He ran as fast as he could with Winnie at his heels towards her voice. "Clem!" he shouted back. He came behind a cluster of tall pine trees and saw her standing atop a boulder. Four of the dead surrounded the large rock and clawed at Clem as she stood above them. Carl ran behind one and quickly slid his knife into the back of its head. He repeated the same action with a second walker, then a third. His knife became stuck in the third walker's skull. Carl pointed his gun at the fourth but not wanting the gunshot to draw more of the dead, he changed his mind and holstered his weapon. He grabbed the walker on either side of its rotting face and slammed the corpse's head into the boulder again and again.

"Carl behind you!" Clem exclaimed. Carl spun around, finding himself surrounded with yet three more walkers. Winnie lunged at one and took it down by its leg while Carl kicked the other two to the ground. He pulled his knife out of the walker he had taken down earlier and went to the other three, dispatching them one at a time.

Clem finally jumped down from the boulder and hurried to Carl's side. He was exhausted from the battle and panting heavily.

"Are you okay?" he asked Clem frantically. "Did they touch you or scratch you?"

"I'm fine," Clem nodded her head as she held onto his arms. "Are _you_ okay?"

Carl chuckled breathlessly as he wiped blood from his chin with the back of his hand. "I am now."

"I'm so sorry, Carl."

"Sorry for what?"

"I wasn't being careful. I was just peeing and then suddenly they were right there."

"It's okay, Clem."

"No! It's _not_ okay! I didn't even have a weapon with me. What was I thinking? I should be able to take care of myself."

"Clem, you called me and I came. It's okay."

"Carl, I..." Clem started as tears began to fall from her eyes, "...I got scared. I saw them and I got scared and just climbed up the rock. I can't believe I was scared. It's so stupid! And then I didn't have a weapon to defend myself and I put you in danger."

"Look at me, I'm fine. You haven't been out here in a long time. You haven't even seen a walker in almost four years,"Carl said, trying to reassure her. "So you forgot your weapon. I'm sure you'll remember next time. You're being way too hard on yourself. You needed help, you called me and I came. It's that simple."

"I just can't believe I couldn't take care of myself."

"It's okay to need me, Clem. Me coming to help you, it doesn't make you weak or stupid or anything less." Carl leaned towards her. He kissed her gently on the lips then leaned his forehead onto hers. "I need you too."

Clem locked her eyes onto Carl as she continued to hold him. "Okay," she sighed.

"Okay," Carl replied softly. "We have a turkey breast cooking on the rocks and I'm pretty excited about that. Let's get cleaned up and then we can eat the meal you hunted so brilliantly for us."

Clem turned to leave but Carl looked back at the walkers he had just taken down. "Hold on. This one has a pretty nice pack strapped to him. There might be something good in it." Carl rolled the body over and unbuckled the pack strapped around the dead man's waist. He rolled him back onto his stomach and wrestled it off his back. They headed back to the fire.

…..

"That was the best thing I've eaten in a long time," Carl said as he licked grease off of his fingers.

"It _was_ good," Clem agreed. "Thanks for remembering the salt and lemon pepper."

"I never travel without seasoning. Michonne taught me that a long time ago. Even squirrel can taste pretty good with a little salt and pepper," Carl said jovially. "Now, let's see what that guy had in his pack." He reached behind him and dragged the large bag towards them. He unzipped it and pulled out a jacket and several other pieces of mildewed clothing.

"Those smell so bad," Clem said as she threw them onto the fire.

Carl pulled out two cans of vegetables, a container of moldy fruit, a first-aid kit and a flashlight that didn't work. He reached towards the bottom and retrieved two boxes of shotgun shells. He set them on the ground next to him then reached into the pack for the final item. Clem watched as he pulled out a large glass bottle more than two thirds full of whiskey. The fire illuminated the amber liquid as Carl held it comfortably in his hands.

Clementine watched Carl as he stared at the bottle of alcohol, mesmerized by it's contents. Neither of them spoke for what seemed like a long time. Carl finally opened his mouth but still kept the bottle in his sights. "You know I've been sober for 363 days?"

"I knew it's been close to a year but I didn't know it's been exactly 363 days." Clem took Carl's hand in hers and squeezed it. "You should be proud of that. I am."

Carl nodded, not fully paying attention to what she was saying. "363 days. Apparently every drunk knows exactly to the minute how long it's been since their last drink. 363 days. Just 2 days short of a year. It's funny how a year is significant but 363 days isn't."

"What do you mean? 363 days _is_ significant."

"Yeah but if I were to have one drink of this, I would say to myself, 'I almost stayed sober for a whole year...almost.' You'd think that about me too."

"Who cares exactly how long it's been? They're all just arbitrary numbers. The fact is Carl, you quit drinking. You were a drunk and now you're not. That's all there is to it."

Carl continued to stare at the bottle of whiskey as Clem continued to stare him down. "Let me see it," she said in a forceful tone as she held her hand out to him.

"Why? Are you going to drink it?"

"Do you trust me?" she challenged him.

"Of course I do."

"Then give it to me," she said. Carl slowly handed the whiskey over to her. Clem put her hand around the neck of the bottle but Carl didn't release it. She finally pulled it from his grasp. She stood up and walked to the river. She unscrewed the cap, turned the bottle over and poured it into the water.

"What are you doing?" Carl asked as he narrowed his gaze. "I wasn't going to drink any."

"You were thinking about it though."

"But I wasn't going to."

"Well good because now you can't," Clem replied with assurance.

"You shouldn't have done that, Clem. I don't need you making decisions for me like I can't figure things out on my own."

"Are we together, Carl?" she asked looking at him intently. "I mean,are we _really_ together like we're going to commit to each other...forever?"

"Why are you asking me that? Of course we are. You know that I love you."

"Then I'm going to look after you. Same as you're going to do for me. If we're together than we're not going to pretend that we don't need each other. You fought off seven walkers an hour ago to protect me. You helped me when I couldn't help myself. You said it was okay that I needed you. It was hard for me to admit to you and to myself that I needed you but I did. Well you need me too and you have to let me help you."

Carl looked away from her and sat silently in deep thought. "I need all the help I can can get."

Clementine sat down next to him. She slowly slid her hand into his and leaned her head on his shoulder. "We all do."

 **A/N:** Well how are you my friends? I hope this latest chapter finds you all well. I'm glad some of you responded to me when I asked if you were still invested in this story. I certainly am. I know I said it before but I'll say it again: I love Carl and Clem. I love that Carl finally has someone with a good head on her shoulders. She's so good for him and will bring out his best. She so fiery and full of life and I just love her.

And tonight's the night we say farewell to Rick Grimes. I think I'd rather get a few teeth pulled than for him to leave the show. I'm not quite sure how I've become SOOO invested in fictional characters but it's too late now...I'm in too deep. I am so sad to see him go but I predict that we will see him again. Yes, I think he will survive his injuries and be taken away by whoever stupid Jadis was talking to.

Anyhow, drop a comment and let me know what you think of this latest chapter or what you think of tonight's goodbye to Mr. StuffNThangs, Rick Grimes. God bless!


	41. Chapter 41

**October 9, 2019: Still the One**

Michonne was alone in the kitchen, finishing the dinner dishes and singing to herself quietly. It was 9 PM and she had just gotten Judith and Eva to bed. She was exhausted from the long day she had of juggling her motherly duties with training another run team.

Michonne's eyes were heavy as she scrubbed. She came to attention when she heard the front door close quietly and the familiar sound of Rick's boots on the wood floors of the living room. He walked into the kitchen and promptly walked to her side. She dried her hands on a towel and turned towards her husband.

"You're a sight for sore eyes," she said as she placed her hands on his waist. Rick put his hand on her cheek and kissed her lips eagerly. "I don't think I've seen you since lunch yesterday. You got home after I went to bed last night and you were gone before I was up this morning."

"Sorry about that," Rick said as he moved away and sunk into a kitchen chair. "The building expansion has created a lot more work for security than I expected. Did you save me some dinner?"

"Of course." Michonne took a plate out of the refrigerator. She pulled foil off the top and placed it in the microwave. "I'm afraid the meatloaf is more loaf than meat but if you add enough garlic, you can make just about anything work."

"You know I'm not picky. I haven't eaten anything since breakfast so I'd eat just about whatever you fed me right now." Michonne set a container of carrot sticks and celery in front of him while his dinner warmed. Rick shoved a carrot into his mouth immediately.

"You need to slow down, Rick," Michonne said. 

"I told you I'm starving," he chuckled as he devoured a piece of celery next.

"That's not what I mean. I mean you have to slow down with work."

Rick shook his head. "You know I can't do that right now. The construction crew decided to use the existing homes on Gibson's cove. It'll be a lot easier to build a fence protecting the area rather than building brand new houses. But that means more work for me making sure it's secure."

"You're not the only one who can do these things. Other people are capable of securing it."

"Liv and Ben are going to live there. I'm not just going to put the safety and security of my niece in someone else's hands."

"Well you can't keep burning the candle at both ends. It'll catch up to you."

"I'll be fine. I can handle it."

"You sure about that?"

Rick nodded his head as he ate another carrot. "It's just how my body runs. You know that. There's only an on and off switch...no slow down. Besides, it's only another few weeks and then things'll be back to normal."

"When you say back to normal you mean only working 12 hours a day?"

"Exactly," he said smiling.

"Alright then," she said as she placed a fork and napkin on the table in front of him. "I ain't your mama."

"You wanna know what I think?"

"Always," Michonne replied as she smiled casually.

Rick grabbed Michonne around the waist, pulling her onto his lap. She eased comfortably onto his body, then straddled him with her long legs. Rick bore his eyes into hers with a wicked grin on his face. "I think you just miss me. I think you selfishly want me around the house all day to be at your beckon call, to do whatever you want."

"That's _exactly_ what I want," Michonne replied seductively as she wrapped her arms around Rick's neck and kissed his ear gently. She moved her lips across his face until they reached his lips. She tilted her head pressing her mouth into his. Rick tightened his grip on her as he kissed her back fervently. He moved his hand up under her shirt, then below her waist and onto her behind.

They were interrupted by the ding of the microwave. Michonne started to lift herself off of his lap but Rick pulled her back down. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I thought you were hungry."

"I am," Rick said as he sunk his mouth into her neck.

Michonne threw her head back moaning and laughing at the same time. She sat up and pulled Rick's face away from her body and looked at him sternly. "If you think we're having sex in the same place the girls eat their Cheerios every morning, you have another thing coming."

Rick finally released his grip on her and she climbed off his lap. "You're no fun," he said slapping her backside.

Michonne opened the microwave and pulled out the hot plate of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans. She set it down on the table in front of him along with a glass of water. "Eat your dinner then I'll take you into the bedroom and remind you just how much fun I can be."

"Is that a promise?" Rick asked.

"I don't know where you'll get the energy after working 15 hours but yeah, it's a promise."

Rick dug his fork into his dinner and ate the hot meal ravenously while Michonne wiped down the counter tops with a wet rag. "Have you heard from Carl?" he asked between bites.

"I did. He checked in with me about an hour ago."

"So they're doing okay?"

"Yeah. Apparently we'll be having turkey dinner soon because Clem killed two turkeys today."

"Really?"

"Yep. Carl said she took them down with throwing knives. He said they'll be home tomorrow night."

"What do you think is going on with the two of them?"

"You don't know?" Michonne asked.

"I could _guess_ what's going on but that's all it would be."

"Haven't you asked him?"

"Nah. We talk a lot more than we used to but we don't talk about him. He's still closed off to me when it comes to his personal life. We're getting along better than we probably ever have but I don't know if he'll ever open up to me about things like that. We talk about the island and protecting it, obviously. We talk about ways to make life better here but it doesn't get personal. I guess that's why I'm askin' you."

Michonne tossed the rag over the faucet and sat back down at the table with Rick. "You know, he doesn't even talk to me the way he used to when we were at the library. Things have never been the same with him since we got here. He's better now but he's different. He doesn't need us the way he did before."

"So you don't know what's going on with him and Clem?"

"I didn't say that. I know what's going on with them."

"Well if he's never told you, how do you know?"

"Well I've got eyes, don't I?" Michonne replied in a cheeky tone. "I see the way our boy looks at her. The way he stands up straighter when she's in the room. The way he watches her and how his voice gets a little deeper when he's talking and she's nearby. And don't get me started on her. That poor girl's got it bad for him too. She can't be within ten feet of him without a smile on her face and those puppy dog eyes. They're both terrible at hiding it from each other."

"Maybe they're not trying to hide it."

"Yeah, you're probably right. If they love each other, why would they hide it?"

Rick set his fork down and took Michonne's hand in his. "I remember falling for you all those years ago. Staring at you and hoping you wouldn't catch me. Finding reasons to be around you. I remember all those feelings I had when you'd walk next to me...hangin' on your every word. Bein' back at the prison and seein' you ride up to the gates on your horse...that leather vest you'd always wear and your sword across your back looking like some sort of warrior goddess. Whatever happened to that leather vest?"

"I still have it. Island living has me wearing more t-shirts and tank tops than leather."

"Anyhow, I just remember seeing you as that warrior. I was in awe of it. Always running towards the danger and never away from it. Always doing whatever it took to make everything good and right and safe."

"Do you miss that part of me?"

Rick shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "That's who I fell in love with. You're still the one who wants to make everything good and right and safe. It just looks different now. I'm even more in love with the woman who reheats meatloaf for me and plays dolls with our girls."

"Well that's a lovely sentiment, Rick, but it's not really an answer to the question," she said grinning. "Do you miss that part of me?"

"Well then the answer's no. We always had to fight back then and you did. But I'll never miss wondering if every time I saw you would be the last time. I don't miss watching you risk your life to go out looking for The Governor or feeling like you had to run away from us the way you used to."

"Me running away," Michonne said slowly, "that wasn't about you or Carl or anyone else. That was about me."

Rick gently placed his hand on her cheek, lovingly returning her gaze. "I know that."

Michonne put her hand on his as he held her face. "I know you do." Rick held her gaze with his own as she watched his mind drift somewhere else. "What are you thinking about?"

"Everything we've been through. Everything we've fought for. All the ups and downs, running, starving, killing, the hurts we've had...all of it, it all brought us to this moment in time right now. This is what it's added up to. I think before I found you, I was convinced I would never be happy again. When Lori died I thought that was my one chance at love and that I screwed it up in every way possible. But I got a second chance."

"I think everyone that's still alive got one of those," Michonne replied softly.

"Yeah but I would have never thought the second chance I got, would be this good. You know it's ridiculous how happy I am with you. If Carl can find that too, I want him to do it. If he loves Clem, I want him to go for it. There's no better feeling than bein' in love."

"Except for knowing that one person you love, loves you back."

Rick smiled gazing into her eyes thoughtfully for a few moments. He stood from the kitchen table and took his dishes to the sink and quickly began washing them.

"You don't have to do that," Michonne said as she got up too, walking to the back door and locking it.

"I don't mind," he replied, already rinsing them off and setting them in the dish rack to dry. "I know just how hard you work too."

Michonne came up behind him and rested her head on his back. Rick turned around and swiftly lifted her into his arms, taking her by surprise. She wrapped her hands around his neck and her legs around his waist. Rick wasted no time as he pushed his lips onto hers. He carried her into their bedroom as they kissed, wildly sliding his tongue into her mouth. He kicked the door shut behind him then laid her on the bed. He climbed on top of her only breaking the kiss to remove her shirt, then his.

Rick leaned down to kiss her again but she stopped him, taking his face into both her hands. "I'm that happy too...happier than I thought I could ever be," Michonne said as she fixed her eyes on his. She could feel his heart racing as his chest pressed into hers. She pulled his mouth to hers again. They made love. Then exhausted, they quickly fell asleep in each other's arms.

…..

Michonne woke up later than usual the following morning. She looked to her left and read the numbers on the clock. It was just past 8. She couldn't believe the girls had let her sleep in this late. She looked to her right and saw Rick's side of the bed was empty. He was always up by 6:30 and out the door by 7.

Michonne rolled onto her side and placed her hand on his pillow, wishing he was still there. She closed her eyes and sighed as she recalled the previous night. A slight grin came to her face as she thought about Rick holding her body close to his after their passionate and visceral exchange. She looked at his nightstand, examining the books he had immersed himself in. On top of a book about masonry and another book about electrical wiring, sat his Bible. She was pleased to see it dog-eared, tattered and full of bookmarks. Everything about Rick pleased her. She thought of his goodness and integrity. The tremendous love he had for his family and the dedication towards those those not in his family. The way he worked so tirelessly, never thinking of himself. The desire to always make himself better than he was the day before.

Michonne was shaken from her daze as she heard a sudden and loud bang on the front door. She threw off the covers and reached for her robe hanging over the footboard. She slipped her arms into the robe and tied it closed as she walked hastily down the hall. Another heavy knock echoed through the house.

"Mama, who's banging on the door?" Judith asked as she came out into the hall rubbing her eyes.

"I don't know, Pumpkin. Probably just Maggie or Carol."

Michonne unlocked and opened the door. Sasha stood in front of her with a panicked look on her face.

"Hey Sasha," Michonne said. "Come on in. What's going..."

"Michonne get dressed and come with me," Sasha replied frantically.

"What is it?"

"It's Rick.

"Mama what's wrong with Daddy?" a frightened Judith asked.

Michonne looked at Judith, unsure of what to say. She looked back at Sasha expectantly.

"Michonne come out onto the porch where we can talk for a second."

"I'm not a baby, Sasha! I'm 8 years old!" Judith nearly shouted. "I want to know what happened to my daddy!" By now Eva had come out of her room and walked to Michonne. She wrapped her arms around her mother's legs.

"It's okay Sasha, just tell me what's going on."

Sasha looked at Judith then to Michonne. "Rick..." she said, then hesitated, "...he just had a heart attack. But Michonne..." she said, hesitating again, "...he fell from some scaffolding and hit his head pretty bad. He's not conscious and Bob wants you to come with me right now."

 **A/N:** Well I forgot how much I love writing about Rick and Michonne. I didn't realize how much I've missed them until I started writing this last chapter! Anyhow, hope you enjoyed it.

I can't help telling you what I've been thinking about this most recent season of TWD either. I'm loving it so much! Especially after season 8...blech! Rick's been gone for 6 years but at some point I just know he has to return to his family. Seeing Michonne with a grown-up Judith and little R.J. Was EVERYTHING! Rick would be so proud. Daryl and Carol have been awesome too and I have a feeling that we're going to see their deep love for each other turn to something even deeper. I'm hoping they'll at least get together and just give each other haircuts. LOL!

Well faithful readers, enough about what I think about everything. Happy Thanksgiving and God bless!


	42. Chapter 42

**October 10, 2019: Carl and Clem Save the World**

"Clem wake up!" Carl said as he picked up her hand and gently shook her out of her sleep. "We have to go."

Clem sat up right away and looked all around her. It was very early and the sky was still dark. She rubbed her eyes as she spoke to Carl. "What's going on?"

"Winnie's missing. I looked nearby and there's no sign of her anywhere. I have to go find her but I'm not leaving you here alone."

"Yeah, okay," Clem said groggily. She wasted no time crawling out of her sleeping bag then slipping her jacket on. "Let me just go to the bathroom and then we can go."

"Of course," Carl replied. While he waited, he threw his pack and his canteen over his shoulders. He straightened the patch over his eye and picked up his machete. Less than a minute later Clem was back at his side. She fastened her knives around her leg and put her pack on her shoulders.

"We should leave our sleeping bags and fishing rods but take anything that's important. We might not be able to make it back here for some reason."

"I have weapons and water. I'm ready."

"Good." Carl replied.

"If we climb to the top of the rocks, we can look in lots of different directions?"

"That's a good idea," Carl said as he quickly grabbed her hand. He pulled her along as he walked quickly towards the rocks. 

Carl stopped when he reached the top of the rocks. The blue in the sky was getting lighter as the stars dimmed. He spun around looking in all directions seeing if he could spot Winnie from this elevated vantage point. He let out two short, quiet whistles. "Winnie!" He looked around again then finally stood still. "I don't see her anywhere. Do you?"

"No," Clem replied. "What does she usually do when she runs away? Where does she go?"

"She's never run away before so I don't know. And you can't really get lost on an island. On top of that, she hardly ever even leaves my side."

"Now that you mention it, I never see her more than 30 or 40 feet from you." Clem sighed thoughtfully as she stared in one direction. "Maybe she's trying to get back home. Maybe she went back to the car. "

"Well she's not going to get far without the keys. They're in my pocket," Carl chuckled half-heartedly, trying to alleviate some of his own worry.

Clem tried not to smile at his joke but did anyway. "Funny."

"I guess we could go to the car. It's only 10 or 15 minutes from here."

"Let's give it a try," Clem replied as she made her way down the other side of the rocks.

They walked at a brisk pace and were back to the car in less then 10 minutes. Carl let out another abrupt whistle and called out quietly. "Winnie! C'mon Girl!"

"Winnie!" Clem echoed in a hushed shout.

Carl patted the side of his leg and called out to her again. He looked down the road in each direction and into the thick wood. He sighed then kicked the tire in frustration.

"Hey, it's okay," Clem said walking to his side and grabbing his hand. "We'll find her. It's going to be okay."

"She never runs off like this," Carl said shaking his head. "I don't know Clem...I have a feeling that we're not going to find her. Maybe she got..."

"No!" Clem said adamantly. "Winnie knows how to handle walkers. She could easily outrun them."

"Not if they got her in her sleep."

"If that's what happened, we would have heard it."

"You're right. And walkers would never be able to get close enough to her without waking her up. Her ears shoot up when she hears leaves falling off trees. But I have no idea where we should start looking next.

"Well the car was just a guess. She's not here but that doesn't mean she's not close by. We'll just keep looking – all day if we have to."

"No, Clem."

"No? What do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean I don't want to put you in danger, Clem. And going out to look for her would be doing that."

"You gotta be kidding," Clem said rolling her eyes.

"I promised Carol and Morgan I would do everything within my power to keep you safe. I told them exactly where we would be and wandering around in the woods is not where I said I'd take you."

"Take me?" she replied indignantly.

"You know what I mean," Carl sighed. "Let me just get you home and then..."

"Guess what. _You_ are not in charge of me. Carol and Morgan aren't in charge of me either. I can decide for myself what I want to do and where I'll go. I'm not a child and I don't need permission from anyone to do what I want. I'm not like Holly and you're not going to try to control me."

"That's not what this is about. I'm not trying to control you – I'm trying to protect you."

"You can't protect me from everything Carl. You have to let me do what I need to do and make decisions for myself."

"That's not what you said last night," Carl said staring her down. "You dumped out that whiskey and said I had to let you help me. You took that choice away from me. And when it comes right down to it, I'm glad you did. I think I would have taken a drink otherwise."

"That situation was different."

"You're right, this is more dangerous."

Carl crossed his arms and stared at Clem. She stared back at him, her hands planted firmly on her hips.

"Let me just take you home Clem. I'll take you home and then I'll know you're safe. I'll come back out with Daniel and we'll keep looking for Winnie."

"Well maybe I want to know that _you're_ safe. I want to go with you. I'm not scared Carl. I know you'll have my back and I want to have yours. You're not going home. You're going to look for Winnie. And _I'm_ coming with you. Got it?"

"Alright!" Carl finally replied in surrender, frustrated that he couldn't convince her. They began to walk back into the woods. Before they got much farther, Carl wrapped his hand around Clem's arm and pulled her back.

"What now?" she asked looking back at him expectantly.

"Clem," he said soberly. "Just promise me something."

"What?"

"Just promise me you'll be careful."

"Of course I'll be careful."

"No I mean it. If you get in a tight spot or we get separated or something happens to me, promise me you'll just go. You'll just leave and get back home."

"I can't promise you that, Carl. Do you even know me at all? If you did, you wouldn't ask me to do that."

"Why do you have to be so damn stubborn about everything? Please Clem, just...I just need to know that you'll be okay. Just promise me you'll do whatever it takes to be safe...even if for some reason that means leaving me behind."

Clem was angry. How could he ask her to do that? Did he really think she would just turn her back on him if things went bad? She stared at him, trying to hide just how upset his request made her. She knew he wasn't going to let up though and Clem didn't want to waste anymore time arguing. She knew he needed to hear her say it if they were going to move on.

"Fine," she said coldly. "I think you're being dramatic but fine, I'll stay safe. I'll make it back home...with or without you."

…..

Carl and Clem spent the next 90 minutes searching for Winnie. They walked mostly in silence, only speaking to each other when necessary. Clem missed the sound of Carl's voice and the comfortable conversation they always enjoyed. And at least a dozen times, Carl desperately wanted to reach over and hold her hand. But they were both too proud and willful to let the argument go.

Carl poured the last few drops of water from his canteen into his mouth. "We should go back to where we made camp. I'm out of water."

"My canteen is still full but whatever," Clem replied. She followed Carl as he walked in the direction of their camp.

Carl stopped suddenly and held his arm out, blocking her from going on any farther. "Do you smell that?"

Clem inhaled through her nose and looked at Carl. It had been a long time since she had been near a large herd of the dead but that particular smell was impossible to forget."Walkers. They're nearby. We can walk around them. We can outrun them if we have to."

"No Clem, it's not 're probably on the other side of that grove," he said. "We should go. We'd have to walk right by them to get back to our camp."

Carl and Clem stood still trying to figure out their next move. The dead were getting close enough that they could hear their droning too.

"Let's just go back to the car. We'll still look for Winnie but we'll use the car instead. That way if we get in a tight spot, we can get away quickly."

"Alright," Clem replied. They began to walk in the direction of the car when suddenly they heard another noise. Barking.

"Carl! Did you hear that? I think it's Winnie!" Clem exclaimed.

They both stopped in their tracks and again listened intently. The moans of the dead were easy to hear but beyond that, they heard the barking in the distance too.

Carl pointed east. "I think it's coming from that direction. Go back to the car and I'll go get her."

Clem clenched her fists at her sides. "We're not doing this again. Winnie's in that direction and that's where we're both going."

"No Clem..." Carl shouted, but before he could finish, Clem began to sprint towards where they heard the barking. Carl had no choice but to follow after her. They ran far from the herd giving the dead a wide berth. They ran for several minutes when they heard the barking again. It was much closer this time.

"Winnie!" Clem called out quietly as she stopped and looked around. More barking came and Clem and Carl followed it. They finally came to an outcropping of rocks. They stopped and looked all around them. Winnie finally darted out from behind a large boulder and ran to Carl and Clem.

"Winnie!" Carl exclaimed as he fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around her neck. "Thank God you're okay!" Clem knelt down too and scratched Winnie behind her ears. The dog took turns licking Carl's face, then Clem's.

Carl turned towards Clem, staring at her thoughtfully. "I'm sorry."

Clem looked over at him. "For what?"

"For not trusting you. For not listening to you when you said we should keep looking for her. For thinking you shouldn't be out here."

"You don't have to apologize, Carl. I get it. You just want to protect me."

Carl looked deeply into her eyes feeling weakened by her returning gaze. "I love you so much Clem," he said, his voice cracking slightly. "I love you so much and now that I have you, the thought of losing you...it terrifies me. I can't lose you. I can never lose you."

They both knelt on the ground facing each other. Clem thrust herself towards Carl, grabbing him behind his neck. She pulled him close and pressed her lips onto his. They kissed fervidly before Clem pulled herself away but held his face in her hands. "I'm not going anywhere. It's Carl and Clem...forever." Carl nodded and kissed her again.

The moment was interrupted by growling. Carl looked up. "We have to get out of here. Those walkers are still close by."

They both stood up and began to run in the opposite direction of the herd. Carl looked back and saw that Winnie wasn't following the way she always did. "Winnie! C'mon girl!" he called out as he patted the side of his leg. Winnie stood still, looking back at him but ignoring his command. "Winnie, c'mon!"

Carl huffed as he went back to her. He slid his back pack off his shoulders, grabbed a rope from inside and tied it around Winnie's neck. "I don't know what's up with her today. I've never seen her act like this before." With the rope securely around her neck, Carl pulled her along. Winnie's paws dragged on the ground as she pulled back. She refused to move in Carl's direction. She let out one sharp bark then yanked herself away. It took Carl by such surprise that he fell backwards and let the rope slip through his hand, burning the skin on his palms. Finally free, Winnie lunged at Carl, pulling at his shirt collar.

"Winnie get back!" Clem shouted. Winnie obeyed and Clem helped Carl up. "Carl are you okay? Did she bite you?"

"I'm fine. She didn't bite me," Carl said dusting off his pants and staring at his dog. "She's acting so strange though."

"Maybe _she_ got bit."

"I don't see anything like a bite on her...no blood," Carl replied. "Winnie come here girl." Carl said, attempting to get her to come to him once more. Winnie stared at Carl, then promptly took off, running back behind the rocks. Clem and Carl followed her as she ran away. As soon as she was in their sights, Winnie looked back at them then took off again. They followed again.

Carl and Clem finally caught up to her. She stood still in front of a tiny hunting cabin, panting and whining. Clem took her canteen off of her shoulder and poured water into her hand, offering it to the dog. Winnie lapped it up immediately then began to whine again. She scratched at the door of the small cabin.

"Well now we know why she was acting so strange," Carl stated. He lifted his machete and placed his hand on the doorknob. Clem pulled a knife from the sheath on her leg and nodded towards Carl. He turned the knob and hurried inside, with Clem and Winnie right behind him.

As soon as they were inside, and saw no immediate threat, Clem closed the door. Carl looked around quickly but didn't see anything that would explain Winnie's determination to lead them here.

"Okay Winnie, I think you've lost your mind," Clem said patting her on the head. She turned to Carl, "One day off the island and she's excited about anything and everything."

Winnie walked towards a small closet in the corner of the cabin. She sniffed at the bottom of the door and whined.

"What do you think is in there girl?" Carl asked as he and Clem inched slowly towards her. They readied their weapons once again as Carl moved to open the door. He swung it open and gasped when he saw what was in front of him.

"Oh my God," Clem exclaimed. "I can't believe it!" Clem shoved her knife back into her sheath and knelt down in front of the closet. She reached inside and lifted a newborn baby out.

 **A/N:** Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I wish what I'm thinking could just appear on my computer screen, then this process would be a bit quicker. Anyway...

I just want to reply to one thing Courtgirl26 said in the comments for my last chapter. I totally agree with you that I would never want Carol to cheat on Zeke with Daryl...never. I can see how my wording made it come across that way but I would never condone that. However, I can't help but think that at some point Caryl will happen. I have always liked Caryl but I was pretty sure that ship had sailed. However, now that Angela Kang is running things, I think she'll eventually bring it back into port. For that to happen, Ezekiel would have to no longer be in the picture. I like Carol and Ezekiel and don't want him to die but I think he will anyway. Just my opinion.


	43. Chapter 43

**October 10, 2019: You Win Some, You Lose Some**

"Is he alive?" Carl asked Clem.

Clem looked carefully at the baby. He couldn't have been more than a few hours old. "Yeah, I think he's just sleeping." She untied Carl's flannel shirt from around her waist and wrapped it around the naked newborn.

"The mother can't be far. I should go look for her."

"I'll stay here with the baby and you and Winnie go," Clem said. "Carl, don't go far."

"Don't worry, I won't. I can't. That herd is still close by." He walked over to Clem and looked down at the baby cradled in her arms. He lifted his head to look into Clem's eyes. He kissed her hard and quick, then turned to leave. "I'll be back before you know it...promise."

As soon as Carl left, the baby began to stir in Clem's arms. He stretched out his tiny arms and let out a weak cry. "Shh, shh, shh," Clem said gently as she bounced the newborn against her chest. She put the tip of her pinkie finger in his mouth, trying to sooth him with something to suck. "It's okay baby. It'll be okay. We'll find your mommy and you'll be okay."

After a few minutes, Clementine somehow managed to lull the baby back to sleep. She walked over to one of the small windows in the cabin and looked outside for Carl. He'd been gone less than ten minutes but she was already becoming anxious. She couldn't believe how being away from him for just a few minutes made her feel so vulnerable. A panic she hadn't felt in years started to come over her.

 _What if he doesn't come back? What will I do? I won't just leave him...I don't care what he says, I won't go home without him. But I can't go out there looking for him – not with a baby! Oh God..._ Clem started to tremble and a tear ran down her cheek. The baby started to wake up again and Clem resumed the gentle bouncing trying to once again calm him down. 

"Alright Clem, pull your shit together! Carl will be back like he said," she spoke out loud, already feeling more reassured by the sound of her own voice in her ears. She wiped the stray tears from her eyes and put her shoulders back. "And if he doesn't...well you remember where the car is. You'll drive yourself and this kid back to the island and you'll come back and look for Carl with a search party. What you're _not_ going to do is get all whiny and scared. You'll be fine so pull it together."

The baby began to stir again but this time let out a full on wail. Clem tried to calm him but couldn't. She peaked out the window looking for Carl once more. She didn't see Carl but instead saw a handful of the dead less than fifty feet away.

"Dammit!" she shouted under her breath as the baby boy continued to wail. She ran to the closet and laid the baby back on the floor. She closed the door and quickly ran outside. She charged forward as she pulled a knife out from the sheath on her leg. She placed the head of the closest walker in her sights, then released the knife. Before he hit the ground, Clem had another knife in her hand ready to throw at the next corpse. She let it go and landed the sharp tip in his eye. She pulled another knife out and threw again, taking out another corpse. She repeated the action three more times until she ran out of knives. She ran to the six walkers she had taken down, retrieving the knives from their dead flesh. As she wiped the gore off of the blades and onto the grass, she heard footsteps approaching from behind. She raised her knife and spun around swiftly.

"Six for six," Carl said, his gun raised. "I guess walkers must be easier to take down than turkeys."

"Carl!" she said running to him and throwing herself into his arms. "Did you find the mother?"

"Yeah. C'mon, we need to hurry." Clem followed Carl as he led her to a tree just outside the cabin. A woman in her early thirties, wearing dirty, blood-soaked clothes was slumped against the trunk. Carl lifted her into his arms as Clem ran ahead to open the door to the cabin. Carl ran inside and laid the woman on a tattered sofa. Winnie ran to the closet door where the baby was frantically screaming.

"Bring him to me...please," the woman said as she listlessly reached her arm towards the closet. Clem opened the closet door and lifted the baby from the floor. She brought the boy to his mother and placed him in her arms. She immediately put the newborn to her breast and the baby calmed down right away as it ferociously nursed.

"Who are you?" Clem asked. The woman closed her eyes and didn't answer.

Carl looked over at Clem. "Winnie found her passed out about a quarter mile from here."

"What were you doing out there?" Clem asked, continuing the interrogation. "Are you by yourself?"

"We're alone, the baby and me," she replied, her eyes still closed. "It was just my husband and me for a really long time. We were in a safe place, or at least we thought it was safe. It got overrun about a month ago and we were looking for another safe place where I could have the baby." The woman started to cry. "He got bitten a few weeks ago, out of nowhere. I've been alone since then. I stumbled onto this cabin a few days ago. I just had the baby early this morning. I've lost a lot of blood...I don't think I'm going to make it."

"What were you doing out there?" Carl asked while Clem gave the woman a sip of water from her canteen.

"The dog...the dog found us. I let her inside. I could tell she was well taken care of and I thought there might be people nearby that could help us. I followed her outside but I passed out."

Clem turned to Carl and spoke in a whisper. "We have to help them. We have to take them back to Penland." Carl nodded.

"Can you walk?" he asked the woman.

"Not far," she said resting her eyes again. "Look, I don't have that much time so please listen to me," she said breathlessly. "I only have a minute with my baby and then you have to take him. Do you have a safe place?" she asked then chuckled quietly. "I guess it doesn't matter. I'm going to die and then it will be up to you to take him whether you have a safe place or not."

Clem placed her hand on the woman's hand. "We do. We have a safe place and we'll take him."

"Thank you. His name is A.J., Alvin Junior, after his dad. Please...please take good care of him."

"What's your name?" Carl asked.

"Rebecca."

Carl looked out the window. "I don't know exactly where that herd is but they have to be close by. We need to go."

Clem started to lift A.J. Out of Rebecca's arms. "Wait! Let me say goodbye to him before you leave."

"There's no time for that!" Carl shouted at Rebecca. He ran to her side and lifted her from the sofa. "Besides, you're coming with us."

…..

"Carl, they're getting closer! We have to move faster!"Clem shouted.

"We'll be okay," Carl replied with confidence as he watched Clem running ahead of him with the crying baby in her arms. Winnie ran at his side never moving even an inch in front of him. Sweat dripped from every part of Carl's body and his breath became more labored as he charged forward with Rebecca hanging in his arms. "Just keep your eyes ahead, Clem, and don't look back!"

"Just leave me!" Rebecca cried out.

"No," Carl said coolly.

"I'm slowing you down! Leave me here and go!" Rebecca said looking up into Carl's face. Carl ignored her as he continued to run. "Look, I need for you to make it out of this! I need for A.J. to be safe. Just leave me and get out of her!" she commanded him.

"Just stop talking. We're getting out of here...all of us," Carl replied calmly.

The woman looked over Carl's shoulder as she bounced in his arms. She watched the enormous herd closing in on them. She tried to wrestle out of Carl's arms as she screamed at him. "All of us are going to die! They're getting closer and if you don't leave me, all of us are going to be eaten alive!"

Clem stopped running and turned around. "Just shut the hell up! You're not helping anybody! If you don't have anything useful to say, then just shut up!" Clem turned away and started moving forward again. "If Carl says we're going to make it, then we are."

"There! The car's right there!" Carl shouted as he saw the unmistakable candy apple red paint shimmering in the sun through branches. "We just have another fifty yards and..." before Carl could finish, he felt his foot catch on the twisted tree root. His body crashed to the ground along with Rebecca's. The fall stunned him and knocked the wind out of his gut.

Clem ran to his side, grabbing his hand to help him up. Carl stood quickly then reached down to pick Rebecca up. As he began to pick her up, he glanced up and saw the approaching mass of the dead mere feet away.

"Just go!" she shouted. Once again, Carl paid no attention and lifted her up. He threw her over his shoulder and took off again. Carl, Clem, Rebecca, A.J. And Winnie finally made it to the car. Carl stood Rebecca up and leaned her against the car while he retrieved the key from of his pocket. He unlocked the car then slid the key across the roof to Clementine so she could unlock her side. He opened the door and pulled the seat forward.

"Get in!" he shouted to Rebecca as she climbed into the back seat. Clem got inside the car, slammed the door shut and secured the baby onto her lap.

"Winnie, c'mon!" Carl called out. Several walkers were between Carl and his dog. "Winnie!" he shouted again. Winnie didn't come but Carl's shouts drew the ravenous herd closer. Three walkers lunged towards Carl. He pushed and kicked the corpses away as he pulled his machete from his belt and swung it at the first walker's head. It fell to the ground but another attacked immediately. Carl buried the machete into its skull as the third walker wrapped its rotting hands around his free arm. It snarled gruesomely as it moved its mouth up to Carl's flesh.

Carl shouted in a panic as he tried to push the walker away. He lacked the leverage he needed to use the machete. He dropped the it to the ground then fumbled to pull out his knife. As he wrestled with the walker, he managed to free his knife from his belt and stab it into its head.

"Carl, get in the car!" Clem screamed, followed by the baby screaming.

Carl barely had time to catch his breath before another group of walkers lunged towards him. He tried to get in the car but they pulled him away. Out of nowhere, Winnie plowed into the dead that were attacking Carl. She knocked three down then spun around furiously as she snarled and barked. She attacked one walker after another, pulling them to the ground with her sharp teeth and powerful jaws. She barked viciously and as loud as she could while she inched away, drawing the herd away from the car. Winnie continued to lead them away until all the walkers that were surrounding Carl, now surrounded her as she ran into the woods.

"Winnie!" Carl shouted in desperation. Winnie heard her master's voice but ignored it.

Carl felt Clem pulling at his arm from the other side of the car. "Carl! Get in the car now!"

By now all the walkers were making their way into the woods, chasing down the German shepherd in a frenzy as her familiar bark echoed in the hot air.

Carl turned towards Clem in a calm stupor. "Winnie, she's gone. I have to...we have to..."

"We have to go right now, Carl," Clem ordered him. "Get in. We have to get home." Carl slid into the front seat and closed the door. Clem stuck the key into the ignition but Carl just sat there in the sweltering, stuffy car. He was in a daze, staring ahead at nothing as the baby's cries rang in his ears. He finally looked out the window of the car, thinking Winnie might run out from the woods before they left. She didn't.

"She's not coming back and we have to go. Start the car," Clem instructed. Carl shook his head and turned the key.

…..

Carl, Clem, Rebecca and A.J. Were less than a mile from Lake Chatuge when Morgan's voice came crackling through the walkie talkie.

"Clem? Carl? Do you copy?" he asked.

Clem fished the walkie out of her backpack. She pressed the button on the side. "We're here Morgan."

"Where are you kids?" he asked.

"We're about to pull into the docks right now. We have some new people with us and they're going to need Bob. It's a woman and a newborn."

"Come to the infirmary right away."

"Yeah we'll bring them right over."

"Make sure Carl comes too. His dad's had a heart attack and fell and hit his head pretty bad too."

Carl grabbed the walkie out of Clem's hand and spoke into it. "Is he okay?" Carl asked in a panic.

The silence on the other side of the walkie was deafening while Carl waited to hear Morgan's answer. "Just hurry up and get to the infirmary."

….

Sasha waited on the porch as Carl ran to the infirmary with an unconscious Rebecca in his arms. Clem was right behind him carrying A.J as he cried in her ear. Carl laid Rebecca's limp body on a gurney as Bob and Sasha attended to her.

"Where's my dad? How is he?" Carl practically shouted.

Bob was preoccupied with his new patient and didn't answer. Sasha finally looked over at him. "He's stable, Carl. But right now we need to help this lady."

"I don't care! Where is he?" Carl asked again impatiently.

"In the room down the hall," Sasha replied.

As soon as Carl was out of earshot, Clem looked at Sasha with apologetic eyes. "Don't mind him, Sasha. He's really upset. We just lost Winnie and he's worried about his dad."

Sasha nodded at Clem. "I understand."

A.J. continued to let out a shrill cry that filled the space. "What about the baby?" Clem asked Bob. "Do you want to look at him?"

Bob glanced over at the newborn for less than two seconds. "His color's good and we can all hear how well his lungs are working. He'll be fine. This lady here may not be as lucky. She's lost a ton of blood and she's gonna need a transfusion." Bob replied as he continued to work on Rebecca. He stopped momentarily and wiped sweat from his brow. He looked over at Clem. "Listen carefully to me Clem. As fast as you can, I want you to find Eugene and Mary. They're both universal blood donors and I need them here stat. After they're on their way here, you can look for Lucy too."

"Why Lucy?" Clem asked.

"She just had a baby a few months ago and she can nurse this little one," Bob said nodding toward the baby. "But Eugene and Mary first. I won't be able to save this lady unless I get them here soon."

"His name is A.J. and her name is Rebecca," Clem said as she quickly handed the screaming baby over to Sasha. "I just thought you should know."


	44. Chapter 44

**October 11, 2019: The Man of the House**

Michonne set a sandwich on the nightstand next to Rick's bed along with a glass of milk. She nudged Carl awake and he came to attention. "Hey kid, wake up. I brought you a something to eat."

Carl sat up straight and looked at the food on the nightstand. He looked at the clock, then at his father. It was just past 9 PM. "I'm not hungry."

"I know you've barely eaten anything since yesterday. You're too thin and you need to keep up your strength. Now eat," Michonne said sternly as she put the plate in his hands.

Carl actually _was_ hungry but he felt guilty eating while his dad was laid up and unconscious. And guilty thoughts about his dad only brought more guilt about leaving Winnie behind. His hunger and his obligation to obey his mother won out over his guilt though. He picked up the sandwich and took two generous bites, one right after the other.

Michonne was the only person Carl didn't argue with or question. If she said to do something, he knew it was it was a good idea to listen to her. Michonne had more than earned that place in his life. Besides, she had wisdom and Carl trusted her judgment.

Michonne had never treated him as anything less than a son. She never used the lack of DNA between them as an excuse to treat him as anything but blood. And Carl didn't look at her as anything less than his mother. Sometimes he even needed to remind himself that another woman gave birth to him. Lori had him the first fourteen years of his life but the last seven years that Michonne had been present, were the ones that had the biggest impact.

Carl always felt pangs of guilt when he considered Michonne as more of a mother than Lori. But for all of her faults, Lori was never a jealous woman. She would be relieved, even happy, that her husband and children had found the love and devotion of another woman since she was gone. She wouldn't have even resented the fact that Michonne was a _stronger_ wife and mother. She would be grateful to have someone do what she couldn't.

Carl finished the sandwich quickly and gulped down the glass of milk.

"That wasn't so hard, now was it?" she asked taking the dishes from him and placing them on a dresser out of the way. "How are you holding up?"

"Okay. What about you?"

"Well now that I got the girls to bed and I don't have to put the 'I'm-not-worried-at-all' smile on my face, I guess I can keep it real."

"Always," Carl replied.

Michonne sat down on the other side of Rick's hospital bed. She slid her hand into Rick's and brought it to her lips to kiss it. Tears fell from her eyes. "I'm scared. For the first time in a long time, I'm scared. We can't lose him."

"We're not going to lose him. Bob said he'll probably be alright. The heart attack wasn't as bad as it could have been."

"His head is bad though, Carl. We don't even know if he's going to wake up. Even if we don't lose him, there's a good chance we're never going to get him back the way he was."

Carl sighed. "I'm not ready for that either. But we'll take whatever comes our way. We'll make the best of whatever we get."

Michonne smiled, "Where is all this optimism coming from? You sound like me."

"Where do you think it came from, Mom?" Carl smiled back. "Aren't you always preaching and telling people to have faith?"

"So do you?"

"What? Have faith?" Michonne nodded and Carl looked away. "I don't know if I have faith in God. But I have faith in Dad. I have faith in us."

"It's not the same."

"Well just because believing is easy for you doesn't mean it's easy to everyone else."

"You think it always comes easy for me?" Michonne asked. "It doesn't. Sometimes I feel like my faith leaves me when I need it most. But it's there...it's still there...always will be. It's like on the those good days, I fill my bank account with all these truths I know. I fill it up with all God's goodness and blessings...all the joy I get from your dad and you kids. Then in one day, the market crashes and I feel like I'm losing it all. Everything that I've been working so hard to build up, it gets depleted and I feel like I'm empty. Like I have no hope in anything. Like my faith is a big joke."

"You really are keeping it real."

"I know the difference though," Michonne said, a light coming back into her voice.

"The difference in what?" Carl asked.

"The difference in how I feel and what I know is true."

"What do you know is true?"

"That God won't leave my side. That He loves me and that His love is enough. That wherever I'm called me or whatever I'm supposed to do, He'll give me the strength and grace I need to do it. I feel like shit right now. I'm sad and tired and I'm worried but that doesn't change a thing. God is still in control and He's got this...even if it doesn't feel like it."

"You can say that? Even with Dad how he is? You think God's by your side and in control with this going on?"

"If the last ten years haven't made me lose my faith, what makes you think this will?"

Carl scoffed then buried his head into his hands. "I don't know. I don't know what to think of this or anything else."

"Faith doesn't make everything perfect, you know. Believing in God and His promises, it doesn't mean He's gonna answer all my prayers the way I see fit or give me what I need wrapped in a tidy, pretty bow. A lot of the time it feels more like hanging on by a thread."

"If that's how it feels, then why do you keep holding on?"

"Because I know who's holding the other end. And He's not letting go so I won't either."

Carl stood from his chair and went around to the other side of the bed. He came up behind Michonne and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He kissed her on the cheek then stared down at his father. "I love you Mom. I wish I could be as sure of everything as you are. I wish I could have your faith and believe the way you do. But after all I've seen and after all I've been through, I'm just not sure I can."

"That's okay. God is patient. And if you can't believe a lot," Michonne said as she kissed his arm, "then just believe a little."

….

 **October 15, 2019**

"Judy, Eva! Hurry and get dressed," Carl shouted from the kitchen as he scrambled eggs for their breakfast.

Judith walked into the kitchen dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. Her tennis shoes were on and her hair was tied back in a neat ponytail. More than once when Carl laid eyes on his little sister, it would startle him just how much she looked like their mother. Carl handed her a plate of eggs with peaches on the side.

"Thanks."

"Sure," Carl replied as he gave her ponytail a playful tug. "Where's Eva?"

"Not listening, as usual," Judith said, rolling her eyes. "She heard you say to get dressed but she said she didn't have to listen to you. She's playing with her dolls in the bathroom sink."

"She's such a brat," Carl said under his breath. "Eva get out here right now and don't make me come and get you!"

"I'm busy. I'll be there in a minute," Eva called from down the hall.

Carl set Eva's breakfast on the table and stomped down the hall shaking his head and mumbling. He stood at the entrance to the bathroom door and stared his little sister down. There was water everywhere. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked impatiently.

"Ooooh, I'm tellin' Mama that you said a bad word in front of me and Judy and she's gonna whoop you!"

" _I'm_ gonna whoop _you_ if you don't get dressed and come and eat your breakfast right now!" Carl replied.

"I _am_ dressed!" she retorted in her sassiest voice.

"No, you're not. You can't wear your swimsuit to go visit Dad," Carl replied, trying his best to not yell.

"We're going to see Daddy?" she squealed as she threw her doll onto the bathroom floor.

"I told you that already. He woke up yesterday and he wants to see you and Judy, but you can't go dressed like that. Put on some normal clothes and fix your hair."

"Mama fixes it and anyways I like my hair big," Judy shouted as she stripped off her swimsuit and opened her dresser drawer to retrieve proper clothing.

"Fine, just get dressed and come and eat your breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

"Eva Grimes, you're driving me crazy!" Carl exclaimed. "If you don't eat your breakfast, you can't go see Dad. Got it?" Carl walked back into the kitchen and sat at the table. He dug into his eggs and peaches and looked at Judy. "How do Mom and Dad deal with her every day?"

"She's in trouble _all_ the time. She got sent home from school a couple weeks ago 'cause she punched some boy in the face. Mama spanks her but Daddy just makes her stand in the corner. I think Daddy should start spanking her too."

"Probably," Carl said. "You don't give them any trouble do you?"

"Of course not," Judy replied proudly. She took another few bites of her food then looked up at her big brother with apprehension. "Carl, if I tell you a secret, will you not tell anyone?"

"Well what's the secret?"

"I can't tell you if you're just gonna tell on me."

"Well is it something really bad?"

"No, I'm not stupid," Judith said, insulted that he would imply that she was capable of doing something really bad.

"Alright, if it's not too bad, I won't tell on you."

"Promise?"

"If you promise it's not too bad, and I rat you out anyway, I'll let you poke my other eye out."

Judith laughed, then after a few seconds, spoke in all seriousness. "Every night, I pretend to be asleep when Mama and Daddy check on me. And then when they leave, I stay up and read."

Carl chuckled softly. "That's not too bad so I won't tell. But if Mom or Dad catch you, you're gonna be in big trouble."

"Eva's so bad all the time, that I don't think I'd get in too much trouble if they found out."

"You're probably right. And don't worry, I've proven no matter how much trouble you get into, they'll still love you. I guess we're all stuck with each other."

Judith looked up from her plate again. "Do you have any secrets, Carl?"

"Did you just tell me one of yours so I would tell you one of mine?" Carl asked smiling.

Judy smiled back. "Well it's fun to tell a secret but it's even more fun to hear one."

"Well I can't argue with that logic."

"So do you have one?" Judy prodded.

"Hmm," Carl said, scrunching his lips. "Well I don't know if it's a secret or not but I've never told anyone."

"What?" Judy asked with excitement.

"I'm in love with a girl."

"Are you talking about Clem? That's not a secret!"

"How did you know?"

"Because she's your best friend and you're always happy whenever you're around her."

"Well that's the only good secret I've got."

"Well did you _tell_ her you love her?" Carl nodded slowly with a grin. "Does she love you back?" Carl nodded again. "Do you kiss her?" Carl nodded a third time. "Are you going to marry her some day?"

Carl stared off dreamily. "I hope so. She's still young so I don't think she would want to marry me any time soon. It's all pretty new so she probably wants to go slow." Carl lowered his voice and moved his face closer to Judith's. "Here's a pretty good secret, Jude: I'd marry her tomorrow if she wanted to."

"I won't tell anyone," Judith smiled with a mischievous look.

"I think you're right: secrets are more fun if you get to hear one and you get to tell one."

Eva loudly marched into the kitchen. Her wild Afro bounced on her head as she plopped herself down at the table and crossed her arms.

"I want to see Daddy so hurry up and eat, Eva," Judith instructed her little sister.

"You're not my boss," Eva said glaring back at Judy.

Carl shot her a look that meant business. "Well I _am_ your boss. Eat!"

Eva picked up her fork and started to eat slowly. "You're mean, Carl. When will Mama be back home?"

"I don't know. She's helping take care of Dad right now."

"Well why can't Liv or Clementine watch us? They're nicer than you!"

"They have jobs to do. Everyone here on the island has jobs to do so we're taking turns watching you. Besides, did you ever think that maybe I miss you and I want to hang out with you once in a while?"

"No," Eva replied in a cheeky tone.

"Clem and Liv might be nicer but they're not as much fun as me," Carl said smirking. "They can't be as good of a pirate as I can. They don't even have a cool eye patch like me."

"You're not a _real_ pirate," Eva stated.

"Yes he is," Judy retorted as she grinned at Carl. "And if you make him mad, he'll steal all your toys and take them to his pirate ship on the lake."

"Nuh uh," Eva said giggling and stuffing peaches into her mouth.

"Yes I will!" Carl said in his best pirate voice as he crept over to Eva's chair.

"You can't get none of my toys, dummy!" Eva shouted before Carl attacked her with tickles. He picked her up and spun her in the air as she laughed and screamed.

Carl finally set her down then went to grab her shoes. He came back and slipped them on her feet while she poked at her eggs. "You know there's no wasting food Eva," Carl said sternly. "You just have two more bites of eggs and then we can go see Dad." The promise of seeing her daddy motivated the audacious, little six year old and she chowed down the last of her breakfast.

Carl got a clean, wet rag and wiped Eva's sticky hands and face. Judy placed the empty dishes in the sink while Carl wiped the table down. As the three walked out the door, Carl took each of his sister's hands in his as they made their way to the infirmary. Carl had a grin on his face that surprised him. He had always loved his little sisters, of course. At any point in his life, he would have given everything for the girls, up to his very last breath. But spending this time with them over the last few days, made him realize just how special they each were to him... _why_ he loved them.

Carl thought of all the time he had wasted drinking and getting high. All the time he'd spent with strangers in his bed. All the time he'd spent avoiding the people he loved the most. He wished he could have gone back and done things differently. He wished he had been the brother Judith and Eva deserved...the son his parents deserved. He couldn't go back though. He couldn't change the last three years. He could only do better now. He would.


	45. Chapter 45

**October 15, 2019: Father Knows Best**

"Daddy!" Eva shouted as she ran into Rick's room at the infirmary.

"Careful," Michonne said to Eva. "Don't climb on top of him."

"I'll be okay," Rick said as he smiled at his daughters. "I need some big hugs from my girls."

"Okay well just be gentle with Daddy," Michonne said protectively of her husband.

Rick scooted his body over to one side of the hospital bed. "Why don't you come snuggle with me and tell me what you've been up to."

Eva climbed into bed and laid next to her daddy. She praddled on and on and on about all the different things she found interesting. She jumped from one thing to another chaotically – learning to swim, finding her favorite doll under the sofa and getting better at writing her name in school.

A huge smile appeared on Eva's face as she looked up into Rick's blue eyes. "Daddy can we have a cat?"

"A cat? Where you gonna get a cat?"

"Hershel's cat, Angel had 5 kittens and Maggie said I could have one. Can I have one please, Daddy?"

"Well I think I'll have to talk to Mama about it," Rick replied as he looked up at Michonne. "A cat is a big responsibility."

"I can take care of a cat easy. I can feed and give it a bath."

Rick chuckled warmly. "Cats don't really like baths, Eva."

"Well mine will," Eva said with certainty. "I already know what I'm gonna name it too."

"What's that?" Rick asked.

"I'm gonna name it Toto!"

"Toto? How come?"

"Cause that's the name of Dorothy's dog in _Wizard of Oz_ and I just saw _Wizard of Oz_ and that's my favorite movie and that's what I'm gonna name my cat. Okay Daddy?"

"Toto. Okay then."

"So I can name the cat Toto?"

"That's not what I said," Rick replied with a grin. "What did I say?"

Eva put her hands on Rick's face and squeezed his cheeks playfully. "I can't remember."

"I said I'll talk with Mama about the...the, the, the, the..." Rick closed his eyes and grimaced. "I'll talk with Mama about it."

Eva climbed over Rick and put her arms around Michonne's neck. She looked her straight in the eyes as she spoke quietly. "Mama, say yes when Daddy talks to you about the cat, okay."

Michonne smiled and shook her head. "Eva Jo, you are something else. Give Daddy a hug goodbye and go play in the backyard."

Eva exchanged affectionate hugs and kisses with her daddy then promptly ran off to play in the yard with Sasha and Davis.

Rick looked over at Judith next and extended his arms out to her. "Now I get hugs from my big girl."

Judith came to her dad's bedside. She walked slowly and somberly, staring at the white gauze wrapped around his head. She carefully sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around him tightly. As soon as her head rested on his chest the tears flowed freely from her eyes.

"Hey, what are you cryin' for?" he asked as he brushed her hair behind her ear.

"I was scared Daddy. I thought you were going to die and that Mama and Eva and me would be all alone."

Rick pulled Judith in even closer as he comforted her. "I'm okay Pumpkin. I'll be okay. I think we all got scared for a little bit but I'm okay and I'm gonna stick around for a long time." Rick kissed her on the top of her head as she continued to hold on to him for dear life.

"Also Daddy, I've really missed you. When are you coming home?"

"Bob says I can go home in two or three days."

"Really?" she asked, her brown eyes widening.

"Really," Rick confirmed as he held her securely. He looked up at Michonne for a long time before he turned his eyes to Carl. "Judy, I am coming home soon and I'm real happy about that but there are some things that are going to be a lot different."

"Like what?"

"Well," Rick said slowly and calmly, "I can't exactly walk just yet."

"What?" Carl asked, making no attempt to hold back his shock. Michonne immediately shot him a look.

"You can't walk?" Judith asked in astonishment. She was frightened by the revelation but tried her best not to break down in tears again.

"Not right at the moment but Bob thinks I'll be able to again soon if I work real hard at it," Rick replied with a tranquil, matter-of-fact tone.

"I thought you hit your head though. Why can't you walk?"

"Well your brain is an amazing thing. It's like the boss of the rest of your body. It tells all your other body parts - your arms, your legs, your heart - it tells all of them what to do. When I hit my head, my brain stopped telling my legs what to do. But if I work on it, I can make my brain do what I want again."

"You can do anything Daddy. You're the strongest man in the world and I know you'll be able to walk again."

Rick held back his tears and smiled at his little girl. "I think if I have you in my corner, cheering me on like that, you're right."

"What can I do to help you Daddy...so that you get better faster?"

"You can help Mama and Carl with Eva. Help around the house more. Keep up with your schoolwork."

Michonne grabbed Judith's hand, giving it a squeeze. "Judy already does all those things. She's so grown up and such a big help to me. When you come home she's going to do a great job helping take care of the family. And if we get a cat you're gonna have to make sure Eva doesn't try to give it any baths."

Judy finally smiled. "Okay Mama."

"Hey Pumpkin, we need to talk to Carl for just a little bit more. Why don't you give your Daddy a big kiss and then go see what your sister is up to. Make sure she's listening to Sasha." Judith kissed Rick as he held her tightly. "Hey, I'm gonna need one of those too," Michonne said as she held out her arms. Judith went to her and embraced her warmly. Michonne closed her eyes and sighed as she took in the affection from her daughter. It had been a long couple of days and the simple hug soothed her weary soul.

As soon as Judy walked away and Michonne heard the backdoor close, she looked over at Carl. "There's more we need to tell you."

"What?" Carl asked anxiously.

Rick and Michonne looked at their son. "It's not just about your dad not being able to walk. He has a lot he's going to be dealing with over the next few weeks, months...probably even years. Are you ready for all this?"

Carl swallowed apprehensively, then nodded.

"Brain injuries are apparently very complicated. Since I woke up yesterday, that's proven to be true."

"What exactly is wrong with you?" Carl asked.

"Well, for starters, sometimes I can't talk quite right. I keep repeating the same word over and over again. And I might have a hard time remembering the right word to say or someone's name. I might talk like I'm not making sense or slur. My eyesight gets real blurry. It comes and goes. Last night, it went away completely for about 30 seconds. It came back but I'm not gonna lie, it was scary. Then this morning, I had a seizure. It wasn't bad and it didn't hurt me but that was scary too, especially for your mom." Rick stated as a haggard look appeared on his face. It was as if it was exhausting just _talking_ about all that was physically wrong with him and the difficult road ahead for everyone. Although Carl felt like he'd heard enough, his father continued. "Bob says other things could happen too. He says with head injuries like this, it's not uncommon for there to be some pretty bad mood swings. He said a lot of people get really angry and agitated...depressed. My long term and short term memory could both be affected."

Michonne held Rick's hand as she looked from him to Carl. "Now just because these things _can_ happen, doesn't mean they will. Bob said these are kind of worse case scenarios."

"I just want to prepare you for what things could look like for me. I want us to all be ready for whatever's ahead. It's a blessing that my head wasn't hurt worse and that I'm still here. I fell two stories and I'm talking to you right now. If I had fallen just an inch or two over, I would have been impaled on a piece of re-bar that was sticking out of some concrete."

Rick breathed in and out slowly. "Things aren't going to be easy for me though. And because they're not going to be easy for me, they're not going to be easy for anyone else. I'm gonna need a lot of help." Rick looked down and stared at Michonne's hand in his. He was feeling broken and humbled knowing just how much he was going to have to depend on her for everything. But as he looked from her hand up into the gentleness of her returning gaze, he was also relieved. Relieved that he had someone so strong, devoted and loving by his side.

Carl stepped up closer to the bed and sat in the adjacent chair. "Dad, you're strong. You can beat this."

"There's not going to be any beating this, Carl. It's not a disease. This is something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. We won't know how bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, it's, it's, it's, it's..." Rick tilted his head and closed his eyes tightly, frustrated with his inability to complete his sentence. He rubbed his temple as a pain shot through his head.

Carl looked at his dad with a mix of horror and anguish. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. The man who took down Shane and the Governor was not the man he was looking at today. Carl watched his father tackle another man off the roof at the library to save his family, but today he was exhausted and hurting. The man who had safely led his family through hell, from Atlanta, to the farm, to the prison, to the library, to this island...he couldn't even walk or talk properly. This larger than life hero was broken and Carl couldn't make sense of it. Carl turned away from his father trying to hide the tears that ran down the side of his face.

"Hey," Rick said stoically. "It's gonna be alright. No matter what things look like, we _will_ get through this."

"I know," Carl replied. "I know we will. It's just that it's hard to see..." Carl stopped. He didn't want his dad to see the pity he was feeling for him in this moment. That would make him feel just as bad as any handicap.

Rick leaned his head down. "I get it. It's hard for you to see me like this." Rick held his head back up and looked his son straight in the face. "But this is life now. This is my new reality. It's humbling to not be able to take care of myself. It's gonna be hard for the whole family. But you know what? There's a silver lining in this cloud."

"And what would that be?" Carl asked, trying to hide his distress.

Rick sighed and smiled. "Whether I like it or not, I'm off the job. I'm taking an early retirement – at least for now. My only responsibility besides physical and occupational therapy, will be to be a dad...a husband. I'm gonna have more time with my family than I've ever had before. Believe it or not, the thought of that actually makes me really happy."

"Glenn told me the council already recruited a few others to help you with security," Michonne said.

"Stay focused on security, Carl. You know what you're doing now and there's no one I trust with our security more than you," Rick added.

"I can do that. But who's going to take over for you as far as leading...I mean, leading all of us?" Carl asked anxiously. "There's no one on the island that can so it as good as you – well except for mom," Carl stated, immediately correcting himself.

"It won't be me. Your dad is going to need a lot of help for who knows how long. I need to be with him and the girls. Eventually I'll get back to my normal job position but I won't be taking on any more duties."

Rick shook his head casually. "I'm not worried about it and you shouldn't be either. The council will find the right person to lead."

"Maybe it'll be you," Michonne said. "Glenn said your name came up more than once."

Carl stood up and laughed the suggestion off. "That's stupid. I'm too young. I think you should rethink who's making decisions on your council if they're considering me. There's other people way more qualified than me."

"What exactly makes them more qualified?" Michonne asked. "You grew up in this and you know what you're doing. You've fought just as hard as anyone here for the life we have. You've sacrificed a lot for what we have. You're smart and capable and strong. You're a natural leader, Carl."

The room fell silent as Carl contemplated what he was hearing.

"I heard what you did a few days ago," Rick said. "You saved that woman and her son. You went out with Clem and you were ready for time to yourself and to have fun. But then life happened, the way it always does, and you saved her. You saved her baby."

"I wouldn't have been able to save them if it weren't for Clem and... and Winnie," Carl replied as he hung his head.

"Well a good leader knows the best people to have at his side," Rick replied then remained quiet for a few moments "I'm really sorry about Winnie. I know how much she meant to you. I know what a loss you're feeling."

Carl went to open his mouth to respond but he couldn't. He stood up and turned around, curbing the emotions he was feeling about his beloved dog. Carl wasn't anxious to get back to the subject at hand but he certainly didn't want to talk about Winnie anymore. "Saving that lady...saving her baby, anyone would have done that," Carl finally stated.

Michonne tilted her head as she looked back at him."You know better than that. A lot of people wouldn't have risked their life for another person, especially a stranger. And even those that would have, it doesn't mean they _could_ have. You knew the right thing to do and then you actually did it."

"I still don't think that makes me ready for anything. I've already screwed so many things up and everyone on this island knows it. I've made so many mistakes and if anyone gives me more responsibility, it'll just be more for me to fail at."

Rick looked away and chuckled. "You think being a good leader means not making any mistakes? Not failing?"

"Well, I don't know. I guess it..."

"It doesn't," Rick stated. "It doesn't mean being perfect. It doesn't mean leading perfectly. It doesn't mean you, you, you, you, you, know, know, know...It doesn't mean you know what to do in every situation." Rick lay silent for a moment, reflecting on what his role as leader meant to him. He finally met Carl's gaze with his own. "It means that even though you're leading, you put others ahead of yourself. It means that you go where you need to go - unafraid. It means that even when you _are_ afraid, you go anyway. It means listening to those around you and weighing what you hear with wisdom. It means loving the people you lead. I see all of that in you."

"I don't think I'm ready for that. I don't know that I would ever be ready." Carl looked at his parents. He was waiting for one of them to agree with him. Waiting for one of them to come to their senses, be the voice of reason and saythat maybe Carl _wasn't_ ready. They didn't. Instead they looked back at him with a look of calm confidence. Carl thought of his parents belief in him. He thought about how Clem believed in him. Why was it so hard for him to believe in himself? As well as they all knew him, surely he knew himself even better.

"Do you remember when your mom signed you up for football?" Rick asked. "I think you were about 10 or 11. I wish I still had that picture of you wearing your uniform and your helmet. The helmet was so big, it looked like you had a watermelon on your head." Rick laughed.

"Looks like your long-term memory is working just fine," Carl replied with a smirk.

Rick continued, staring ahead as he reminisced. "I remember after your first practice how mad you were that she signed you up. You were smaller than all the other kids. Most of them had been playing longer. You kept getting knocked down. You couldn't catch the ball, couldn't throw the ball - you weren't very good at first. You wanted to quit after that very first week...remember that?"

Carl nodded. "You're really gonna compare this - leading everyone on this island, all these people - to playing football when I was 10?"

"Yeah, I am. I think that's why parents used to get their kids into sports back then. It's good physical training and discipline, shows you how to be a part of a team, how to win, how to lose, how to follow, how to lead. It's a great allegory for life."

"Fair enough, I guess."

"My point is, you didn't want to play. You saw what you were up against, you saw how you'd been hit before and you didn't want to get hit anymore so you decided you didn't even wanna try. You begged us to quit and I was gonna let you. It was your mom who actually wanted you to stick it out. It was a little strange because she usually babied you. But not this time. This time she told you to stick it out – at least for a season. So you did. You did stick it out. And what happened?"

Carl didn't answer. Rick stayed quiet and stared at his son expectantly. "Well someone better tell me what happened," Michonne said. She placed her hand on Carl's shoulder. "This was a whole part of your life that I never got to be a part of and I need to hear about it."

A sly grin appeared on Carl's face as he looked at his mom. "I found out I could run."

"That's right. You could run. Ran faster than anyone else on that whole damn team. You figured out pretty quick that if, if, if, if you, you, you didn't want to get knocked down, you'd better run faster than the rest of them. You became the star running back and scored how many touchdowns that first season?"

"Twenty-seven touchdowns and ran for about 1200 yards. But who's counting?" The three of them laughed. When the room was quiet again, Carl looked up at Rick. "Yeah Dad, I'm sure scoring all those touchdowns means I'll be a great leader," he stated with an air of restrained sarcasm.

Rick patted his son's hand as he rested his head back on his pillow. He closed his eyes peacefully and sighed. "There's a lot of things that are gonna make you a great leader, Carl. A lot of things."

Carl looked from Michonne to his dad. "Okay Dad. If you say so."

 **A/N:** Well here's another chapter friends. Thank you again for continuing to read my little story and supporting me. Special shout-outs to can08writer for giving me the Tumblr shout-out and to Bwy5 who filled my inbox with comments on just about every chapter of Ten Thousand Days. Comments and feedback are so encouraging to a writer in this forum and I won't shy away from saying that I love getting them!

I also had the opportunity to see the mid-season premier early and I loved it. I've been a huge fan of season 9 even without Rick Grimes. :( The Whisperers are legit scary and I'm excited to see where things are going in the new Walking Dead world. I miss Carl and Rick and all the others we've lost but I can't imagine not watching. Anyhow, God bless you all! XOXO


	46. Chapter 46

**October 23, 2019: Know Me**

Carl stepped out of the shower and reached for the towel hanging on the adjacent hook. He quickly dried himself off and wrapped the towel around his waist. He walked into his bedroom and grabbed a pair of boxers and sweatpants from his dresser. He put them on then walked into the small living room of his modest cabin. He practically threw himself onto the sofa, exhausted from another long day.

Earlier that night, Carl was at his parent's house, cooking, cleaning and watching his sisters. Michonne helped settle Rick into bed with a good book then walked into the kitchen and saw Carl standing at the sink scrubbing a pot. "I thought you were going to go home tonight."

"I just wanted to finish the dishes then I was going to head out," Carl replied.

"You made the best spaghetti I've had in a long time and got the girls to bed. You don't have to do the dishes too."

"I don't mind."

"Go home," she instructed him taking the pot out of his hand. "Take a shower and get a good night's sleep in your own bed. Liv is watching the girls all day tomorrow so I can help your dad with his physical therapy. Tomorrow he wants to try walking again."

"I should be there too," Carl replied anxiously.

"No," Michonne stated nonchalantly. "Let me help your dad with this by myself for now."

"Why?" Carl asked with a note of suspicion.

Michonne sighed thoughtfully. She motioned for Carl to step into another room with her as she spoke with a hushed voice. "Your dad would never admit this but I know him. It's really hard for him to have you see him like this."

"It shouldn't be."

"Well maybe it shouldn't be but it is. It would be hard on anybody to be knocked off of a pedestal and into a wheelchair." Carl remained quiet for a few moments. It hadn't occurred to him that his dad might feel this way and he didn't know exactly what to make of these feelings. "His P.T. is going really well. He's even stronger than we all thought he was. Let me be the one to help him with these really hard parts. Then you – you get to be the one he impresses in another week when he's killing it."

"Don't you think it's hard for him to have you see him go through all this too?"

"Yeah probably, but it's different. A lot different."

"A _lot_ different? How?"

"A husband and wife know each other. They know every single part, good and bad. What the other one's breath smells like fist thing in the morning...their bathroom schedule...the differences in all their laughs and smiles...what makes them tick...what turns them on...what they're thinking...what they really want in life...their biggest disappointments. All of it. Your dad has seen every single side of me and I've seen every side of him. Theirs no hiding in a marriage. Not in a good marriage, anyway."

Carl nodded slowly. "Okay. I'll let you two do what you have to do together. I'll give you some space."

"Just for a little bit, I promise. Now go home and get some rest. You've been running yourself ragged and you need it."

"What about you? You need to rest too," Carl argued.

"I just got your dad into bed and I'm going to cuddle up right next to him and get some sleep too. Just take care of yourself so that you can help me when I _do_ need it, okay?"

"Okay," Carl conceded. He wrapped his arms around Michonne and held her in a secure embrace. "Love you Mom."

Michonne quickly kissed him on the cheek as she practically pushed him out the door. "Love you too kid, now get out of here."

Now Carl reclined on the couch and sighed. His mother was right. He needed to rest. He needed to take care of himself and it felt good to be back in his own space again after spending several nights at his parent's home.

Carl stared ahead at Winnie's dog bed next to the small wood stove. Just next to her bed were her food and water bowls. He could see mold growing on a clump of rice and carrots in the bowl. He was inclined to ignore it like he had the last few times he noticed it, but instead he went to the dog bowl and picked it up. He carried it to the trash and emptied the moldy rice and carrots into the can. He stared at the empty dog bowl for a few seconds before dropping the dish into the can too.

Carl heard the doorknob rattle and he knew it had to be Clem. He sprinted into the bathroom as she opened the front door. He grabbed his eye patch off the bathroom sink and slid it over his face. He came back into the living room as he made a slight adjustment to the patch so that it covered his eye socket perfectly.

"Hey," Carl said casually as he walked towards Clem. He gave her a peck on the lips then walked over to a bakers rack that he used as a makeshift kitchen. "Are you hungry or thirsty? Judith baked an apple pie and sent me home with a huge piece. You wanna share it?"

"Apple pie? Heck yeah I wanna share it," she replied as she sat on the sofa. "Sorry I'm so late. I've been teaching Morgan how to play the guitar. He's kind of a terrible guitar player but he's a good student."

"That's funny," Carl said chuckling. "Does he know how bad he is?"

"Not a clue," Clem said with a smirk. She looked over at Carl and saw how tired he looked. He'd had one long day after another. "You tired?"

"So tired," he said as he handed her the plate of pie and a glass of water. He sat on the sofa next to her and laid his head back. "Everything going on with my dad and watching the girls. Then today I finally got back to my regular work schedule. I checked all our guard towers and posts, on and off the island, checked in with my team. Then as soon as I was done with that, I was back with Judy and Eva."

"You're working so hard," Clem said sympathetically. She stood from the sofa and set the pie and glass of water on the coffee table. "If you need to go to bed I'll just go home and see you tomorrow."

Carl grabbed her hand. He spun her back towards himself and pulled her onto his lap. "I _was_ going to bed but I definitely don't want you to leave. I'm so glad to see you."

"I was surprised you were even here. I was headed for your parent's house but I saw the light on in your cabin."

"Michonne finally kicked me out. She told me to take a shower and sleep in my own bed."

"I'm glad she made you take a shower. You smell good." Clem buried her face into Carl's neck inhaling deeply before moving over to his lips and kissing him sweetly. She laid back on the sofa as she stared up at Carl and smiled. She grabbed the pie again then sprawled out on the sofa, resting her legs comfortably on his lap.

Carl untied her boots and slipped them off her feet. He threw them across the room and they both laughed when one of her boots landed on the small kitchen table, knocking a glass to the floor.

"Oops," Carl said casually as he half-grinned.

"Uh, where exactly were you aiming?" Clem asked, still laughing.

"Clearly I wasn't aiming at all," he replied, "and don't worry, they're ugly dishes." He pulled her socks off next, rolled them together in a ball and dropped them on the floor. Carl moved his fingertips softly across the top of her bare feet. Clem took a bite of pie then closed her eyes. His gentle touch on her skin felt glorious.

"You've never touched my feet before," she said with a full mouth as she stretched her arm out to feed him a bite of pie.

Carl crinkled his nose up and smiled as he chewed. "That's a weird thing to say."

"It's not weird. It's just an observation. You've never touched them before," Clem said with a giddy tone as she stuffed more pie into her mouth. "This was the first time. There will never be another first time that you touched my feet."

Carl leaned his head back and chuckled softly. "I guess you're right."

"And I'll never forget it either. I'll always remember you throwing my boot onto the kitchen table, and the glass breaking, and then sharing apple pie while you touched my feet. And I'll always remember how we laughed and how good it felt."

"How good it felt to laugh or how good it felt me touching your feet?"

"Both," Clem replied as she fed him more pie.

"Well I'm glad the first time I touched your feet made such a big impression on you."

"Me too," Clem said as she leaned her head into her shoulder and gave Carl the sweetest smile he could ever remember seeing on her face. She took the last bite of pie and set the plate on the coffee table. She sighed then reached over and held his free hand. "You know, you'll always be the first boy I ever loved. The first boy I ever kissed. And then I think of all that we have ahead for us...it's so exciting. I can't wait for all the 'first times' with you."

Carl continued to caress her feet. "I can't wait either, Clem."

"I love the way you say my name...like you're the only one who really knows me."

"Maybe I _am_ the only one. It's pretty amazing that I get to be the only one to really know you and you get to be the only one who really knows _me_."

"You don't think Holly really knew you?" Clem asked, immediately regretting bringing up that ghost from the past. She quickly sensed that Carl was alright with her question when his gentle touch continued uninterrupted.

"I don't know how she could. I mean, how could she possibly know me if I didn't even know myself,."

"You've changed so much since then, Carl."

"And you saw it all. The good and the bad."

"Does it bother you to talk about your past?"

"Not with you," Carl scoffed. "It's like I said, you already know me."

"It's funny because as much as we know each other, there's still a lot more to learn."

"True."

"Everyone in the entire world should have at least one person that completely knows them...all the good parts, the bad, the stupid, the ugly, the beautiful...all of it."

"That's funny, Michonne said something just like that to me tonight." Carl looked over at Clem thoughtfully. "I'm glad you're my one person."

Clem sat up and moved her body closer to Carl's. She held his face in her hands as she gently pushed her lips onto his. "I'm glad you're mine."

"Come here," Carl said pulling her on top of his lap. She threw her legs over Carl, straddling him as she knelt on the couch. She leaned down, kissing him again, this time more intensely. He rested his hands on her hips as she dragged her lips down his neck and onto his bare chest. She moved her mouth back up to his lips again, unable to decide where she wanted to keep it. She settled on his mouth, kissing him hard and sliding her tongue inside.

Carl wrapped his arms around Clem's back and held her body tightly against his. He excitedly rolled her onto her back, not letting his lips break away from hers as he now straddled her. He pulled away and moved his mouth to her ear. He spoke breathlessly between the fervent but soft kisses."I've never felt this way before, Clem. I don't think I've ever wanted anything more than I want you right now." Carl finally pulled his lips off of her and looked into the warmth of her eyes. "I've never loved someone as much as I love you, Clementine."

Clem returned the intensity of his gaze. "It scares me, Carl."

"What does?"

"The way I feel too."

"How do you feel?" he asked as he ran his fingers through her hair.

Clem turned her stare away from Carl. "Like I can't even look at you and like my heart could explode out of my chest. Like every part of my body feels more of everything," she looked back up at him, breathing heavily. "Like I have you right here with me but I still want even more of you. Does that even make sense?"

Carl nodded his head slowly.

"Is this really what being in love feels like?" Clementine asked. Carl nodded again then leaned down to kiss her once more.

Carl and Clem's bodies tangled and pressed together as the passionate kissing continued. Clem's hands moved across the bare skin on his back and her nails dug into his flesh.. Carl braced himself up with his left hand as he moved his other hand from her around her neck down to her chest. His hand had a mind of its own and found itself moving under her shirt towards her breast. Immediately he sat up and pulled his hand away, abruptly ending the lustful exchange.

"I'm sorry," Carl said shaking his head and standing up. "I didn't mean to do that."

Clem sat up and looked at him, panting and confused. "Do what? What's wrong?"

"I can't do this," he said as he took a deep breath.

"Do what, Carl?"

"This...what I want to do. I can't."

"Why?"

"That's not who I am anymore. I'm not the stupid kid that just does whatever the hell he wants. I'm not just going to have sex with you because it's what I want."

"It's not just what you want, Carl. It's what I want too."

"I can't help it. I've messed up so much and I don't want to do that with you too...I _can't_.

"I'm not something you're going to 'mess up'. You have to quit treating me like someone you have to be careful with. I'm not going to have you treating me like a doll on a shelf that you're afraid you're going to break. I trust you and you have to trust me too."

"Clem, I mess things up and then I try to fix it and I just make things worse. I'm not going to do that with you. I care about you too much to just let things happen like that. I want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I want to do things right this time. I want to..." Carl paused and looked away.

"You want to what?" Clem asked impatiently.

Carl looked around the room and remained silent momentarily. "I want you to know that I mean it."

"You think I don't know that?"

"The very first time I kissed you, you thought you were just another girl and that's not who you are to me - not at all."

"I thought that a long time ago...I don't think it anymore. I know you and I know how you feel about me."

"Well good. I never want you to doubt it."

"I never will."

"And you feel the same way about me?"

"Of course I do," Clem said smiling and pulling on his hand.

Carl knelt on the floor in front of her. He took both her hands in his and kissed them both softly. "I want to be with you forever. I want to know you want to be with _me_ forever. I want for us to give ourselves to each other completely. I want to..." Carl said staring straight into her eyes. "I want to marry you, Clem."

Clementine held either side of his face in her hands. "You think you have to marry me to prove to me that I'm not like everyone else? You think that's what it will take to convince me that you really love me?"

Carl shook his head. "That's not why. I want to marry you because I don't want to spend another second away from you. I don't want to go another day without calling the girl I love mine forever. Because I want to wake up next to you every day of my life. Because I'm sure about us. Because I don't ever want you to leave my side. Because for some stupid reason everyone on this damn island thinks that I should lead and I don't want to do it. But I think maybe I could if I had you next to me. I want you to be right next to me in everything."

Clem shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe this."

"I know. I know it's fast. You can tell me I'm being crazy or stupid and I'll shut up and we'll do things like normal people...whatever that looks like."

Clem pulled Carl's lips to hers and kissed him. When she finally pulled away, she leaned her head on his. "I'll be crazy with you. I'll wake up next to you and be with you forever. I'll marry you, Carl Grimes. Just say when."

"Right now," Carl said standing up.

"Right now?" Clem asked with surprise.

"Yeah, right now, that's what I meant. You said earlier that you can't wait to have all your firsts with me and I said I can't wait either."

"I guess I didn't know we meant 'can't wait' literally," Clem replied.

"I know with everything inside of me that I want you forever. If you're sure too, then why would we wait another second?"

"We wouldn't, " Clem said dreamily as she stood up in front of Carl.

"So is that a yes?" Carl asked. Clem nodded.

The intense energy surging all around them made Clementine quiver as she held Carl's hands in hers. Carl caressed her shoulder trying to soothe her. "Are you nervous?"

"Yeah," Clem nodded her head and smiled. "But I think I'm more excited. Like when we jumped off those rocks into the waterfalls."

"And you're sure about this? I don't want to pressure you to do something you're not ready to do."

Clem gripped and twisted Carl's hands firmly as she looked around. The room fell silent before she finally turned her eyes back onto Carl. "I've never been more sure of anything," she replied with confidence.

Carl inhaled and exhaled slowly as he held her hands and stared into her eyes. "Clementine, I promise to you and I promise to God that I'll never leave your side. I promise to take care of you and let you take care of me no matter what. I promise that I'll do anything and I'll give anything to love you and protect you. I love you right now and I promise to love you, and only you Clementine, til the day I die."

"I promise too, Carl. I promise God and you and everyone else in this world that I'll love you forever. I'll take care of you and let you take care of me. I promise that I'll love you with everything inside of me...forever."

The two young lovers stood still in the dim and quiet room holding hands and contemplating all that was just said to the other and all that it meant. The surreal feelings were exhilarating.

"Is that it?" Clem asked. "Does saying all that mean that we're married?"

"That's what it means to me," Carl stated, smiling from ear to ear. "I now pronounce us husband and wife." He scooped her up in his arms and Clem squealed with delight. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. They kissed each other madly as Carl carried her into the bedroom. He carefully laid her on the bed as they continued to kiss.

Carl's hands traveled all over her body uninhibited. Clem's hands reached down and slid Carl sweatpants down over his hips. He wiggled and kicked them off with his legs still not wanting to take his lips away from hers. Once Carl's pants were off, he pushed her shirt up and over her head. As soon as her shirt was off, Clem moved her hands to cover her breasts.

"What?" Carl asked slightly confused. "You don't want me to see you naked?"

"No one's ever seen me naked. I mean not since I was like three years old," Clementine said demurely as she bit her lip and darted her eyes from side to side. She looked straight up at Carl. "I've never seen a man naked either. Oh my gosh that sounds so stupid," she said covering her face with her other hand.

"You said you were excited for all our firsts."

"I know. I _am_ excited. I'm just...I'm just nervous. The only experience I've had with all this is Eugene teaching that anatomy class at the library when I was thirteen. I mean I've seen drawings but..."

Carl collapsed on top of Clem as he laughed hysterically. Clem moved her hand from her face and slapped Carl on the arm as they both roared with laughter. "Don't laugh at me!"

Carl finally stopped laughing and looked at Clem in all seriousness. "Okay, rule number one in the bedroom: don't bring up school _or_ Eugene."

"Okay, okay," Clem said smiling. "I'm sorry. I'm just nervous, okay?"

"Alright, fair enough. Do you want to ask me anything?"

Clem paused momentarily as she bit her lip again. "Is it going to hurt?"

Carl had never seen Clementine like this. She was only eighteen years old but she was more confident and fearless than any girl Carl had ever known. Her shyness and vulnerability in this moment, endeared her all the more to him. "I could never hurt you. If anything doesn't feel right, just tell me. We can take things as slow as you want. If you're not ready we can..."

"No, I'm ready. I just...just go slow, okay?"

Carl nodded his head and smiled calmly. They both continued to undress, stopping to kiss and touch each other. Clem still modestly kept her arm over her chest, scared to let this last bit of herself to be exposed.

"Do you want me to blow the candles out so it's darker?" Carl asked.

"No," Clem said trying to slow her breathing down. "Just give me a second."

Carl stared into her eyes adoringly as he patiently waited for her to make the next move. Clem, still covering her chest, moved her free hand to his face. She let her fingertips trail slowly across his cheek until they touched right below his eye patch. Carl flinched, moving his face away.

"Take this off," Clem said gently.

"Why?" Carl replied.

"I want to see all of you. I don't want you to be afraid to let me see you."

Carl shook his head. "It's horrible. You don't want to see it, Clem. Trust me."

"I could never think anything about you is horrible. It's not even possible. If I say I love you, that means I love every part of you." Clem waited patiently as she kept her hand on Carl's face. Carl looked into her eyes now feeling very nervous himself.

"Nobody has ever seen it, not even my mom and dad," Carl said."I just want tonight to be perfect, Clem. I want this life we're starting together, to start out perfectly. If you see my eye..."

"Tonight is going to be perfect no matter what," Clem assured him. Carl was quiet and Clem now waited patiently for him. "Hey, it's okay if you don't want me to see. If you're not ready to show me, I won't be upset. I know that you'll be okay with me seeing it some day."

Clementine moved her arm away from her chest, leaving her breasts completely exposed. She let her arm fall above her head as she breathed in and out. Carl leaned down to kiss her but stopped as soon as his lips touched hers.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing's wrong," Carl replied. He raised his head back up and stared down at her nervously. He moved his hand from her body to his face. He pulled the eye patch over his head and exhaled. It was now Carl that felt vulnerable and more naked than he'd ever felt before. He turned his face to the right, trying to lessen the exposure. Clem immediately placed her hands on either side of his face and brought his gaze back to her. She stared up at him lovingly as she pulled him closer to herself. She moved her lips slowly across his cheek and to his scarred and wounded eye. She gently kissed the space where his eye had once been. Carl quivered and Clem moved her lips back down to his.

Their unveiled bodies pressed together as they held each other and kissed.

"I love you, Carl," she whispered simply.

"I love you, Clementine," he whispered back.

A calm and confident smile appeared on Clementine's face. "I'm ready."

…..

Carl awoke the next morning with his arms secured around Clem. His body fit around hers perfectly as they laid naked under the blanket. He looked at the glow of her warm brown skin in the morning sunlight. It was much darker than his but for some reason he never really noticed until this morning when the sun illuminated the bare skin of both of their bodies right next to each other. He kissed her bare shoulder then sighed happily.

Carl was thrilled when he felt Clem stirring in his arms. He wasexcited to start his and Clem's first day together as husband and wife. A minor panic swept over him when he thought about telling his parents along with Carol and Morgan what the two of them had decided the night before. It didn't matter though. He was happy and was sure Clementine was too.

Clem turned around in his arms and faced him. The radiant smile on her face immediately brought a smile to Carl's face. "Good morning," she said groggily. She kissed him quickly then pulled away. Carl wanted more though and chased her mouth with his.

"No gross," she said laughing. "Let me brush my teeth."

"I don't care about your breath."

"Really?" she asked with wide eyes.

"Really," Carl replied.

"Okay," she said as she kissed him again, this time with her mouth open. After the impromptu make-out session, they pulled apart. They remained close with their arms around each other. "Would I sound like a five year old girl if I said that last night was magical?"

Carl chuckled softly. "No and I wouldn't care if you did. It _was_ magical," he said smiling.

"Well I'm going to make us some breakfast so we can replenish our energy and then we're going to do it all again."

"You're the boss," Carl said excitedly as he watched her hop out of the bed. She grabbed one of his flannels off of the footboard and wrapped it around her naked body. "You gonna steal that one too?"

"I'm making my claim on any of your clothing from this moment on. I'm living here now or did you forget?"

"Oh yeah, I guess you are going to be living here," Carl said, grinning sheepishly.

"Do you have coffee?" Clem asked as she walked out of the bedroom.

"Yeah but I don't have much food. No electricity means no refrigerator."

"You know you're just about the only person on this island that doesn't have electricity."

"I like it that way. I have water and gas. There's canned peaches on the baker's rack and I think maybe some granola," Carl called out from the bedroom.

"I see those but I can't find coffee."

Carl leaped from the bed and quickly pulled his sweatpants on. He walked out and went to Clem's side. He reached above her head to a shelf up high and pulled down the coffee. "Watch out for the broken glass," she reminded him. "We forgot to clean it up last night."

"I guess we were preoccupied,"Carl said as he handed her the coffee. He stared down into her eyes and she looked back up at him. Within seconds, his lips were back on Clem's. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. It didn't take long before breakfast was completely forgotten and they had their hands all over each other again. Carl unbuttoned the flannel and reached his hand inside to cup her breast. Things stopped as quickly as they started when they heard a noise at the door.

"Oh my gosh! Someone's here," Clem exclaimed as she pushed Carl's hand away. She ran back into the bedroom buttoning her shirt. She closed the door and slipped on her pants.

"Clem!" Carl called out just a few moments later. "Come back out here!"

Clem straightened her hair a bit as she opened the door. She walked out of the room and saw Carl sitting on the floor. Winnie was laying in front of him, dirty, wet and wagging her tail frantically.

"She came back!" Carl said choking back tears. "I can't believe this! She made it and she came back to us!"

Clem fell to her knees next to Winnie, patting her head then scratching her belly. She turned her attention to Carl and wrapped her arms him. "This is amazing! I can't believe she found her way home to you!"

Carl sat on the floor with Winnie's head on his lap. He kissed Clem and slid his hand around hers. "She found her way home to _us_ ," Carl replied. "We're a family now."

…..

 **A/N:** I know there have been several whirlwind marriages in my fics. Of course you all know by now that my faith plays into my writing quite a bit and because of that I look at marriage and sex within marriage as very sacred. There is that aspect of why I've written things the way I have. But I also have to say that whirlwind marriages do exist. My husband and I dated for a total of 11 days before we got engaged. We were married 7 months later. I was 19 and he was 31. Probably not the smartest thing I've done but it worked out well for us. Now we've been happily married for 22 years. Crazy right? Anyway I just wanted people to know that I am writing about this from actual experience. Also I have to say, I think this apocalyptic world lends itself to relationships that would happen this way.

I have to say too that many of you predicted that Winnie would make it back to Carl. I wanted it to be a surprise but y'all are too smart for me to do that. Anyhow, enjoy your day and know how much I appreciate your faithfulness to my story. God bless!


	47. Chapter 47

**November 8, 2023: Evolution**

The dead were finally dead.

Several teams had been taking turns deer hunting before the winter of 2023 settled in. Carl, Carol, Morgan, Glenn and three others had been gone for three days. The first day of hunting brought them nothing other then blisters and good conversation. The second day they finally caught a break and found a rather large herd of white-tail deer. They brought down almost a dozen of them and spent the day dragging their fresh kills to their camp and loading them onto the two pick-up trucks they had driven out. The third day was the kicker though.

The team of seven was on their way back home to Lake Chatuge. They stopped halfway to rest, stretch and eat.

"Do you smell that?" Glenn asked the moment he stepped out of the truck. "There's gotta be a herd nearby."

"Yeah," Carl replied covering his nose. "That's bad...really bad."

"It's worse than usual," Mike added. "I mean it's always bad but there's something different going on here."

"We should check it out," Morgan suggested, looking at Carl. "If we can smell it, it's gotta be a big herd. And if it's big, we need to know about it."

Carl agreed. "You're right. We're less than 50 miles from home. We at least need to see what direction they're heading. If they're headed for home, we're going to have to redirect them."

They skipped lunch, filled their canteens and readied their weapons. They walked less than a mile before they came upon the herd. But what they saw was not at all what they were expecting.

"They're dead...all of them," Glenn said, stunned.

Carol looked out into the horde of corpses as she held her bandanna over her mouth and nose. Body upon body sprawled out in a field. "There's gotta be at least five hundred or so. What do you think happened?"

No one answered immediately. Carl and Morgan went closer to several of the bodies. They examined them carefully before walking back to their friends. "They haven't been put down. Their heads are intact. I think maybe...they just died," Carl said, surprised by the words coming from his mouth. "I think their brains or whatever was keeping them upright, they must have just decomposed."

"Well everything does die eventually," Carol said in a flat, dreary tone. She stared out into the mass grave, mesmerized by the surreal sight. Her eyes traveled from one body to another. "Everything dies...every blade of grass, every bird, every child, every lover...everything – even these things."

Morgan walked to Carol's side and took her hand firmly in his. He pulled her away from the macabre scene. "We don't need to be here any longer. Let's get back home."

Several more outings by other parties confirmed what they had surmised. Large numbers of the dead had been found in similar manners all around the surrounding area. The dead had attracted the dead. It was as if they knew they were decomposing and winding down. They gathered and huddled together like it was the final act of a play, collapsing one on top of the other at the place their bodies would rest permanently.

Although the walking dead were gone, still some stragglers remained. Perhaps those who had died in more recent years and hadn't been laid to rest by a loved one. And those who died still came back. Bob found this out nearly 4 months later when George Stapleton, an 84 year old resident, died from a stroke then eight minutes later sat up on the gurney at his house. They were ready for it though. Eugene and Rosita waited with Bob to see if George would come back and he did. They still had to be vigilant with those who were older and the sick.

But the rest of them, the large masses of the dead, wandering aimlessly over the face of the earth, making every place away from home dangerous and creating peril in every unknown territory, they were gone.

Carl remembered hearing the first reports 13 years ago. He and his mother had just come home from the hospital where they had visited his dad after the fateful shootout. Carl remembered it so clearly. Wanting to cheer him up, his mom had picked up a pizza for them. The two of them sat on the couch eating sausage and pepperoni pizza, drinking rootbeer and watching "Survivor" ironically. For a split second, he and his mom were happy. Somehow pizza, soda and a mindless TV show drew them out of the despair they had been feeling over the last 10 days since Rick was shot. But it didn't last. The reporter interrupted the program with bizarre and disturbing stories of sudden and violent murders breaking out all at once over the entire East Coast. Carl looked from the television set to his mother's face. The sheer terror in her eyes was obvious. Carl wasn't scared himself until he saw Lori shaking as the news anchor continued with one ghastly story after another. Seconds later she was crying on the phone with Shane, begging him to tell her what to do...begging him to come over and keep them safe. That was the last time Carl ate pizza. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Thirteen years ago the dead began to walk but it felt like longer. So much had happened. So much was lost. But now the dead had finally died and the nightmare was beginning to come an end.

…..

 **March 3, 2024**

Carl walked through the front door of his parent's house. He walked into the kitchen and saw Judy and Eva sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast.

"Where's Mom and Dad?" Carl asked as he snatched a fresh strawberry off Judy's plate and stuffed it into his mouth. He didn't dare do that with Eva. She would have thrown a fit.

"Mom's at work and Dad's in his workshop," Judy replied.

"What have you two been up to?" he asked.

"Judy likes a boy!" Eva said as she practically jumped out of her chair.

"No I don't!" Judy replied blushing.

"Yes she does, Carl! She likes Mikey!" Eva said in a sing-song voice.

"No I don't!" Judy stated again adamantly. "I said that Mikey likes _me_! I have absolutely no interest in him. Boys are a total waste of time."

"You're a smart girl, Judy. You'll probably change your mind about that some day but for now, stay focused on school."

"I am," she said smiling up at her big brother, "promise."

"What about you?" Carl asked, turning his attention towards Eva.

Eva's eyes lit up. "Mama's teaching me to use a sword."

"Not _her_ sword," Carl said.

"No she says that's too dangerous. But Daddy made us wooden ones to practice with. I'm going to be as good as Mama is with a sword because I practice every day."

"You sure about that?" Carl asked raising his eyebrow. "Mom is really good."

"Yeah but she didn't start using a sword until she was a grown-up. I'm learning when I'm young so I think I'll be better."

Carl praddled on with his little sisters for a few minutes longer. He had gotten up early that day so he could talk with his dad but he always enjoyed time with his sisters. He said goodbye to them as they gathered their books and belongings and headed out the door for school.

Carl walked out to the backyard and stood outside his father's workshop. He watched Rick unnoticed as he worked on his latest project. He watched as his dad moved his foot up and down on a pedal as it spun the antique lathe Rick had restored himself. With his right hand, Rick carefully gripped the chisel as he pressed it into the wood. He steadied his right hand firmly with the end of his left arm. Carl watched in awe as his father guided his tool against the grain of the wood, shaping it to his liking.

It was a beautiful thing to watch.

Carl had seen many times over his father's steady and deadly hand hold a weapon but he would have never imagined that the same man would one day maneuver an artisan's tool with just as much precision and control. Things had certainly changed.

It had been more than four years since Rick's heart attack and subsequent fall but he still had lasting effects from the accident. Rick endured infrequent but excruciatingly painful headaches. He also suffered from seizures, especially when he wasn't careful to get enough rest. On rare occasions, his eyesight would randomly leave him then come back and he'd still often forget words and names. The most difficult repercussion from the accident was the mood swings and bouts of depression Rick suffered. That was the hardest part for him. It was the hardest part for everyone in his family.

But Rick managed it. He continued to figure it out the same way he had figured out every other obstacle in his way. With the help of his family and faith, he got through it.

Physically he had made a complete recovery. The first year after the fall was the most difficult. Relearning to walk was an immense and painful undertaking. But Rick did it. He was indeed stronger than even they thought he was. Michonne worked tirelessly with him and less than a year later, he was walking and physically right back to where he was before the accident.

Carl witnessed something beautiful there too.

Countless times over the years, Carl watched Rick and Michonne go into combat together, side by side and perfectly in sync. They were always calm and in control, having each other's back and fully aware of the other's needs. Rehabilitation was not such a different battle for them.

Michonne was patient and gentle but never let Rick do less than what she knew he was capable of. Her optimism and confidence in him inspired him to give everything he had. Rick listened to her. He trusted her and knew no matter what, she always had his best interest at heart. He appreciated the way she pushed him to go one step farther than he would have gone on his own or with someone else. The love and devotion they had for each other during that time of trial was extraordinary.

A tentative and thoughtful smile appeared on Carl's face as he stood there in admiration of his dad. He finally walked into the workshop, making his presence known.

"Hey Dad," Carl said casually.

"Hey yourself," Rick said as he set down his chisel and wiped his brow.

"What are you making?" Carl asked inquisitively.

"I'm making spindles for a crib."

"For Liv and Ben's baby?"

"Yep. What are you doing here so early?"

"I thought maybe we could talk."

"Everything okay," Rick asked knitting his brow.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's good. I don't have a ton of time. I'm about to take my patrol around the island..."

"I'll go with you," he said brushing the sawdust off his pants.

"You sure? It's at least a two mile walk."

Rick scoffed at Carl with a grin on his face. "I know how far a walk it is and I think I can handle it."

"Sorry," Carl said.

"Yeah it's funny the way the tides turn. Not that long ago I was being overprotective of you and now you're asking your old man if he can walk two miles."

Rick and Carl began their walk. They strolled at a comfortable pace around the perimeter of Penland Island. Rick watched Carl carefully, observing exactly how he did his patrol. He was impressed at his son's keen senses as he carefully examined his posts and took notice of anything noteworthy. Watching Carl, reminded Rick of when he was a young deputy, around the same age as his son and fresh out of the academy. But Carl was different too. While Rick grew up in a traditional way and had the typical life experience, Carl had the complete opposite. At Carl's age Rick had a mortgage to pay and promotions at work he was working towards. Carl had far more responsibilities then men his age did years ago.

"You're doing a fine job, Carl."

"It's mostly a lot of walking and watching."

"I think it's probably a little weightier than that."

"On occasion," Carl replied as he kicked the wood on one of the watchtowers. "This wood is rotting. We're going to have to rebuild a few of the towers before next winter."

"We have the resources to do it."

"Yeah we do."

"What did you want to talk about?" Rick finally asked.

Carl looked at Rick. "Things are going real good here."

"Yeah, they are," Rick said nodding.

"I never thought that we'd come to a place where we might outnumber the dead again. I mean, I knew it wouldn't last forever but then seeing it with my own two eyes - seeing them actually laying on the ground and really dead, it just took me by surprise. They're really gone."

"When you've lived one way for so long, it's always a surprise when things change."

"It's good though. They're really gone and I have to say, I didn't plan for that."

"And?"

"And it's time. Time for more."

"More what?"

"More of everything," Carl replied with enthusiasm as he waved his hands in the air. "More people for starters. More crops, more homes, more schools. We need to train up more doctors and teachers and be more deliberate about what we're doing and where we're headed."

"We should. Those are great ideas and great goals to set for us."

"There's more, Dad. I want to send teams out to find other communities. Rebuild roads and bridges and start cleaning up bodies and every other mess the last 14 years has left behind. I want to bring trade back. Expand our borders and go past them. I want to see what's out there. And I don't mean just what's on the side of these mountains but what's on the other side of the country."

Rick continued to walk as he pondered everything his son was saying. He looked out into the lake and sighed thoughtfully. The brisk air was invigorating to his senses.

Carl stopped in his tracks and turned to his father. "You think it's a bad idea, don't you? Still too risky, even with the dead gone."

"Yeah, of course it's risky. You know as good as I do there's more than the dead to contend with out there. The world is still a dangerous place."

"We could play it safe, Dad. I know we could do that. We could stay here on the islands and probably be really happy and have good lives. But something tells me there's more. It's been keeping up at nights and I can't shrug it off anymore. The prospects and promise of what's out there is too much for me to ignore – too much for _us_ to ignore."

"I know the prospects of whatever's out there is alluring but we got a good thing going for us. You can't ignore the risk."

"Almost anything worth having means taking risks to get it. Everything we have right now, we have because we took a risk. We risked things and we've lost things. But Judy and Eva have roofs over their heads because of it. We have a church and a library and a well-stocked pantry because of it. Dad, we're alive right now because of it. The risks paid off. And I think they will if we keep moving forward too."

"I remember a time when you felt like the risk wasn't worth it. A time when you didn't want to risk your life for anyone that wasn't your blood."

"I've changed, Dad. Back then, I wouldn't have admitted it but I was operating out of fear."

"It's probably fair to say we all were."

"But things are different now. I see what can happen and where we can go if we take a chance."

"You sound like you're dead set on this so why are you asking me? You're the leader now anyway and it's your call along with the committee."

"I haven't brought it up to the committee yet. I'm coming to you first."

"Why?"

Carl chuckled."Because I trust you more than I do myself. And when it comes right down to it, I'll listen to you. If you say we shouldn't do it, we won't."

"What does Clem think of all this?"

"I don't know. I haven't talked to her about it either."

"Why not? Her opinion on this should outweigh anyone else's. She's smart and has good instincts."

Carl grimaced. "I can't talk to her right now. Not about things like this."

"Why? What's going on?" Rick asked with surprise as he narrowed his gaze.

"Nothing," Carl lied, shaking his head.

"You don't have to talk to me about it Carl, but you know you always can."

"I know that," Carl said.

Rick looked out into the water as they continued to walk in a comfortable silence.

Carl stopped walking and looked over at his father. He inhaled and exhaled before finally divulging all that was weighing on him. "After Clem lost the baby, we haven't gotten back to where we were before. It's like night and day. For four years we were on cloud nine and now..." Carl shook his head and sighed, "now she can't even look at me. She thinks she let me down because she knows how excited I was for the baby. She thinks I blame her and I don't - not at all. But she's got it all twisted in her head. When we do talk it always turns into a fight. She hates being around me, and I don't understand. I think we remind each other of what we lost and so it's easier to just keep our distance. I don't know if she misses me but I miss her so much I can't stand it. I feel like I lost her with the baby and it's killing me."

"I'm sorry Carl," Rick said as he placed his hand on his shoulder. "Give her time. The wound is still fresh."

"I just wish she'd let me comfort her. And honestly, I wish she was there for me too, but I don't think she can be. I'm not used to seeing her like this. She's always been so strong but I feel like I'm married to a stranger right now."

"She _is_ strong. You both are and I know you'll get through this. Marriage ebbs and flows and things change. We have to change with it."

"I'm trying. I think she is too but right now...right now we're not in a great spot."

"Is this why you want to expand and explore? Because you need something that you're not getting from her?"

"I don't know. Maybe." Carl scoffed and looked away. "Yeah, probably. And you'd probably say that's a bad reason to do it."

"Even if it's not the best reason, it doesn't mean it's not a good idea."

"So then you think we should do it?" Carl asked, anxiously.

"It's going to take a lot of planning and preparation but..."

"But what?"

"I trust you Carl. You say you trust me but really...really it's my turn to trust you. If you say we should do this, then I think you should tell the committee and start making it happen."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really," Rick answered as he nodded.

The father and son resumed their walk around the island. It would be the first of many walks...the first of many talks too. Rick looked out into the calm water and smiled. "It's another beautiful day on Lake Chatuge, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is."

…..

 **A/N:** You all know that _Ten Thousand Days_ is coming to an end. I think there will be 3 or 4 more chapters. I can't believe I've been writing it for 2 years. I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed writing this and _Flesh and Bone_. Believe it or not, it's actually been one of my favorite times of my whole life and my only disappointment with writing is that there isn't more time for me to do it. I was going to take a break from Fan Fiction for a while because this story took longer than I anticipated and I also wanted to take a swing at writing a novel. Well things change.

The second I saw Daryl onscreen with Connie, I was obsessed. I think they are already amazing together and have so many interesting dynamics to their relationship that I couldn't help myself. Before I even saw them together, I was thinking how much better Daryl has been this season and how Connie was by far my favorite from the new group. I already wrote the first chapter of a fic about the two of them. It's called _The Keeper In the Quiet_ and I'm hoping my readers here will read, follow and review that story too.

Please be patient with me as I juggle the end of this story with the beginning of a new one. As excited as I am about my next fic, _Ten Thousand Days_ is my priority for now. Thanks again for reading it! God bless friends!


	48. Chapter 48

**Forget**

 **2026**

Bob and Sasha walked down the gravel path towards the Rhee's house. Sasha carried a plate of deviled eggs in her hands while Bob trailed behind as he talked with their son Davis. Sasha tried not to laugh as she listened to her husband and son argue.

"I don't understand why I have to go every time," Davis moaned.

"What are you complainin' about? It's the same thing every Friday night. The Stookeys and the Rhees play games. You and Hershel play games and hang out. We stay for three hours and then we go home. I don't get why all the sudden you don't want to go tonight. Did you and Hershel get in a fight at school or something?"

"No, it's not that, it's just...I just don't understand why I can't take a night off."

"I told you why," Bob replied. "You need to do other things besides go to school and sit in your room and read."

"I do other things."

"Like what?"

"Well I mean I _think_ about doing other things."

"You are thirteen, my boy. The time for just thinking and reading about things is almost over for you. You'll be a grown man before you know it. And then, after a little longer, you'll be an old man like me. You'll be back to just reading again," Bob laughed.

"You're not old, Dad."

"I mean 47 isn't that old but no one would mistake me for someone young. We can't all stay young and beautiful like your mom."

"Alright then," Sasha said smiling. "I thought you liked hanging out with the Rhees."

"I like hanging out with Hershel."

"Okay," Sasha said, "so you like hanging out with Hershel but what? You don't like hanging out with Jenny?"

Sasha and Bob turned to their son just in time to see him turn beet red. He said nothing to answer the question his mother had asked.

"Oh Baby, I think you just hit the nail on the head!" Bob laughed again.

"Dad stop," Davis groaned.

"What is she the first girl you ever liked?" Bob asked.

"I didn't say I liked her."

"Your mouth didn't say it but everything else your body is doing is answering that question differently," Bob said. "You ain't gotta be embarrassed. I still got a crush on your mom. She keeps tellin' me to get lost but I don't listen."

"Oh my gosh," Sasha laughed as she rolled her eyes. "You're a regular stand-up comic tonight."

The three of them stepped onto Glenn and Maggie's front porch and knocked on the door. 

"Dad," Davis said with pleading eyes, "please don't embarrass me. I'm begging you; don't say anything about Jenny."

"Dad's have been embarrassing their kids since before the end of the world and they still..." Bob stopped when Sasha smacked his arm and gave him the look. "I promise, I won't say nothin'."

"Hey!" Glenn said after he opened the front door. He looked down at the plate. "Yes! You brought deviled eggs which means I'm going to feel extra bad when I beat you at _Scrabble_ tonight."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Sasha said as she smiled and gave Glenn a friendly hug. "You talk a big game but we all know how it's really gonna go down. Where''s Maggie?"

"In the kitchen," Glenn answered as he and Bob walked to the dining room table to set up the game.

"Hey you," Sasha said as she walked up to Maggie. They both leaned into each other and made kissing sounds next to each other's faces.

"Hey sweetie," Maggie replied.

"Do you want the eggs in the fridge or on the table?"

"The table's good. With Glenn around, they ain't gonna last long enough to need to be kept cold," Maggie said smiling. "Your braids, they're different...cute."

"Really?" Sasha said contorting her face. "I'm still not sure about them. Alicia's been wanting to try some different braids on me and I finally let her."

"No they're gorgeous. I love them. New hair just takes some gettin' used to."

"Well thanks. So anyhow, what's new with you?" Sasha asked. "Did your crew get the weavel problem taken care of with the cabbage crops."

"Oh no. I'm not talking about work tonight. I'm not gonna bore you with talk about bugs and cabbage. Tonight, we're playing games, eating deviled eggs and brownies, and then..." Maggie stooped down and rummaged through the back of a cabinet, "..then after the kids and hubbies are gone, we're sharing this."

Sasha took a bottle of wine from Maggie's hands and looked at it with a grin. "Girl where'd you get this?" she asked as she read the label: _Louis Jadot Pinot Noire 2008._

"We found a case of it on a run a few weeks ago. I only got one bottle and there ain't enough for the boys so we have to keep it on the down-low."

"That is _not_ a problem," Sasha said as she handed the bottle back to Maggie. "Bob doesn't drink anyway."

Maggie rehid the bottle and both ladies walked into the dining room and sat at the table.

…..

Bob was the big winner of the night. He was hard to catch up to once he laid the word _maximize_ down on the Scrabble board.

The four of them sat around the table laughing and chatting.

"Good job Bob," Maggie said passing him a plate. "Winner gets you the last brownie."

Bob set the plate in front of him and broke the brownie in half. He handed the larger half to Sasha and she kissed him. "Thank you, love."

"Uh huh," Bob mumbled with his mouth full.

Sasha stared at her brownie thoughtfully. "I still can't get over it."

"Can't get over what?" Glenn asked.

"This. Eating brownies and playing board games. Our kids in the other room doing...whatever it is they're doing," Sasha said.

"Watching our kids grow up go to school and play football," Bob added, "...having a first crush." Sasha gave Bob an annoyed look as she smacked his knee.

"Before, when we were fighting for our lives and for a home and for scraps of food, did you ever think we'd get to a place where we'd be eating brownies and playing board games?" Sasha said as she looked around the table.

"I mean I didn't know that this is exactly what it would look like," Glenn replied. "I didn't picture brownies and board games but I pictured other things."

"Like what?" Sasha asked.

Glenn grinned thoughtfully. "I pictured having Christmases and birthdays again. Those were a big deal in my family before and I always wanted to have a life where we could give those things to Hershel. It's funny because there were bigger things to worry about than holidays. Of course I had to provide protection and food and all those other things but I think that just became second nature. I really wanted to give him more than that. I wanted to give him the good stuff. Presents under the tree and cake on his birthday."

"And we did," Maggie said as she smiled at Glenn and squeezed his hand.

"Yeah the nightmare ended but it didn't end who we are," Bob said. "And now, we are living the high life. It's better than just the end to a nightmare. Life now, it's a dream come true."

"The nightmare is over but I still remember it clear as day," Glenn said soberly. "You know it's funny, I can't picture what my sisters looked like but I feel like I remember every detail of the nightmare. Why would I remember that but forget what my sisters looked like?"

Bob looked over at Glenn. "The brain is a funny thing and I'm not sure there's always a rhyme or reason to why it does what it does."

"I can't forget either. I think about how life was before all the time. Every day in fact," Maggie said. "It's like my brain is trained to associate this one thing with how it was before."

Bob looked at Maggie with curiosity. "What's the one thing?"

"Knives," Maggie replied.

"What about knives?" Glenn questioned.

"Every day I pick up a knife, you know to spread some jelly on a piece of toast or to slice an apple or cut through some chicken...whatever...and every time I pick up a knife to do one of those things, I think about all those other times I held a knife in my hand and how I'd have to use it to take down a walker. Every time. It's just the way my mind is wired to think."

"I wish we could forget what it took to get here," Sasha said. "We've been here, safe on this island for 11 years and I still think of what life was like before. Once in a while, there'll be a day where I don't think about that time, but most days it's still with me."

"It's never gonna be far from our minds, no matter how much time has passed," Bob replied.

"Alright, this conversation has lasted long enough," Glenn said straightening up. "Let me sum things up: life was good then it got bad and now it's good again. We got brownies and Scrabble and happy healthy kids right now and it's good again – great in fact."

"Yeah, it's great, Babe," Maggie said as she leaned over and kissed Glenn on the cheek.

"Great is accurate," Bob stated as he looked at his smiling wife.

"Okay then," Sasha said as she stood from the table. "Since we got life all figured out, we should probably call it day." She looked over at Bob. "Why don't you grab Davis and you two head home."

"And what about you?" Bob asked.

"Sasha and me are gonna have some girl time before bed," Maggie quickly answered.

"Girl time?" Glenn asked with a confused smile.

"Yep, Maggie and me are gonna stay up late and compare recipes and gardening tips," Sasha replied sarcastically as she kissed Bob goodnight.

"Right!" Glenn replied. "Alright, well don't forget to kiss me when you come to bed."

Maggie smiled as she looked into Glenn's eyes. "Kissing you goodnight – that's another thing I'll never forget."

 **2027**

Rosita walked hand in hand with her seven-year-old little daughter, Amalia. Eleven year old Issac ran ahead of them. "Hurry Mom!" he shouted.

"We're coming," she replied, exasperated but still smiling. "You're dad isn't going anywhere, so calm down."

They walked along further when they finally came to Ezekiel's home. Issac went to turn the knob but it was locked. He raised his fist and banged on the door as he called out. "Dad, open the dang door!"

"Issac, calm down," Rosita said again.

Issac turned towards his mom, the red highlights in his dark hair shimmering in the afternoon sun. "Well where is he? Why is the door locked?"

"I don't know sweetie," she said as she reached inside the porch light and pulled a key out from inside the fixture. 

"Dad keeps a key up there?"

"Uh huh," Rosita said as she unlocked the door.

"Cool," Issac said.

"Zeke!" she called out as she walked into the living room. She smiled as she watched him sleeping on the sofa, completely unaware of their presence. "I can't believe your dad survived 'The Turn' the way he sleeps. It's like he's in a coma," she said chuckling. "Why don't you wake him up with some hugs and kisses, Amalia."

Amalia jumped on top of her daddy and Ezekiel finally woke up. "Daddy," she squealed.

"Hey Baby Girl! You caught me right in the middle of my nap."

"Long day at work?" Rosita asked as she set Issac and Amalia's bags on the floor.

Ezekiel sat up and wrapped his arms around Amalia. He tickled her ribs as she laughed uncontrollably. He set her on the seat next to him and tousled her dark hair. "Every day at work is long day."

"Well you remember it's your night with the kids, right?"

"Of course I remembered. I was just trying to rest for a bit so I could replenish my energy for tonight's adventure."

"An adventure?" Issac replied with a look of surprise. "What are we doing, Dad?"

"We're having a camp out!" Ezekiel lifted Issac up in his powerful arms and raised him above his head. "Tonight, my son, we shall slumber on the bare earth with only the night sky as our shelter. We'll have no light other than what is given to us by the stars and a crackling fire! We will live as in the days of old!"

Issac and Amalia laughed at their father's theatrics. "Daddy, you're funny!" Amalia said as she wrapped her arms around Ezekiel again.

"Camping huh?" Rosita replied as she looked at Ezekiel. "You always did have a way of taking something simple and making it sound magnificent."

Ezekiel moved closer to Rosita and stared deeply into her eyes. "There's room enough under the night sky for _four_."

Rosita smiled. "Yeah, that's not going to happen so save your breath."

"Why should I? I have plenty of breath in these lungs to spend," he said in his deep, smooth voice, as he smiled back.

"Issac, take your sister outside for a few minutes while I talk to Dad."

"But Mom, we just got here."

"Listen to your mother and do as she says," Ezekiel said sternly.

"Yes sir," Issac grumbled as he shuffled Amalia out the door.

As soon as the kids were out of earshot, Rosita directed her attention back at Ezekiel. "We can't keep doing this, Zeke."

"I'm sorry. I just miss you," he said, touching her shoulder. "I haven't talked to you about us in a long time but I can't just avoid telling you how I feel forever. How long are we going to do this? How long are you going to stay apart from me?"

"This isn't something that's going to get better with time. I've told you that."

"You could just come back and we could try again. We owe it to the kids to try again."

"We don't owe the kids anything besides our love and good parenting. And I won't pretend for the kids. They're smart and they'd see right through it."

"Well you're right about that." Ezekiel turned and walked across the room before he spoke again. "You said you needed space and I think I've given you that space. But you didn't say for how long. It's been more than five months, Rosita. Five months since we've shared a bed...five months since my lips have touched yours. I don't know how long I can keep doing this. I need you."

"It's not just about you and what you need. And it doesn't even matter. If I came back I wouldn't be any good for you."

"But maybe I'd be good for you," Ezekiel pleaded.

Rosita stood there quietly trying to piece together her feelings. She looked up at him and smiled tentatively. "That wouldn't be fair. I can't keep expecting you to give yourself to me when I have nothing to give back. You are good. You were good to me and once you've put us behind you, you'll be good to someone else. I know it."

"You know I don't want anyone else."

"For now I'm sure that's true. But you deserve someone else. Someone else deserves _you,_ Zeke. When you give all that you have to some lucky lady and she's able to give it back, I think you'll find all that happiness that I couldn't give you...that I can n _ever_ give you."

"You did give me happiness though."

"But I wasn't happy."

"Maybe this wasn't real for you but it was for me. And I think there's still something here. I still believe you and me can work."

"I know you do and that's part of what makes you so damn incredible. You're the most hopeful and optimistic person I've ever met. But you can't have hope for the both of us. For a long time, I thought maybe you could but that's not how love works. Not the kind of love _you_ deserve. And it has nothing to do with you, it's my own..." she said, her voice cracking, "...it's my own brokenness."

Rosita walked over to a chair and sat down. Tears rolled down her eyes and she buried her face in her hands. Silence stuck in the air like a thick fog. Ezekiel listened to the children's squeals of delight as they played outside, unaware of the despair their parents were feeling. "I just need to be by myself...probably forever. Because if I can't make it work with you, I don't think I can make it work with anyone. I'm not the same as you. I'm not made to love the way you love...I can't. It's just not in me and I'm better alone. You already know all this and you know...you know deep down that it's never going to work."

It devastated Ezekiel to see the woman he loved like this. She still had so many walls up even after the eight years they'd been together. And in those eight magnificent years, Ezekiel was in love...in love like he'd never been before and doubted he'd ever be again. Rosita loved him too – as best as she could, anyway. But she was right. She wasn't meant to love the same way he was. She was a fighter not a lover. Where most people longed to give and get love, Rosita longed for something else. He didn't know what it was and wasn't even sure that she did.

Ezekiel nodded slowly. "Yes, I know all this. I do. But it doesn't feel right for me to quit fighting for us. Especially when I still feel the way I do about you."

Rosita stood from the chair quickly and wiped her tears away. "I know," she said as she took his hand in hers. "You're not a quitter. But this one is on me, not you. You did everything you were supposed to do and I'm the one walking away."

Ezekiel released her hand and walked to the front door. He looked out at Issac and Amalia chasing each other without a care in the world. "Whatever is to become of us, I still have them. Even if you and I aren't meant to be, I know I'm meant to be their father."

"That is a fact."

"They bring this magic to my world and having them in my life, it puts a smile on my face...even right now, when I don't feel like smiling."

"You did that, Zeke. They are who they are because of the father you've been to them. You're the best Dad they could have ever asked for. And I'll always be happy that you're their Dad. I'll always be happy to be loving them together with you."

"They're my world. And for all I've lost, all the pain, knowing that I still have them and they'll have me, that makes me happy."

"We still have each other too and we'll always be friends. We'll always have each other's backs. We'll always be Mom and Dad to those two. I know it's not everything you want but it's still something."

Ezekiel and Rosita walked out to the front porch and watched their children continue to play.

Rosita put her hand on Ezekiel's arm and looked over at him. He turned his attention from the kids to her. "I gotta go, okay?"

"Yeah."

"So do you want me to pick up the kids Sunday night or do you want to keep them and take them to school on Monday?"

"You have to ask?"

Rosita smiled. "Okay. I guess I'll pick them up after school on Monday," she said as she went to say goodbye to Isaac and Amalia..

Ezekiel watched Rosita as she hugged the children goodbye. His eyes held onto her as she began to walk away from them. "Rosita!" he called out desperately.

Rosita turned around and looked back expectantly. Ezekiel stared at her as he tried to think of something to say – anything to keep her from walking away again. His mind raced but no words came from his mouth. She could read his thoughts all over his face and knew just how hard this was for him. It was hard for her too. "Have fun on your camping trip," she said.

Ezekiel nodded his head slowly and smiled half-way. "Yes, we will."

 **A/N:** And I swear when I wrote this I didn't know Ezekiel was going to have his heart broken on TV too. It makes me sad for him; in my story and on the show, because he's such a good guy. Anyway, sorry for taking so long to publish but life and all that. God bless you and have a blessed Easter. JESUS IS RISEN AND ALIVE!


End file.
